by Stella
“Hey, Katiebug.” His voice was lethargic, the fatigue clinging to his words.
“Hey. Why don’t you let me take him so you can get a decent night’s sleep?” I stepped inside and took a seat on the glider. As much as I wanted to lie next to Gage, I’d never be able to get off the floor once I was down there.
Gage sat up carefully, making sure not to jostle the little boy on his bare chest. It had to be the sexiest thing I’d ever seen, and if I hadn’t been cut from side to side, I might have thrown caution to the wind and done something stupid like get naked and rip his shorts off.
“I changed him, but I think he’s hungry.” He was reluctant to hand Daniel to me.
“I’ll feed him. You go lie down.”
I exposed my breast and tickled Daniel’s mouth to get him to open. He latched on quickly, and I tried not to let Gage witness my discomfort. Breathing in and out through my nose, I finally calmed down as the searing pain subsided.
Gage sat on his haunches and watched the two of us together. “Maybe you should just use that pump thing and try to feed him with a bottle.” He was more astute than I gave him credit for.
“I’ll get better at it.”
“I can see how much it hurts. And your nipple is starting to crack. The nurse said he’d still get the same benefits whether it came directly from your breast or through a pump. As long as he gets your milk. Plus, it would give me the option to feed him so you could sleep longer.”
I waited for a ridiculous comment regarding my teat or a heifer to come rolling past Gage’s lips or some outlandish remark about our son getting to second base while Gage was stuck in the dugout for six innings. None came. The look of pity in his eyes made my chest ache. He owned me, and he didn’t even know it.
“I don’t want to give up yet. Ellie said to use the lanoline and give it a few more days. She had the same problems with Corinne.” I tried to keep my voice upbeat. This wasn’t something anyone other than me needed to be concerned over.
“I’m just going to stay here with you guys.” Gage put his head back down on the stuffed animal, and I pulled the blanket off the back of the chair I sat in for him to cover up with.
By the time I put Daniel back in his crib, Gage was out. There was no doubt in my mind if our son woke again—which he would in roughly two hours—Gage would do whatever he could to give me more time to myself. And as much as I wanted to lie down in a bed, I walked down the hall, grabbed another blanket, and sat in the glider to nap. Just like clockwork, every two and a half hours, Daniel cried, and I fed him. Gage would stir and wait for the two of us to get situated in the glider together, and then he’d drift back off with his hand on my foot…tethering us to him.
The next morning was a carbon copy of the one before it. Except this time, I was better prepared.
“There’s no point in me going, Katie. You saw how bad I played yesterday. The team will do better if I stay home with you.”
I had already started to pack Daniel’s diaper bag. “We aren’t doing this again, Gage. You are going. And you’re going to get on the plane tomorrow to go to the next game, too.”
“What are you doing?” He stopped pacing when he finally recognized I had plans of my own.
“Packing his bag.”
“For what?”
I tossed Gage’s uniform at him when I came across it in the pile I’d plucked my pajamas from. “To go to the Kylers’ house.”
“You can’t drive, Katie.” His tone was a tad animated. The day Gage Nix started lecturing me was one for the record books.
“I’m not. You’re going to drop me off on your way to the stadium.” I had Daniel on his back on the bed and did my best to lean over to talk to him—or coo…whatever. And even though I was speaking to Gage, I kept my attention focused on my son. “And then you can pick us up after the game.” My singsong tone only served to irritate Gage.
“He’s too little to go out. And you’re not in any shape to travel, either. Absolutely not. This is exactly why I need to stay home. You shouldn’t have to depend on our friends because I can’t be here to take care of my family.” He threaded his hands through his hair and closed his eyes as he pulled at the roots.
“Please don’t do that. I like your hair.” I zipped up the bag, picked up the baby, and sat on the mattress, facing Gage. “It’ll be over before you know it.”
“What about tomorrow and the next day and the one after that? I can’t do it. I can’t leave either of you here. And I can’t take you both with me.” Frustration mounted in his tone, but it was the tears in his eyes that he fought against that almost had my composure knocked upside down.
“Babe.” I never called him anything other than his name, and it served its purpose this time by catching him off guard. “I need you to do this for me. This is the playoffs.” I held up my hand to ward off his World Series argument before it started. “Once we get through the next few weeks, then together, we can figure out how to move forward. But you can’t let your team down. You love baseball.”
He sat down next to me on the mattress and put his elbows on his knees. Seeing him this way was awful. “I love you two more than I’ve ever loved the game.”
I leaned against his side and kissed his bare shoulder. “And we’ll be waiting for you when you’re done. I don’t want to spend what little time we have before you leave tomorrow fighting.”
Without lifting his head from his hands, he nodded.
This tore me apart. I hated having to encourage him to walk out the door when he wanted to stay or get on a plane when he didn’t want to leave. It irked me that the Titans had more control over our lives than we did, but they’d paid dearly for Gage’s name on their roster, and he owed it to them to finish the season and do this the right way.
Corinne met us at the front door, and Gage swung her into his arm while holding Daniel’s carrier in the other. I didn’t know how single mothers did this when they couldn’t lift more than a gallon of milk. The car seat alone blew that restriction, and if I were honest, the diaper bag probably did, too.
“Hey, Rinny. You gonna take care of Katie and Daniel while I’m gone?”
She rolled her eyes. “Duh. I toed you I watch Danyool.”
“What about Katilicious?” The nickname was asinine, but I’d endure whatever he needed to throw out to stay in good spirits.
“She got Mama.”
“Good enough for me.” He set her down and then helped me inside.
Ellie swarmed us like bees whose hive had been disturbed. Somehow, she managed to get Daniel out of the carrier without allowing Gage to set it down, and then she was off. I wasn’t worried about where she went, I just needed to find a place to sit. My abs burned from trying to stand up straight and keep Gage from noticing the pain that lingered at the incision.
“You better get going, man. After the way you played last night, you don’t need to add more bad vibes to your game.” Coby tipped a beer up to his lips and pushed Gage toward the door.
“Damn, Coby. Give me a second to say bye. I’m not going to let your girl hone in on me—I’m a taken man. God knows child support on four would send your blind ass spinning into the poor house.”
“Gage!” I hissed under my breath. “That was a secret.”
“Oh, please. Ellie’s boobs are already a cup size bigger, and she quit wearing shoes, which is a dead giveaway. Plus, it was just a matter of time before he knocked her up again.” Gage smacked Coby on the chest playfully.
As much as I hated that he’d just dropped that bomb, I was glad to see him joking around…even if it was at Coby and Ellie’s expense.
“What’s knocked up mean, Age?” Corinne pulled on Gage’s pants and stared straight up, waiting for his attention. That poor kid was going to have a crick in her neck and a chiropractor on speed dial by the time she turned five.
Coby glared at Gage, and Gage quickly excused himself. “You’ll have to ask Daddy about the birds and the bees. I’ve got a game to get to, kiddo.�
�� He shot out of the room like a bat out of hell.
“Oh, now you’re in a rush to get to the field. Thanks, Nix,” Coby hollered through the kitchen after Gage. When he didn’t get a response, he dared to look at his daughter, whose hands were on her hips and her lips were pursed while she waited for an answer.
I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was funny the way these two grown men cowered to a brown-haired, three-foot-tall, prissy little munchkin.
“Your day is coming.” A playful smirk tugged at his lips when he addressed me. “You think Gage is done with one?” He raised his brows while he let that sink in. “You see how much he loves kids. Now that he has a taste of his own, you and Ellie will be competing to see who keeps from getting pregnant faster.”
What started as a snicker turned into a giggle that erupted into belly laughter, that hurt so much it felt good. “Please tell me you’re not going to turn that woman into a breeding mule.” I held my hand over my stitches, trying to keep from busting at the seams, literally.
Gage came strolling back through the living room like he owned the place. I looked up to find him behind me, and he leaned down to kiss me from above. “Not even an invisible string for six weeks, but don’t worry, Katiebug. Once your factory reopens for production, we’ll run these two out of business.”
He couldn’t be talking about another baby when I still had stitches tying my skin together from the first. The laughter died on my lips and exploded on Coby’s.
“Love you,” he said as he walked to the door.
“I love you, too. Good luck.” I wished I hadn’t said it. I didn’t mean he needed it; I’d just always said it when he was leaving for a game.
Gage’s face fell just slightly. He didn’t give me time to get up and chase him down to explain, and I didn’t move fast enough these days to even get to the door by the time he pulled out of the driveway.
Coby plopped down on the couch with me. “Don’t worry about it. He knows what you meant. He’s just struggling, and it was a reminder. He’ll find his groove, or he’ll figure a way out.”
Unfortunately, Gage didn’t find his groove before the second game of the playoffs were over. I didn’t believe it was possible for him to play worse than he did the night before, yet somehow, he surprised me. The commentators tore him apart during the entire game. Each time he was on the field and missed a play or got a strike, they dug into that open wound a little deeper.
“With a new baby at home and his girlfriend having gone through a difficult labor, it seems the Home Run King might be ready to step down from his reign.”
“Wherever his head is at, Jim, it’s not in the game or the dynasty he’s built with this team. Nix has always been one of those guys who played better the hotter his name was in the media. The more fire chasing him, the more flawless his game.”
“Women have that effect on men. I hope we haven’t lost one of the greats to a relationship that will wither just like his season is doing.”
My jaw nearly hit the ground. “He’s had two bad games all season. Two! And somehow, his career is in the toilet?”
Coby held up the remote to turn the TV off, but I waved my hand and leaned into the screen to make sure I heard this all correctly. Ellie had Daniel in her arms, and they were both knocked out in the recliner next to me. Corinne and the boys were playing in the kitchen where Coby could watch them. This was like a car accident that I knew would have a grizzly ending, yet I slowed down to watch it happen.
“I won’t be surprised if the coach pulls him from the next round. Even with two wins under their belt, Nix could single-handedly destroy the Titans’ chances of making it any further.”
“Seriously? One man can take down an entire team? What is wrong with these people?” I tried to keep my voice down so I wouldn’t wake Ellie or Daniel. “What happened to there’s no ‘I’ in team? Or win together, lose together?”
Coby turned the television off. “Don’t let it get to you. If it weren’t Gage, it would be someone else. These guys have thick skin. They have to. And Gage has thicker than most. This is nothing compared to what the media’s thrown at him over his career.”
“They shouldn’t have to be callous about that sort of thing. It’s a sport for the love of God. These men give up everything to be on the road so fans can attend games, and this is how the networks treat them?” I was irate, which Coby found humorous.
“Sucks being on the inside of this, doesn’t it?”
It did. And I was helpless to do anything about it. “What happens if they pull him from the next round?” I didn’t want to believe it was a possibility. The Titans had a real chance of making it to the World Series, and Gage deserved to play. I didn’t want two games—eighteen lousy innings—to determine that fate.
“He’ll have to sit in the dugout and watch the team play without him.”
I stared at Coby with my lips slightly parted. Each breath I took dried my tongue out even more, but I couldn’t bring myself to close my mouth. “That would be torture,” I managed to spit out.
“Honestly, I don’t think it would hurt his feelings.”
“How can you say that?”
Coby shifted on the couch, clearly trying to decide how to share whatever was on his mind. “He wants out, Katie.” That wasn’t a surprise. “And he doesn’t want to be away from you and Daniel.”
My eyes went wide with what I thought he insinuated. “You don’t think he’s intentionally throwing the games, do you?”
“Nah. I just think he loves you and his son more than the diamond.”
“Then how could it possibly benefit him to get pulled and have to sit in the dugout while the rest of the team plays?”
“There’s a chance he could negotiate different terms with the coach. He’s been fighting this for months, so there’s no telling what Gage will pull off if he’s backed into a corner.”
I’d known he had bouts of indecision and wrestled with leaving while I was pregnant. What I hadn’t been aware of was that he’d discussed it with Coby. That made it far more real and a much greater issue than I’d believed it to be. “I just assumed once this season was over and he had a couple months to decompress, everything would continue the way it has.” The thought came out of my mouth, but it was more for me than Coby…he just happened to hear it.
“Nothing will ever be the same for Gage. You were enough to flip his world upside down. Add that little boy to it”—he glanced over at his wife holding my sleeping son in her arms—“and, he never stood a chance. Gage doesn’t care about the money or the fame. All he’s ever wanted was his own family. He just didn’t know it at the time. I believe had you not gotten pregnant, he still wouldn’t have a clue what it was he was missing in his life. Sometimes you know exactly what it is you want,” he said with his sights set on his wife. Then he turned back to me and added, “And other times, you don’t realize it until it’s dropped in your lap.”
I spent the next two hours thinking about what Coby had said while waiting for Gage to pick us up. I’d just fed Daniel and changed him when Gage came through the door. I expected him to be upset, or at the very least down, yet the moment his eyes locked with mine and then drifted to our son in my arms, a smile rose on his lips and the tension he carried faded away.
In one swift motion, he kissed me like he hadn’t seen me hours earlier and lifted Daniel into his arms. And every word Coby said was evident in those two gestures. Gage didn’t care that he hadn’t played well, or that he’d been accosted by reporters when he came out of the locker room; all he needed was the two of us, and he was lighter than air.
“You ready, Banana Nut Muffin?” He helped me up and then got Daniel settled into the carrier.
I loved seeing the two of them together. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when they could interact. He already camped out in Daniel’s room and told him he was his best friend. When our little boy could respond and play with him, I’d merely be an outsider in their world. Gage pulled me to him and
kissed the top of my head, and I promptly dismissed the thought I’d just had. Coby was right, Daniel and I were the only things that mattered in Gage’s eyes—and I didn’t believe one was more important than the other; we just had different needs.
Gage looked at Coby. “Thanks for taking care of my girl while I was gone.” And then he turned to Ellie. “And making sure the little guy got tons of attention.”
“Don’t thank me, Corinne monopolized most of his time.” Ellie motioned toward the other girl in Gage’s life who held a tight grip on his heart.
“Come give me love, Rinny.” He let go of my hand to squat so he could hug her. “Once the season’s over, how about you and me go pick out ponies for Sam and Max.”
“No!” Coby and Ellie exclaimed at the same time.
He grimaced at her parents before turning back to Corinne. “We’ll find something special to do. Just me and you. Okay, princess?” He kissed her forehead, and she beamed with the promise of a day alone with Gage.
“I fink of somefing we can do.”
“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” Coby opened the door to let us out, and Gage froze with the question. “Dude, this is not optional, so let us help you get through the end of the championships. What time?”
Reluctantly, Gage answered Coby’s question. “I need to leave the house at ten.”
“Ellie’s going to stay with Katie while you’re gone. Don’t make me drive all the way over there with three kids to drag you out of the house and put you on a bus. The media would have a field day, and you’d never live it down with the team. But I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep you from making a mistake that will permanently change your life.”
Gage nodded and sucked on his teeth. He was perturbed, although he knew Coby was doing what needed to be done. Like it or not, Gage signed away his free will the day he wrote his name on a contract with the Titans, and until it could be renegotiated or bought out, he had to play by the rules.
The next morning, Gage and I sat curled up on the couch with Daniel in the crook of Gage’s arm. It had been another long night, but I was starting to gain a little more mobility, and the pain subsided a bit each day—well, not the breastfeeding but the incision. The breastfeeding still curled my toes, though I tried my best to keep going. I had used the pump for the first time last night, which was a mistake. When I realized what little discomfort it brought, I thought it was the answer to my prayer…until I looked at the bottle and wondered how my child wasn’t starving to death if this was all he got after thirty minutes of suckling. I wanted to cry but sucked it up, so it didn’t give Gage another reason to refuse to leave.
