"You still don't look like a man, but I guess this is the best we're going to be able to do. Just pray the pirates don't find us and we don't have to worry about it."
"Don't worry, I will," she answered fervently. And she did.
XXXIV
Lilah and Joss spent the next three days dodging the search parties that scoured the island for the missing pirates. From the intensity of the search, Joss concluded that at least one of the men was extremely valuable to the ship. Which one, or why, he could only speculate.
Lilah was chronically miserable. The brackish-smelling mud that Joss insisted must always be smeared over her exposed skin itched and drew tiny biting flies that left her itching even more. Her breasts ached constantly beneath the strips of cloth that smashed them flat. In the layers of clothes she was forced to wear-Joss had ripped up her dress to form a crude jerkin, which, worn over the outsized shirt, further disguised her sex-she was also hellishly hot. Her misery was compounded by the fact that they had to keep constantly on the move.
Only after nightfall did they dare retreat to the relative comfort of the hut and relax their vigilance. The pirates had proven to be a cautious lot, made nervous by the disappearance of two of their number. As night approached, the search parties headed for their ship, not to be seen again until the sun was well up in the sky the next day. Clearly the men did not care to risk the dangers of tramping about an unknown tropical island by torchlight. From what Joss and Lilah saw and overheard, most of them didn't appear too keen on it even in the
bright light of day. They searched for their shipmates under strict orders from their captain, but they were unenthusiastic and so avoiding them was not as difficult as it might have been.
During the day Lilah followed Joss's lead as they played hide-and-seek with the pirates. As long as they kept their wits about them and their eyes and ears open, she did not think they would be captured. At least, she hoped not. But the threat of discovery was ever present. Despite the brave face she kept up for Joss-he was lavish in his admiration of her courage-Lilah was frightened a good deal of the time. She knew that if they were discovered, their chances of surviving were not good. And that was if the pirates were convinced that she was a male. If they saw through her disguise, both she and Joss were doomed. He would fight to the death to defend her, she knew, while she… well, the fate the black- haired woman had suffered would be worse than death. To be at the mercy of the pirates was a horror she could not contemplate without shuddering.
At night, in the privacy of the hut, was the only time Joss would allow her to discard her disguise. In truth, he was not overly enthusiastic about it even then, but after more than fourteen hours of relentless discomfort Lilah was not going to listen to his nay-saying. If she did not get some relief from the itching she would go mad! To add to her woes, the tight binding had caused a heat rash to break out along her back and beneath her breasts. Joss soothed it by applying the creamy juice of a plant Lilah knew from Barbados, and had discovered growing wild on this small island. Each night, as the cream did its work, the rash would disappear, only to return the next day to drive her out of her mind anew. So as the sun blazed relentlessly down on their tropical paradise, Lilah scratched, and despaired.
Bliss was discarding the filthy clothes she wore by day and washing with the water Joss fetched for her in coconut shells. With her skin clean, she would pull the concealing kerchief from her hair, wash the encrusted strands as best she could with the small amount of water available, and comb it dry. Then she would climb into her own chemise-the only whole female garment she still possessed-and suddenly she was herself again. Unbound, her chest would ache, but she was so happy to be back in her own skin again that she barely noticed the throbbing discomfort.
Joss, who could not seem to fully comprehend the misery she found in being filthy and evil-smelling, observed these time-consuming ablutions with interest and a quizzical half-smile. He would watch her, his green eyes alight with humor and something that might have been appreciation. He would grin at her, and she would go into his arms, curling beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest.
In the magical dark hours betwixt dusk and dawn, they learned all there was to know about each other. Joss taught her about her body and his own, and she learned how to please him and how to be pleasured. Afterwards, she would lie in his arms and they would talk, lovers' nonsense mostly, but also about their childhoods and families, their deepest secrets, their fears. The one thing they didn't talk about was the future. It was too uncertain, too painful to look ahead. The truth was that if they were ever able to resume their normal lives they didn't have a future. Not together. With the part of her that was practical Lilah knew that. But her heart-her heart grew more enchanted with every hour that she passed in his company.
During those nights in Joss's arms, Lilah fell ever more deeply in love. He was tender and gentle with her even in the throes of a passion that drove him to wake her again and again from the exhausted sleep to which his lovemaking reduced her. He could make her laugh even while she trembled with need, and once or twice- only once or twice!-she caught herself thinking how wonderful things would be if they could only get off this island, if she could only take Joss by the hand to her father and announce that this was the man with whom she had chosen to spend her life.
The fantasy was impossible, of course, on every count. Number one, it was seeming ever more likely that they would never get off the island, alive or otherwise. Number two, even if they did, her father would never in a million years accept Joss. His ancestry forever precluded that. Lilah knew that, and tried to put the fantasy from her mind. It hurt too much when compared with cold, cruel reality.
But when she lay in Joss's arms, her head on his shoulder, his fingers lightly stroking the bare skin of her arm as they talked about everything and nothing, the only reality was the two of them together. She loved him, and she thought he loved her though he never said the words, and she didn't push for them. She was afraid that if she did, those words would precipitate the discussion of their future that she dreaded. She had come to realize that Joss for all his strength was a hopeless romantic. He couldn't seem to comprehend just how huge was the obstacle between them.
Since there was no happy solution, Lilah resolved to put the whole horrible mess out of her mind for as long as she could. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," as Katy Allen would have told her, and Lilah decided to live by that. Until something happened that made it impossible, she was going to love Joss with all her heart.
Lilah's modesty with Joss faded too, gradually but inexorably. By the morning of the fourth day she was largely unself-conscious in her nakedness with him. Before dawn broke each day she had to don her hated disguise. On that fourth morning, while he watched, propped on his elbow with a fugitive half-smile lurking around the corners of his mouth, Lilah braided her hair and twisted it up, then pulled the chemise over her head. A proprietary gleam came into his eyes, and he caught her hand as she picked up the cloth to bind her chest. Sitting up, he stilled her with a hand on her arm, and dropped a light kiss on each soon-to-be-flattened nipple.
"Let me," he said, taking the cloth from her hand.
"Sadist!"
He chuckled, and kissed her mouth this time before turning his attention to the business at hand. Grimacing, Lilah lifted her arms. Joss wrapped the strips tightly around her chest, transforming her in the space of a few moments from seductively curvaceous female to flat- chested youth. While she donned the rest of her disguise, he pulled on his breeches and went outside. When Lilah emerged from the hut, he was standing at the edge of the clearing, frowning toward the interior of the island.
"What is it?" she asked, coming to his side and staring out at the lush panorama of entwining trees and vines that met her eyes as far as she could see. Thin fingers of sunlight were just beginning to poke through the canopy overhead, but the world before them remained deep green and shadowed, with steam from the for
est floor rising like lazy fingers of mist. Besides the few threads of sunlight, only the screeching birds gave evidence of the coming of day.
"Hear the birds? The pirates are up early this morning, and it sounds like they're headed this way. We need to get moving."
The birds were far louder than usual, Lilah realized with a shock. Alone, she never would have noticed. The familiar surge of fear tasted like metal in her mouth as Joss closed his hand around hers and pulled her after him through the undergrowth, away from the warning cries of the birds.
The tedious, familiar game of playing hide-and-seek with the pirates was begun anew.
Later that day, Lilah and Joss were on the same cliff from which they had watched the rape of the black- haired woman. Lying on their stomachs in the tall grasses that covered the top of the cliff, with the woven canopy of vine-covered treetops shielding them from the brilliance of the afternoon sun, they watched the activity on the beach below them.
The pirates' careen had been completed two days before. The ship, which Joss identified as a brigantine because of its square masts, was afloat again, anchored in the sapphire waters of the bay. Small rowboats moved occasionally between ship and shore, ferrying men and materials both ways. There was no sign today of the unfortunate woman, or the majority of the crew. The Magdalene, the name painted in crude black letters along the ship's prow, appeared largely deserted. Most of the crew had apparently come ashore early that morning in an all-out search for the missing crew members, which Joss reluctantly admitted worried him. As he told Lilah, no pirate crew likes to prolong their stay in such a small- mouthed bay. A ship at anchor in such a berth was, to all intents and purposes, helpless. Another ship approaching from the sea would have her trapped before she could even get her sails unfurled. The Magdalene could be captured without so much as a shot being fired.
For her captain to put his ship in such a position, delaying her departure by days, the missing men must be very sorely needed indeed.
On this day the search seemed to be concentrated on the far side of the island where Joss and Lilah had been living, thus they both felt reasonably secure in their perches, secure enough for Lilah to nearly give in to the heat and nap.
"We done looked up there oncet!"
The surly words brought Lilah fully alert. Joss was staring behind them, toward where a crude path wound up the overgrown cliffside from the beach.
"Hell, like Cap'n said, you can see the whole beach from up there. Mebbe they fell off a cliff and was washed out to sea. Their bodies might turn up anytime, rolling in on a wave just as neat as you please. And we'd be the ones to find 'em."
The voices were nearby, perhaps some twenty feet below. Lilah couldn't believe that the pirates had gotten so close without either herself or Joss hearing their approach. Disaster loomed. At the realization Lilah's heart began pounding so loudly that it drowned out the next part of the pirates' conversation. Panicked, she darted a look at Joss.
He shushed her with a gesture, then turned and slithered to where the nearly flat clifftop overlooked the path. On his stomach, he inched to the edge and peered over. Cautiously, crawling on her hands and knees, Lilah followed him. They both must have been nearly asleep for the pirates to get so close without being heard. They had made love until nearly dawn the night before. They were both tired, and being tired had made them careless. And being careless could cost them their lives. They were lucky, very lucky, that the pirates were taking no pains to be silent. If the pirates had climbed the cliff without speaking, Joss and Lilah would have been easy prey.
"Cap'n Logan is dead set on finding McAfee. Otherwise we'd a set sail yestermorn."
The speaker was a small man, grizzled, wearing bright yellow pantaloons and an orange-striped shirt. His hair was shoulder-length and scraggly, and he had a patch over one eye. Lilah thought he looked as little like a bloodthirsty pirate as any man she'd ever seen. He was resting his hands on his knees as he stood bent over, trying to catch his breath. The climb from the beach was steep, and his words were punctuated by gasps.
"That log we took off the Sister Sue ain't no good without someone to read it, is it? And McAfee's the only one who knows how to read it."
The second pirate was younger and bigger, less short of breath but no less raggedy. Lilah frowned as she looked down at them. When she thought of pirates she thought of rich plunder and chests of jewels and gold, shared alike by all the crew. But from the looks of the men she had seen, if they possessed any chests of jewels and gold they'd converted none of it to clothing or personal possessions. To a man, the Magdalene's crew seemed something less than prosperous. Or perhaps they just had an aversion to being well-dressed, or even clean.
"So? Who needs to read it? We got along just fine before we took it. Cap'n can steer by the stars. What's he need a blamed book for?"
The younger of the two started to say something, hesitated, then looked about carefully. Satisfied that he and his companion were alone on the cliff, he continued in a lowered voice. "If I tell you somepin, Silas, you got to promise me it won't go no further. Cap'n'd have my hide, did he know I listened to him talkin' to McAfee."
"What about?"
"Well…" The man again hesitated, clearly of two minds whether or not to reveal his secret.
"C'mon, Speare, you know you can trust me. Silas Hanks tells no tales, and never has."
"Aye. Well, seems Cap'n's heard tell of a treasure. It's supposed to be hidden in a cave on an island marked in that log. That's where we was headed when we finished the careen. Only now McAfee's gone, and nobody else can make heads nor tails out of the scurvy book. That's why Cap'n's looking so bloody hard for McAfee."
"Treasure, eh? Cap'n's a mighty covetous man. I shoulda known it was somepin like that. I did know we sure weren't lookin' for Sugar-lips. That red-headed son- of-a-gun ain't no loss to nobody. If he ever did an honest day's work in his life, I never saw 'im at it."
"Nah. All he was good for was diddlin' the wimmin, and braggin' about it afterwards."
The two men looked at each other, and chortled. Then the older one, Silas, suddenly sobered.
"What you reckon happened to those boys, anyhow? We been over every blasted inch of this island twice. It's like they just disappeared with nary a trace."
"I don't know. I don't know as I want to know."
"No."
Both men glanced around uneasily.
"You don't suppose as there's headhunters on this island, do you? Or cannibals?"
"Damn it all, Silas, you think I know? All I know is I ain't seen none. Yet."
"Mebbe they hide during the day. Mebbe they're watching us right now. Mebbe they ate McAfee and ole Sugar-lips, bones and all, and that's why we ain't found so much as a hair."
Both men shifted closer together. Despite the danger of her position, Lilah could not repress a smile at their hypothesis and the nervousness that resulted from it. Joss was grinning, too, clearly enjoying the flights of fancy that were going on below. If the situation were not so deadly serious, it would have been funny to let out a war whoop and watch how fast those pirates hightailed it back to their ship. Cannibals, indeed!
"C'mon, let's go up there and get it over with. Cap'n tole us to search the point again," Silas said.
Joss slithered back away from the edge, and Lilah followed suit. Or at least she tried. As she pushed against the scrub grass at the edge of the cliff, a large hunk of earth became dislodged. She watched with horror as it fell down, squarely at the pirates' feet. For just an instant Lilah's hand showed over the edge, and then she snatched it back.
"What the hell…?"
"Somebody's up there! And it sure as hell ain't McAfee or Sugar-lips!"
The two pirates came charging up the path, drawing their pistols. Lilah and Joss had only an instant to stare at each other in horror. There was no time to run, no place to run to. If they fled along the path that led to the forest they would be heard, seen, and chased. Once the pirates knew that there were others
on the island besides themselves they would be pursued relentlessly, and caught in a matter of days…
Joss grabbed Lilah, swung her around, shoved her to her knees and then her belly in the leafy thicket behind him.
"I don't care what the hell you see or hear, or what happens to me, you stay put and be quiet, do you hear me?" It was a quick, fierce whisper. Then Joss was stepping out into die middle of the clearing, drawing the pirate's pistol that he'd worn in his waistband. Lilah had time to do no more than blink up at him in terror before the pirates exploded into the clearing, pistols drawn. At the sight of Joss, tall and bronzed and stripped to the waist, formidable enough without the pistol he leveled at them, standing with feet apart and cool challenge in his eyes, they came to a sudden, bumbling stop. Silas, who'd been slightly to the rear, almost bumped into the other man. Both pistols wavered, were snapped up to point at Joss threateningly. He met their wide-eyed stares, his own pistol trained on Speare's heart.
"Well-met, gentlemen," he said calmly. Despite her fear, Lilah felt a small, warming spurt of pride in him. He looked and sounded as calm as if he had run into a neighbor while on a Sunday stroll. He had to be afraid, he would not be human if he wasn't, but even she who knew him so well could not detect the slightest sign of it. This was a man to spend a lifetime with… As quickly as it came, she banished the thought.
"Who the bloody hell are you, and where the bloody hell did you come from?" Speare spluttered. Behind him, Silas suddenly took three steps to the side. For a moment Lilah couldn't imagine why. Then she guessed. With such a space between the two pirates, Joss couldn't hope to kill them both. At least not without offering at least one of them an excellent chance at killing him first.
"I might ask the same." Joss still sounded unruffled, but a hard note had entered his voice that seemed to make the pirates uneasy. Silas sidled another step to the left. Lilah, watching, was not certain that Joss even noticed. She longed to cry out a warning-but he had told her to stay still. If she did reveal herself, and her disguise proved inadequate after all, she could be signing both their death warrants. Biting her lip, she remained silent, her eyes huge as, with a sense of helpless horror, she watched events unfold.
Desire in the Sun Page 20
