by Tina Martin
“Um, I gotta go,” she said, breathless.
“Shayla, why not stay until its daylight outside?” Donovan asked.
“No. I gotta now,” she said, noticing her shoes were near a small trash can close to the dresser where the TV sat.
“All right, but what about your father? You want to meet him, right?”
“Yes, of course. Text me the details when you can.”
Donovan grimaced and let out a frustrated breath. She didn’t even say call…she only wanted him to text her. “All right,” he said.
With that, Shayla rushed to her car, wondering if Terrance would be upset if she showed up at his apartment four in the morning, ringing the doorbell like a woman gone mad, desperate to see Carter. Anger, frustration and all the madness that came with being with a man like Carter Williams, she was still very much in love with him. Would she still feel this level of passion when she laid eyes on him? Or would seeing him face-to-face evoke those same feelings of betrayal and heartache as when he told her about Jacob? She didn’t know and she realized she wouldn’t know until she went ahead and faced him, maybe even called him.
But her sudden desire to see him was put on hold when she thought about Jacob. Poor Jacob, she thought as she rode down the street, her vision blurred with tears. Jacob might not have been the man Carter is, but he loved her, as evident by asking Carter to take care of her via his letter. And the thought of Carter being in love with her, only because of Jacob’s request made her angry. She wanted him to love her because he loved her, not because his brother asked him to take care of her.
Chapter 7
Shayla regretted the fact that she didn’t call Carter in the wee hours of the morning while she still had the nerve, while he was on her mind. She went home instead, got comfortable in her bed and thought about the time she’d spent with Donovan. No, she didn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for Donovan, but she still felt guilty about being with him. In a hotel room…
The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. And why was Donovan so eager to help her, anyway? To seek out her father? Was he really that generous, or did he have other things in mind?
She sat in the middle of the bed and rubbed her eyes, glanced at the clock and noticed it was close to noon. She stood up, stretched her arms up in the air and yawned, then took her cell phone from the night stand. Carter had called three times this morning alone, followed by a text message that read: Where were you last night?
Shayla frowned. So he’s watching me, she thought. She should not have been surprised about it. If he took the time to make sure Donovan was watching her when she was living in Norfolk, surely he would do the job himself in Charlotte. Besides, they were still married.
After showering, she headed downstairs for breakfast. And again, she sat at the table alone, with a cup of strawberries and a serving of plain yogurt, eating and thinking about her life. When would she ever talk to Carter again? Why had Jacob written a note specifically to Carter if he disliked him so much? Why was Donovan being so nice to her?
She bit into a strawberry and her phone buzzed, vibrating against the table. She picked it up, noticing it was Donovan. I thought I told him to text me…
“Hello.”
“Hey…it’s Donovan. Look, Shayla, I’m sorry if I did something to upset—”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, butting in.
“No. I apologize, okay.”
“Okay.” She tossed another strawberry in her mouth. “So…um…how did you arrange the meet and greet with my father?” she asked, getting straight to the point.
“Well, he wanted to meet up Saturday evening.”
“Okay, so…”
“I’m flying back to Virginia Friday night. I can get you a ticket to come back with me. Then you can meet your father and fly back to Charlotte first thing Sunday morning. I know it sounds like a lot but it’ll be worth it. He’s very anxious to see you.”
After thinking it over for a moment, Shayla said, “All right. It’s now or never, right?”
“Right,” he agreed.
Shayla could sense he was smiling from the way he answered.
“Well, lunch is over for me,” Donovan said, “So I’m going to get back to work. I’ll call you tomorrow night to make sure we’re all set for Friday. Sounds good?”
“Yeah.”
“And I’ll go ahead and order your plane ticket. Hopefully, they can sit you next to me in first class.”
“Okay.”
“Of course if there aren’t any first class tickets available, I’ll gladly give you my seat and I’ll take a coach.”
“You don’t have to do that, Donovan.”
“Well, let’s hope they have more seats available in first class, then I won’t have to.”
“Either way it goes, I’ll give you the money for the ticket when I see you on Friday.”
“Consider it a gift.”
Shayla sighed. He loved giving gifts. “Well, thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Talk to you soon, okay?”
“All right. Bye.”
Chapter 8
After work, Carter went back to his hotel and changed into some gym sweats. He had so much pent-up frustration, that going to the gym and lifting weights was one of the ways he used to relieve some of it.
When he stepped in the gym, he noticed a bunch of women on the treadmill were staring at him. And after he walked on by them, he walked over to a weight bench – saw Terrance standing there with a towel around his neck.
“Tee, why do you have that towel around your neck? You haven’t even broken a sweat.”
“I was waiting for you to get here, man.”
“Oh. I thought you’d be in here trying to impress those women on the treadmill.”
Terrance chuckled. “You mean those women who all rubbernecked when you walked in? Yeah, I’m really gonna impress them.”
“Whatever, man.” Carter chuckled. He laid on the bench face up and began lifting weights while Terrance spotted him.
“So why did you decide to say at a hotel?”
“I told you why,” Carter said with a strained voice as he lifted the weights.
“Oh, I’m too loud? Okay, I am loud, but my place is free.”
“I’m aware of that, but I needed some time to think…clear my head and get my life right, Tee. I can’t very well do that with you having the TV cranked up, drinking beer every night and watching Family Guy marathons.”
Terrance chuckled. “Well, that’s how I relax.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that. I just needed more quiet time.”
“So anyway, what’s the latest?” Terrance asked.
“Um…she’s still not talking to me. She refuses to answer my calls and text messages. I can’t get through to her.”
“I don’t know why you playing, dawg. Just go to the house. I mean, it is your house.”
“No. Shayla and I own the home together.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said lifting up the weights. “Everything I own, she owns.”
“And just how much does she chip in on the mortgage?”
“She’s my wife, Terrance. I take care of her…not the other way around. Besides, the house is paid for.”
“Well, it’s good you take care of her and such being the case, you would think she would at least have enough respect to pick up the phone when you call.”
“I hurt her,” Carter said, and lifted the weights so Terrance would put them back on the rack. Carter wiped sweat from his forehead. “Let’s not forget that this is all my fault.”
“But there has to be some sort of resolution.”
“And there will be. I just don’t know how long it’s going to take.”
Terrance sucked his teeth. “You’re a better man than me. I would be over there right now if she was my woman.”
“Yeah, Terrance…it’s so easy for you to say what you would do because it’s not you in this predicament. It’s m
e.”
Carter moved over to the elliptical machine, moving his arms up and down.
Terrance followed and said, “All I know is, if you don’t stay up out of this gym every day, you’re gonna need new suits to fit those biceps, Mr. Incredible Hulk. In the meantime, I can let you borrow some of my suits…”
Carter chuckled. “Terrance, you don’t even own a suit.”
They both laughed, then Terrance saw a woman he knew who’d just walked through the doors. He told Carter he had to run off and left him alone at the machine.
Back at the hotel, Carter took another long, steaming shower, slid into some boxers and sat on the bed, sipping on a glass of Merlot, another relaxation technique of his in addition to exercise. If he hadn’t thought of ways to relax and calm his nerves, he’d go insane waiting for Shayla to offer him some sign of forgiveness. And he’d go crazy thinking about what she might have been thinking. And where was she last night?
He took Jacob’s notebook from his briefcase to read the final passage Jacob had written. It was a bit longer than the other two entries and Carter was immediately struck by the first sentence:
I wish I was dead. Sometimes I feel that way, other times, when I look at Shayla, I don’t. A part of me wants to be here for her and love her and treat her the way a woman is supposed to be treated. The other part of me regrets cheating on her and she’s so busy making wedding plans, she hasn’t suspected a thing.
* ~ *
Carter dropped the notebook and rubbed his hands across his head. He was so disturbed by Jacob’s confession, he stood up and paced the floor. Shayla was smitten with Jacob and he’d cheated on her? Carter had every intention on letting Shayla read these notes, but not after this. She could never know this.
He sat down again and resumed reading:
I don’t even know why I did it. I love Shayla, but deep down, I know I don’t deserve her. She deserves someone better than me. Still, that doesn’t justify what I’ve done. I was wrong and though I know I should tell her about it, I can’t. It would break her heart and I’d rather die than break her heart.
Today, my aunt Jackie came to see me.
* ~ *
Carter scratched his head again. Jacqueline went to see Jacob, when she claimed to not have had any contact with him? What exactly was she hiding?
She said she was worried about me. Said she hadn’t seen me in a while and asked me if I was still taking my pills. I told her I was, but I’d stopped taking those things a long time ago. Then she asked me about Carter. Said she wanted to see him. Said she saw him a month ago at some swanky Uptown restaurant, having dinner with a group of folks. She went on and on and on, talking about Carter and I just sat there and looked at her like she was crazy. She knew my issues with Carter, so I’m not sure why she was so eager to talk about him. Anyway, as I listened to her ramble on and on about him, all I could think about was our messed up family – a family that forced you to believe that some woman is your mother when really some other woman is your mother but no one wants to tell you the truth. Maybe that’s why I’m so screwed up in the head…why nothing seems to go my way…why I can’t get a job…why I cheat on my fiancée…why my life is one disaster after another.
But I’m a grown man now. At some point, a man, whether screwed up or not, has to take responsibility for his own actions. I cannot blame my Mother for my current state of affairs and I cannot blame Carter. Even though we are first cousins, we were raised like brothers and I love him, as much as I hate to admit that.
* ~ *
And there it was again. What did Jacob mean by that? Raised like brothers? First cousins? Carter scratched his head.
I love him and I looked up to him like a brother but Lenora made me hate him. She put him on a pedestal and always asked me why I couldn’t be more like him. Why I didn’t dress like him and talk all sophisticated like him. Be charismatic and charming like him. She made me dislike him, and now I’m all alone in this world, well besides my Shayla. And just what kind of man would I be for her in my current state? She doesn’t even know the doctor prescribed pills for me. She doesn’t know I wait until she’s sleeping to go outside, sit in my car and cry. She doesn’t know that for the last few days, I’d been thinking up ways to kill myself and she doesn’t know I’ve already written a suicide note to Carter. She doesn’t even know Carter exists. But she soon will because as much as I have grown to dislike him over the years, I know that there isn’t another man on this earth I would entrust her to.
* ~ *
Carter turned up the glass of wine to his mouth, finishing it. What on earth did he just read? There was no doubt about it. Jacob was screwed up in the head. One minute he loved his family, the next he couldn’t stand them. And he cheated on Shayla? If she was everything to him, why would he cheat on her?
Carter glanced at the clock, wanting to call Jacqueline. It was twenty minutes after ten. It was late…well for a fifty-something-year-old it was, but he had to call her now. It couldn’t wait until the morning. He took his cell from the nightstand and found her name in his recent call history. She’d been illusive the last time they’d spoken, but now that he had a little more information to go off of, maybe he could get some truth out of her this time.
“Hello,” she drawled out.
“Hi, Jackie.”
“Hey, Carter. You worked things out with Shayla yet?”
“No, but I need to talk with you as soon as possible,” he said, thinking that if they had this conversation over the phone, he couldn’t really discern her true feelings and emotions. And he really needed to see her facial expressions. “Can we meet for lunch tomorrow?”
“What is this about, Carter?”
“We’ll chat over lunch, tomorrow. Where can we meet on your side of town?”
“Uh…hmm…what about the Showmars on Eastway…over there near Food Lion. You know where I’m talking about?”
“Yeah. Can you meet me there around eleven?” he asked her.
“Sure. That’s not a problem.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow then. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Carter set his cell back on the nightstand, re-read Jacob’s passages and rubbed his hand across his face and thin mustache. Shayla thought Jacob was perfect, but if he let her read these passages, she would see that something was clearly wrong with him. But even though the notes would put Jacob in a bad light, while simultaneously making Carter look so much better to her, he decided not to show her the notebook. He didn’t want to pain her and for that reason, he wouldn’t let her read it. He loved her that much.
Chapter 9
Carter sat at a booth in Showmars waiting for Jacqueline to show up. He’d brought Jacob’s notebook with him as ammunition and would whip it out to hopefully get some answers out of her. Why was he so nervous? He rubbed his sweaty palms together, thinking that he wanted answers to his hidden family secrets and since his mother, Lenora, was deceased as well as his brother, Jacob, Jacqueline was the only person he could turn to for answers.
Jacqueline walked in wearing a thin, trench coat. He met her at the door, then they walked to the counter to order. Carter handed the cashier a twenty dollar bill, then escorted his aunt to the booth where his briefcase sat.
“So how are you on this bright, crisp, Fall day?” Jacqueline asked, looking at him. “You look mighty handsome.”
“Thanks, Jackie. I’m well as I could be, given the circumstances. What about yourself?”
“I’m okay. Sorry I was late. It takes a while for these old bones to wake up.”
“That’s not a problem. I’m just glad you made it.” He studied her for a moment. She had a stale look on her face like she was hiding something, like there was something on her mind she wanted to tell him, but withholding it. Her lack of eye contact said a lot.
“So,” Jackie said inhaling deeply. “What’s on your mind?”
Around then, one of the waitresses brought over their combos on two trays. And after they
were alone again, Carter said, “I have something I want you to read.” He took the notebook from his briefcase and flipped to the third passage. He hadn’t planned on being this transparent with Jacob’s notes, but changing his plan late in the game, he decided this was the best plan of action. He handed her the notebook and she began reading.
As she read line by line, Carter studied her face. She’d frowned and grimaced several times, placed one hand over her mouth at one point and with trembling hands and watery eyes, she handed the notebook back to him.
“As you can imagine, I have questions,” Carter said, then bit into a fish sandwich. He washed it down with a swig of Coke. “First off, you never told me you kept in contact with Jacob.”
“Well, I didn’t really—”
“Jackie, this passage is dated two days before Jacob killed himself. You kept in contact with him.”
“Okay, um, I went to see him because I was worried about him.”
“How’d you know where he lived?”
“I followed him home one day.”
Carter shook his head. “Why would you do that, Jackie, when he’s your nephew? You could’ve just walked up to him and spoke…asked him where he lived instead of resorting to stalking techniques.”
Jacqueline didn’t respond.
“So you met Shayla back then as well?” Carter inquired.
“No…never met Shayla…I only visited Jacob a few times. She was never there.”
“So how was he? Two days before his suicide, what was his demeanor? What did he look like? Act like?”
Jacqueline sighed. “You know you don’t have to do this, Carter.”
