“TREASURE! I meant treasure.”
Francois smacked his forehead. “Of course. And now, together we’re going to snatch the treasure from every hand, hook, and set of false teeth in the seas.”
“Any pirate who doesn’t give us their treasure gets a cannonful of cafeteria casserole. How’s that for a master plan, Shivers the Pirate Mastermind?” the mayor said with a satisfied smile.
“For the last time, I’m not a pirate mastermind!!” Shivers insisted.
“That’s just what a mastermind would say! If you’re not an amazing pirate, then how did you craft a raft out of beach balls?”
“Margo did that. Personally, I don’t like to go anywhere near anything that has to get blown up,” Shivers explained.
“How did you fight off an angry mob of Franks?”
“That was all Margo’s pillow-fighting skills. Believe me, you do not want to invite this girl to a slumber party.” Shivers pointed at her and she smiled sheepishly.
“How did you plunder the Treasure Torch and keep it hidden in your secret bank vault?” the mayor asked.
“That wasn’t their secret bank vault, it was my secret bank vault!” said Francois. “I hid the torch there and they found it!”
The mayor’s face started to twitch uncontrollably. “BUT HOW?!”
Shivers shrugged. “Ask Margo.”
The mayor’s eyes zeroed in on Margo like she was the bull’s-eye on a target. “So you’re the real mastermind,” she sneered. “Well, I hope you enjoyed sifting through seaweed because soon it’ll be the seaweed that’s sifting through you.” She took a threatening step toward her.
“No!” Shivers cried, horrified that he had set the mayor’s sights on Margo. “Don’t push her in the ocean!”
The mayor chuckled. “Oh, I won’t. I’ve got a much more permanent solution.” She grabbed Margo’s arm and started dragging her away.
“What should I do with him?” Francois asked, gesturing to Shivers. “Kick him in the ocean and then dump his fish on land?”
“Him?” The mayor thought for a moment. “Make him an intern—for life! He can start by reloading the cannons. Keep an eye on him and another eye on his fish.” She smiled. “It’s so nice to have a pirate partner with two working eyes.” Then she yanked Margo toward the other side of the ship and out of Shivers’s sight.
Francois pulled a jewel-encrusted dagger from a sheath at his hip. He pointed it at Shivers and commanded, “Drop the mop, ditch the fish, and start cramming cannons.” He marched over to a huge barrel next to a nearby cannon. He kicked over the barrel, spilling out a cluster of cans full of food for a cafeteria casserole. There were Grated Gray Beans in Grease, Triple Trashed Potatoes in Gravy, Mixed Mystery Meats in Marinara, and worst of all, Canned Clams in Curdled Cream.
Shivers shuddered. The memory of this morning’s clam clamping catastrophe was still fresh in his mind. In fact, it was the only fresh thing around. But he had to listen to Francois. He let the mop slip from his grip and set Albee down gently on the deck. “You supervise,” he said sadly. Then he trudged over to the pile of food and got to work. He opened a can of gray beans and poured them into the cannon, but his hands were shaking from fear. He accidentally splashed grease all over the ground.
“I saw that!” Francois snarled. “You’d better shape up. Soon you’ll be the only crew member on this ship.”
Terror washed over Shivers. He couldn’t help but think about Brock churning like ice cream in the water below, and he didn’t want to think about what the mayor might do to Margo. He tried to calm down by telling himself Margo’s advice: “Bravery comes from within.”
Bravery comes from within? Bravery comes from within . . . Bravery. Comes. From. Within.
Shivers picked up the clams. He cracked open the can, closed his eyes, and poured the clams straight down his throat.
THE CANNED CLAMS IN Curdled Cream hit Shivers with a quadruple strength C-sickness. They bubbled through his body, mixing and mashing with half-chewed hot dogs into the slimiest stew any pirate has ever spewed. He turned to face Francois, whose eyes bugged out of his head with disgust. Then, what came from within Shivers wasn’t bravery exactly—a shower of puke flew toward Francois with the force of a fire hydrant. It landed on him with a SPLAT that sent him stumbling backward. He grasped for the ship’s railing but Brock’s smashing had sent that to sea long ago, so he toppled straight off the deck. As Francois fell through the air, he flapped his arms wildly and for a moment, he wished he really was a canary. But then, as he hit the water, he just wished he was a man who knew how to swim.
Shivers was exhausted but relieved. He scooped up Albee and said, “I guess it should be me who’s clapping for the clams now!”
Albee blew happy bubbles in his bag.
“There’s no time to chat, Albee, we’ve got to go find Margo!” said Shivers.
Suddenly, they heard a scream from the back of the ship.
“Margo!!!” Shivers picked up his mop and charged toward the sound. He ran around the Treasure Torch, past the galley and the seaweed-sifting station, all the way to the other end of the ship. He arrived just in time to see that his worst nightmare was coming true—no, not the one where his bunny slippers turn into giant snails—the one where Margo is in terrible trouble. The mayor had tied her to the base of the sail and was now pointing an enormous cannon directly at her.
“No escaping now, mastermind!” the mayor cackled, loading buckets of old, cold nacho cheese into the cannon.
Margo struggled to break free but the knots were too tight. “You’ll pay for this!” she bellowed.
“I won’t pay for anything again! I’ll just steal from pirates!” the mayor replied. “Now, I hope the fish are hungry for Margo-roni and cheese!”
She gleefully raised her finger and brought it down toward the button at the base of the cannon.
“NO!” Shivers screamed. He ran toward the mayor, raised his giant mop high above his head, and threw it. It hurtled through the air like a javelin with hair and crammed into the cannon just as the mayor pressed the button.
And just like her plan, the cannon backfired. The mop had completely clogged the cannon’s barrel, and the force of the explosion shattered its heavy metal base. The force rocketed downward like a bolt of lightning blasting through the Land Lady. Shivers covered his face as shards of ship and chunks of cheese whizzed past him.
Then, there was a deafening SNAP! The wooden base of the ship bristled and broke in half, sending Shivers and Albee soaring across what was left of the deck. Shivers rolled until he hit the railing, then scrambled back up and over to Margo, who was still tied to the sail.
“Shivers!” Margo screamed in disbelief. “Your Land Lady—”
“Is not very happy with me right now! I know!” He started to untie her. Suddenly, the back end of the ship began to tilt downward and slowly sink. They both gripped the sail tightly.
The blast had knocked the mayor to the deck and she was only now able to drag herself up using the jagged edge of the broken railing. As the Land Lady leaned farther into the water, piles of stolen jewelry tumbled out through the porthole of Shivers’s bedroom and slid down the deck. “My treasure!” the mayor cried, chasing after the glints of gold. She looped as many bracelets as she could onto her wrists. She snatched up armfuls of sparkling chains and draped them around her neck. She clutched a chest full of copper coins.
Shivers had just finished untying Margo when the ship slanted even farther. The sail leaned completely backward like a giant hammock as it plummeted toward the water. Margo held on to the sail, Shivers held on to Margo, and Albee just held on to a grudge that he had been dragged along on this adventure in the first place.
The mayor looked up in a panic. With horror, she realized the Treasure Torch was on the “Land” half of the ship, but they were on the “Lady” half. And both halves were sinking fast. “MY TORCH!” she wailed. She stretched out her arms, her heavy jewelry clanging wildly. She tried to take a s
tep toward the torch but the treasure she was wearing weighed more than a Pig-Out Palace platter and she started to slide down the deck.
Shivers, Margo, and Albee watched in shock as the mayor skidded right past them and plunged into the water. Trapped under her treasure, she sank straight down and didn’t stop until she planted on the sea floor . . . right next to Brock’s piranhas.
Shivers shook his head. “I guess you really can go overboard with accessories.”
But then he went back to screaming as the freezing seawater hit the sail. “What are we going to do?!” he cried.
“I don’t know!!” Margo said. She tried to scoop out the water with her hands but it was seeping in too quickly.
They locked terrified eyes and realized that for the first time, neither of them had a solution.
Suddenly, Shivers got hit in the face with the seaweed rope. Holding the other end was Brock. He was thrashing through the waves, kicking his way toward them.
“Brock!!” Shivers was ecstatic.
“You’re okay!” said Margo.
“And you’re here to save us!” said Shivers.
“I thought you were here to save me!” Brock hollered. “Grab the rope!”
Shivers and Margo gripped the rope tightly, but they were sinking just as fast as Brock.
“AAAAGGH!” Shivers screamed as the frigid seawater flooded over the edges of the sail.
Margo looked to her friends. “If we’re going down, we’re going down together.”
But they didn’t go down, they went up. An enormous anchor rose from the water below and hooked onto the seaweed rope. As it lifted the rope by its center, Shivers, Margo, Albee, and Brock dangled from the sides like ornaments on a tree. They were raised higher and higher until they reached the name painted on the side of the ship. It was the Plunderer.
“Sorry we’re late!” Bob called from the deck above. Tilda was at his side, pulling up the anchor.
“Actually, you’re just in time!” Shivers said. Then he looked at the scattered wreckage of the Land Lady. “Well, you could have been a little earlier.”
They reached the deck and hopped over the railing. Except for Shivers, whose bunny slippers were so soaking wet that he had to flop over the railing.
Shivers hugged both his parents tightly, then looked to Bob. “Hey, you think you could grab one more thing with that anchor?”
“Shivers, I think you’re going to need to buy a new microwave,” said Tilda.
“It’s a little heavier than that.” Shivers smiled at Margo.
“It’s the Treasure Torch!!” Brock cheered.
Bob and Tilda stared at Shivers and Margo in astonishment. Then Bob patted Shivers on the shoulder. “You found the Treasure Torch! Why am I not surprised?”
Shivers blushed. “Well, then I lost it again.”
Bob nodded. “Also not surprised. Come on, let’s go fishing!” He dropped the anchor back into the ocean.
Tilda put her arm around Shivers. “So, now that your ship is gone, what do you say you live out here with us? After today, you must have a taste for adventure on the high seas!”
“The only taste I have right now is curdled clams. Could somebody please get me a bowl of popcorn??!!!”
“All we have is sizzled squid heads,” said Tilda.
Shivers grimaced. “I have to get back to my beach. It’s where I belong.” Shivers and Margo smiled at each other. “Plus, I’ve always said Albee is more of a land fish. Dad, will you build me a new ship?”
“Sure! Nothing could be as grueling as building that unsinkable ship I made for Brock!”
“Uh, Dad . . . about that . . .” But before Brock could deliver the bad news about his ship, the anchor hooked the Treasure Torch. They hauled it up out of the water and lifted it onto the deck, where it landed with an enormous THUD.
Uncle Marvin hobbled out of his sleeping quarters, tired-eyed and droopy-lipped. “What’s all that racket?! I was taking a snooze in my bean bag!” Then he saw the torch towering above him and gasped. “So you solved the clue.”
“We sure did!” Margo said proudly.
“I’d give you a hug if I wasn’t covered in bean juice. And if I didn’t hate hugging people,” Marvin grumbled. “What are you going to do with it?”
Shivers thought for a moment. “I’m going to return it.”
“You found the treasure that every pirate wants and no pirate can find, and now you’re going to return it?!” Marvin screeched.
Shivers nodded.
Marvin sighed. “Why am I not surprised?”
THE TREASURE TORCH WAS safely back in Lady Liberty’s hand and Shivers was sitting just below it, with Albee and Margo at his side. A huge, cheering crowd had gathered on the ground. From all the way up at the top of the statue, the people looked no bigger than crumbs. But Shivers didn’t know that, since he was way too scared to look down.
Margo patted the torch. “Are you sure you want to return this?”
Shivers replied, “I don’t need it. I find it hard to believe a piece of treasure could make you all that powerful anyway.” He gestured out at the celebrating crowd. “Plus, how could I expect all these people to sleep without a night light?”
Margo looked up at the night sky, the Treasure Torch casting a golden glow over the darkness. Far in the distance, she could see all that remained of Shivers’s old ship: some broken wooden planks, a tattered flag, and a few unsinkable rubber duckies.
“I can’t believe you blew up the Land Lady,” said Margo.
“It’s okay. What good is a home without a best friend to visit it?”
Margo smiled. “So as soon as your new ship is built, we can have—”
“Song and dance time?!” Shivers asked hopefully.
“I was going to say another terrifying adventure.”
“Well”—he narrowed his eyes—“Now that you mention it, there’s a new flavor at the ice-cream shop called ‘Boo Berry’ that I’ve been particularly scared of trying, and I could really use your help.”
“I think we can handle it,” said Margo.
Albee smiled and nodded. “I’ll supervise,” he said. And he was pretty sure they understood.
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Excerpt from Shivers!: Book III
SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
Shivers the Pirate whirled around frantically but all he could see was vast black nothingness. It was horrifying!
What is happening?! Shivers thought to himself. Just moments ago, his parents were standing beside him but now they were gone. Everything was gone!
Did the lightbulbs break? Did the sun burn out? Did somebody steal my eyes?!
Panic bubbled up in his stomach like a stew left simmering too long on a stove top. His whole body began to shake: his teeth were chattering, his arms were wiggling, the bunny slippers on his feet were doing a danger dance.
Where had all the light gone? Was he dreaming? Was he nightmaring? No, this had a for-real feel.
Shivers had spent his whole life trying to stay away from the dark and now it was all he could see. He reached out in front of him, trying to find a light to turn on. But there was nothing there. His heart pounded in his chest so wildly it sounded like it was trying to tell a knock-knock joke.
There was only one thing he could do.
“AAAAAAAGH!” Shivers shrieked. He spun around in a circle then collapsed to the ground in a screap—which, if you don’t already know, is a screaming heap.
Suddenly, all the light came flooding back. Shivers was lying in the sand on New Jersey Beach. His parents, Bob and Tilda, were standing above him. His mom was holding a bandanna in her hand.
“I told you the blindfold was a bad idea,” said Bob, shaking his head.
“I thought it would make the surprise more fun,” said Tilda.
“What surprise?” Shivers asked suspiciously. He hated anything unexpected and generally lived by the rule “Surprises cause demises.”
“This surprise!” Tilda said, yanking hi
m to his feet and turning him around. Towering right in front of him was a brand-new pirate ship. It was magnificent. The polished wooden hull shimmered in the sunlight. The crisp white sails fluttered majestically in the breeze. There was even a ring of floaties surrounding the deck.
“For me?!” Shivers asked.
Tilda nodded.
“My new ship!” he shouted with glee. “It’s finally finished! I thought I’d never move back to my beautiful beach!” He picked up two handfuls of sand and kissed each of them. “It’s been years!”
Really, it had only been three days, but Shivers had been so uneasy and so queasy that it felt like much longer. When his old ship, the Landlady, was destroyed, Shivers was forced to move out to sea with his parents. Bob and Tilda tried their best to make Shivers comfortable on their ship, but everything about it terrified him to the core. He wailed at every wave that rocked the ship and screamed at every seagull swooping by. Bob couldn’t even toast the bread for a tuna melt without Shivers having a tuna meltdown. Shivers had a deep fear of toasters—they always pop up when you least expect it.
With all the screaming that was going on, Bob and Tilda hadn’t slept a wink. They knew they had to get Shivers out of the sea and back to the beach as fast as pirately possible. Luckily, Bob was an expert shipbuilder and Tilda was an expert at plundering all of Shivers’s favorite things.
Shivers burst through the front door of the ship and squealed, “It’s perfect!”
Bob and Tilda showed him all around the ship. His sleeping quarters were cozier than ever. He had brand-new curtains covered in pictures of kittens sitting in coffee cups. On top of his bed were hundreds of marshmallows sewn together to make the comfiest comforter imaginable. It also came in handy as a midnight snack.
Shivers had just one question. “Where are the night-lights?”
“Where aren’t the night-lights?” Tilda replied. She flicked a switch and the walls lit up with floor-to-ceiling night-lights, filling the entire room with a warm glow.
The Pirate Who's Back in Bunny Slippers Page 8
