“Sorry. I’ve known Kelly since we were ten, and I’m a little protective of her. Just want to make sure you are treating her as she should be treated. Cancelling dates at the last minute—”
“Okay, enough.” I interrupted. “Jimmy, I’m going now, you go to your interviews, and I’ll see you at 7:30. Call me if I need to get dressed up.”
I reached up and kissed Jimmy, long and hard. I wanted to make sure there was no mistake about where my loyalties lay. As we left, Phil tried to put a hand on the small of my back, but I had anticipated this little move and deflected his arm away.
“Is that what you call being nice?”
“I was nice.”
“Really? And in what alternate universe do you live where that is being nice?”
“He’s dense. I’m sure he didn’t notice anything.”
“Still being nice, are you?”
“Tellin’ it like it is. If you can’t take it, not my fault. You always did tend to wear rose-coloured glasses.”
“I’m castrating you once we get to the car,” I hissed.
“Oh, like you did to James?”
“What?”
“C’mon, Kelly. Now I’ve met him, I realize I have nothing to worry about. He’s a goofball, a momma’s boy and a kid. He’s way younger than you, not just age, but maturity. You should really start dating men.”
“Oh my God, he is not any of those things. What are you talking about? Are you so jealous you have to act like the world’s biggest jerk?”
“Jerk? The old Kelly would have said asshole. Has Frechette asked you not to swear, to be as goody-goody as he is? Can’t you even be yourself when he’s around?”
I was getting so close to the boiling point I could hardly think. I took some deep breaths, and then I spoke calmly.
“Phil, if someone spoke about you like that, I would ask them to stop. And so I would like you to stop talking about Jimmy. If you can’t, then I think I should take the bus home.”
“You know, I don’t get to see you everyday anymore. I don’t get to argue with you one day and then make up the next. I get one shot to say everything, and then you’re gone across the country. So will you please listen to me?”
“No, I don’t want to hear anymore”
Phil sighed, exasperated. “Okay. Let’s go.”
And we didn’t say another word. We walked six blocks to the car in silence. Phil drove onto McGill Street then over the Second Narrows Bridge. My mind was so full that I could hardly keep a single train of thought. As we cruised along the Dollarton Highway, I was finally calming down. Then Phil turned into Cates Park.
“Where are we going?” I demanded.
“Please, give me five minutes. I won’t say anything bad about him.”
My mouth opened to say no, but Phil turned to look at me, and his expression looked so anxious that I nodded.
“Only five minutes,” I agreed.
He parked where we could look out over the water and see Belcarra. Cates had always been one of my favourite parks as a kid.
For a while he didn’t say anything. It was like he was rehearsing to get the words perfect. But when he spoke, it came out like a stream of consciousness.
“I’ve known you for so long, Kel. It’s like you’re a part of me—a half of me, the best half. We’ve been together and we’ve been apart. I stopped trying to tie you down, but I always believed we would end up together. It’s something that keeps me going through bad days, dates with stupid girls, fights with my parents, everything. You’re like this shining beacon of goodness. When I saw those photos of you and him, it felt like someone had stabbed me, that the one good thing, the one golden thing was not true and my life wouldn’t turn into the happy ending I believed in. I realized you had a life away from me, and you might find other guys—better guys than me. A guy like him that was going to play in the NHL and make millions and how could I compete with a guy like that?”
He paused, and I realized I had never heard Phil talk so much at once.
“And Kelly… ” He looked at me, with urgency and intensity. “If I thought he was the guy who could make you happy, that he was the better guy for you—you’ve got to believe that I would be pissed, but I would accept it. But I’ve checked him out a bit, and now that I’ve met him, I don’t think he’s the right guy for you. He’s young, but he acts old too, he sounds like someone’s grandfather—boring and cliché. Does he have any other interests at all? What does he have to offer you, besides hockey? I know you don’t care about money or status. Can you really like him only because he’s a good hockey player? Kelly, that’s whacked. That’s not the basis for a relationship.
“Anyway, I don’t know what you two have together; all I can say is what we had together was really good. Kelly, think about this, is he a guy you can trust and rely on and look up to? Is he the guy who can understand you and make you happy? Or are you making him laugh, making him happy? I can see why he’s into you, but not the other way.” Phil paused and looked out the window. His whole body twisted and stretched in his seat and then was absolutely still. “I don't want you to answer me now. I want you to think about everything I've said. I know you, I know you so well, and I really want you to be happy. Can you be happy as some girlfriend who cheers on her man and tells him how great he was afterwards? Like a puck bunny?”
I had to interrupt here. “A puck bunny? That’s ridiculous, I’m his girlfriend!” But even as I said the words, I realized the huge difference between postgame discussions of a game you played versus one you had only watched. Being with Jimmy did seem to force me into a more passive role.
“I’m sorry. That’s not the right term. But being with someone more famous does make you into an appendage. I think you should be a star on your own, the star of your own life. You are a star.”
He stopped talking as if he had run out of words. The Suzuki felt full of thoughts and emotions; they were spinning around me and confusing me and making me so dizzy I didn't know what was right and true anymore.
The silence was long and profound. My cellphone vibrated in my jeans pocket, but I couldn't answer in this charged atmosphere. Phil heard the faint vibration, and his lips curled slightly.
“Checking up on you? Guess he's not completely oblivious.”
I sighed, too exhausted by all the emotional assault to argue anymore.
Then Phil turned to me, he looked at me intently. When I tried to avoid his stare, he put one hand on my cheek gently and turned my face towards his.
“I love you, Kelly. I’ve told you that before, and I've still never said it to anyone else. I love you, and I'll always love you. No matter what, I'll be there for you.”
I pulled back, afraid of what would happen next. Phil leaned in and kissed me, so softly and tenderly. It felt familiar and sweet, wrong and sad.
Then he turned back to face the front of the car and turned on the ignition. He drove me home and let me out in the driveway. I got out and walked up to the front door. When I turned I thought I saw Phil wiping his eye, but maybe it was a trick of the sunlight on the car windshield.
33
Dressed To Thrill
I lay on my bed and thought about nothing. My brain was too full already. My phone went off again, and Jimmy told me we were going to a nice restaurant downtown. I sighed and got up. I was going to need help here, both mental and fashion.
So I called my stylist/bf to help me out. I didn't want to get into everything Phil had said, but if I didn't unload some of it, I was not going to be able to make it through a dinner with Jimmy and his parents without cracking. What I really wanted was to be in Jimmy’s hotel room having some mindless sex. That was the only thing that could stop me from thinking.
I drove to April's house. She immediately noticed the gigantic black cloud hanging over me.
“My God, did Gino die?” she asked.
“Don't say that! You’re tempting fate.”
“Sorry, but you do look like your best friend just died, an
d I know I am still kicking.” She demonstrated, Rockettes style, but even that didn’t make me smile.
“It's Phil. I took him to the game today.”
“Good grief. Have you never taken Boyfriend 101? Don’t mix old and new boyfriends.”
“He promised to behave because he wanted to see the game. But then he was a jerk and mean to Jimmy.”
“I think Jimmy’s shoulders are broad enough to handle it.”
“He told me Jimmy was a goof, a goody-goody, a momma's boy, and too young for me!”
“Hmm.” This was not a good answer as it implied she agreed with some or all of his insults.
“So, you think so too?”
“Well, there may be some truth there. But I don't think Phil gets the flipside, that young James could be very appealing to women. He's so fresh and yummy. He's this sweet guy you would like to corrupt.”
“Okay, gross. I'm only twenty, not a dirty old woman.”
“Sorry, sweetie, but I have seen the photos, and you seemed to be plenty aggressive.”
“Oh, yeah. You never told me that Phil was the one who found the photos in the first place.”
“He told you? He swore me to triple-cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die secrecy. And then bought me off with a latte.”
“April, we’re best friends. You’re supposed to let me know this stuff.”
“You never bought me a latte. Anyway, given all the stuff you’ve shared over the years, you should be happy to know I can keep a secret.”
That was true enough. As usual, April was making me feel better. She seemed to sense this and carried on with her Boyfriend 101 lessons.
“You know, you should consider that you might be in a relationship that's based on sexual attraction. You want to think it's all romantic because you're kind of old-fashioned, but maybe it's not.”
It was bugging me that all my friends had all these insights into me and thought they knew me better than I knew myself.
“When did you get so perceptive?”
“Always brilliant when it comes to your problems. My own, not so much.” She gazed at me fondly. “Besides, you’re so easy to read.”
“Oh, yeah. You think I’m transparent, right? Okay then, read my face.”
April took this very seriously. She came right up, put her hand under my chin, and studied my face.
“Okay, let’s see, well, we know you’re upset, but really upset. Hmmm, Phil hit some nerves, obviously he said a lot more than you’ve let on. But more than upset—something else—hmmm, I think it’s guilt. You feel guilty. Why? Oh, I know. You and Phil had a big fight, and then you made out afterwards.”
What? I ran to her dressing table mirror. Was all that really written on my face? If so, I was going to need to change more than my clothes before I went to dinner with the Frechettes. I looked in the mirror. I looked a little down, but otherwise it was just my face. April was cracking up behind me.
“You forget, I’m a trained actress.”
“You call six months at the William Davis Drama School training?”
“Am I right, or am I right?”
“We didn’t make out!”
“No? Then what exactly? Never mind, I can see you’re getting all upset again. Let’s get you dressed and talk you down from the ledge. Luckily for you, I think I have the perfect outfit. You said Le Crocodile, right?”
“Yes, it’s downtown.”
“I know it, a very nice little boîte. A bit fancy, white tablecloths and silverware, but apparently the best French food in the city and we recommend the seafood.”
“Thank you, Ms. Zagat. Have you actually been there?”
“No, but I have a sense of the place. And this is what you should wear.” Like a magician, she pulled a dress out from behind the closet door. It was on a hanger, yet the skirt poufed out all by itself, and the top was fitted and sleeveless. The material was shiny and hot pink. Pink!
I faked a look behind me. “Is there someone else in the room you’re styling? Because you can’t possibly be talking to me.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a dress. It’s pink. Everyone will look at me in that dress. That’s so not my style.”
April got huffy. “Millions of people are watching James on TV every day, he’s getting famous and they’ll be looking at you too. Do you want them to see he is dating some lump he picked up at the rink or some exciting, glamourous—” Words seemed to fail her here and the corners of her mouth turned down. “Girlfriend or hockey player or whatever you are these days.”
April was trying so hard to help. The least I could do was cooperate. I hugged her. “I think there’s only room for one glamourous, exciting hockey player in our relationship. And it better be me.”
Of course, a dress was like a gateway drug. I thought I was only getting the dress, but suddenly I was wearing heels, “Just kitten heels, they’ll make your legs look even better;” strange new underwear, “A strapless corset, because you don’t want your bra straps showing and it nips in the waist;” and accessories, “These big earrings and cuff will set off your perfect shoulders and arms. Seriously, half of L.A. would die for triceps like yours.” I tried to draw the line at stockings, but April went psychological on me.
“Okay, I’ve basically dressed you for two audiences. His parents will like you because you look ladylike and stylish. Also, I’ve dressed you for the paparazzi—” I rolled my eyes at the word paparazzi, but she continued, “Because if your photo gets taken you’ll look cool and together.”
“Nobody is taking my photo.”
“Please, you of all people should know how interested people are in you and James. But I haven’t actually dressed you for James. So, if you wear stockings, you’ll feel a little sexier, maybe you’ll even flash him a bit of bare leg, whatever. If you feel sexy, he’ll get the vibe, and then he’ll love your outfit too.”
I wriggled into the corset. Breathing easily must be overrated in the fashion set. “Did you just happen to have all this stuff lying around?”
“The dress, yes. I zipped out and got the corset and stockings after you called. The receipts are on my dresser.”
“So fast. You’re like a super-shopper.” April knew my exact sizes after helping me dress for years.
“If I could find a job shopping, that would be perfection.”
I slid on the sheer black stockings and asked, “Don’t I need a clippy-thing at the top?”
“They’re called garter belts and no, you don’t need one because these are Dim’s Stay-Ups. If you were going to be undressing in front of him, I would recommend a garter belt, because guys love that stuff.” Wow, April was like Rachel Zoe and the Hollywood Madam all rolled up in one well-dressed package.
She posed me in front of the full-length mirror. “Ta Daaa!”
I did look very nice. More grown-up. Definitely glamourous. A lot more curvy than usual. Wow.
I crushed April in a bear hug. “I am so lucky to have you for a best friend.”
She laughed. “I’m sure if I needed help with my slap shot, you could do the same for me. Now take off the dress and let’s get your hair and makeup done.”
I drove up to the Sheraton and decided to splurge on hotel parking, partly because I wasn’t totally comfortable walking around in heels, even low ones. In addition to the borrowed dress, shoes, and accessories, I also had on a coat of April’s, a belted black one with a red lining. Luckily it was nice and warm, because in my mind it wasn’t really sleeveless dress weather. I got to the lobby, and called Jimmy’s room from there. He said he would be right down. I was roasting, so I took off the coat. I think my stylist would agree that sweat stains were not chic.
The elevator door opened, and a bunch of the Team Canada players emerged, Jimmy among them. Everyone in the lobby seemed to stop and stare; the guys had a certain magnetism when they were all together. Jimmy spotted me and did a double take. He hugged me and then held me at arm’s length.
“Wow, you look great. I don’
t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress.”
“Well, I don’t usually bring them to hockey camp.” Or anywhere else if the truth were told.
“You know, you should,” he said, laughing. He looked pretty nice himself; he was dressed in a dark brown suit, with a peach shirt and coordinating tie. He looked older and kind of business-like. He looked more like James. Everyone else seemed to be calling him James these days, and I wondered if I should start.
Then the elevator doors opened again, and his parents came out. His dad was tall, slim, and well-dressed. Jimmy took after his mother, with the same wide eyes and light brown hair.
“Ahh, so this is Kelly? I am Paul.” His dad had a slight French accent, and he did the double cheek kiss-thing everyone in Montreal did. “What a beautiful girlfriend you have, Jim.”
I blushed, so I was completely pink from head to knee. Then I noticed Jimmy’s mom staring at me. She didn’t look too impressed. In fact, the way she was looking at me made me feel guilty.
What had I done to deserve this? Well, I appeared in nude online photos with Jimmy, taken his virginity, and probably distracted him from hockey. But he wouldn’t have told his mom any of this, would he? I knew they were close, but gee whiz.
“Hello, Kelly. I’m Agnes,” she said in a quiet voice.
“Nice to meet you,” I replied.
“I understand you’re a hockey player too.” She looked at my pink dress with some skepticism. “You hardly look big enough.”
“I play for McGill. A winger. I’m on the second line.” Man, did I just brag on my hockey skills to someone whose son was the captain of Team Canada?
“Well, chérie, we better get going if we are to make our reservation,” Paul said to his wife. Jimmy gallantly helped me with my coat and then held my hand as we all went out the lobby door.
The restaurant was elegant with the long white tablecloths promised by April. As we were being seated I managed to drop my little black satin handbag on the floor and had to retrieve it from under the table. Nerves were making me clumsy. Jimmy and I sat together on a banquette, with his parents across from us. Jimmy grabbed my hand again, but when I noticed his mom watching I pulled my hand away and took a sip of water.
Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part Two Page 19
