by Amber Garza
“Well, you definitely upgraded my opinion.” She grins lazily at me. Her hair is mussed, her lips red.
Crap. I have no idea how I’m going to stay away from her.
Footsteps sound from the hallway, and I step away from Emmy. My heart breaks more the further I get from her. In her eyes, I see my pain reflected. Frowning, I don’t break eye contact. It’s like I physically can’t. Almost like by doing so, our connection will be broken forever.
“Wanna go out back and throw the ball around?”
I flinch upon hearing Cal’s voice. Shocked, my eyebrows leap up. He wears his ball cap and holds a baseball in his hand.
“If you stay in here, Mom’s gonna make you talk about crap. The choice is yours,” Cal says.
My gaze slides back to Emmy. She forces a smile, and nods subtly.
“I’m game.” I shrug.
“Cool.” Cal tosses the ball straight up and then catches it when it falls. “Let’s go.”
I can feel Emmy’s eyes watching me as I follow Cal out the back door. As hard as I try to ignore her, I can’t. It’s like my body is in tune to hers. Before stepping outside, I glance at her one last time. Pausing, I drink in her perfect body, her innocent eyes, and her heart-shaped lips that minutes ago were on mine. It takes all my willpower to turn away.
“Ready?” Cal hollers out harshly.
“Yeah.” I blink, forcing myself out of my Emmy-induced haze. I close the back door and hurry out onto the lawn.
The ball comes at me hard. Even harder than usual. When I catch it, my fingers buzz from the force. “Shit, Cal.” After throwing it back, I shake my hand out.
Cal doesn’t apologize. In fact, he doesn’t say a word. Just tosses the ball back. We throw in silence for several minutes. The only sound is the ball whizzing through the air, the clapping of our hands when we catch it, and the rustling of the leaves from the wind. But it’s therapeutic. It’s exactly what I need.
And Cal knows it.
He knows me better than anyone.
Well, mostly anyone.
A light flicks on inside the house to my right. Without even looking I know it’s Emmy’s room. Her bedroom overlooks the backyard. My body goes rigid, my pulse picking up speed. Without meaning to, I glance over and catch a splash of blond hair. My lips twitch at the corners.
The ball comes at me, and I swing my hand out. But it’s too late. I miss it. After it falls into the grass, I bend over and pick it up. “Sorry,” I mumble, and throw it back.
It’s dark, but the porch light illuminates Cal’s face, revealing his pensive expression when he catches the ball. Tucking the ball into his chest, he studies me a minute. Agitated, I wonder why he’s not throwing the ball.
Cal’s gaze flits to Emmy’s window. I follow it and suck in a breath. Emmy is watching us, her bedroom light haloing her head. Man, she’s gorgeous.
“Crap,” Cal mutters under his breath.
My head snaps to him. “What?”
Shaking his head, he tosses the ball on the ground and it rolls away from him, stopping when it hits the trunk of a nearby tree.
“You’ve got it bad, dude.” Cal blows out a breath, pulling his hat further down his forehead.
I know what he’s talking about, and there’s no reason to deny it. So, instead I nod slowly.
He grunts, pinching the bridge of his nose like he does when frustrated. “Why does it have to be Emmy?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “But it is.”
“I can see that,” he says. “You’ve never looked at a girl the way you’re looking at her tonight.” Walking over to the back porch, he lowers himself down onto the first step.
I stay where I’m at, unsure of what to say or do.
“Until now I didn’t get it,” he adds. “I thought she was like every other girl to you.”
Ouch. “I was never just messing around with her, Cal. I wouldn’t do that to Emmy.”
“But you never said anything,” Cal points out. “Why didn’t you tell me you were into her?”
I point at him. “Exhibit A, man.”
He snorts, flashing a small smile. “All right, you got me. I’ve been kind of an ass about this, but can you blame me? She’s my sister, man.”
“I know, and I do get it. But you have to know I would never just fool around with her. I mean, c’mon, man, it’s Emmy. She’s like family to me. For me to go after her, you had to know I really liked her. Truth is, I’ve kind of had a thing for her since last summer. I never planned to act on it, though, because of our friendship. But then she got in a fight with that douchebag at the bonfire party, and I don’t know, I just couldn’t help myself anymore. I had to kiss her.”
“Okay, okay.” He throws up his hands. “Eww. I don’t need details.”
“Sorry.” I chuckle. “We’ve tried to stay away from each other, but it’s not working.”
“Clearly.” He peers over at Emmy’s window, but she’s gone. “You better not hurt her.” He points at me. “See, this is weird. I’m used to threatening other guys. Not you. Not my best friend.”
“Look on the bright side. You know me. And you trust me.”
“Well, I did before you started fooling around with my sister.”
I laugh. “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be now, huh?”
“Yeah, it is.” Cal smiles. “But I won’t stand in your way.”
“Thanks, man.”
“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for my sanity. My sister’s driving me nuts with her droopy face and all her whining lately.”
“Really? She’s been that sad about it, huh?” I raise a brow.
“Oh, man.” He grabs his head in his hands. “I can’t even complain about her anymore to you. This sucks.”
“Yeah, you can.”
“No, I can’t, because you have this lovey-dovey look on your face.”
“Oh, like the one you had when you talked about Melissa?” I razz him.
“At least Melissa isn’t your sister.”
“C’mon, man, it’s not that bad. She could still be with Josh.”
“Good point.” He nods. “Speaking of which, that was pretty crappy what he did to your mom’s shop.” All the joking is gone. Cal is dead serious.
My stomach knots. “I don’t wanna talk about.”
“Fair enough.” He throws up his arms. “You’re not gonna go bash in his face again, are you?”
“Nah, I think I’m good for now.”
“Next time, can you give me a little heads up?”
“Sure,” I say.
“Cool.” Cal stands up. “I’ve gotta hit the sack. I have two tests tomorrow, and we have practice.”
“Yeah, I better head home too.” As I walk toward him, it hits me that I’m stranded here. “You think you can give me a ride?”
Without answering, he disappears through the sliding glass doors. I jog to catch up, but when I make it inside, he’s nowhere to be seen. Assuming he’s grabbing his keys, I lean up against the couch and wait. When he returns, Emmy is by his side.
“I’m tired, so Emmy’s gonna drive you home.” He throws me a wink. “Be good,” he whispers before vanishing around the corner.
EMMY
“What was that about?” I ask when we head outside. First Cal was completely against Christian and me being together, and now he’s asking me to drive him home. He’s seriously baffling.
Christian shrugs. “Looks like he’s coming around.”
My stomach flips at his words. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he answers softly. I expect Christian to be as excited as I feel, but he appears guarded.
“What’s wrong then? Don’t you still want to be together?”
He hesitates, and it causes a tornado to kick up inside my stomach.
“Christian?” I prod.
“Yeah,” he answers. “Of course I do. I just have a lot on my mind tonight.”
Swallowing hard, I nod. I can’t even imagine how he’s feeling afte
r everything that’s happened. Therefore, I need to put aside my own feelings and be understanding. Christian has never been good at coping with family drama. When he feels threatened or hurt, his first instinct is to pull away, to hide behind the invisible walls he builds around himself.
I learned this the hard way when we were kids. It was the first time his mom’s shop was vandalized, and my family showed up to help clean up the damage. Christian was angry, that was obvious. He was kicking the sidewalk, wearing a mad expression. I’d seen Cal mad before, but I could always make him smile, sometimes even laugh. And I mistakenly thought I could do the same with Christian. But I had underestimated the level of his anger.
I approached him wearing a smile, throwing out jokes in an effort to break through his tough exterior. But instead of softening the way Cal usually did, he got more upset. He shoved me away, cursing under his breath. When my lips started to quiver, he called me a cry baby and told me to get lost. Told me I didn’t understand what he was going through.
And I guess I didn’t.
I’d never been through anything like that before. Honestly, I still haven’t. Christian’s life has always been harder than mine. He’s endured more heartache than I could possibly imagine.
That’s why I know I have to tread carefully. I have to give him room to breathe, room to be angry and upset. And I need to make sure I don’t give him any reason to pull away from me. So I close my mouth, vowing not to talk unless he invites me to. I know it will be tough, but for Christian I’ll do just about anything.
When we get into my car, Christian turns to me. “I’m not ready to go home just yet. Do you think we can go somewhere else first?”
Hope sparks at his words, and I nod eagerly. “Sure. Just tell me where.”
****
I’m not surprised when we end up at the baseball field. It’s the place he’s always found solace, and I know he needs that tonight.
“The first time I played baseball was with Cal.” We’re sitting in the middle of the field, and Christian picks at a blade of grass. “It was right after we moved to Prairie Creek. By then he already had a great arm, so we started playing catch. He’s the one who encouraged me to be a catcher. And since we were so close, it made sense.”
“I remember,” I say. “I was always so jealous that you two had that. We all know how disastrous it was when I tried to play.”
“Ah, you weren’t that bad,” he says. “You just got scared.”
“That may be the understatement of the year.” I think about how I’d squeal and duck every time the ball came at me.
“You did get beaned pretty badly though.”
“And you were so sweet, making sure I had an ice pack to put on it.” In most of my childhood memories, Christian’s there. And in many of them, he’s the one comforting me, making things better. “I wish I had an ice pack for you now.”
“I think we’ve graduated from ice packs and bandaids,” Christian says, a flicker of a sad smile on his face. “Our problems are a little more complicated now.”
“Let’s uncomplicate it.” I scoot forward until our knees brush.
“I don’t think that’s a real word.”
“I’m into math, not reading, remember?”
Christian chuckles. “How could I forget?”
“Besides, I like it. Uncomplicate. I’m so going to start using it in conversation.”
“I’m sure it will make your mother proud.”
I wrinkle my nose. “You had to mention her, didn’t you?”
“Sorry.” He nudges me. “Before I rudely interrupted you were going to explain how we could uncomplicate things.”
My palms moisten and my heart picks up speed as I move even closer to Christian. Wind whips into my hair, and it flies around my face. I bat it away and tilt my face toward Christian’s.
“Whoa, what’s going on?” When Christian swallows, his neck swells.
I touch his face. “I told you. I’m uncomplicating things.”
“Oh, yeah?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Curling my hand around his neck, I angle my head until my top lip sweeps his. Warm breath fans over my skin, and I shiver. Pulling back, I take a deep breath. I have to do this right. It needs to be like last time. Like our perfect kiss from earlier tonight. Christian cares about me. I know he does. I feel it in his kiss, in his touch. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me.
But I know Christian. When things start progressing in any relationship, he gets scared and puts on the brakes. I know it has to do with his dad. About the way he’s been rejected and abandoned.
That’s why I need to remind him of what we have. In my kiss I have to erase his pain, eradicate the events of the night. I have to make him think of nothing else but me.
Pressing down more firmly, my mouth covers his. Darting my tongue out, I thrust it into his mouth. My fingernails rake over his neck as our tongues meld together. As I kiss him more fervently, an ache spreads through my chest. It grows like an infectious disease. The longer his lips are on mine, the more I need to keep them there. The more I need to ensure this will happen again.
I know I love Christian. I think I’ve loved him since I was a little kid, following him around like I was his shadow. And even if we can never be together, he’ll always have a piece of my heart. I can feel it every time we touch, every time we kiss. My heart reacts. It comes alive. And a part of me wonders if it will always be like this with him.
When we separate, Christian drops his forehead to mine. “How are things less complicated now?”
I draw back, searching his eyes. “The way I see it is that nothing feels complicated when we’re together. It feels right, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I do, but it’s not that simple.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask.
His eyes cloud over, and I worry that he won’t agree. That my kiss wasn’t enough.
“I don’t know if I can ignore what I feel for you. Hell, I’ve done a pretty crappy job of it so far,” Christian says, his hand touching my thigh. A shudder runs through my body.
I want to keep him on this line of thinking. Also, I’m curious, so I ask, “When did you first start to feel this way?”
He grins. “Remember last summer when I got back from vacation with my mom, and you, Cal and I went to the lake? You wore that red bikini?”
My cheeks warm. “You liked that, huh?”
“’Like’ would not be the right word.”
“I bought that the day before you came back. I couldn’t wait to wear it in front of you,” I confess.
Christian’s expression grows serious. “You wore that for me?”
I nod. “Most of what I’ve done since the day I met you was for you.”
“That long, huh?” His face holds an awed expression.
“You have no idea.”
Christian lifts his hand, running the pads of his fingers across my jawline and up to my lips. “I don’t want to keep my distance anymore.”
“Then don’t.”
Regret passes over his features. “I’ve got a lot of baggage, Emmy.”
“Who doesn’t?” I grab his hand.
“Not like mine.”
“I’m not just any girl, Christian. I know you. I know everything, and I’m not scared. I’m not running. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.” I hold his gaze.
The clouds in his eyes clear a little. Leaning forward, he kisses me hard, stealing my breath.
CHRISTIAN
It’s weird being with Emmy at school; walking the halls with her hand tucked in mine, kissing her in the lunch room, showing her off to my friends. Not weird in a bad way though. Weird in a surreal, awesome way. As I open my locker and she leans against the one next to mine, I’m hit with the memory of the day I held her against a row of lockers to keep her from falling. I remember wanting so badly for her to be mine that day.
And now she is.
Taking advantage of the moment, I curve my hand around her waist and ya
nk her to me. Giggling, she falls against my chest. Dipping my head, I steal a kiss on her lips. It’s a quick kiss. More of a tease, really, and it leaves me wanting more. But I know I have to back off. I can’t maul Emmy in the middle of the school hallway no matter how badly I want to.
After throwing my book in my backpack, I zip it up and fling it over my shoulder. Smiling, I reach out and thread my fingers through Emmy’s. Her skin is soft and smooth against mine. We take a few steps down the hallway when Josh comes around the corner, Ashley’s hand tucked in his. Emmy stiffens at my side. Instinctively, I push her back a little and step in front of her as if using my body as a shield.
“What’s up, Chris.” Josh nods his head in greeting as if we’re friends.
What a punk. I don’t waste my breath with a response.
“Hey, Em.” Grinning, Josh peers behind my back.
I move over, so he can’t see her. “Step back.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I glower down my nose at him.
“Scared I’m gonna steal your girl, huh?” He chuckles. But when he glances over at Ashley, she frowns at him, and he sobers up.
“Not even a little bit,” I say honestly. “But if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from her.”
“Or what?”
“Or I’ll add some more bruises to that face of yours.”
“Go ahead.” He releases Ashley’s hand and then steps forward, puffing out his chest.
I want to. Man, I want to punch him so badly my hand twitches. But he’s only challenging me because he knows I won’t hit him again. I can’t. Coach let it go last time, but he made it clear that he won’t do it again. If I get in another fight, I’m out. And I can’t risk that. Not with the start of the season looming. Still, I can’t let him think he has a green light to bother Emmy or my family whenever he wants.
“Mess with Emmy, or go anywhere near my mom or her shop, and I will. To hell with the team or Coach Hopkins.” I narrow my eyes. “And next time you won’t get off so easy.” My eyes land on the bruises I left last practice. “Trust me. They’ll be hauling your ass out on a stretcher when I finish with you.”
