“And now?”
A hot ball of emotion is lodged in my throat. It’s the same one that has been pinging around in my chest for the past few weeks. Her eyes lock on my face and I’m lost. So lost. For so long, I’ve tortured myself by staying away from her. Now, as I stand here, cupping her face, I don’t know how I managed.
And this is the moment I realize, without a doubt, that I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I am wholeheartedly in love with her. There are no fireworks, no strobe lights or techno music. In fact, the only sound I hear is the rapid thump of my heart in my chest.
This woman owns me. Mind, body, and soul.
“I love you, Ellie. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want to help you raise Bianca. I want to have more babies with you. I want… God, Ellie, I want to marry you. I’ve never wanted any of this, never thought I would. But I’ve always known, since that very first day … you were supposed to be mine. I may not deserve you, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give the very heart in my chest to make you happy.”
Tears are streaming down her face, and I feel her chin tremble beneath my thumb. I need her to say something. I need her to tell me that I haven’t spilled my guts for no reason. I need to hear—
“I love you,” she whispers, the words so soft I hardly hear them.
Throwing my arms around her, I pull her in tight, my mouth to her ear. “Say it again, Ellie. Tell me again.”
“I love you.” Her chest is heaving as her body shudders from her sobbing. I hate that she’s crying, I hate that I made her cry, but those three words…
“Forgive me, Ellie. I need to know that you can forgive me.”
She pulls back, her clear green eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “There’s nothing to forgive, Kingston. You reacted based on emotion. It hurt me, yes. But I know you. I know that you walked away because you thought it was best.”
“I don’t know how I managed that,” I tell her truthfully. I still don’t know how I actually walked away from her. These past two months have been pure hell.
Ellie pulls back, putting a small amount of space between us. “I want you to talk to James. I want you to get to know him. I wanted you to meet him sooner … before he met Bianca. I trust your reactions to people. He’s a good guy. If he wasn’t, I damn sure wouldn’t trust him with my daughter. But you have to know that he is going to be a part of her life.”
“I know that. I would never want to come between them. I’ve only ever wanted her to be happy.”
Ellie frowns. “I think she’s going to be disappointed.”
My heart aches once again. “How so?”
“My sweet, optimistic child has conjured up this fairy tale of happily ever after between James and me. We sat her down again today and told her that wasn’t going to happen. I think she still holds out hope. James promised he would have a conversation with her tonight. She feels bad about what she did. About the text message she sent you.”
Apparently Spencer opened his big fucking mouth.
I can hardly swallow, but I wait for her to continue.
“James knows that I’m in love with you. He’s actually the one who brought it up. I didn’t think I was that transparent, but…” Her smile widens. “Apparently, I am. He’s not looking to interfere. It’s not like that between us.”
And to think, my own stupidity was the only thing that was keeping me from this woman. I’m an idiot. “So where do we go from here?” I need her to tell me what she wants, what she needs. I’ll give her anything.
The corner of her mouth quirks and a mischievous gleam lights her eyes. “Well, I was thinking…”
Ellie tugs at the hem of my T-shirt, pulling me forward. I follow.
“We’ve got the place to ourselves for”—she glances at the clock on the microwave—“two more hours. I was thinking we could try out one of those toys you left over here.”
When she reaches the hallway, I pull her up short, spinning her around to face me. “I was thinking… Tonight … how about we forego the toys. Let me love you the way I’ve wanted to love you all along. Let me make love to you.”
“How can I possibly say no to that?”
“You can’t.” And to prove my point, I lift her up over my shoulder and carry her to her bedroom. With one smooth kick of my foot, the door shuts, and a second later, I’ve locked it, as well.
For the next two hours—and hopefully for the rest of eternity—this woman is mine.
All mine.
Ellie
I know it may look that way, but this isn’t only about sex.
Sure, it’s a little about sex because, well, sex with Kingston is addictive. But no, that’s not the only reason I’m pulling him down on top of me when he dumps me on the bed. It’s not the only reason I kiss him as though his breath is the only air that will keep me alive.
His hand slides up under my sweatshirt but he doesn’t tease or torment me. He simply pushes the cotton up higher, then breaks his mouth from mine so he can remove it. I don’t let him stop there, though. Within minutes, we’re both completely naked, and he’s once again on top of me, my thighs cradling his hips. Right where I want him.
“Condom,” I whisper, remembering the night in the hotel.
Something that looks a lot like pain flashes in his eyes and I regret requesting it.
“Not because I think we need one,” I reassure him. “I just—”
“I did that to push you away,” he says gruffly. “I did it…” He closes his eyes and I cup his cheeks, waiting for him to continue. “I did it to hurt you.” His eyes open and they’re glassy this time. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be—”
His mouth finds mine, effectively shutting me up. There’s no more discussion about protection because he’s pushing inside me, filling me completely. No foreplay, no teasing. He’s simply inside me, stretching me deliciously. I’m totally overwhelmed by him. Surrounded entirely by this man. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me, desperate to get as close as I possibly can.
“Ellie… Baby…” His words are a mere whisper against my mouth. His hips rock forward, back, forward, back. “I love you… I’ve never… God, baby, I’ve never felt like this before.”
I match his rhythm, rocking my hips in time to meet his gentle thrusts, forcing him to move. He’s taking this way too slow and I need more.
Kingston lifts his head slightly. His smile is warm. “Slow, baby. Let’s take it slow.”
I shake my head. I don’t want slow. I want him to take me with that unrestrained wildness that he’s shown me before. I want to make him lose control.
He nods. “I’m not… I don’t want to go too fast.”
I giggle. “Well, that’s not what your name implies … Rush.”
With a rumbling chuckle, Kingston rolls us so that I’m on top. I suck in a breath as he hits that one spot guaranteed to make me lose my mind. One of his hands is on my ass, holding me to him, keeping me from controlling the pace, while the other grips the back of my neck, forcing my mouth to his. He’s kissing me and somehow making love to me while I’m straddling him. No, wait. This is more than making love. This is…
Kingston is possessing me, and I’ve never felt anything like it.
I roll my hips, taking him deeper.
He growls as he pulls his mouth from mine. He doesn’t allow me to sit up, though, his fingers curling in my hair as he cups the back of my head. His hips begin moving faster, and I find myself holding on, my arms wrapped under his shoulders.
“Kingston…” I can hardly breathe because this feels so good. “Yes … keep doing … that.”
He does and I let myself soar, a fire burning wild and bright inside me as my orgasm builds.
“Come for me, Ellie,” he whispers against my ear. “I need to feel you… Need to love you, baby… God, you feel so good… Oh, fuck.”
“That…” I demand. “Just like that.”
He continues to thrust into
me, hitting that perfect spot that makes brilliant sparks of light flash behind my closed eyelids.
“Kingston… Oh, yes… I’m gonna come… You’re gonna make me…”
“I love you, Ellie. God, baby, I love you.”
Those words, said in that deep, gruff, nearly wild whisper, set me free. My body shatters and I clutch Kingston as tightly as I can.
“Fuck … yes … Ellie… I’m—”
“I love you, Kingston,” I whisper into his ear. “Love you with all that I am.”
When he lets go, it releases something inside of me, and I’m once again splintering as he holds me, his breaths broken, and I know that he’s sobbing against me. It opens the dam and I’m crying, too, holding him as tightly as I can.
“Never letting you go, Ellie. Never letting you go.”
This time, I’m going to hold him to that promise.
57
Kingston
Saturday, February 25th
I hear voices coming from the other room, and it takes a minute for me to figure out where I am.
Holy shit.
The sun is shining in through the slats in the blinds.
I’m in Ellie’s bed.
Oh, God. And I’m naked.
Shit. It’s morning and I’m naked in Ellie’s bed and … that is definitely Bianca’s voice I hear coming from the other room.
As though I’m a teenage boy about to be discovered by some girl’s parents, I am out of the bed and almost dressed within thirty seconds. Okay, maybe more like a minute because I had to take extra care not to zip something specific up in my jeans when I couldn’t find my underwear. But I am covered.
“Good morning.”
I jerk my head over to the door and see Ellie peeking in the room, her smile making her entire face light up.
“I made eggs and bacon. Come eat.”
I look toward the kitchen. Surely Ellie doesn’t mean I should come out there now. While Bianca is there. She’ll know I spent the night and…
“It’s okay,” she assures me, as though reading my mind.
“Can I … uh…” I nod toward the bathroom. “Get a minute?”
“Yep.” She’s gone as fast as she appeared.
I take a deep breath and make a beeline for her bathroom. I use the facilities, splash water on my face, and brush my teeth using Ellie’s toothpaste and my finger. None of that makes a damn bit of difference, because I’m still terrified to walk out of this room. Another deep breath and I manage to open the bathroom door and…
“Shit!” I hit the door when I jump back. “Oh, God. Sorry. I didn’t—”
“I’m sorry,” Bianca says from where she’s standing in Ellie’s doorway. “I am really sorry for sending that text. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t.”
My heart is still slamming into my ribs, but I manage to take a step closer.
“Please tell me you’re not mad. I really didn’t mean—”
Bianca’s tears slay me and I reach for her, pulling her in for a hug. Her arms go around me and she hugs me back, sobbing against my shirt.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’m not mad. I understand why you did it.”
She pulls back and I drop my arms. “I shouldn’t have done it. It was stupid. I know my mom loves you and I know you love her. I’ve known it for a while.”
I fight my smile. I’m glad someone knows this, because until last night, I think Ellie and I were rather oblivious to that fact.
“But you made her cry and it made me mad.”
My heart squeezes. “I didn’t mean to make your mom cry.”
“It’s all my fault,” she continues on. “I found my dad and it messed everything up.”
Unable to help myself, I reach for her shoulders and lean down so I can look in her eyes. “Bianca, finding your dad didn’t mess anything up. I’m glad you found him. I’m not sure he even knows how lucky he is to get to be a part of your life. And if he doesn’t, he will. He’ll know because every second he’s around you he’s going to see how awesome you are.” I let go and take a step back as she stares up at me, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “But you can’t take the blame for what happened between me and your mom. But you’re right. I do love her. And I want to be a part of her life. And yours.”
“Are you gonna marry her?” Bianca wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands.
“One day. Yes. I’d like to.”
“You’d be a cool stepdad.”
I grin.
“It doesn’t bother you that my dad is around?”
I frown. “Of course not. He’s your dad.”
She nods, as though that answers all of her questions. “I really am sorry.”
“Thanks for the apology,” I say. “And I’m sorry if I made your mom cry. I honestly never meant to hurt her or you.”
“I know.” Bianca glances back down the hall. “I guess we need to go eat breakfast. Mom made bacon and eggs.”
“I heard.”
“Between you and me, you’re a much better cook.”
And with that parting shot, Bianca is down the hall and I’m following close behind, trying not to laugh.
“Can me and Gabby go with you to the game tonight?” Bianca asks her mother.
Ellie glances over at me when I step into the room. Her eyes rake down my body approvingly—which, I’m happy to say, is completely covered with the exception of my feet—before resting on my face once again.
“That should be fine,” Ellie tells Bianca. “But you better hurry ’cause Gabby’s mom’s gonna be here in a few minutes. You don’t want to miss the museum.”
Bianca shoves the bacon in her mouth. She runs around and hugs Ellie quickly, then gives me a knuckle-bump on her way to the door. “Y’all better behave today.”
Ellie gasps and I see her cheeks turn pink.
As soon as Bianca’s out the door, I grab Ellie, pull her into my arms, and hold her tightly. “That was a very low blow,” I tell her.
Of course, she laughs because she knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Were you embarrassed?” she asks, her hands landing on my chest as she looks up at me.
“I was terrified.”
“Of my kid?”
“I was in your bed.”
Her eyes flare with heat. “I know. And it’s a shame you’re not there now.”
I glance at the clock. “If I didn’t need to get to morning skate, that’s exactly where I’d be headed right now.”
Ellie smiles. “Well, we’ll have to wait until tonight.”
I’m not sure I can wait that long. But if those are naughty promises I see in her eyes, I’ll damn sure do what I have to. “You’re a dirty girl,” I tell her.
“You have no idea. I was thinking maybe we could make a bet on tonight’s game.”
I lift my eyebrows, waiting to hear what she has in mind.
“If you get a shutout, then we’ll have some fun with a few more of those toys you bought.”
“A few more?” God, she’s going to kill me.
“Yep.” Ellie brushes her lips against mine. “After all, it is your job to kinkify me.”
“True.” I lick her bottom lip, then nibble it with my teeth.
“And”—her eyes sparkle with mischief—“I fully intend to hold you to it.”
“And, baby, I fully intend to deliver.”
Bianca
“I can’t believe he spent the night,” Gabby whispers as we follow her mom through the halls, looking at all the wax figures everywhere. She’s definitely more excited about coming to the wax museum than me and Gabby are. But it’s a trip to San Antonio, and since she promised to take us to eat on the River Walk, we agreed to go with her.
Not that Gabby would’ve had a choice.
“He loves her,” I tell Gabby.
“I know. And it’s cool. I’m sorry for your dad, though.”
“He’s not upset. We went to dinner last night and we talked about it. He told me that he wa
nts my mom to be happy and Kingston obviously makes her happy. I told him about how Kingston made her cry.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me that sometimes love makes people cry. It’s not always bad.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. I only cry when I’m sad,” Gabby counters.
“He said that love can cause all kinds of emotions. And he made me promise that I wouldn’t send any more messages to Kingston or tell him that my mom and my dad are going to get together, ’cause they’re not.”
“Well, I still think it’s cool that he’s moving here.”
I smile. “I do, too.”
“Did you ask him about calling him Dad?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.” I’ve been calling him James, and it’s starting to feel a little weird to me now, but I think calling him dad will seem weird, too. I wanted to ask him about it last night, but I was too chicken to do so. “But I will. When the time’s right.”
“Well, I’m happy for you. You’re gonna have two dads. One’s a famous hockey player and the other’s a hockey agent. And of course, your Uncle Optimus. God, everyone’s gonna think you’re cool.”
My heart swells as that sinks in. Gabby’s right…
I finally find my dad and Kingston’s going to be my stepdad.
That makes me … extremely lucky.
58
Kingston
“Just because you won last night’s game doesn’t mean you get to reap the benefits for several days after,” Ellie says as I pull the truck into the parking lot of the practice rink.
“No?” I give her my best confused face. “Are you sure?”
“What are we doing here?” Ellie glances around, probably noticing that the parking lot is completely empty.
I pull into the players’ lot and put the truck in park. I offer a smile but say nothing.
“What’s going on in that devious mind of yours, Rush?”
“Well, I happen to know that no one’s going to be here today. Plus, I’ve always had this fantasy...”
Ellie peers up at the building. “Don’t tell me you want to have sex in the locker room?”
The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) Page 41
