“And if she isn’t lying?” Andy wanted to know. As much as she wanted to believe it was a crock of shit, deep down Andy was terrified she was telling the truth. That’s just how things worked in her relationship with Vanni. Whenever they took any steps forward – it was usually right off a cliff.
He gulped. He didn’t have an answer for that yet. He just took her by the hand and touched the ring on her finger. “It changes nothing about you, me, and our future.”
It was all he could promise.
That was no longer good enough for Andy. “I don’t want you to go,” she said. Her eyes met his. “Please don’t go.”
His heart melted at the pain in her eyes. He knew he had put it there through years of squandering her trust. He sighed as he pulled her into his arms. “Okay,” he said. She finally let the torrent loose and cried in his arms. Whether it was hormones or just an emotional release four years in the making, she couldn’t be sure. But she couldn’t stop the tears even if she wanted to. He rocked her gently until her sobs were spent.
He lay in bed wide awake long after she had fallen asleep in his arms. He stroked her hair as he stared out the enormous window opposite their loft bedroom. The ocean reached into the night like a black abyss right outside their door, which was symbolic of the black hole they themselves teetered on thanks to Holly’s reappearance. He wanted desperately to believe Andy and Graham, both of whom tried to convince him that with Holly’s history of lying and manipulation, it was far more likely that she was trying to scam him again.
But anxiety gnawed at his gut as he remembered those last few weeks they had spent together, when he believed she was already pregnant. There had been no real need to curb his robust sexual appetite or give any thought of birth control. And she had been an enthusiastic partner, which he could see in retrospect was because she was trying like hell to get pregnant for real.
They had sex every day, sometimes twice or three times a day. She had been insatiable, and he was resigned. He had given up on ever being in another relationship with anyone else. He’d missed The One (Andy,) so it really didn’t matter who he married after that. If he was going to have a family with Holly, if he was going to marry Holly, there was no reason not to indulge her every time she made any kind of advance.
She was a beautiful girl, whose sexy innocence had appealed to him from the very first time they met. Truth was he had enjoyed making love to her – only now the thought of wanting anyone else felt like a betrayal of the worst sort.
He sighed again as he glanced down at Andy as she slept in his arms. He’d been such a dick for so long. Why couldn’t he just keep it in his pants and be a grown-up? His voracious lust for “strange” had compromised the integrity of their relationship from the moment Kat winked at him during her first audition to dance for the band.
Hell, it was there from the first time Lourdes had been thrust in his face.
He had to face it… Holly’s being pregnant at the same time he was so happy in his relationship with Andy was just karma finally having the last laugh. He’d gotten away with a lot over the years, eventually he knew the time would come he’d have to make up for the mistakes he’d made. He’d been extraordinarily lucky in all the years he’d bedded whatever sex partner he pleased that he didn’t have a litany of kids all over the world.
There was no way he’d escape cosmic justice now, especially when everything else was falling neatly into place. On the outside he was a successful mega star; wealthy, talented and in demand. He had an amazing woman who loved him, and they were expecting a baby… it was more than any man could ever hope to have. Deep inside he was the same kid whose dad ran out on him, who scraped and fought for everything he ever had, yet believed everything worthwhile was more than he deserved. The better life treated him, the more suspicious he got that it would all come crashing down. That’s why he hadn’t been able to fully enjoy his success up until now – he walked a tightrope between excesses. He was either on top of the world… or he was scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Many times he was the author of his own destruction, just so he’d know when the blow was coming. It was so much better than having the rug torn out from under him.
Now that he had his happily ever after with Andy, there could be no other outcome. He always paid the price for his happiness in some form or fashion. That’s why he hadn’t bothered to chase after evidence the first time Holly told him she was pregnant. He expected things to turn to shit, that was just the way life was for a kid from the streets.
No one was more surprised than Vanni that she wasn’t actually pregnant. He knew he had gotten extraordinarily lucky. That was why he knew it in his heart he wasn’t going to be that lucky again. That would be like winning the lottery twice. Things just didn’t work out that way. He had a debt to pay, and the Universe wasn’t going to be content until he paid it. He’d have bet every last nickel he had on the fact Holly was pregnant, and he was the dad.
He also knew he wasn’t going to be a deadbeat, no matter how complicated their shithole of a situation.
So the next day, when Andy had gone to work at the studio with Shannon, Vanni made his way to Hollywood.
He pulled into the motel parking lot and parked around back out of view. He had to go into his cell phone account to unblock her number, and he called her she answered on the third ring. “What do you want?” she asked in a weak voice that didn’t make him feel any more confident about the situation.
“I need to see you,” he said simply.
“I don’t think so,” she said. “You made your choice, Vanni. And it wasn’t me.”
“You lied to me,” he replied.
Her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. “I was afraid to lose you,” she said. “I love you, Vanni.”
He closed his eyes and leaned against the headrest of the seat. “What room are you in?”
She paused and he could almost hear her thinking on the other end of the call. “221,” she finally said, then disconnected.
Minutes later he was on the second story landing in front of her door. She opened it quickly and pulled him in before anyone could see. The room reeked of smoke, and looked as though it hadn’t been renovated since the 1970s. The carpet was drab and brown and short shag, the walls were paneled and covered with tacky felt artwork.
There was one double bed in the room, with a sagging mattress and rumpled sheets. A rickety table and two upholstered chairs completed the ambiance, illuminated by a lamp with a stained yellow shade with burn holes on the sides. It was a depressing little hovel of a place, but it looked considerably better than Holly herself.
She had lost at least fifteen pounds she couldn’t afford to lose. There were dark circles under her eyes and her pallid cheeks had sunken in. Her hair was tied back in a greasy ponytail, and the cheap clothes she wore practically swallowed her whole. There was no pregnancy glow like Andy, who was nurtured every day and spoiled rotten with every benefit he could afford to provide. Holly looked as though a stiff breeze would have blown her over.
She motioned for him to sit before she flopped down on the sagging mattress. “So why did you come here, Vanni?”
“I need to know the truth. And I need you to tell it to me.”
She sighed as she pushed a stray tendril that had escaped from her ponytail out of her face. “When we had sex on Thanksgiving, I truly thought we had conceived. I was so in love with you by that point, and I wanted it to happen more than anything. I thought I saw the signs, I even missed my period. When that first test came out negative I thought maybe I had just tested too soon. But by then I knew if I wasn’t pregnant, you would have bolted. And I didn’t want to lose you. Not after I finally had you.”
“So you lied.”
“I thought maybe if we had a bit more time, you’d come to love me too. I knew I could make you happy, to be everything you wanted or needed me to be. By the time I figured out I wasn’t pregnant, you were already talking marriage. I thought maybe if I had
a bit more time…”
“You lied,” he repeated.
She nodded. “I started going to a fertility clinic to make sure I’d conceive quickly and you’d be none the wiser. We’d be married… we’d be happy…life would have taken care of itself.” Her lip quivered. “Then I saw that photo of you kissing Andy in the church we were supposed to be married. I realized you were just using me because you couldn’t have her. So I left. And I never contacted you even after I found out I was pregnant for real. I’m letting you free, Vanni. I want nothing. Not even your money.” Her chin tipped. “I want it all or nothing at all.”
He sighed. “How far along are you?”
“Eleven weeks. Near as I can figure I got pregnant mid-December. I’m due September 6.”
“And how can I believe you?”
“You can’t,” she said. “So why don’t you do us both a favor and leave? I’ve survived without anyone so far.”
He looked around the shabby motel. Surviving was a generous word for it. “You know I can’t do that, Holly. If you are pregnant, if it’s my baby, then I want to help.” He paused. “I’m going to help,” he corrected.
Her eyebrow rose. “Is Andy okay with that?”
“My relationship with Andy is really none of your business.”
She nodded, and then held her head. Before he could ask her if she was okay she sprinted to the bathroom. He heard her vomiting through the closed door. No wonder she had lost weight. He glanced over at the wastebasket for any evidence of her diet. It was loaded with wrappers and fast food bags. Lots of preservatives, no nutritional value. There were also discarded cigarette butts in the ashtray.
He waited until she stumbled out of the bathroom, a wet washcloth against her face. “Who smokes?”
She lay on the bed in a miserable ball. “Julian.”
“You know it’s bad for the baby, right?”
She glared at him. “Julian supports me right now doing odd jobs and day labor. I had to ask myself which was worse, second hand smoke? Or being homeless?”
Her situation was so dire Vanni had the immediate impulse to fix it even if he wasn’t the father, which of course was Andy’s greatest fear. He reached into his pocket for his wallet.
“I don’t want your money,” Holly repeated.
“Maybe not. But you need it.” He dug a handful of twenties from his wallet. He had stopped at an ATM on the way to Hollywood… just in case. It was a few hundred dollars he and Andy wouldn’t even miss. If Holly really was pregnant, and he suspected even more strongly that she was, then she needed it more than he did.
He considered it his job to provide it. He was no deadbeat. Not now. Not ever.
He held out the money but she didn’t reach for it. She stared at him defiantly for long moments before he put the money on the nightstand. “It’ll hold you over until we can take the necessary tests to prove you are pregnant and it is mine. After that, we’ll discuss specifics.”
“I told you. I want it all or I want nothing. My child deserves more than a part-time parent who can check in or check out as his schedule allows. You have other priorities, and that’s not the life I want to give my child. I lived it, remember? You lived it, too. A parent needs to be totally involved or the child suffers.” Then, “You already rejected me. I’m not putting our baby through that, Vanni. I’d rather die first.”
To make her point she staggered to her feet, grabbed the bills and tossed it right in his face. “Take your goddamn money and get the hell out of here!”
Her tirade nearly knocked her off her unsteady feet. He caught her before she fell right to the floor. She felt nearly skeletal in his strong hands as he carried her back to the bed. “This isn’t about you,” he reminded with a clenched jaw. “It’s not about me. It’s not about anything other than doing the best you can for your child. I’m willing to do that,” he said as he straightened up and towered over her. “Are you?”
Tears coursed down her face. “Get out of here, Vanni. We don’t need you or your pity.” Her lip quivered as she added, “I never asked you to come.”
He knelt down by the bed so he was at eye level. “But I’m here,” he said. He reached over to brush the hair from her face. She looked like a child herself as she lay there. “Please let me help you.”
She stared into his eyes for a moment before she whispered, “Okay,” so quietly he barely heard her. His eyes traveled down her body to her stomach. Impulsively he reached over and spread his large hand over her abdomen. He could feel the tiny, firm mass nestled between her hips. It wasn’t as pronounced as his little Bean with Andy – but it was unmistakable, especially given how frighteningly thin she was.
His arm slumped to his side. “I’ll make an appointment with a doctor,” he said.
“I’m already going to a free clinic,” she said.
“Not anymore,” he assured.
He made up his mind the minute he felt that firm little spot on her tummy. She could fake a lot of things, but she couldn’t fake that. And if that baby was his, it needed him as much as his little Bean.
He wasn’t going to let either of them down.
He said nothing to Andy that night when she got home. She took note of his quiet mood but didn’t do much to draw it out. She had enough on her plate after Graham had come to see her at the studio, concerned about her now that the scandal had broken. He wanted to make sure that she knew that, no matter what, she’d have allies in her corner.
She already knew it, but it was nice to hear.
Vanni was the first to go to sleep that night, with his back to her – which was unusual. She lay awake much like he had done the night before. She caressed her tummy, watching the low light dance off of her engagement ring as she did so.
This was her life now. The promises had been made, the die had been cast. Vanni was her man and this was her family. She made a vow that no one would jeopardize their happiness… especially some two-bit con artist looking to cash in on a famous baby daddy.
Andy turned off the light and cuddled up with her future husband.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Malibu, California
February 18, 2011
The light from his laptop was the only source of light in Graham’s darkened office as he scrolled through yet another pregnancy calendar calculator online. He knew it was pointless, but ever since Andy had told him about her pregnancy, he had been unable to get the “what if” out of his mind. What if she had gotten pregnant in November, rather than October? Just a few scant weeks – that was all that separated a life committed to Vanni and a life committed to Graham. A few scant weeks – that was all that stood in between her giving birth to another man’s child in July, and her giving him the purest gift of their own baby in August.
He went through, week by week, to see how their baby would have developed, when his or heart would have started beating, when they could have announced the pregnancy to the world. She would have been 14 weeks along by then. The baby could make faces by then; an ultrasound might have even caught him sucking his thumb.
His gut hurt as he slouched against the chair. Just a few stupid weeks. Thanks to some really bad timing, he’d have to watch from the sidelines as the man who had hurt Andy the most got everything Graham wanted – and felt he deserved.
His eyes were bloodshot with unshed tears when Maggie found him a little after one in the morning. “Hey, you,” she said as she walked into the room. “Burning the midnight oil?”
He glanced up at her. She thought he was working hard on the new TV show, and it was probably better that way. The only other person who knew about Andy’s pregnancy was Shannon, who had offered her limited employment on the production for as long as she was medically released to work.
As far as everyone else in the world was concerned, the only baby Vanni was expecting was the one with Holly.
It still made Graham’s stomach turn to think of it.
Two women. Two babies. And Vanni would likely never commit himself one-h
undred-percent to either one. That bastard fell ass-backward into things other people could only dream about.
Graham had minimized the window he was looking at by the time Maggie came over to stand next to his desk.
“You know me,” he joked, half smiling. “Sleep is the enemy.”
She perched on the corner of his desk. “I’m still going to get you up at eight o’clock. Sleep or no sleep. I’d advise sleep.”
He moaned as he leaned back in his chair with a teasing grin. “But Mom, it’s not a school day. Let’s sleep in late, eat cold cereal and watch cartoons like normal people.”
She laughed. “Because you’re not normal,” she told him pointedly. “And I doubt very sincerely you took over the entertainment industry sleeping in late on a Saturday.”
“Busted,” he agreed. “But,” he said as he ambled to his feet, “I think we do deserve a day off. What do you say to a drive up to Santa Barbara?”
Her eyebrow lifted. “Really?”
“Why not?” he offered as he grabbed his cane and hobbled from the office, that way she couldn’t see how he’d really spent the evening – pathetically daydreaming over things he could never have.
She followed him slowly from the room. “I just kind of thought you’d want to stay close to home base. In case you were needed.”
He glanced over his shoulder to see where she stood in the hallway, arms crossed. He sighed. “You know me well, don’t you, Mags?”
He leaned against the wall and she walked over to face him. “You’re a good man, Graham. Too good. You can’t keep cleaning up the messes of other people. Especially when they walk into those messes willingly and happily.”
His mouth twisted into a grin of irony. She made it seem as if he somehow had a choice in the matter. “Old habits and all that,” he offered with a helpless shrug.
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