by Mike Shevdon
"That was different."
"That's what I mean about humans complicating everything. It's not different to me. It's the same." There was a spark of anger in her tone now.
"That's not what I meant."
"Look, Niall. You're getting all worked up about nothing. You're only complaining because you're not the one doing the choosing. Tell me one thing, are my attentions unwanted?"
"Well, no," I admitted.
"Did I force you into something you don't want? I mean, I could understand that the first time I might have caught you off-guard, but the second, the third?" She raised a sceptical eyebrow.
Whistling announced the return of the landlord with my breakfast, saving me from answering. I was still blushing when he placed the plate in front of me and asked me whether I would like any toast. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. I refused politely but asked him if we might have more coffee. He took our empty coffee jug and went off to make some fresh.
"I don't know why you're getting so upset. Fey males can wait a long time before they're chosen as a mate. You should be flattered, it's a great compliment to be chosen so young."
"I'm not young."
"You don't even have your first half-century. By Feyre standards that makes you a stripling."
"I don't judge myself by Feyre standards, and by my own standards I am a middle-aged man and used to making my own decisions."
The smell of grilled bacon was making my mouth water and my stomach grumble, so I started on the plate in front of me.
"You haven't noticed then?"
"Noticed what?"
"How much younger you're looking?"
"Am I?" I looked around for a mirror, then stood up and went to the bar, staring at my reflection in the glass behind the bottles. She was right. That was what had been nudging at my subconscious in the bathroom, earlier. It still looked like the face I had adopted, but I had lost about five years, overnight.
I walked slowly back to our table, glancing back to make sure it wasn't an illusion. "What's happening?" I asked her.
"It's hard to tell. Your body could be changing because of the magic I awoke within you. On the other hand, you could just be adjusting your glamour to suit your mood. Are we feeling particularly pleased with ourselves this morning, by any chance?" she probed.
I grinned, shaking my head. She was impossible. As much as I tried to be offended that she had unilaterally determined the direction of our relationship, I couldn't stay angry with her. She was moody, fickle, scary, soft, warm.
I pulled myself back to reality and tried to focus on the food. But when I glanced upwards she was watching me, waiting for me to try and deny the truth.
"What am I going to do with you?" I shook my head again.
She picked up her coffee cup and looked at me through the vapour. "The same thing as last night, I sincerely hope."
I mistimed my swallow and the piece of sausage I was chewing went down the wrong way, leaving me coughing and spluttering. The landlord helpfully appeared and patted me on the back while she sat and chuckled at me from the other side of the table.
"Sorry," I apologised to him.
"Are you all right now?"
I nodded and he replaced the chrome flask of coffee. "Is there anything else I can get you before I go and do the cellars?"
"No, thanks. We're fine, really."
"There's no rush, take your time," he reassured me and then went about his tasks.
I took a slurp of coffee to help the food go down.
"Are we?" she asked me.
"Are we what?"
"Fine?" She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her knuckles, waiting for an answer.
I put down my knife and fork for a moment. I was willing to let the issue go and see how it went, but she wanted an answer.
"You'd better tell me what the position of concubine to Blackbird of the Fey'ree involves."
"Very well. It's not marriage, if that's what you're thinking; the Feyre don't marry."
I nodded.
"Well, you get to stay with me and bring me presents every day, pamper me and bring me my meals, and every second Thursday you take me to my bed and then you– " She was grinning at me now.
"Enough, enough. I'm serious."
"There are no proscribed tasks, Niall. It's not supposed to be a duty." She looked thoughtful for a moment, as if she thought perhaps she could introduce some. "You have to understand that the Feyre have been having problems with fertility for centuries. During that time the practice has evolved of letting the females choose the males they believe are most likely to get them with child."
"You're not!"
"I might be." She watched an expression of mild panic cross my face. "That's what it's for, Niall, don't be so naive."
"But I already have a daughter, and I am definitely not ready to start another family. What about–"
"Niall, calm down. It's very unlikely I'd be pregnant this soon."
My thoughts tried to go in fifteen directions at once.
"Just stop it. You just have to treat it as one of those things. If it happens, it happens. Fortune will decide." She was philosophical about it.
"But I'm not ready. I mean, I've only known you for a couple of days and I didn't realise what the consequences might be."
"Niall, you know where babies come from. You have one child already."
"No, of course I know where they come from, it's just that I hadn't thought it through. I just assumed–"
"You assumed I would take precautions to prevent a child."
"Well, yes. This is the modern world, after all."
She leant forwards, her face full of something raw. "Why would I do that, Niall? Why would I prevent something as wonderful as a new life?"
I suddenly understood what I had said and how much I was hurting her. It was not the same for the Feyre, or even the halfFeyre. She was over three hundred years old and it had never crossed my mind that in all that time she'd never had a child, but I could see in her face it was true. I was a father before I was thirty and it had all happened so naturally that I took it for granted, never giving it a second thought.
"I'm sorry, Blackbird. You took me by surprise. I was thinking of how I would manage to provide for such a child; who would look after it, care for it."
"I would care for it." She lifted her chin and dared me to contradict her. In that moment I knew that if anyone tried to harm a child of hers she would tear them limb from limb without a second thought, and I was in no doubt she was capable.
Since the break-up of my marriage I had drifted into occasional relationships, but they always ended bitterly when my erstwhile partner wanted more from me than I was prepared to give. The ties of my daughter and my ex-wife were just too strong, too tangled, to set me free. Blackbird hadn't asked me for more, but she'd taken what she needed and she was prepared to fight to keep it.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I wasn't thinking."
"I'm not offended," she said.
"It's just that you took me by surprise."
She grinned at me again.
"Not like that." She showed no sign of repentance. "I mean, you surprised me by saying that you might be pregnant."
"If I am, then I am. If not, well then there's nothing to discuss, is there?" She looked defiant again.
I met her gaze and there was a challenge there, a challenge to say more, to be more to her. I knew the words, but they wouldn't come. I looked away. She let me fiddle with my breakfast until I gave in and set my cutlery down.
"Have faith, Niall, and all will be well."
I deliberately took her comment in the wider sense. "I can't help feeling it won't be that easy. In the dream, Raffmir's sister was looking for me".
She allowed the change of subject. "What do you remember?"
"It seemed more real then. There was a clearing in a forest of evergreens. It was unnaturally cold, frost on the ground with a crystal sky. She was waiting for me in the clearing, ringed aroun
d with thorns. She said something. What was it?" I cupped my face in my hands, trying to recall her words. "She called me Little Brother. That was it. 'They told me I had dreamed you.' That's what she said."
"Did she say any more?"
"She kept asking me where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to."
"Did you tell her?"
"No. I don't think so. She started fading, dissolving. I thought she was vanishing, but she didn't. She drifted in towards me and I was so cold."
"She was feeding off your life-energy."
"She can do that?"
"The older ones can. They can feed off the dreams of unguarded sleepers. That's how they survive."
"Can she do it again?"
"Maybe. It's harder for her now you have a connection with me. That's the other reason to be mine. If you're mine then no other can have you, and you don't want to be hers."
The memory of the dream soured my stomach and killed my appetite and I put the knife and fork down, unable to finish the plateful.
"Are you going to eat that sausage?"
"No, I've had enough."
She swiped it from my plate and devoured it.
"After all, I could be eating for two. Kidding, kidding." She laughed at my distraught expression, but underneath her laughter was an edge of mischief that said it really, truly might be true.
"Will you know if you are pregnant?" I asked her, brushing her teasing aside.
"After a while, of course. But I don't expect it will happen straight away, so you're quite safe really, though perhaps…"
"What?"
"You remember the stone Megan gave you?"
"Yes? What happened to it?"
"I think she thought we were together then, when you first met her. It's curious really. Do you remember it warmed when I touched you?"
"It did until last night, when it went cold."
"It responds to fertility. It was telling you there was the potential for life, that we are compatible."
"What do you mean, compatible."
"Fey fertility is complicated. Not all the Feyre are compatible with each other and only some combinations produce children. Not always the ones you expect, either."
"So what happened to the stone? Does that mean you're…"
"Quite the opposite. I had to get you back from her. Once she'd got her hooks into you I'd never get you free. I made a sacrifice. The stone helped to focus it."
"What kind of sacrifice?"
"The potential for one life in return for another," she stated, challenging me to criticise her decision.
"You gave her a life? You sacrificed an unborn child?"
"All sex is life, Niall. I gave her the potential for new life to distract her from you long enough get you free. Otherwise you'd still be lying up there, shivering and dying."
"At what price?" I asked her. I was grateful that she'd freed me from that dark glade, but the price was unthinkable.
"It wasn't a life, only the raw potential for one. I wouldn't give her a new life, even if it meant losing yours."
I wasn't sure whether I was reassured by that or not. What had we sacrificed? What price had we paid? Did she know? I didn't know what to say. I was torn between gratitude for getting me away from that chilling embrace and the shock and revulsion at how it had been achieved.
"Why did it have to be that? Isn't there another way?"
"A life for a life, Niall; nothing else is strong enough. The only way was to tempt her away with something stronger, something sweeter, and I was betting she hadn't been laid in a long, long time. It looks like I was right."
"So it wasn't a child? We hadn't, you know, conceived."
"I told you. It's very unlikely I would be pregnant this soon, no matter what happened. If it was that easy for us to have children, there would be a lot more of us."
"And you're not pregnant then. Not if the sacrifice worked."
"I only gave her the first time, Niall, to get you back. The second and third times were for me, and for us. I didn't want it to be for her alone. I want you for me. I want our child."
There was a raw need there, coupled with a desire that scared me a little, while at the same time making my trousers too tight. It was flattering to be wanted that much, but her determination made me wonder whether it was me she wanted, or the child I could give her.
Her words rang true, though, and I knew she meant them. Setting aside her desire for a child, she wanted me and was prepared to fight to keep me. And I wanted her. She was unlike any women I had ever met, and not just because she was part Fey. Her wry humour, her resourcefulness, her warmth, all had me thinking about words I hadn't used in a long time, words that had been poisoned for me by the breakdown of my marriage.
"I want you too," I said, which was less than I could have said, but the unspoken words were still too hard, too loaded with other feelings, to let free.
Hesitantly, she smiled, perhaps understanding.
"I could do with a shower before we leave," she suggested as she licked the grease from her fingertips. "I didn't want to wake you, before. And then we have an appointment to keep."
We went back up to the room together. I put our things ready on the bed while she showered and was sat waiting to go, but then she emerged clean, naked and smelling delicious and it was another three-quarters of an hour before we were both dressed again.
She waited at the door to the stairs while I collected the bag and then kissed me warmly at the door.
"Mine," she repeated.
"I wish you'd stop saying that," I told her.
"'Tis truth."
She skipped lightly down, leaving me to negotiate the narrow stairway. When I reached the lounge bar she was waiting for me and talking to the landlord while he set up the pub for lunchtime opening.
"I hope you've enjoyed your stay. As I say, we don't normally do guests."
"Very much," Blackbird assured him. "It's a fine place you run here. I would recommend it."
I settled our account with some of my remaining cash, thanking him for his hospitality. Then we stepped out into the breezy sunshine to walk back down the lane.
As we came to the edge of the village, there was a payphone next to a children's playing field that I hadn't noticed in the dark. I asked Blackbird for a moment of privacy and she nodded and left me to make my call, taking herself to the middle of the field and lying on the mown grass, looking up at the clouds.
I fed coins into the machine and then dialled Katherine's mobile number. The number rang for four or five times and then picked up.
"Hello?" It was Katherine's voice.
"Hi Kath, it's Niall."
"Yes?"
"Are you both OK?"
"Who is this?"
"I told you, it's Niall."
The phone went dead and returned to the dialling tone.
I kicked myself for not remembering our code-phrase and re-dialled.
"Hello?" Katherine answered more cautiously.
"Katherine, how is the dog?"
"Niall, it is you. Why didn't you say?"
"I'm sorry, I forgot. You did the right thing, though, to put the phone down."
"We're being very cautious. We had a strange call yesterday and I've been screening them ever since."
"What do you mean, strange?"
"It was on Alex's mobile. She had it with her even though it wasn't enabled for international. She knew she wouldn't be able to call anyone, but she was hoping to be able to text her friends."
"Who called her?"
"We don't know. It was this strange hollow voice. Alex answered it and spoke to them. She said they told her they had news of a gift she was going to receive and they wanted to bring it to her. She told them she was away on holiday, but they insisted they would bring it to her wherever she was. Niall? Are you there?"
"Yes. I'm here." If they had found a way to reach Alex then things were worse than I thought. "Did she tell them where you were?"
"No. She thought
it was one of those competitions that are always ringing up trying to make you call expensive numbers. She just told them she didn't want anything and hung up."
"Thank goodness for that. Did they ring back?"
"Not so far. She's had it switched off, though, as she can't text her friends and it was just wasting the battery."
"Don't let her switch it back on. In fact, take it off her."
"I can't do that, Niall. It's her phone. She saved up for it."
"Well, tell her not to turn it on until I tell her it's safe. Make her promise."
"I can tell her, but you know what she's like. She can't be out of touch for five minutes without getting withdrawal symptoms."
"Tell her it's important. No. Better still, I'll tell her. Put her on, would you?"
"I will, in a moment. She wants to speak to you anyway. Are you all right?"
I was touched by the concern in her voice. "I'm fine. Did you get away OK? No problems?"
"What's happening, Niall? What's going on?"
"It's complicated, but we're sorting it out. I think it will be OK. Just bear with me."
"Niall, this better not be some sort of joke."
"It isn't, really. You're somewhere out of the country, yes?"
"Yes. We need to be back for Monday morning, though."
"Not unless I call you first, to let you know it's safe, OK?"
"I have to get her back for school, Niall. We can't stay here."
"No. You stay where you are until I let you know it's clear. I don't care about school or anything else. Just trust me, OK?" There was silence on the other end of the line. "Katherine?"
"OK, but you'll call me as soon as you can. You won't just leave me hanging here?"
"As soon as it's clear. I promise."
"Don't do anything stupid."
Normally that admonition would have sparked a harsh come-back, but I could hear the worry in her voice. "I won't. Take care of yourselves."
"We will. I'll put her on now."
There was some background noise as the phone was passed across.
"Dad?"
"I'm here."
"Dad, are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm OK. I'm fine."
"Mum said you were in some sort of trouble."
"It's nothing I can't handle, I just don't want you and your mum dragged into it, that's all."
