by Jane Heller
“Why? You in some kind of trouble?”
I nodded, then leaned closer to him and whispered, “Actually, we all are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I glanced to my left, then to my right, to make sure no one could overhear our conversation. I had made the decision to tell Jeremy about the devil, but I wasn’t about to broadcast the story to the entire marina.
“I really do have to talk to you. Are you busy?” I asked.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
He checked his watch. “I’ve got about a half an hour before my charter people are supposed to show up. At least, I think they’re supposed to show up in a half an hour. With my dad in the hospital, the bookings are kind of screwed up.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I said, embarrassed that I hadn’t asked how Mike Cook was doing the minute I saw Jeremy. “Is he going to be okay?”
“The doctors say he had a ‘mild heart attack,’ which sounds like double-talk to me. Either he had one or he didn’t, ya know?”
I nodded.
“Anyway, they’re givin’ him medication and keepin’ an eye on him, and if everything goes all right, they’ll let him come home in a week or so. But I’m not sure he’s gonna be ready to come back to work.”
“Why not? Booking your charter groups doesn’t sound very strenuous.”
“Not strenuous but stressful. Especially for a guy whose health isn’t all that great. You gotta deal with the hotels where I’ve got the concessions. You gotta deal with the individual clients who want to charter the boat—some of ’em nutcases. You gotta deal with the advertising and promotion people. You gotta juggle the cash flow. Just because Cook’s Charters is a Mom-and-Pop kind of business doesn’t mean it isn’t a bitch to keep afloat.”
“I didn’t think of all that,” I said. “How is business anyway? Did the fallout from your little stunt at the River Princess cause any cancellations?”
Jeremy laughed. “Are you kiddin’? The phone’s been ringin’ off the hook. I’m famous now, BS. Before, people knew me ’cause I sing in a band. Now, they know me ’cause I dumped sewage in a fountain. I’m a big hero around here, and everybody wants to hang out with me all of a sudden.”
“I know a way you can be an even bigger hero,” I said.
“That’s okay. I’m not really in the hero business,” he said. “I just don’t like seein’ my river polluted.”
“What would you say if I told you I knew who was behind the pollution of the river and all the other things that have been going on in this town—the murders, the corruption, all of it?”
He regarded me, a look of skepticism on his ruddy face. “I’d say you should stick to real estate and leave the criminals to the cops.”
“I’m serious, Jeremy. But we can’t talk here. Not in front of everybody.”
“Aw, come on. These guys are all busy with their boats. They’re not payin’ any attention to us.” He waved at a couple of men who were working nearby.
“Please, Jeremy. What I have to tell you is very confidential, very secret. We’d have some privacy on your boat, wouldn’t we?”
He checked his watch again. “My charter group is comin’ in twenty minutes.”
“So give me twenty minutes. I promise I’ll leave the minute they get here.”
The Devil-May-Care wasn’t a new boat, but it looked it. It was well maintained—clean, neat, shipshape. Jeremy explained that Hatterases are expensive, but that he had sold his old boat and bought this one used and that it had more than paid for itself in charters. He offered to give me a complete tour, but I declined. I only had twenty minutes to tell him my tale of woe and I didn’t want to waste a second of it.
I began by explaining how badly things had been going for me in my marriage and at work; how I’d started drinking too much; how Mitchell had come home one night and announced that he was in love with Chrissy; how I’d gotten drunk and stumbled outside in that thunderstorm; how I’d said I would do anything if I could sell a house and find true love (I blushed when I said that); and how I’d woken up the next morning with blond hair, big boobs, and a flat stomach but didn’t know how I got that way.
Jeremy found the whole thing hysterically funny.
“I’ve heard that women lie about havin’ plastic surgery, but this is ridiculous,” he smirked.
When he finally managed to stop laughing, I went on with the story. I told him about finding Pete on my doorstep; about selling the most overpriced house in town to David Bettinger; about discovering that David and I were so irresistibly drawn to one another that it was scary.
“You actually slept with that guy?” Jeremy asked, looking surprised, as if it were inconceivable that I might have a sex life, never mind that someone like David would find me attractive.
“What if I did?” I said hotly. “Would it be so hard for you to picture a devastatingly handsome man like David Bettinger wanting to sleep with me?”
Jeremy didn’t answer right away. I figured he was comparing me to those nineteen-year-old bimbos he was always slobbering over and thinking I didn’t measure up. Instead, he said, “Sure, I can picture a guy wantin’ to sleep with you. Even if you are Ben’s kid sister and even if you do have an overactive imagination. Besides, David what’s-his-name isn’t all that handsome.”
I squelched a smile. Was Jeremy jealous? “Fine. He’s not so handsome,” I said, thinking he should see David now. “But I don’t have an overactive imagination. Everything I’m telling you is the truth.”
“Okay, then tell me some more truth: did you sleep with Mr. Palm Beach or not?”
“Almost,” I said, and took a deep breath. I had a feeling that the minute I brought up the issue of David’s tail, Jeremy would either laugh me off the boat or ship me off to a psycho ward. But I had to tell him what happened between David and me that night, as humiliating an experience as it was. It was central to the story.
“He had a what?” he shouted when I had finished describing my encounter with David’s unusual appendage. Well, I hadn’t expected him to buy it on the first try.
“It’s true,” I said and went on to explain about the devil making me and David darksiders in exchange for our producing darksider babies. I also gave Jeremy the little bulletin about the devil living right in Banyan Beach, hiding in the body of someone I knew.
“At first, I thought that ‘someone’ was you,” I told him.
That did it, apparently, because Jeremy jumped up from his seat and began to back away from me.
“You’re crazier than I thought,” he said.
“I’m not crazy, Jeremy. I’m telling you the truth,” I said.
“Then prove it!” he challenged.
“All right, I will!”
I thought for a minute. “You can call David and ask him,” I said. “He’ll confirm everything.”
And then I remembered that David wouldn’t be able to confirm anything, because David was now Danny and Danny didn’t even know he’d been a darksider.
“I think I will call him,” said Jeremy. “Just to see what kind of bullshit story the guy gives me.”
“No, don’t,” I said and told him why. I recounted the whole scene at the River Princess party—about how David was just about to tell me the name of the person who was Satan’s cover in Banyan Beach when he was punished and turned back into his old, predarksider self.
“So you can’t prove one word of all this,” said Jeremy.
I had the sense that he wanted to believe me; or, more accurately, that he didn’t want to believe I was crazy. But the story was too fantastic, too implausible. I wouldn’t have believed me either.
Still, I couldn’t give up. I needed Jeremy’s help and, according to Constance, I was going to get it.
“Jeremy, please listen to me,” I said, trying not to let desperation creep into my voice. “You love this town as much as I do. You grew up here. It’s your home. You care what happens to the place.”
“So
?”
“So Banyan Beach is going to hell. Literally. Unless we stop it. Unless we stop him.”
“Stop who?”
“I already told you: the devil. He’s living here in town—in the body of someone I know.”
“Oh, brother. Not that again.”
“It’s true.” I sighed. I was getting nowhere and my twenty minutes with Jeremy were running out.
“I gotta go,” he said. “My people will be here any minute.”
He started toward the cabin door.
“If you won’t help the town, then help me,” I said, making one last effort. “I don’t want to be a darksider for the rest of my life. I don’t want blond hair. I don’t want big boobs. I don’t want to look like a ‘Star Search’ spokesmodel. And I don’t want bad breath.”
“Bad breath?”
“Here. Smell.”
I breathed on him. He recoiled.
“See? I never used to smell like that. Not until I became a darksider. So please, Jeremy. Help me find the devil and talk him into letting me out of the bargain. Please.”
He gave me a long, searching look, then shook his head and climbed off the boat, onto the dock. I followed him. I was about to continue my harangue when I saw four men off in the distance, walking toward us. I guessed they were Jeremy’s charter group, because they didn’t look like your scruffy, Eddie’s Marina types. Even from several feet away, I could tell that those weren’t tattoos covering their arms and necks. Those were gold chains. Shiny gold chains that sparkled in the sunlight.
“Sorry, BS. Gotta go,” said Jeremy.
Quick! I told myself. You’ve still got a few seconds to convince Jeremy you’re telling the truth. Think of something that will make him believe you. Hurry!
He must be persuaded to help you. You must use your power to persuade him.
My power!
I suddenly remembered Constance’s words. I must use my power to persuade Jeremy. And then he would help me.
Quick! I urged myself on. Do something!
As the four men continued to advance toward us, I said to Jeremy, “Remember how I told you about my darksider power? Well, now I’m going to show it to you. And then you’ll know I’ve been telling the truth.”
“You need help, pal,” he said, shaking his head. “You really do.”
“You see those men coming toward us?” I asked, ignoring his remark.
“Yeah. They’re the ones I’m takin’ out today. Looks like they’re wearin’ enough jewelry to sink the boat.”
“You don’t care for their gold chains?”
“You don’t see any on me, do ya?”
“Fine. Watch this.” I took a deep breath and then said, “I want those gold chains to disappear.”
In an instant, the four men, who were still several feet away, were suddenly stripped of their jewelry! In front of our eyes, they had gone completely chainless! It was as if four muggers had crept up behind them and, in perfect sync, ripped them off and then fled. Now that was power.
“Don’t worry. They can buy new ones,” I smiled as Jeremy looked appropriately shocked—so shocked he had to grab on to one of the dock lines and steady himself.
“You did that?” he asked.
“I did.”
“But how…I mean, what made their…I don’t see—”
“Now do you believe me?”
Before he could answer, his charter group was upon us. The men didn’t appear to notice that their jewelry had vanished, even though each of them was probably a couple of pounds lighter without it.
“Are you Jeremy Cook?” one of them asked.
Jeremy was too startled to answer. So I answered for him.
“Yes, he’s Jeremy Cook,” I said. “He’ll be your captain today. Won’t you, Jeremy?”
I nudged him, hoping to snap him out of it, but he was still speechless.
“He’s a little shy,” I said, apologizing for Jeremy, who was anything but. “He’ll loosen up as you guys get to know each other better.”
At least, I hoped he would. I didn’t want to be responsible for his losing a day’s charter business. Fortunately, his two crew members, the boys I’d seen on the Devil-May-Care the first time I came to the marina, showed up and helped the four men aboard.
When Jeremy and I were alone, I asked him if he was all right.
“Never mind me. It’s you who’s got this…this…power to make things happen to people.” He looked as if he were afraid of me, afraid to be anywhere near me.
“Yes, but I don’t bite,” I reassured him. “Honest. Biting is for vampires and werewolves, not darksiders.”
I was trying to make light of the situation. I certainly didn’t want to scare the man off.
“Does Ben know about this?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I didn’t think he could handle it.”
“And you thought I could?”
“Evidently. Was I wrong?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe that someone like you would turn into—Jesus, I’ve known you since you were the pain-in-the-ass kid sister of my best friend.”
“I’m still the pain-in-the-ass kid sister of your best friend. But now, I’m in big trouble, and I need your help. Will you help me, Jeremy?”
He hesitated, but just for a split second.
“Only if you promise me something,” he said.
“What?”
“That you won’t use that power of yours on me, like you did on those guys.”
“You don’t wear gold jewelry.”
“No, but I wear clothes. I don’t want to be walkin’ down the street and find myself buck naked, just because you don’t like the way I dress.”
“I promise. Who wants to see you buck naked anyway?”
He allowed himself a small smile.
“I gotta go,” he said.
“I know,” I said.
“What happens now?” he asked.
“Dinner tonight? At my house?”
“You eat?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you eat? Now that you’re a ‘darksider’ or whatever you call yourself.”
I laughed. “Yes, I eat. But I don’t cook. So we’ll order a pizza or something, okay?”
He nodded and turned to go. Then he glanced at me one more time, as if to make sure I hadn’t sprouted horns.
I parted my hair, first on the left side, then on the right. “Look, Ma. No horns,” I said.
He smiled and climbed aboard the Devil-May-Care.
Chapter 22
It hadn’t rained in over a week, not since the devil unleashed that horrific storm at the River Princess party. And it hadn’t rained for weeks before that. Normally, August is Banyan Beach’s rainiest month, but then nothing about Banyan Beach was normal that summer. We were having a drought instead of a flood, and, as a result, we weren’t allowed to water our lawns, fill our swimming pools, or wash our cars. The River Princess even had to shut off its fabled fountains.
The situation was made worse on the afternoon of my dinner with Jeremy. At about three o’clock, there was a water-main break at a construction site off Route 1, and the entire town was without water for several hours. Everyone went rushing off to buy bottled water, only to discover that the supermarkets were sold out of it.
The devil is doing this, I thought as I peered out the window at my brown lawn while I waited for Jeremy to show up. He’s playing with us, having a little fun at our expense. I wondered what was next on his agenda. Did he intend to scorch us the way he was scorching our grass? Dry us out until we burned? Turn our lush, tropical paradise into a living hell?
Pete seemed to sense that I was having company that night. He was even friskier than usual, bouncing from room to room like a speed freak. By the time Jeremy arrived and I opened the front door to greet him, Pete was so keyed up that he leapt onto Jeremy, nearly knocking him over.
“Hey, down, boy,” Jeremy la
ughed. “You’re messin’ my dress-up clothes.”
Actually, Jeremy was dressed up—for him. He was wearing his customary blue jeans and sneakers, but instead of a T-shirt he had put on a crisp white button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up, collar open. His hair and beard were still scruffy and his gut stuck out the way it always did, but at least the shirt was tucked in over the gut, which made him look neater, better groomed, more handsome somehow.
More handsome? I took another look at him. Yes, he did look handsome, I realized. And he smelled good. It was a clean, citrusy scent. A brand of cologne.
Cologne? Jeremy wasn’t exactly the Calvin Klein Obsession type. And it wasn’t as if he and I were on some kind of date. Hardly.
Maybe he thinks the cologne will ward off the evil spirits waiting for him inside my house, I thought as I noticed how reluctant he seemed to enter.
“Why don’t you come in?” I said to him after sending Pete into the bedroom.
But Jeremy didn’t come in. He hung back, remaining by the front door.
“Okay,” I said impatiently. “What’s the problem?”
“Is it safe to go in there?” he said, peeking inside. “I mean, nobody’s gonna stab me with a pitchfork or anything, right?”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the foyer, walked him into the living room, to the sofa, and gave him a gentle shove onto the middle cushion. Then I sat down next to him. “There. Comfy?”
“Sure, for a guy who’s sittin’ on the same couch with a she-devil.”
“Would you stop? I’m not a she-devil. I’m me. The person you’ve always known and loathed.”
“I haven’t always known you, BS,” said Jeremy, not commenting on the loathing part. “Not since high school, and even then I didn’t really know you. Nobody really knew anybody in high school.”
“So I’m discovering.” Back then, Mitchell was my idea of a good catch.
“For example, I never knew why you backed out of goin’ to the prom with me. Why did you?”
“What is this? A trip down Memory Lane? I thought we were going to talk about—”
“Humor me, BS. I was thinkin’ about it on my way over here.”
“But that was such a long time ago,” I protested, not really wanting to discuss the past. “I think we should move on to more important issues.”
