by Kamille Rose
It was awfully quiet until I looked over to my left and discovered why. Joseph wasn't paying attention to the movie, but instead his attention was on me. When I completely turned to face him, he began laughing.
"Last time I checked this isn't a comedy.”
"Oh, I know.”
"Then what's so funny?"
"You have ice cream all over your chin," he said, grinning.
"And you didn't tell me earlier??"
I forgot to put the ice cream down before I attempted to clean myself up, which resulted in a thick stream of chocolate dripping all over my white t-shirt and down onto my denim skirt as the container tilted sideways.
"Ugh! Are you kidding me!?" I exclaimed, dropping the pint from my sticky hands.
I ran to the bathroom feeling like a complete fool, pushing the door closed — or at least I thought it was closed — and stripped off my t-shirt. The last thing I wanted was for the chocolate stain to set, so I put the shirt in the sink, turned on the faucet and pumped a generous amount of the cucumber and citrus hand soap that sat on the corner of the sink, on top.
I scrubbed at the stain furiously with my hands until the dark brown color became creamy. That was the best it was going to get. Next was my skirt. Standing in just my underwear, I repeated the cleaning process, though the stains weren't as noticeable on the denim fabric.
"Sienna, where'd you go?" Joseph voiced in the hall.
He knocked on the bathroom door when his footsteps stopped in front of it. I didn't get a chance to respond before the door nudged open.
"Oh... sorry." Joseph's wide eyes momentarily locked with mine before he backed out and shut the door behind him.
I looked on the top shelf near the shower for a towel, thankfully finding one. After wrapping it around my body, I wrung out my wet clothes and hung them up along the side of the tub to dry.
When I looked out into the hall, I found that Joseph didn't go too far. He stood against the wall right outside. I invited him in with me.
"Sorry about barging in."
"It's okay. I thought I closed the door all the way, but I guess not.” I laughed dryly as I took a seat on the edge of the tub next to my clothes.
He leaned against the sink. "Why'd you run off?"
"I don't know, I got embarrassed. I'm so freaking clumsy," I said, unconsciously hugging my body.
"Is that why you're hiding from me right now?"
At first, I was confused by his question, but then I realized he was talking about me covering myself. I mean, he did witness me hunched over his bathroom sink, scrubbing chocolate ice cream out of my clothes. I’m pretty sure anyone would be embarrassed.
"Listen, you don't ever have to feel shy or embarrassed around me, Mariposa. Nothing you do will make me view you any differently than how I already do."
Joseph pushed himself off the sink. He walked over to where I was sitting on the tub and knelt before me. I never tore away from his gaze.
"Call me annoying for saying this so often, but right now, just like any other time, I view you as beautiful. So fucking beautiful, from the inside all the way out. Every curve, edge..." his thumbs traced the distinct patterns on my outer thighs. "Every stretch mark on you makes me lose my breath."
I felt tears threatening to spill from my eyes hearing the reverence in his voice. This time I let them flow free. He talked about me as if I were a precious piece of art.
My crying grew heavier once I realized I could no longer ignore the fact that I was head over heels in love with Joseph Emmanuel Vasquez.
I avoided his stare, scooting away from him, so far away that I fell backwards into the tub. He tried reaching for me, but I had already hit the bottom. I was baffled when he climbed into the tub after me.
"Mírame," (Look at me.) he said softly, holding my chin. I reluctantly looked up at him, and he searched my eyes, looking for some sort of clue. "Baby, what's wrong? You can tell me anything."
Letting out a deep, shaky breath, I uttered three powerful words. "I love you, Joseph… so much that it scares me."
He suddenly let go of me, his face washed blank with pure shock.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I mean... I did. I do. I'm so sorry."
Once my words seemed to sink in, he stood up from the tub. "Come here," he said, extending his hand to help me up.
We were eye to eye, and it was a little difficult to maintain contact with his piercing hazel orbs. But he held on to me tightly, fearful of any chance I'd try to run away. For a minute I was afraid I'd run, too.
"When I moved back here, I wasn’t myself. I was broken. I tried looking for something, anything that would make me feel whole again..." Joseph looked away before refocusing his eyes on me.
"But I ultimately failed. The last thing I expected was to run into you. Even though you're the one who was knocked to the ground, you managed to trip me up and figuratively knock me right off my feet."
I sniffled. "Really?"
"Yes. You completely captivated me. Without Alex, I don't think I could've come up with so many excuses to see you."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Remember the day I told you Alex was helping me with a personal project?"
I nodded my head in response.
“That 'project' was just the two of us spending the morning talking about you over a pile of bacon, for Alex, of course. I didn't know how to approach you, and I guess- okay, I realize I'm getting sidetracked." He cleared his throat.
"It's like this. You are what makes me feel whole. You've helped me slowly put myself back together. I love you too Sienna and I feel like an idiot for prolonging this... but will you please be my girlfriend?"
My pulse quickened. I couldn't believe this was happening.
"Yes. Hell yes! As long as you'll be my boyfriend."
"It'd be an honor."
The stars in his eyes twinkled as he wrapped me in the tightest hug, he'd ever given me. It was as if he was trying to transfer every ounce of his love to me through this single hug and I swear I felt it.
Back on the couch, we gave each other lazy kisses as the movie credits rolled on screen. I had to get back home eventually, but as I lay happily snug in his arms, in his clothes, I couldn't help but think of how my life would be if I hadn't met him. He must have known I was deep in my head because he whispered the most perfectly corny thing to make those scary thoughts vanish.
"Mariposa. Since we're a couple now... does this mean I give you a necklace with my initial or you give me a scrunchie to wear on my wrist? I know girls like to mark their territory."
I did nothing but laugh at him as I settled my head on his chest. Joseph was my special person. He was my home, and the sound of his heart beating was my metronome, keeping the rhythm of my soul at a steady pace.
Chapter Nineteen
I sat in history, the one subject I shared with Alex and Joseph. The first half of the test consisted of multiple choice, while the second half was an essay. The last multiple-choice question on any of Mr. Evans' tests was always a freebie. Today's question was: "Why are you here?" Ironic. I stared at the words on a freshly printed sheet of paper for maybe 10 minutes. Why was I here? It certainly wasn't -
Because I want to be.
It wasn't —
Because Mr. Evans is the best teacher.
Which was false. Klein was the best teacher. But it honestly wasn't C either.
C) Because I love taking 2-hour long exams.
Why was I here?... I hastily flipped to the written section of the test, causing a few of my peers to pivot their heads in my direction. I read the essay question and furiously dragged my pen across the lined paper. 350 words later, I dropped my pen on my desk.
"Mr. Evans, I'm done."
"That's great, dear, but the rest of the class is still working. You'll have to sit tight for now."
I stood up from my desk and this time, specifically Joseph and Alex's attention was caught. Their faces read: "What are you doing??"
<
br /> I was doing what I should have done a long time ago.
"Sir, there's somewhere I need to be." One of my feet made it out the classroom door before I was given a final warning.
"Miss Martinez, if you leave during testing, I will have no choice but to notify your parents as well as the administration."
I let his words sink in and took a deep breath. I'd deal with the repercussions when I reached that stage. When I exited the building my heart spiked. I had never done anything so reckless. About an hour later I arrived at my doorstep, my adrenaline dwindled by the second into something much tamer. Determination.
"What is going on?? Walking out of your exam?!"My mom stood by the couch, radiating heat like a hot pan taken off a stove.
"I didn't leave without finishing my work."
The look of incredulity on her face was a picture. "That's not the point, Sienna. You’ve been getting beside yourself. Skipping school? What's next, drugs?"
I couldn't believe the words coming from her mouth. And she wasn't even done yet.
"Oh, and don't think I haven't caught on to you and that boy by now. You always tell me that you're doing this and this with Alex, but you're always coming home with Joseph. It always ends with him, and you know — it's beginning to make sense. He's driving you to act out like this. Isn't he?!"
I thought the wildfire within me had died down, but that statement is what set me ablaze again.
"Don't you dare bring Joseph into something that has nothing to do with him."
"When he is corrupting the future of my child, I think it's more than necessary to bring him up."
The difference between the woman who carried me for 9 months and Joseph, who I'd known for a little less than a fraction of that time, was astounding. He cared about my well-being and my dreams. He believed in me and loved me for who I am, not who he wanted me to be.
"The only person who is corrupting my future is you! Harvard is your dream and every day it shows. Instead of working towards a perfect average I could have been doing what I loved. Spending time with those I love... finding out who I am. I bet you didn't even know how much I enjoyed writing until I mentioned it to Marlene. Why? Cause you never took the time to get to know me that well. But I no longer care about that either." I let out a bitter laugh. "I'm over this."
I started up the stairs to my bedroom and my mother followed me. I snagged a change of clothes and a few other essentials I may need, packing it into an overnight bag. Though, I was sure I'd be staying away for more than one night.
"Where do you think you're going?" Her voice came out an octave higher than a squeak with each word.
"To Alex's house."
I walked past her and snatched my navy-blue hoodie off of my door handle. Her eyes widened in shock, and it was now her turn to be amused.
"You don't get to leave this house."
"Well, I'm going to! I'm not happy here!"
Her demeanor changed immediately. A deep frown settled on her lips and her brows were tightly knitted together. She slowly brought her hand to my chest where my heart rested, and a single tear slipped from her eye.
"Muñequita..." (Doll.)
I froze hearing the name. The only thing I could hear was the thumping of my heart in my ears. My mother hadn't called me that since I was a little girl, and I felt my armor beginning to crack at her tactile expression of remorse. Still, I had to go. I couldn't let this stop me.
“I'm gonna call Pa before I go. I'll be back soon."
She didn't stop me as I slung the bag over my shoulder and slipped past her, quickly making my way down the stairs.
⋅. ✯ .⋅
"Hey. I was wondering when you'd show up."
Alex greeted me at her door with a half smirk, as she casually rested her head on the doorframe. She looked tired and I felt her eyes tug at a certain string of my heart.
"I needed a little reprieve," I said, returning her smile as she stepped aside to let me in.
I made my way on the familiar path to her cozy couch and kicked off my shoes. Alex walked past me and into her kitchen, later returning with two mugs. It was obvious what was happening. She must have prepared the hot chocolate before I came over. I gave her a bittersweet smile.
Hot chocolate was our go-to drink when things got rough, no matter the season. I gladly took a mug from her, holding it tightly in both of my hands.
Once it hit my tongue, I savored the taste of the liquid smooth chocolate that had a hint of cinnamon. It was the peace I needed during such a chaotic day and I couldn't stop myself from groaning at the warmth spreading through my body. It reminded me of the very first mug of hot chocolate I had in this house.
It was a chilly autumn evening. Aaron was out of town and Nani was taking care of a rather upset 14-year-old Alex. My mother received a phone call and Alex was on the other end asking if I could go over for a little while.
"Muñequita, ven acá!" (Sweetheart, come here!) my mom shouted from downstairs.
"Hi, Mama," I said, reaching the landing.
"Would you like to go over to Alex's for a little bit? She's feeling a little down."
"Claro!" (Of course!)
I hadn't seen Alex in almost two weeks, and I missed her so much.
"Bueno, come down to get your shoes and coat. We'll head right over," my mom said.
I flew down the stairs, my ponytail swinging left and right. I couldn't wait. My mom held out my purple zip up jacket for me and I eagerly pulled it on. Next, I slipped on my bedazzled bubblegum pink high-top converse and tied the laces as fast as I could.
"Listo?" (Ready?) she asked.
"Listo." (Ready.)
With that, I skipped out the door and all the way down the street with my mom in tow until I reached Alex's block. We crossed the street, and the fallen leaves crunched and crumbled beneath my feet as I made my way down Alex's driveway and up the steps of her porch.
She was waiting by the window and immediately opened the door to give me a constricting hug. It was then that I knew the greatest power could come in even the smallest of packages.
Once my mom waved me off and I was settled in, the sweet woman brought out two steaming mugs and set them on the table before me and Alex.
"Hot, hot, hot. Why don't you two wait a while?" Nani warned.
Alex and I didn't mind waiting at all. The Cheetah Girls was tuned in on the TV, and we were completely enveloped in it; singing along and trying our best to get the dance moves right.
When the mugs cooled, we took a break from jumping around and generously sipped our hot chocolate. It was then that everything seemed okay. Things in our world were alright, even if it was just for a moment. That chilly evening had grown a lot warmer.
"Is it as good as the first time?" Alex asked.
"Almost better than," I replied, settling back on the couch. She took a seat next to me and folded her legs underneath her.
"Are you ready for this chisme (gossip) session to begin?" she asked.
"Of course 'chisme' is the one word you managed to learn from me."
"I'll start," Alex said.
I nodded in response.
"Last weekend I was wandering around the house missing my dad and my mom. I ended up walking to their bedroom looking for anything of theirs I could hold on to. But when I checked the closet everything was gone."
She stopped to take a breath. I set my mug on the table and gently took her hand in mine, silently letting her know that it was okay.
"Honestly, that wasn't even the most heartbreaking thing I discovered."
I raised my eyebrows in question.
"Sienna... I'm pretty sure I'm adopted, or-or at least one of my parents isn't my birth parent."
My eyes widened in complete and utter disbelief. "What?! What do you- how did you come to that conclusion after checking your parents’ closet??"
"There was a box filled with all sorts of legal documents, along with my birth certificate. Aaron is my birth father, but Molly isn't my mother. I...
I found a photo of a woman named Jolene, who I'm sure is my birth mother.” She shook her head in frustration.
“At first, I thought my dad was having an affair, but there was another photo of Jolene holding a baby. On the back of it was my name and the day I was born. I just don't understand... why isn't she here? What happened to her? What if- what if she didn't want me, Sienna?”
“Alex, no. Don't you dare go there." I said, tugging her toward me into a hug. "I wish I had the answer to your questions, I sincerely do. But I don't… this is something you have to discuss further with your father."
She pulled back, giving me a wrinkled look.
"Alex. I can't even attempt to put myself in your shoes, but I know that being in the dark, not knowing about your mom.... I know it hurts. Please, call your father. You need closure."
Suddenly the doorbell rang, disrupting our conversation. Alex seemed more than delighted to weasel her way out of this conversation to see who'd been behind it. I threw my hands up in exasperation.
"Hey, you're late," I heard Alex speak as she opened the door to whomever was standing behind it.
"Sorry, Gio's was packed today. I sacrificed my buffalo wings just to pick up your disgusting pineapple and mushroom pizza."
"I'll say it time and time again. You think it's disgusting, but I've literally been eating this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past week and a half. Bite me!"
My ears perked up at the familiar voice that sent my heart into a fluttering frenzy.
"No wonder you smell so bad. Anyway, scoot out of my way so I can say hello to my lady and get this monstrosity off my hands."
The smell of pizza grew closer to where I was sitting on the couch until Joseph was standing right in front of me. He grinned widely at me and set the pizza box down before running his hands through his tousled hair. I stood from the couch and hugged him. Joseph was the first to break away, leaving a kiss on my forehead.
"Hi," he said.
"Hey- wait." I stood on the tips of my toes and stuck my nose in his hair. Coconut. "I'm sorry," I said, chuckling as I dropped back into the heels of my feet. "Your hair smells really good."
