by Stella
“It’s a chair.”
“We need to get going. Come on.”
“I’m not going to the store with you, Gage.”
He let out an exasperated sigh that could be heard through the door. “Okay, but don’t complain to me when you’ve gained weight. I’m trying to keep you active.”
“Did you just warn me not to tell you when I’m fat from carrying your child?”
“I’m trying to help here. Come on. Open the door.”
“Not opening it.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Fine. Is there anything you want from the grocery store? You’re running low on pickles.”
“Coffee creamer.”
“What do you need with creamer if you have no coffee?” I could hear the confusion in his voice even if I couldn’t see his face.
I tossed my legs over the edge of the mattress and launched myself off the bed. He must have heard me moving because the fingers that had been waving seconds earlier disappeared, and the sounds of footsteps scurrying down the stairs echoed in the hall when I moved the chair. “Gage! What did you do with my coffee?”
My question fell on an empty space. The front door slammed shut just before I reached the base of the stairs. By the time I got out on the porch, Gage was peeling out of the driveway in his Jeep. His hand was stuck out the window waving goodbye. I raced back inside and to the kitchen. The canister that sat on the counter was empty. The open can in the pantry, no longer there. The freezer where I kept my reserves, also gone. Gage Nix had crossed a line, and this meant war.
Chapter Two
Gage
“What the hell are you doing, Gage?” Katie’s pale-blue eyes widened, then they narrowed. The second her brow creased, I was in trouble—not surprising, considering I was always in trouble around this one. However, the instant she sat up, a tiny voice that sounded very much like Corinne told me to run.
I held up my hands in a show of surrender and took a giant step back. “The bible says you should sleep on your side…specifically your left side. It’s better for the baby. Something about blood flow and nutrients and the placenta.”
With a scowl marring her face, she grabbed the pillow that had been beneath her head moments ago and threw it at me. I wasn’t sure why, but it seemed most of the people in my life liked to chuck objects in my direction. Luckily, this one was made of feathers, so its impact didn’t hurt.
“You know…” I cocked my head to the side. “You’re much nicer when you’re asleep.”
“Yeah, so maybe you should remember that next time you think about waking me up.”
“I wasn’t trying to wake you up. In fact, I was very quiet. I made sure to take my shoes off before coming in and even tiptoed to your bed. If you hadn’t been sleeping on your stomach, I wouldn’t have any reason to move you. So really, this is your fault. You have no one to be upset with but yourself.” This was the moment the present me told the past me to shut up right after the first sentence.
If she would’ve had another pillow on the bed, she would’ve hit me with that one, too. Thankfully, she didn’t. Instead, she shifted onto her knees, pressed her balled fists into the mattress, and leaned toward me like a rabid dog pulling on a chain.
“This is my room, Gage. Mine. I was aslee—”
“On your stomach.” It seemed like the right thing to say at the time.
Katie fell back on her haunches and shook her head in dismay. “Yeah…because that’s how I like to sleep. It’s comfortable, and who knows how long I’ll be able to do it, so I might as well enjoy it while I can.”
“But the bible says it’s bad for the baby.”
“I realize it’s been a while since I’ve been to church, but I’m fairly certain there’s no such passage in the Bible regarding the way a pregnant woman sleeps.”
I shook my head and tried to bite back my laughter. “Not that bible. I’m talking about the one people buy when they’re having a baby. What to know when you’re knocked up…or something like that.”
“You mean, What to Expect When You’re Expecting? When did you read that?”
I propped my hands on my hips and puffed out my chest, fully proud of myself for the impressive initiative I had. “I read it in the mornings while I run. It’s chock full of information, and not just for the mother-to-be, either. It has great insight for expecting fathers.”
“Oh my God…I just can’t with you. First of all, how in the world do you read and run at the same time?”
“Easy. Treadmill. Next question.”
She rolled her eyes and attempted to drag her hands through her hair, which only served to piss her off even further. When her fingers became trapped in the whitish-blond bird’s nest atop her head, she fisted the messy curls and growled. Seriously, it was like a scene straight out of Ghostbusters. All she was missing were the two red-eyed gargoyles.
I couldn’t help but picture Katie, channeling Sigourney Weaver’s character from the movie, saying, “I want you inside me.” As embarrassing as it would be to admit, I was half turned on and half scared shitless. Although, my disturbing fantasy didn’t go far because she spoke—in her usual, irritated tone, which ironically, wasn’t that different from the Gatekeeper’s voice I’d imagined her using a second ago—and pulled my attention back to the crazy woman in front of me.
“I don’t even know where you have a treadmill, nor do I care right now. It doesn’t matter what you read in that book—or from the internet or hear from others—you don’t have the right to come into my room while I’m asleep and try to turn me over because I’m not laying in the position you think I should be.” The instant she finished that sentence, she pointed a finger at me and added, “Don’t you dare make a sexual comment about positions.”
She knew me too well. “Listen…I’m sorry I woke you. It wasn’t my intention. I just happened to learn about how good it is for an unborn baby when the mother is on her left side.”
“That’s another thing!” Her voice got higher as she found yet another point to make. “You weren’t rolling me onto my left side, dumbass! So you did all this for nothing!”
I held up both hands in front of me, palms facing her so that my index fingers and thumbs created two Ls, one backward and the other the right way. Dropping my right arm, I closed one eye and focused on the spitfire as if I were looking through the site of a rifle. “Nope. Incorrect there, Katiebug. I was definitely rolling you onto your left side.”
“In case you were wondering…every time you speak, you make me worried about the future of this baby. That’s your left, not mine.”
I turned around, putting Katie and the bed to my back, and held my hands out again, this time, realizing my mistake. “Well, would you look at that. Huh. That was the wrong side.” I glanced over my shoulder and caught Katie rolling her eyes. “My bad.”
“Oh my God. Get out, Gage.”
“Sure thing. I have to go make breakfast, anyway. See you downstairs in ten.”
I quickly left the room before she had a chance to argue. Then again, I just told her I was making her food, so there was a slim chance she’d fight me on it. In the four days we’d been living together, the only time I could get her in the same room with me was when I fed her. Granted, I wasn’t a chef and had never owned a cookbook, but so far, she hadn’t complained. I figured I’d take advantage of her appetite while she was with child and use it to my advantage.
Less than ten minutes later, Katie came bounding down the steps and into the kitchen. It wasn’t surprising that she didn’t say anything to me—she never did—but that didn’t mean I’d stop trying. She’d have to eventually give in and stop hating me. At least, that’s what I told myself.
When she reached for the plate filled with scrambled eggs and toast, I shooed her away. “That’s mine. Go sit down, and I’ll bring you yours when it’s done,” I said and pointed the spatula to the card table I had set up in place of the wooden one I’d taken to refinish.
She huffed and walked away. Then she made a show of throwing herself into the folding chair like Corinne did when she was sent to timeout. It was cute when Corinne did it, not so much when it was Katie proving how much she couldn’t stand me. I thought four days would’ve been plenty of time to win her over, but it didn’t seem to be the case with this one.
When her eggs were done and the two slices of bread popped up from the toaster, I took both plates to the table and went back for our drinks. Two glasses of orange juice and a handful of pills later, I took my seat in front of her.
“What are these?” she asked while studying the assorted capsules in front of her.
“Vitamins. I read about all the good ones you need and even asked the clerk at the drugstore about which prenatal was the best.”
Her gaze lifted from the table to my face, and the pale-blue color turned so light they were almost see-through. Every now and then she’d look at me like this, almost in awe, yet I couldn’t figure out why. Actually, it made me a little uncomfortable at times, as I wasn’t sure how to react to the brief glimpses of affection in her stare. Although, this time, I was pretty sure it was confusion rather than adoration.
“When did you get these?” A hint of surprise danced in her soft-spoken words.
“This morning.” I shrugged and scooped a spoonful of egg into my mouth. “I went after my run.”
Normally, she’d berate me for talking with my mouth full, but not this time. Instead, she went back to studying the pills on the table. “What’s this?” She held up the black bean and squinted as if she needed glasses to see it. “Is this a coffee bean?” And just like that, the Katie I knew was back.
“Yeah. You won’t shut up about coffee, so I got you some.”
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
I lifted one shoulder and took another bite. “Eat it. Smell it. Doesn’t matter to me what you do with it. Heck…drag it through a cup of hot water and call it a latte for all I care.”
In the blink of an eye, she was out of her seat and racing into the kitchen. I knew exactly what she was doing—looking for the bag of coffee beans. Although, if she knew me half as well as she acted like she did, she’d know I wouldn’t have kept it in the kitchen.
After slamming closed numerous cabinet doors and then the pantry, she returned to the table—with zero enthusiasm, I might add. Had I known how excited she’d get at the thought of coffee, I would’ve bathed in it and stored a few beans in my pants. Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. I made a mental note to do so the next morning to see if it made her like me better.
“You know…I made your food last so it wouldn’t be cold. Letting it sit there kinda defeats the purpose, don’t ya think?” I pointed to her untouched plate with my fork, avoiding looking at her face.
She huffed as she picked up her silverware and began to stab at her eggs. “At some point, we’re going to have to have a serious conversation about this baby, Gage. The season starts in a week and then you’ll be gone. We don’t have all the time in the world, you know.”
Anytime she’d tried to bring this up, I managed to avoid it. But there didn’t seem to be a way to get out of it this time—other than shove as much food into my mouth as possible. Which, in my case, was a lot. However, I hadn’t thought about the fact that doing so would mean I’d finish my breakfast in a few bites and then be left with nothing else to keep me from answering. Unless I got up and ran out of the house, which I didn’t think would go over too well—especially since I was here to prove to her that she wouldn’t have to do this alone.
So, after washing down my last bite with the remaining orange juice in my cup, I wiped my mouth and took my dishes to the sink. “Good talk, Crispy Cream.”
“Gage Aaron Nix.” Leave it to Katie to pull out my middle name to keep me from leaving the room.
I turned my face to the ceiling, shook my fist in the air, and muttered, “Damn you, Granny. Damn you for letting her know my whole name.”
“Don’t bring Granny into this. You know as well as I do that if she were here, she’d have you strapped to this chair until we figured out what we’re gonna do about this baby.”
“Actually, if she were still here, there wouldn’t be a baby.” Damn, that was the wrong thing to say.
Not because it pissed her off—because it didn’t—but because it made me remember things I wished I could forget. Such as the night I’d spent with Katie. As incredible as it was to be with her, be inside her…the memory of her body would never take away the pain that crept into my chest every time I thought about why we ended up in bed in the first place.
“Is that how you really feel?” Sadness mixed with indignation laced her voice.
“You know what I mean.” I collapsed into the seat I’d vacated and pressed my palm against my forehead to avoid eye contact. I couldn’t handle seeing the disappointment I was sure lined her face.
“Actually, I don’t. But that’s neither here nor there. I need to know how to proceed with this pregnancy, Gage. You keep giving me mixed signals, and I’m not sure how to take any of them. I want to believe that your actions are genuine, that you honestly want this baby. But the truth of the matter is, I can’t afford to be naïve, only to find out after it’s too late that you didn’t mean any of this.”
I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands, needing to collect my thoughts before speaking. There were things about my life that the public was aware of, and things only a select few knew. And then there were the private memories no one had knowledge of. Right now, I was stuck between telling her those parts of me and giving her the pretty version with just enough information to make her understand.
But she didn’t give me enough time to make a decision about either before she continued her lecture. “It’s easy for a father to say they’re going to be involved and take responsibility while the woman is pregnant, because right now, it’s just an idea. It’s not real to you—and I don’t blame you for that. You can’t see it, feel it, smell it, hear it. Right now, to you, it’s like it doesn’t exist. If it weren’t for the changes in my own body, I might feel the same. But I can’t risk you changing your mind once you realize the reality of it.”
“I don’t know how else to tell you that I’m in, Katie.” Defeat dripped from my words. “You’ll never believe me until he’s here and I don’t go anywhere. Until then, all I can do is promise I’ll do everything I can for you and him. Hell, every morning I read about what to do and not do during pregnancy to ensure you and my baby are okay. Every night I look shit up online for things I can do now, because I feel useless. You’re the one carrying him. You’re the one having to make all these sacrifices. I can’t do any of that for you, so the only thing I can do is learn as much as humanly possible and do my best to support you for the next six months.”
Her throat dipped with her swallow, and her gaze fell to the center of the table. I couldn’t see any visible tears, but by the way her shoulders slumped and she blinked repeatedly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were on the verge of crying.
I waited for her to say something else, and when she didn’t, I finished what I had to say in order to end this conversation once and for all. “I never wanted to be a father. I love kids—hell, Corinne’s my best friend—but I’ve lived with a constant fear that being a shit father is genetic, and I never wanted to find out how true that was. Because if it is, I can’t make it right. And I won’t lie…when you told me that you were pregnant and the baby was mine, I freaked the fuck out. I ran away and holed myself up in my house. I tried to pretend it wasn’t real.”
She sniffled and dropped her chin, hiding her emotion.
I reached across the table and took her hand in mine, forcing her to release the fork she lazily held between her fingers. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for my reaction. I left you alone when you needed me the most, and that wasn’t fair. Especially since you were there for me when I needed it. I can’t go back in time and change my behavior or right
my wrongs. But what I can do is make it right from here on out. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I may have never wanted a kid, yet now that I’m having one, I can’t imagine taking that away.”
Katie nodded, slipped her hand out of my gentle hold, and pushed herself away from the table. Without another word, she left the room—and her half-eaten breakfast. This was exactly why I had avoided this conversation. I had no idea what I did or said to make her cry, what I could’ve possibly done to upset her, but I wished I could’ve taken it back.
There was a reason I didn’t bare myself to many people.
Being the stupid jock was much simpler.
Corinne sat next to me on the couch while ESPN played on the screen in front of us. There were only a few days left of Spring Training, and she wanted to watch the Titans play. She always got excited when she’d see the trident—Ellie said it was because she knew her daddy used to play for the team, but I knew the truth. She loved the Titans because I was their best player.
“You gonna miss me when I’m gone?” I asked and handed her the tub of Nutella.
“Yeah!” She bounced on the cushion like I’d just asked if she wanted to go to the park.
I shouldn’t encourage her in case she got loud. Katie was still in bed sleeping, and after our conversation yesterday at breakfast, I wasn’t in the mood for a repeat. Then again, I had a member of my support system with me this morning, so I felt safe.
“You know, your words and actions don’t really match. You’re gonna fit right in with the rest of the female population. Just do me a favor, will ya?”
She stuck her fingers into her mouth and mumbled, “Sure.”
“If a guy wants to prove something to you, let him. Unless, of course, he’s already tried and let you down. Then you tell him, ‘no way, Jose.’”
“No way, Jose,” she repeated. “No, no, no.”
“Good girl.” I patted her on the head and went back to watching the pre-recorded game. “Do you think Katie will ever stop hating me?”
