It was, as it had always been, a pissing contest.
She placed her suitcase by the door and went to say goodbye. She knocked lightly and then slipped in the bedroom at his muffled command.
He looked so weakened as he lay in the bed it immediately softened her resolve to break free. She took a deep breath and went over to sit in the chair beside the bed. “You look tired,” she said unnecessarily.
He tried to smile. “Being an asshole will really take it out of you.” He paused for a moment and then reached for her hand. “I’m sorry, Andy. You have to know I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you.”
“As should you,” she replied. “But unfortunately the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.”
He said nothing as he stroked her hand. Maybe he did realize how unfair he had been.
“Graham, I’ve decided I need some time away.”
His shocked eyes shot to hers. “What the hell does that mean?”
She gulped and prayed for strength. “It means that my presence here has lost a lot of its usefulness. You’re not going to get better if your recovery is overtaken by all this other drama, and unfortunately I seem to be a magnet for it. So I think it’s best for everyone if we all got a little space.”
“Andy, he showed up here at my house as a power play. What was I supposed to do?”
She pulled her hand back. “You were supposed to be the bigger man. Who cares what he does or doesn’t do? That never used to matter before.”
He glanced down at his useless legs. “I was able to face him on my own two feet before.”
“You still can,” she asserted. “So you can’t walk right now. That is one small fraction of who you are as a person. You’re still the president of a company. You still have a brilliant mind. You’re decent and you’re kind. You can still be the bigger man because you are older and wiser, and most importantly because you keep telling me how much better for me you are than he is. Yet when he showed up today and you turned into an immature Neanderthal and used me as leverage. You stooped to his level because you felt like you had something to prove. It had nothing to do with me. How can you do any of that and then tell me you love me?”
Her words struck him right between the eyes. “How can you ever doubt it?”
She gulped back the tears. “I could ask you the same question.” He said nothing as she went on. “I chose to be here. I wanted to help you. But I refuse to be used as a weapon against Vanni or have Vanni be used as a weapon against me. I’m sorry I can’t snap my fingers and get over the relationship we had. I know it hurts you to hear it but I love him too.”
His jaws tightened. “So you’re going to him? Is that it?”
“No, Graham,” she answered with a shake of her head. “I’m not going to anyone. Believe it or not I was fine on my own for 27 years. I’m not a child. I’m not a prize. I’m not leverage. I’m a person who deserves a hell of a lot more respect than either of you seem willing to give me right now.”
“Andy, I’m sorry,” he said softly as he tried once again to reach out to her.
“Me too,” she said as she stood. “Hopefully we’ll get back to where we once were. Maybe better. In the meantime you have a recovery to focus on. I’m not going to do anything further to stand in the way.”
“Then don’t go,” he found himself saying, and he hated himself for doing so. “You’re the reason I get out of this bed every day and fight so hard to walk again.”
“That’s the problem,” she said. “You should be the reason.”
She turned without another word and left the room.
Chapter Thirteen
October 11, 2010. Los Angeles.
Vanni
As Holly drove the car on their way back to Redondo Beach, Vanni stared in sullen silence at his cell phone. Why wasn’t she calling? Why wasn’t she trying to reach out immediately and tell him that what he saw in that expensive, sprawling mansion wasn’t at all what it appeared to be?
Graham had staked a claim and she had let him. He had drawn a line in the sand and she stood quietly by and let it happen. He was going through the worst time of his entire life and she let him leave that house, and possibly her life, without a fight.
Maybe he could have understood it in Philadelphia. She owed Graham something for being the superhero that saved her life. But now? When he clearly needed her as much or more?
He thought back to the day before when he had cried in her arms like a baby. He had never let anyone see him so weak. And now that she had, she chose someone else. He pocketed the phone and leaned his head back against the headrest.
Holly stole glances his direction but wisely opted to say nothing. That she was there to witness everything just added insult to injury. In Holly’s eyes he felt once again like a man who was strong and powerful, even though she too had seen him at one of the weakest points in his life.
The only difference was she stood with him. She didn’t even think twice about it. Her loyalty wasn’t divided in the least. It just endeared her to him even more, and oddly made him want to protect her from the ugliness surrounding his life. “Sorry you had to see that back there,” he said softly.
She gave him a winning smile. “These things happen. I knew the complications when we decided to go over there this morning.”
He thought back to earlier in the day and wondered why he had decided to do that. Clearly it wasn’t going to go well. But somehow he was determined to take a stand anyway. Why had that seemed so important?
Maybe because he was still flying high from how close he had felt to Andy the day before. When he learned about Baylee’s family and their impending interview he knew he wanted Andy beside him to fight that battle. She was his source of strength. It seemed irrelevant that Graham was there; at least that was what he kept telling himself.
Maybe he was harboring lingering resentment that Graham had called her away the day before when they were sharing a close moment in the home he had bought for her.
Maybe, just maybe, he was trying to prove that her bond to him was so much stronger than her bond to Graham, even though she ran whenever Graham called.
With a sinking heart he realized that was exactly what it was. He was jealous and entitled – again – and decided to force her hand.
“I guess she showed me,” he thought to himself.
“Do you want something to eat?” Holly asked. He wasn’t really hungry but he nodded. Somehow he didn’t want to go straight home to a house that mocked him every time he walked in that door without Andy.
They stopped at one of Holly’s favorite restaurants in West Hollywood. It was a hipster hotspot and clearly the place to be seen if you were anyone. He knew this immediately as they were assaulted by PING reporters and paparazzi heading up to the restaurant.
“What are you going to do about Baylee?”
“Hey, Vanni, how does it feel to have a name to go with the face of the girl you nearly killed?”
“Did you see our interview this afternoon? Can I get some comments please?”
He withheld his “Fuck you,” as long as he could as they rushed into the restaurant with heads down. Instead Holly did most of the talking. “No comment!” she repeated until they were safely tucked inside where security could protect the clientele.
“I’m sorry,” she said as they eased into a dark booth on the upper level. “I guess I didn’t think that one through.”
He shrugged. They couldn’t avoid the sharks now even if they wanted to. “It’s not your fault they’re bottom feeders,” he said with a good humored smile. “The only thing people want to see more than a star ascend is a star fall.”
“But you’re getting back up again and that’s all that counts.”
“Which is why they’re even more rabid to take me down. It’s the nature of the beast.”
She gave him a warm, supportive smile as she touched his hand. “You’re getting wiser by the day, Giovanni.”
He liked the way she
said his full name. It made him feel more grown up, more important. More of a man. He really needed that today. He held up his glass of water to toast her. “I had some help,” he toasted.
She giggled and scooted a little closer to him. “You make me feel special,” she admitted.
“You are special.”
Shadows passed over her eyes. “It’s easy to forget sometimes. I think deep down I’ll always feel like that poor white trash living in some rundown trailer in Ohio with a drunk for a dad.”
Vanni thought back to his ruthless characterization of the Wilkes. He hadn’t thought about how his words might have stung her since her upbringing was just as poor. “Holly, if this is about what I said earlier…”
She smiled even wider. He could tell it was her strongest suit of armor. It hid her inner pain and insecurities. “No, no. It’s not about that. You come from humble beginnings just like we did. I know you don’t look down on people just because they’re not as lucky as you.”
He laughed. “I don’t know how lucky I am. I worked hard for years for a career that I seem to have decimated in a couple of short months. Maybe Graham is right. Maybe this is just desserts.”
She shook her head and squeezed his hand. “Don’t let him get into your head like that. His issues are his own. Maybe he’s bitter, who knows. But he had no right to belittle you like that.” She hesitated just a moment before she said, “Frankly I thought it was shitty of Andy to let him.”
He searched her blue eyes. The sweetness he normally saw there was replaced by anger… an anger on his behalf. It was something he had hoped to see on Andy’s face earlier but hadn’t. Yet he still felt a loyalty to the woman he couldn’t help but love. “Things are complicated.”
“Funny. She said the same thing about you. I guess I don’t see what’s so complicated about being with the one you love.”
He hated to admit that he didn’t understand it either.
“It shouldn’t be hard,” she said as she tightened her fingers in his hand. “If love is right it should fall right into place.”
She stared at him so earnestly he couldn’t say anything at all. He saw something in the deep blue depths of his eyes he didn’t think he would ever deserve to see again. It was hope. He watched as her head tilted up in a slow ascent.
The minute her lips touched his lips he knew he should pull away. But there was something so comforting about the warm pressure of her mouth against his. He couldn’t even fight it when her tongue gently slid between his lips to deepen the kiss.
Before he could submit or withdraw his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. They broke apart awkwardly. It was his turn to apologize. “I’m sorry. I should take this.”
She nodded and scooted quickly around the booth. “I have to go to the restroom anyway. Excuse me.”
He felt like such a shit. He knew how hard it was for her to make that first move, especially when she had just admitted her lackluster self-esteem. He might have well kicked her when she was down.
But when he glanced down at the caller ID he forgot quickly about Holly. He steeled his spine as he answered. “Andy.”
“I just wanted you to know I’ve moved out of Graham’s house,” she said as casually as if she were reading off a grocery list.
“What does that mean?” he wanted to know with a racing heart. Was she finally choosing him? Did she want to come home to the beach house he bought for her?
“It means that I’m tired of being volleyed between you both like a ratty, battered ball,” she said. “We can’t go on like this. It’s just not helpful to anyone.”
Just as quickly as his heart leapt with hopeful expectation, it crashed right back down again. “So why are you calling me, Andy?”
“If you need me I’ll be staying at a hotel for the time being,” she said before she named the hotel, one Vanni knew was close enough to be a short car ride to Malibu if her presence was needed. She finished by instructing, “Please don’t go to Graham’s house in the future looking for me.”
“I wouldn’t anyway,” he snapped. “You made your choices clear today.”
He heard her sigh on the other end. “And this is why I had to leave. Can’t you see that?”
“I poured out my heart to you,” he said softly. “The least you could have done was defend me when Graham was berating me like a child.”
“You’re a big boy,” she answered, sounding as tired as he had ever heard her. “You both get to fight your own battles from here on out.”
Andy hung up on him around the time that Holly returned to the table with her armor plated smile back in place. “Business?” she asked.
“In a manner of speaking,” he said as he pocketed the phone. “Frankly I’ve had enough of that today. Let’s eat.”
They didn’t talk about any pressing matters until they were en route back to his house. Finally she asked, “So are you really going to New York to see your dad?”
He shrugged. “I guess Graham is right. It would be good press in the face of all this other stuff.”
“You don’t have to go alone,” she offered quietly. “If you need me to come with you, I will.”
He grinned at her. “That would be extremely helpful,” he said, and then he thought about the kiss they shared.
Would it… could it be something more?
He thought about Andy in a hotel room all by herself. The most important question was if he could be truly satisfied with anything else, or would he always pine for the one who got away?
Though she offered to stay with him at the house, Vanni told Holly that he needed some time alone after the stressful day. He had a lot of thinking to do and he felt that would be more appropriate if he did it alone.
She was disappointed but she did her best to hide it as she backed out of the driveway. He waved at her before he walked past the liquor bottles still in the bag on his front porch. He thought briefly just one drink wouldn’t hurt him, but he kept strong as he entered the house.
He felt like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had to fix what had gone so wrong with Baylee, that was priority one. Now that she had a name, a family and a history he felt like even more of a shit for what had happened. He had been sincere when he told Graham he was ready to pay whatever restitution was needed. Anything was worth ridding himself of the pitch black ache he had carried around since the accident. He hated making any public mistake, but making a mistake he couldn’t take back cut him to the core.
People all over the world treated him like a god. Things like this showed just how much of a fraud he was and always would be.
Then of course he thought about his father. His father was the main reason he felt like a fraud, like a walking talking mistake that someone had regretted so much he had to disappear entirely. Now Graham wanted him to go make nice with him for the cameras just so he could come back from the horrible things he had done.
He had a hard time reconciling it in his head as worth the bother. He was confused as to what he should do and suddenly without any real mentors to guide his path. After that afternoon he was no longer convinced that Graham would guide him to make the right decision emotionally, or even professionally.
Even the other members in the band – as well as Holly herself – had ulterior motives for him to polish his tarnished image.
There was only one person in the world who could guide him to make the right choice for his conscious.
Within an hour he was walking through the lobby of her hotel.
He could tell she didn’t want to open the door and let him into her room, but she relented anyway. There were lines around her eyes that made her look older and more tired than usual. Vanni realized in that moment she had been carrying her own problems much like he did. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her he was sorry for adding to the burden, but he refrained. Instead he sat in one of the chairs by the large window overlooking the L.A. basin as lights twinkled to life in the twilight.
“I�
��ve been thinking about what Graham said this morning regarding my dad. It’s the last thing I want to do, but maybe he’s right. Maybe there’s no way around it.”
She shrugged slightly. “It’s still up to you what you want to do, Vanni. You have every right to be angry with him. You can’t just turn off those feelings because it may help your career. What kind of man would you be if that were true?”
“The kind of man everyone else thinks I am,” he answered dryly. It mattered to him more than he wanted to admit, and she was the only one he could even trust with that dirty little secret. He watched her soften with his confession. She still loved him despite all his failures and all his faults. It made all the rest of the bullshit worth it. “Do you think I should go?”
Again she shrugged. “Being abandoned by this man was the cornerstone of every problem you have ever had. How can I send you right back into the lion’s den on a ‘maybe’ that it would actually heal anything?”
“You could if you came with me,” he said softly. She stiffened immediately. “For emotional support only,” he said. “No expectations beyond that. No guilt. No blackmail. I just really need a friend and you’re the closest one I got.” She hesitated so he said, “Please?”
She sighed. As much as she tried to extricate herself from the tangled ball of muck that was her life, she knew there was no way she could turn down anyone who really needed her, especially someone she loved as much as she loved Vanni. He knew that too.
“A couple of conditions,” she said. “One: you don’t drink. Not one drop. I don’t care how bad it gets or how much it hurts. You can’t afford to backslide now.”
He nodded. She was right. He was nearly 50 days sober; he had no real intention of breaking his streak for someone like his father, especially when it could do more damage to him when he finally got back home to Los Angeles.
“Two,” she continued, “Graham can’t know. Ever. I don’t care how much you guys want to ‘win’ by who I choose; you can’t use my good intentions against me anymore. When I do a favor for either of you it’s not to hurt the other one. Got it?”
The Complete Groupie Trilogy Page 44
