by Linda Style
The words kind of floated there in the air and she couldn’t quite grasp them. “He did what?”
“Ryan hasn’t been paying the mortgage and that has put my mother’s property at risk.”
Serena was almost too stunned to speak. Finally, she managed to say, “Why on earth would she do such a thing?”
He shrugged. “She loves him. He’s like a second son to her. She trusted he wouldn’t screw her over.”
Closing her eyes, Serena said, “Oh, God. I need another glass of wine.”
“No. What you need is to see things for what they are. Ryan’s intentions don’t matter. He didn’t set out to have my mother lose her house, but it could be the end result. Something has to be done and you’re doing it.”
When she’d gathered her wits, she said, “You mean the only reason you’re helping Ryan is so you mom doesn’t lose her house.”
He drew back. “That’s the reason I’m here in Spirit Creek, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have helped him anyway.”
“The way you helped him when you got out of prison.”
Cole stood. “I can’t win with you no matter what, can I?”
“Win?” She stood, too.
“Yes. With you it’s win or lose. Black or white. Well, there are a lot of reasons for a lot of things that have happened over the past dozen years, and I know this might come as a surprise to you, but they don’t all revolve around who’s to blame for Ryan’s messed-up life. I’m no more to blame for what he’s done with his life than you are. He’s the one in charge and he has to take the responsibility.” He shoved a hand through his hair.
“I’ve lived with the guilt of the accident for all these years, and I can’t even articulate how much I regret that one stupid decision. And no one can imagine how much I regret having done something that can’t be undone, no matter what. And not one day goes by that I don’t regret screwing up the life we’d planned, and having you stop loving me because of it. But I can’t change any of it. I have to live with it, and it’s up to me how I do that. Just as it’s up to you and to Ryan what you do with yours. The reasons I’m helping Ryan are my own, and you don’t get to decide if they’re good or they’re bad.”
Biting her lips, Serena raised a hand to stop him. The mental glue that had been holding her together dissolved and she felt as though she was coming apart. “Please. Don’t say any more.” She leaned against the arm of the couch for support. “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything.”
Quickly, his arm was around her. “Dammit, Serena. Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
She did. Oh, how she did.
He pulled her into his arms and simply held her. Tears welled in her eyes. He was warm, and strong, and she loved being in his arms. She wanted this so much, she realized. She wanted to be held, touched, loved. More than anything, she wanted to be loved.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said softly. “A fresh start.”
She nodded. She hoped so. She looked up at him, and she saw such tenderness in his eyes, she thought her legs might buckle. She lifted her chin and drew herself up on her toes. As if in slow motion, his mouth came closer, halting, hesitating; then, almost lightning fast, her lips touched his, and his lips touched hers. Just barely. They held the position for what seemed an eternity…until the urgency became so severe it was unstoppable. His lips descended full force on hers and they devoured each other as if starved for years. Her blood pounded through her veins and she couldn’t hear a thing except the moan that escaped from her throat.
“Knock, knock.” A woman’s voice sounded from somewhere in the universe around them.
“Anyone here?”
Natalia. Serena pried herself away. “Yes. I’ll be right there.”
“Should I come up?”
“Sure.”
Cole smiled. He brushed the hair from her forehead. “It’s okay. Just an emotional moment. That’s all.”
She ran her fingertips across her mouth. “Right.” She walked to the stairway. “C’mon up. I was just getting some wine.”
When Natalia reached the top of the stairs, Serena said, “Cole’s here. I was filling him in.” She turned and saw Cole sitting casually in a chair, legs apart.
“Hey, Natalia.” Cole waved.
Natalia frowned at Serena while acknowledging Cole. She mouthed, What’s going on?
“Cole and I were just setting up the plan. Here, have some wine and I’ll bring you up to date.”
Serena went over some of the stuff she and Cole had talked about and most everything else. When she finished, Cole stood. “If that’s it, I’ll go figure out a way to get Ryan to my mom’s tomorrow.”
“Great,” Serena said, then started to walk him out.
“It’s okay,” he said. “I can find my way back down.”
Standing at the top of the stairs, watching him leave, Serena felt an ache of longing in her chest, the likes of which she’d never ever felt.
WITH EVERYONE ASSEMBLED in Isabella St. Germaine’s living room, the drug counselor trained as a specialist in interventions who’d come instead of Dr. Bledford, went through all the steps they needed to take and explained how he’d facilitate the process. Their goal was to get Ryan to agree to enter a rehab program. The person rarely agreed right away, he said, and he mentioned the things that could happen instead. By the time he’d finished, Ryan was due any second.
“I think we should go into the dining room so we’re not all visible when he arrives. Cole will bring him into the house, and then I’ll go out, introduce myself and invite him in to talk to the rest of you.”
“What did you tell Ryan to make sure he’d come?” Natalia asked as they went into the other room.
Cole shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is that he shows. I told him something I thought would work.”
“You feel it will?” Serena asked, staying behind with Cole.
“It better.”
Just then they heard a car door slam. A few moments later, footsteps. Serena’s heart hammered. The knock on the door made her jump. Serena hastily followed the others.
The entry faced the wide staircase that led to the second floor. The living room was on the left, it connected to the dining room.
Cole went to the door. “C’mon in,” she heard him say.
“Is she okay?” Ryan asked. A silence followed.
“This is Bill Jessup, Ryan.”
A second later, Cole walked into the dining room.
She heard the two men talking, then Ryan’s voice getting louder. “This is bullshit,” he shouted.
Then Ryan barreled into the room where they waited, Bella sitting, the rest of them standing. “Ryan,” Serena said, rushing over to him. “Please listen. This is really important.”
Ryan’s face was redder than she’d ever seen it, the veins on his neck and forehead popping out. He stabbed a finger in the air directly at Cole. “You lied to me. You out-and-out lied!”
Cole looked to Jessup, who indicated Cole should respond. “You’re right. I did. But it was the only way to get you over.”
The counselor said, “They’re here because they care about you. Care very much. And you might want to hear what they have to say.”
Ryan stopped, as if suddenly taken off guard. But his hesitation lasted only seconds. He glared at Cole anew. “The only reason I came was that you said your mom was sick and wanted to see me.” He turned. “I don’t need this shit. I don’t need you guys interfering in my life. I don’t need anyone.”
Almost before the last word was out, he fled out the door. Serena ran after him. “Wait, Ryan. Please wait. Just listen to what we have to say, and then you can leave and do whatever you want. Please.” She grabbed his shirtsleeve.
He stopped, yanked his arm away and swung around to face her, tears filling his eyes. “You’re a traitor. You’re all traitors. All you care about is that I don’t embarrass you, that I don’t disturb your perfect little lives. Well, you don’t have to wo
rry about that anymore.”
She grabbed both his arms to stop him. He wrestled free, then shoved her away from him. She stumbled backward and fell, but he didn’t even notice. He was already at his car.
Cole ran toward the car, but it peeled away before he even got close. He helped Serena get up, then walked her back inside, his arm around her the whole way. “You did what you could,” he said. “That’s all you can do.”
Inside, the counselor was talking with everyone, but he halted and took Serena aside. “This isn’t the end,” he said. “It’s only the beginning. We have to give him time to think. When he contacts any of you, follow the plan. Say the exact same thing—that you’re not accepting his behavior and if he wants to talk, he’ll have to have this meeting.”
“So basically, we’re shunning him.”
Jessup’s mouth quirked up. “Never heard it called that before, but in a way, yes.”
Serena grasped the logic, but she knew Ryan; the counsellor didn’t. Cole knew him, but not the way she did. No one knew Ryan the way she did, and from how he had been talking, she was more worried now than ever.
“If anyone is feeling guilty for ambushing Ryan, he’s got you right where he wants you. He knows how to play you. I realize that doesn’t sound nice, but there’s nothing nice about addiction.”
After they had all agreed to move in the same direction, the counselor left and they each went their separate ways.
To wait. To wait and see which of them Ryan contacted first.
CHAPTER TWELVE
WHEN THREE DAYS HAD passed without anyone hearing from Ryan, including Lucy, who’d called to find out if Serena had seen him, Serena went to the sheriff’s office.
“What do you mean you can’t help me?” Serena folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t need help, Karl. I want you, and whoever else can, to get out to look for Ryan. That is part of your job, isn’t it?”
Karl rocked back on his chair and shoved a thatch of silver hair off his forehead.
“Look, Serena,” he said, leveling his chair and peering up at her. “No offense to your brother and your concern for him, but I’ve known him all his life. He does this a lot—goes off for days, even longer sometimes. We’re a really small outfit here. We’ve got some important stuff going on and we can’t go tearin’ after someone unless there’s good reason.”
He glanced away, then looked down as if embarrassed. “When an unmarried guy doesn’t come home a night or two or three, that’s pretty normal.”
“But he said some things that made me think he might harm hims—”
“Serena,” the sheriff interrupted. “Without any evidence that this time is different…” He shrugged. Then, in a soft, understanding tone, he said, “Why don’t you go home and wait a little longer. I’m sure he’ll turn up. If he doesn’t show in a few more days you can file a missing-person report, and we’ll get the whole county involved.” He gave her a sympathetic look as if she were the one with the problem.
God. She’d never felt so frustrated. But another glance at Karl’s square, set jaw told her that pursuing the matter was useless. Worse yet, she knew he was right. And if she got any other law officials involved and Ryan was doing something illegal, he could be in even more trouble.
Her stomach churned at the possibility. Then she realized she was doing it again. Protecting him. Maybe he needed to get caught. Maybe then he’d do something about it.
Yet despite all Ryan’s peccadilloes, she loved him. He was a good person unable to cope. She stepped forward, then placed her palms flat on Karl’s gray metal desk and waited a fraction of a second before she tried one more time. “What I’m really worried about is that something happened to him while he was scouting a tour. If his car had a problem or he missed a turn or something, he could be out there in the desert, and it’s starting to get really cold at night.” The scenario wasn’t entirely unlikely. He could’ve gone to a secluded place to think and something could’ve happened.
Karl met her gaze and nodded. “Sorry, Serena. Come back in a couple of days.”
Serena ground her back teeth. Okay. She had needed to try. Now she needed to do. She whirled on her heel and strode out the door. She’d gone less than five feet when an insidious uncertainty overtook her. She often felt this way when Ryan was truly in trouble.
As she took in the length of the street, the Purple Jeep Touring Company came into focus. She drew in a deep breath and sank onto a rustic pine bench propped against the sheriff’s office behind her.
Where would Ryan go that no one would think to look for him? He didn’t have money to hole up in a motel somewhere. And he wasn’t with Lucy or anyone he knew. She’d already checked with some of his old friends, and they hadn’t seen him in ages. One didn’t even live in Spirit Creek anymore. Then she remembered the mines they explored when in high school. The thought sent a shiver up her spine. Most all the old mines were dangerous. But it was a possibility, and something told her it was the best one. When an urgent need to find Ryan slammed home, she knew what she had to do.
Transportation. She required reliable desert transportation, a good map, a few supplies and someone to go with her.
The terrain was far too dangerous to traverse alone, especially the remote areas where Ryan might’ve gone.
Only a four-wheeler could navigate the ungraded gravel roads, and even then, if she got stuck alone, she’d never get out.
Sam. Maybe she could get him to help her out. She picked up her phone and punched in the number he’d given her before they’d gone on the vortex tour. Somewhere between the second ring and the middle of the third, she felt a tightening in her chest, an awful gutlevel fear. Pure raw emotion…an acute awareness that quickly became apprehension, anxiety and, finally, an all-consuming panic.
She gripped the phone so hard she felt the skin stretch across her knuckles.
The ringing stopped.
“Morning. Purple Jeep Tours.”
“Hello, Cole?”
“Serena. Hello. Have you heard from Ryan?”
“No. Nothing.” She didn’t want to tell him how worried she was because she knew he’d just repeat what Jessup had told them. That they’d feel guilty. That they were responsible for Ryan’s doing whatever it was. “I’m calling for Sam. Is he around?”
“Nope, he’s out on a job. He won’t be back until tomorrow.”
“Crap.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry.” She sighed heavily. God, she might as well tell him. He’d probably figure it out anyway. “I really need someone with a four-wheel-drive vehicle to help me.”
“I’m available.”
Crap again. Not that she didn’t want help; she just didn’t want Cole’s help. And for more reasons than one. She obviously had unresolved issues where Cole was concerned and now wasn’t the time to deal with them.
“Did I say the wrong thing?”
She had to smile. “No. Can I come over?”
“Sure. Like I said, I’m available.”
She told him she’d be there in fifteen minutes, then went to the café and made sure the Closed sign was on the door. She suspected her regular customers had already been there and gone, but too bad. This was more important. She made another couple of calls to Ryan’s number, to no avail, then got back in her van and drove down the street.
COLE HAD BARELY PICKED up his steaming mug of coffee and lifted it to his lips, when the front door burst open and slammed against the wall with a thud.
“Sorry,” Serena said, then pulled herself up and squared her shoulders. She wore jeans and a red, long-sleeved Cosmic Bean T-shirt, and when he saw the look on her face, he knew something was wrong. He set his cup down and circled the desk to her side.
She gazed at him with big wide eyes. “I need help.” She swung around. “I know you’ll probably say the same thing as Karl did, but I really need some understanding here.”
He motioned for her to sit, then he sat on the corner of the desk, wait
ing for her to explain.
“Okay. Don’t jump to conclusions and tell me that I’m doing what Ryan wants me to do. This is different. I know Ryan is in trouble.”
He remembered she’d had similar feelings back in high school. Sometimes she’d been right, sometimes not.
“I’m pretty sure I know where he went, and I need someone with a four-wheel drive to go with me. I thought I could get Sam to do it, but he’s not here. I’d pay you to go, just like a tour and—”
He raised a hand. “You think Ryan is lost? Or do you think something might’ve happened to him?”
“Either or both. I don’t know. But my feelings tell me he’s not in hiding to spite us. Karl won’t go because he thinks Ryan is a screwup and he’s done this before, and I really can’t blame Karl for that. So please, will you help me?”
Man, she didn’t need to go through all that. All she had to do was ask, period. After this week, he’d decided he’d go with the flow where Serena was concerned. Whatever that might be. “I have a one-hour tour at one o’clock, but I can go right after that. And there’s no need to pay me. I’m happy to help.”
“Really?” She appeared truly surprised, then said, “No, I have to pay you. You have to let me do that.”
“Okay.” He sipped his coffee. “Do you want to get some other people in town to help search?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. I’m pretty sure I know where he went, and if he’s not there, then yes, that’s a good idea.”
“So, you know where to go?”
Nodding, she said, “There’re a couple of places to check. Not that long ago, he mentioned some mines we used to retreat to when things weren’t going very well at home.”
“When was that? You never mentioned—”
“Before you and I started seeing each other. The mines are in the Bradshaws. There’s the Appaloosa Mine and the Old Buzzard Mine, and one other. Big Bart—that’s it. They’re all fairly close together.”
“Yeah, but they must not be on any of the forest service maps or I would have checked them out for tours.”
