A rap on her door turned her groan to a cry, and she stared fearfully at the door.
‘Mrs Sloan?’
Shelby walked to the door and opened it. The innkeeper, Christophe, stood at her door holding a tray. There was a bowl of fragrant soup, a glass of wine and a basket with some bread.
‘But, I didn’t . . .’
‘Chief Giroux said to make sure you had something to eat,’ said Christophe firmly. He did not ask if he could come in, but simply walked past her, crossed through the room and set the tray down on the small table on the balcony.
‘There,’ he said. ‘It’s soup. It will go down easily.’
Shelby looked around, flustered, for her purse. She didn’t know whether to offer the man a tip or not.
Christophe understood what she was doing and strode past her into the hallway. ‘Please,’ he said. ‘Accept our hospitality. This is a terrible day for you. Perhaps when you eat you’ll feel a bit better.’
The smell of the soup caused a twisting of hunger in her stomach. Shelby hung her head. ‘Thank you. You’re very kind.’
Christophe waved away her thanks and began to descend the stairs to the first floor. ‘If you need anything, call the desk,’ he said.
Shelby closed the door and went out on to the balcony. She sat down in the chair and looked at the simple, lovely tray in front of her. She felt tears rising to her eyes again. Like a dam once breeched, tears trembled at the surface and seemed to spill over at will. Shelby took a deep breath, broke off a golden crust of the bread and dipped it into the soup. After the first bite, she picked up the spoon and began to eat and take a few sips of the wine.
There was another tentative knock on her door. She turned in her chair.
‘Shelby, are you there?’ asked a familiar voice. ‘It’s Rob. Can I come in?’
She hesitated, then walked over to the door and opened it. Her son-in-law, pale, disheveled and with a heavy five o’clock shadow, seemed to be propping himself up against the door-frame with one arm.
‘Is there any news?’ she said.
Rob shook his head.
Shelby turned away from the door, leaving it open behind her. She walked back out to the tiny balcony and sat down in her chair. Rob hesitated a moment, and then came into the room, closing the door behind him. He walked out to the balcony also and put a hand on the back of the other chair. ‘May I?’ he asked.
Shelby nodded, but said nothing.
Rob sat down gingerly on the small chair and looked at her tray of food.
‘Have you eaten?’ she asked.
Rob shrugged. ‘Someone at the station got me a sandwich.’
Shelby nodded, and broke off another corner of bread. She stared at it, wondering if she had the strength to chew it. ‘Did they say anything more?’
Rob shook his head ‘Nobody is stating it outright, but I think they’re ready to rule it an accident. They think that Chloe fell over the railing . . .’
Shelby glared at him. ‘Because you said she had a drinking problem.’
Rob took a deep breath. ‘I know it’s upsetting to you, but it’s true,’ he insisted. ‘I’m sorry, but it is’
‘I don’t believe you,’ Shelby hissed. ‘My Chloe?’
‘Yes. Your Chloe.’
‘You made it up,’ Shelby said.
Rob did not bristle at her accusation. ‘You don’t have to take my word for it. They have a record of the drinks she bought. They have film of her on the boat, buying them. Drinking them. Ask Chief Giroux.’
‘I heard all that.’
‘Then you know it’s true.’
‘A couple of drinks on vacation is not a drinking problem,’ Shelby snapped. ‘You implied that she was a problem drinker before you even went on this trip.’
‘She was,’ said Rob. ‘Well, actually I thought she’d stopped. She was attending AA meetings. But obviously she slipped.’
‘How you can sit there and say this to me? Chloe’s not in AA. She would have told me.’
‘I’m sorry, but she was. Her drinking was out of control.’
‘No,’ Shelby insisted. ‘That is not Chloe. She doesn’t do anything sloppy. She likes everything to be just perfect.’
‘That was an illusion. An illusion that was too hard for her to keep up.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ Shelby insisted.
‘Believe what you want,’ he said wearily.
They sat in angry, uneasy silence.
Rob sighed. ‘I know it’s a shock, Shelby. Believe me, it was for me, too, when I found out.’
Shelby glared at him.
Rob did not seem to notice. Or perhaps, he didn’t care. ‘I’d had my suspicions for a while,’ he said, ‘but . . . there was nothing specific. Then, oh, about a year ago, she went to pick up Jeremy at a play date and she didn’t come home,’ said Rob. ‘It was snowy and I was worried, so I called and she didn’t answer her phone. I went looking for her. I found the car jumped up on the curb in front of a vacant lot. Chloe was passed out behind the wheel. Jeremy was crying in the back seat.’
‘You said it was snowy,’ Shelby cried. ‘Maybe the car skidded and she hit her head.’
‘She was drunk,’ said Rob firmly.
Shelby’s eyes blazed. ‘With Jeremy in the car? No. Not Chloe. I don’t believe it. She never . . . she would never do anything that might hurt that child.’
Rob’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Don’t you think I know that? That’s how I realized how bad it was.’ He began to sob. Shelby looked at him wonderingly.
Finally he sniffed and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. ‘I confronted her and it all came out. She was hiding vodka in water bottles. She was drinking at work and while Jeremy was at preschool. It’s a miracle something worse didn’t happen. For a long time I wouldn’t let her take him in the car after that. But she joined AA. And she swore she was sober. She promised me . . . over and over. Swore she had stopped . . .’
‘Why didn’t she tell me?’ Shelby cried.
Rob shook his head. ‘She was so ashamed. She wouldn’t tell anyone. Except for the people at AA, I guess. And she made it a point to go to a meeting far from home. She used to go down to some church in Old City. So she wouldn’t . . . I don’t know, run into someone she knew. I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t a sign of weakness to ask for help. But she was ashamed. She made me swear.’
Tears filled Shelby’s eyes, and ran down her face. ‘Why?’ she wailed. ‘Why would she do that?’
‘Do what?’ Rob asked wearily. ‘Keep it from you? She knew how you felt about your mother’s drinking. Chloe wanted your approval. Don’t you know that? She always worried that you wouldn’t think well of her.’
‘I loved her,’ Shelby protested.
Rob shrugged. ‘She didn’t want you to think she was weak.’
Shelby shook her head, trying to shake off the truth of what he was saying. If she was honest with herself, she knew there was always a sadness in Chloe that nothing could assuage. But she couldn’t bear to imagine her daughter worrying about being judged. Fearing her disapproval. It was too painful to think about. Not now. Not ever.
‘She wasn’t weak,’ Shelby insisted. ‘She was strong. I mean, you know how strong she was. She was always so disciplined. So fit. In fact, I am thinking that she might have survived the fall from the ship. People have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived. Chloe might have survived. I’ve been thinking about this. Tomorrow I’m going to go on board the cruise ship and see where it happened for myself.’
Rob shook his head.
‘They can’t stop me,’ she said. ‘Just let them try.’
Rob put his head in his hands.
His defeated look made her suddenly furious. ‘What? Why are you doing that?’
‘The ship is gone,’ he said.
Shelby stared at him. ‘What?’
‘It’s gone. They’re underway to their next port of call.’
Shelby felt stunned. ‘They c
an’t be,’ she whispered.
‘They are. They have a lot of passengers who’ve paid a lot of money.’
‘That’s more important than Chloe’s life?’ Shelby cried.
Rob did not reply.
‘Well?’ she demanded. ‘And you just let them go?’
‘They didn’t have to ask my permission,’ said Rob coldly. ‘It’s what they do. It’s perfectly legal. Captain Fredericks explained it to me.’
Shelby felt a sudden fury in her heart at his matter-of-fact tone, at his words that sounded so clinical. ‘So, that’s fine with you? You don’t even care that she’s gone, do you?’ Shelby accused him. ‘You’re glad that she’s gone. And who can blame you? You’re rid of your alcoholic wife.’
As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them.
Rob sat for a moment without speaking, and then he stood up. ‘I need some sleep,’ he said. ‘Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.’
Shelby felt ashamed of herself. ‘Rob, I’m sorry. That was unfair,’ she said.
‘Doesn’t matter. There’s nothing fair about any of this. My world is in pieces.’ On that last word, his voice broke.
Shelby began to weep openly. ‘I shouldn’t have blamed you, Rob.’
‘I blame myself,’ he said. ‘I didn’t keep her safe. I feel like it is my fault.’
‘Oh God. And Jeremy.’
‘I know,’ he said.
Shelby shook her head. ‘Maybe tomorrow something will happen,’ she said hopelessly.
‘I’ll knock on your door in the morning and we’ll go back to the police station.’
‘If you hear anything during the night . . .’
‘Of course,’ he said.
‘I feel so helpless,’ she said.
‘We are helpless.’
Their bruised gazes met for a moment. ‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ he said.
She closed the door behind him, and heard his footsteps in the hallway, the sound of him opening the door of his room. She locked her door and went back out to the balcony. She sat back down and stared into the night. In the street below she could hear a young girl singing as she went by on the street. Lighthearted. Untroubled. Her song wafted up through the palm tree fronds.
Shelby buried her face in her hands. Tears seeped through her fingers and dripped from her chin. As the singer disappeared down the street, the sound of her voice became muffled, and then, little by little, it drifted away.
SEVEN
The next morning they arrived at the police station early and found Chief Giroux deep in conversation with Agent DeWitt. As Shelby and Rob entered the large common room where half a dozen officers were working, chatting, and drinking tea, the room fell silent. Everyone stared at them for a moment, and then resumed their work in a quieter fashion.
‘How was the Maison?’ Chief Giroux asked. ‘Did Christophe make you comfortable?’
‘Yes, thank you,’ Shelby said dully.
‘He runs a very nice place. My father and Christophe’s father came here from Martinique when they were young men. Our mothers are sisters. So, we are more like brothers than cousins,’ he said.
Shelby and Rob did not reply. The only family they could think about was their own.
The Chief did not bother to ask them how they had slept. It was obvious from their rumpled clothes and the blue circles under their puffy, reddened eyes, that the night had been long and grim. ‘We have a few things we need to discuss with you,’ he said.
‘If you both would come with us,’ said Agent DeWitt.
Chief Giroux indicated one of the open interrogation rooms and they all filed in. Agent DeWitt closed the door. On a table at the front of the room was a computer monitor, humming, but blank. Chief Giroux offered them all a seat. Rob refused. Shelby took it gratefully. Chief Giroux’s dark skin made his shirt look almost blindingly white. He clasped his hands behind his back and spoke to them gently but firmly. ‘First of all, Mr Kendricks, Mrs Sloan, It’s my sad duty to tell you that the search for Chloe is no longer a rescue mission. The Coast Guard has suspended all operations . . .’
‘Oh no,’ Rob groaned.
‘What?’ Shelby cried.
The Chief continued speaking as if they had not spoken. ‘Now, it’s officially considered a recovery mission. We don’t need the Coast Guard for that. That can be carried out by the local police.’
Shelby stared at him through eyes grainy from weeping. ‘What does that mean?’
Agent DeWitt toyed with the end of his tie. ‘Simply put, it means that we no longer have the expectation that your daughter can still be alive. We base this on all our knowledge of the sea, the body’s susceptibility to hypothermia, the ocean predators. In fact, there was little chance that she was alive when she went into the water after a fall like that. But by now, the chances are . . . negligible really.’
‘No,’ Shelby protested. ‘You can’t just give up.’
Chief Giroux sighed. ‘Mrs Sloan. I know it’s terribly difficult, but you must understand that your daughter is not going to be found alive. She probably won’t be found at all.’
‘She certainly won’t be found if you stop looking,’ Shelby retorted.
Rob did not protest, but he slumped down into the nearest chair. His face was white as chalk. The police chief simply shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Shelby turned to Agent DeWitt. ‘Can’t you do something? You’re from the government. Tell them they have to continue.’
Agent DeWitt frowned at her, his gaze sympathetic, but immovable.
‘So, that’s it?’ said Shelby in disbelief. She turned to Rob. ‘Are you just going to sit there? You have to do something.’
Rob’s eyes flashed with anger. ‘I’m not a magician, Shelby. If I could bring her back I would.’
Shelby ignored him, hating him. ‘What if we were to hire searchers of our own? Maybe you could suggest someone. People who know these waters . . . I can pay for it. I’ll gladly pay for it.’
‘Mrs Sloan,’ said the chief, his eyes filled with concern. ‘I cannot stop you if that is what you want to do. But she went overboard nearly thirty-six hours ago. Short of a miracle . . .’
‘Yes,’ Shelby said hopefully. ‘A miracle. It could be—’
‘I would be lying to you if I agreed with you. It’s impossible to survive that long in the water. Especially after a fall like the one she took from the boat,’ said the chief. ‘I cannot encourage you to throw your money away.’
‘It’s my money. If I want to hire someone—’
‘See here,’ said the chief. ‘I will arrange it for you, all right. I will arrange for several boats to continue the search, for as many days as you authorize.’
‘I don’t want just anybody,’ Shelby insisted. ‘I want helicopters too. And qualified people. Boaters who know these waters.’
‘I understand. And all this can be arranged.’ he said soothingly. ‘Independent contractors. I warn you, it will be at great expense. But, I can contact these people for you, if that is what you wish.’
‘Then do,’ said Shelby.
‘I have to advise you against this,’ said Agent DeWitt. ‘It makes no sense. This is a waste of your resources. The Coast Guard used aircraft – both helicopters and a long-range surveillance plane. They used their own cutters, and they thoroughly searched an area of approximately 800 square miles. They scanned it repeatedly with the most sophisticated equipment available.’
‘Still . . .’ Shelby said stubbornly.
Chief Giroux and Agent DeWitt exchanged a glance. ‘You don’t have to decide right this minute,’ said the chief. ‘Think it over and you can call me. If you decide that’s what you want, it won’t take any time at all to put this plan into operation.’
‘And furthermore, I’m not at all satisfied with your conclusions. You don’t even know how she came to be in that water. It’s not good enough to say she was drunk and she fell overboard. I don’t accept that,’ Shelby insisted.
‘That’s one reason we brought you in here. I want to show you something,’ said the chief. He approached the computer that was sitting on a desk at the front of the room. ‘Mr Kendricks saw these yesterday. I wanted you to see them. Look here.’ He began to key in some commands, and the computer screen raced from one image to another. The chief halted at the one he wanted.
Shelby leaned forward and watched the video that was on the screen. The film was shot from above, from a fixed location. The people on the film were strolling in front of a café. It took Shelby a moment to recognize the young woman with long, wavy hair, wearing a sundress, leaning against the bar.
‘Chloe,’ Shelby yelped, automatically reaching for the screen. ‘Where is she? Where did you get that?’
‘It’s film from the security camera on the Lido deck of the ship,’ said Agent DeWitt. ‘Watch what she does.’
Shelby watched as Chloe, looking all around her guiltily, placed an order. The bartender pulled a bottle off the shelf behind him and made her a drink. Chloe handed him her card and gulped the drink down. He had no sooner swiped her card than she indicated that she wanted another. The bartender complied.
‘So, she had something to drink,’ said Shelby dismissively.
‘If you like, we can watch her drink two more of these,’ said Agent DeWitt with a hint of sarcasm.
Shelby felt her face redden.
‘Now,’ said Chief Giroux, aiming a remote at the keyboard. Another image arose, this one of tables with many people seated, talking and consulting the cards in front of them. It was easy to spot Chloe. She sat stiffly at a table near the back of the room, a numbered card on the table in front of her. The camera that caught her was also positioned near the back of the room, so Shelby was able to have a clear view of her daughter. She was a few seats down from the other people. A woman leaned over to talk to her, and Shelby recognized Virgie and Don, the fiftieth anniversary couple who had talked to her in the hallway yesterday. They were clearly trying to engage Chloe in conversation. Shelby watched as Chloe replied, gesturing vaguely.
Cast into Doubt Page 6
