by Lila Felix
I finally convinced my legs to work, but I had to hold on to pieces of furniture in my room in order to stand up straight. “I need a dress. I smell like Shrek or something.”
“You kind of do,” Ari answered, walking back in. “Here, let me help you. Malynn is coming over later.”
“Who?”
She cleared her throat. “Malynn. She was your nurse while you were out, and we kind of became friends. She’ll want to check you out but also, she’s nice. Give her a chance.”
“Oooo… kay…” I answered. While her back was turned, I pinched myself to make sure this wasn’t one of my freaky dreams.
She handed me a green maxi dress and pushed me to take a shower, but she came into the bathroom with me.
“I can take a shower myself, Ari. What the hell are you doing? You’re going to take a shower with me? Get a grip.”
She huffed out a laugh that was completely fake. “No. Don’t be stupid, Colby.”
We met Malynn, who was pretty funny and had a strange accent. She and Ari got along well, and she had killer hair.
“Everything looks okay,” she said after checking my blood pressure and oxygen. I guessed she was also some kind of home health nurse. I didn’t really ask questions.
“Where’s my mom?”
Ari shrugged. “Shopping or working, probably, not sure.”
A few weeks passed, and I still felt like I had just woken up the first day. I had gained some weight since Malynn convinced me that I was way underweight. She made me promise to eat a little more and though I didn’t want to admit it, I had more energy when I did.
I answered some e-mails and picked up some new jobs for the next month. I needed to get back to work and back to life.
Ari stayed close, which was weird for her.
“Have you heard from Sway?” I asked one day while she was hanging around my house—again.
“Nope. She’s being weird. Not talking to us again.”
She didn’t look at me when she spoke lately. And that wasn’t all. My mom avoided me at all costs. There was no word from Theo in weeks. I knew that boy like the back of my hand—even when I made him leave me alone, he never really left me alone.
“Dude, I’ve gotten so skinny that I bet I don’t even fit in that wedding dress anymore.” I got up and went to the closet, determined to try it on. I loved that dress.
“Why are you even going to try it on? You’ll just look stupid. Anyway, you got it made for him and he’s not coming back.”
She shoved the magazine she was not really reading back in her face.
“What do you mean he’s not coming back? Did he come to see me when I was in that coma or whatever?”
“Fine. Just try it on.” She changed the subject.
“I will.”
I pulled out the dress. After taking off my clothes, I got it off the hanger and pulled it on.
But the damned thing didn’t look the same.
And it was way bigger than I remembered. I hadn’t lost that much weight. I just hadn’t.
“What happened? This—what happened?”
There were stiches along the waist that didn’t look like the others. It was like someone had added fabric to the back as well.
“You’re so dramatic. Look in the mirror, Colby. Nothing has changed.”
I sidestepped while sticking my tongue out at her in the mirror. “What is that smell?” I pulled one of the sleeves up to my nose before falling to my knees. It started with the vision of myself in the mirror—in this very dress—except it was too small instead of too big.
“Colby, what’s wrong?” Ari shouted to me, but her voice seemed so far away.
“Our hands,” I muttered. “Our hands were joined in lightning.”
She stood still behind me—our eyes fixed in the reflection.
“He took this dress off me. Damn it, Ari. Where is he? Is he there? That place he used to go?”
She stuttered for a bit until I twisted around and grabbed her with both of my hands on her face. “Damn you, Ari. Where did he go?”
I was screaming at Ari at the top of my lungs, frantic and desperate for her to tell me something that would validate the flooding of emotions and unconnected visions.
My mom burst through the door, alarmed at my screams. “What is happening in here?”
“You lied to me. You all effing lied to me. He’s not gone. He’s not gone. I can find him.”
I slapped my hands over my ears and pushed all of my strength into the memories that were on the tips of my fingers. What I could remember was more than visual. It was the touch of Theo’s hands on my hips. The way his breath tickled the back of my neck in the morning. The muscles along his spine that stretched and pulled with his shoulders so beautifully. His voice in the dark. My voice when it changed to speak to only him.
“I can’t. Why can’t I find him?” I pounded my fists on the ground in pure anger.
“Colby, look at me. Come on, girl. Calm down. Ari has gone to get Collin. You remember Collin?”
I swallowed against my anger and zeroed in on my mom’s voice. “The Viking? She’s bringing the Viking?”
“I’m here, Colby. And I never thought I’d relish you calling me that again. Come on, dear friend. Let’s go sit down after you change, and I will explain everything. I don’t even know how you remember, but this has to mean something.”
They left my room and I sat on the edge of the bed, not yet willing to take off the dress that had sparked everything.
“Theo, where are you?” I allowed myself time to cry and slowly changed back into the regular dress. I took my time in hanging my wedding dress back up and carefully placing it back into the closet. My hand stayed on it for another five minutes, mourning the loss of so many memories.
In a daze, I went to the living room and waited for an explanation. The depression phase had gone. In its place was anger and rage—mostly rage.
“Colby, we are not sure how this is even possible. What do you remember?”
Collin’s voice had triggered even more memories to come forth, and they did so with a fury. I rattled them off as they came to me. The first time I pulled on that rope to ring his doorbell. Asking him if he could fly the helicopter while he was injured. In the cabin with Theo and him bringing me Slush Puppies. The chanting monks. The books in Belgium. And that was just the beginning.
But mostly, I remembered the lightning—the lightning that came from Theo as he flashed. The lightning that encircled our hands in joining light on the day of our sealing.
None of the lightning was forgotten.
“When he left…” Collin cleared his throat. “When he released himself of the powers and gave himself up to Paraiso, a bolt of lightning peeled down the clouds and bulleted to him. I’d never seen anything like it before, and I doubt I ever will again. It nearly blinded me. It was so brilliant. I saw him go. But all of this—all of this goes against the deal. Ari, did you call Torrent?”
Raw rage ballooned in my chest. “Torrent? You mean Sanctum. Don’t call him!”
“Colby, so much changed when Theo sacrificed himself. You got better, mostly because Sanctum’s powers were based on Theo’s powers and once they were gone—there was nothing else for Sanctum to have dominion over. There is no longer a Fray. Our people don’t get lost anymore. The Synod is no more. They realized that we are better off when we govern ourselves. Torrent is back to human again. He is mated to Pema, and she’s still pregnant. But you were supposed to forget. That was part of the deal. Hell, even I didn’t know how we were going to keep up the charade, but we promised him. It was an impossible one, but a promise nonetheless. It would mean we would have to lie to you for the rest of our lives and yours—he never should’ve made us make the vow.”
Ari was crying. She sat down and rested her face in her hands. Theo had given her a task that would plague her for the rest of her life. And she had taken it on, knowing it.
I didn’t understand anything Ari was saying to me. Ther
e were some things I knew, but they were far away like the end of a rope that I couldn’t quite reach.
Theo’s voice flooded my mind. Second, my precious mate, is that you will no longer remember any of this. You will remember me from our childhood and nothing past the night that you ended it with me. You won’t remember all of these trials. You won’t remember the day we were sealed. It will all be gone.
It will all be forgotten.
I will still give up everything for you. I always have and I always will.
I thought that Paraiso would actually be boring. Even though I had been there, in my mind, it was still a white place with people in white gowns playing harps and singing their days away.
That wasn’t Paraiso at all.
Paraiso was The Almighty’s kingdom come. Yes, everyone was happy, but we still had our own lives to carry out. But life carried no stress. There was mourning and sorrow for those we couldn’t be with anymore, but all beneath a veil of joy.
I had a home, like everyone else. There were pictures on the walls of those I loved, except Colby. My memories of her were only hung in my mind.
I got up from my chair and put down my book that day, hearing a distant sound that I didn’t recognize.
Looking out the window, I saw nothing amiss.
I took one step backward and plunged down—falling—falling.
I sat up, days later, gasping for air. This wasn’t any different from the rest of my days. I seemed to wake up every day with a gasp and go to sleep every night whimpering.
I’d sent Ari back home. She and Collin had an apartment a few miles away, but I missed her presence near me.
Everything seemed robotic now.
It was better before, when I was stupid, when I didn’t know which way was up.
Mostly, it was better when I didn’t know that Theo was gone.
It was better to be ignorant.
I checked my e-mail and set up some more appointments to work. Working was the only thing keeping me halfway sane. In between appointments, my friends attempted to keep me busy. Their idea of busy was Netflix binges and karaoke of all things.
Collin knocked Journey out of the park.
But he wept like a little girl when we made him watch Dawson’s Creek.
We all did.
Collin had gone to work—he’d passed the civil service exam and become a librarian when I was still out. Ari had to buy falsified documents from one of her special sources, but it was legit enough to get him a visa and permission to work in the country.
She had done the same for Malynn, but she had decided to enroll in online school and was living with my mother and me.
I hadn’t contacted Theo’s parents. I didn’t know what they knew, and I couldn’t bear to put the same look on their faces that I had born just a short time ago.
As I placed one of the emails into the virtual trash, I glanced over to that folder—the one where Theo’s emails had always gone.
I turned the computer off before I could read one of them. I was still in the anger part of mourning. Yes, I missed him—missed him like a phantom limb. But I was also pissed. It wasn’t supposed to end that way. We were supposed to end Sanctum and be free. He was the bad guy and that was how bad guys ended—the good guys made sure of it.
That wasn’t our fairy tale. Fairy tales weren’t real, and I was proof of it.
Mostly my anger was centered on Theo. He promised me things. He’d held my hand and somehow through the noise of Sanctum, I had heard his words.
He promised I would forget.
He promised I wouldn’t even know he was gone.
He promised I wouldn’t be sad anymore.
He promised I wouldn’t miss him.
“Colby, I need help with this biology, please. My English is pretty good, but these words are killing me.”
Why Malynn expected me to be good at biology was a whole other mystery.
“Give me a minute. I’ll be right there,” I shouted to her. Malynn had made a vow to Theo that she would stay with me for life. It was a good thing I liked the spitfire girl.
This morning, while still lying in the quiet, I had decided on a few things. Swallowing against the rising tears, I made a list.
1. Get my own apartment with Malynn.
2. Go back to school.
3. Stop thinking about Theo.
4. Stop dreaming about Theo.
5. Stop saying his name.
I stood up to go help Malynn when my heart began pounding. This was a normal event of late. Every time I thought about the events of the last couple of months, a panic attack would ensue.
“Shit, not again.”
“I thought maybe my time away would change you, but I see you’re still the same foul-mouthed beauty you always were.”
My feet failed me and I stumbled backward into my vanity, slamming my hand against the mirror and nearly breaking it.
The first thought that popped into my head was to run to him and jump into his arms—but then, I realized that if he was here, that I was pissed as hell at him for leaving.
In fact, I’d never been so completely furious with anyone in my life.
“Theo Ramsey, you son of a…”
But I couldn’t possibly finish the sentence. Everything from the inside to the out of me was shaking from the trauma and from him being right in front of me.
“Are you real? Shit. I’m going nuts again, aren’t I? I knew it.”
He took one step toward me, and I scrambled to get away from him. If he touched me—or if he came any nearer and wasn’t real, I couldn’t handle it.
Either way, I couldn’t handle Theo being back. If he was back, I would always be afraid he would leave again. And if he wasn’t back, I wasn’t sure I could ever go on with my life.
“I’m real, Querida. It’s me, meu amada. Come here. Touch me.”
I must’ve blinked a thousand times before my feet decided they were alive again. My chin quivered, the last standing part of me giving away my current mental status. It took me a full five minutes before I was standing in front of him. But he knew me well. He didn’t make any motion to get closer.
I might’ve lost my shit if he had.
“How?” I asked before mentally chastising myself. I didn’t give two pigs lips how.
“I don’t know. I didn’t really have time to ask. All I know was that the Almighty whispered to me as I was coming back ‘It was not your time yet.’”
My eyes grew round. “And He just now decided? It took Him this long to decide?” My voice rose to yelling with each word.
He chuckled and patted his chest and abs like he forgot he had them. “Have you missed me at all?” Theo asked.
My first response was almost to slap him for such a ridiculous question. Every cell in my body missed him.
That was when the dam broke. There had been tears that had leaked and my fair share of crumbling walls, but with him here, everything I’d spent so much time holding together came tumbling down.
“Oh, Colby. I was trying to make you laugh. I’m sorry. I should leave the comedy to you.”
I gasped when he grabbed my shoulders. With no gentleness, he pulled me against his rock-solid chest. His hands were in my hair, and he rained down an endless string of Portuguese nonsense that at the time made all the sense in the world.
“You left me. How in the hell could you leave me? You promised. You promised I would forget you.”
With his lips at my temple, he began to explain. “I know. I’m so sorry. You did forget for a while, I think. But there are some loves, Colby—there are some bonds that neither time, nor absence, nor distance can forget—and ours is one of them. When The Almighty fused us with the lightning, he did so for eternity. I was a fool to think it could be so lightly undone. I thought I was doing what was best for us—for you—for everyone.”
I had been stiff in his arms, afraid that if I hugged him back, if I accepted that he was back, that he would be taken away from me again.
&
nbsp; But when I remembered the lightning that had joined us—I knew he was right.
And I had no time to waste—we’d lost enough.
Pulling back from his chest, I fisted the collar of his white shirt and closed the distance between us. We crashed into a kiss that was long overdue—but never forgotten.
Four months later
Normal would never ensue around these people. They weren’t normal to begin with.
Especially my mate.
I’d taken to clamping my lips together and shaking my head when Colby and Ari said something ridiculous—which was frequent.
But this was taking it too far.
“You want to get sealed where?”
Colby kidney-punched Ari. They also did that to me a lot, but I preferred it to the nut punching they were so fond of. Torrent could have all of that.
I groaned and grabbed at the beard Ari insisted I let grow out. “Why Kaskasapakte? I swear to the Almighty that if you say something about…”
“Because that’s where your people are from, right? Don’t tell me you are ashamed of your history.”
I had learned that sometimes, it was just better to go along with them. They were a force to be reckoned with.
“Yes. That’s where my people are from. Finally, I can admit it. I think it’s a great idea. Let me braid my hair and line my eyes with the ashes of the dead. After I sharpen my axe and make vows to you in front of our friends, I will pillage and burn the people of the villages below us, making sure that if I die, I do so with honor to make sure I return to the glory of Valhalla.”
Theo doubled over in the corner of our living room, laughing, with tears coming down his face.
Other than the sounds of his snorting, the place was silent. Finally, I had silenced the Smartass Twins.
It took Ari three rounds of opening and closing her mouth before she was able to say anything.
“Lining your eyes with the ashes of the dead? That is some serious guyliner. I’m not sure I want to know where you got that from.”
She didn’t? She was the one who made the entire neighborhood swear their silence every Thursday night when Vikings came on. She had the hots for Rollo.
It was something I put up with.
