by Adams, Lori
Near the old-world Santas, with their Russian coats and long beards, I pause and feel the gentle thrum of Michael’s heartbeat in my chest again. I giggle and glance around. He has crossed his arms and is leaning against an oversize sleigh. His eyes are cobalt, so I wag my finger and click my tongue. Michael cocks an eyebrow and gives me that heated look that makes my tummy clench. He’s getting impatient with my games. He beckons me with a finger but I shake my head, playing hard to get.
As the song grooves on with Shemekia begging Santa to stay a little longer, I head for the crystal Christmas tree forest, weaving in and around until I am good and lost. But Michael is suddenly standing before me as though he’s been waiting there all along. I gasp and look around; students and teachers are milling close by. We can’t be caught hiding in here.
“Have you been a naughty girl this year?” Michael asks, grinning. “If not, we can certainly change that.” He snags my shirt and pulls me closer.
“Why, Santa Claus, are you stalking me?” I laugh, and Michael’s eyes light up and he gives an emphatic nod.
“I want to see you tonight,” he whispers as he slides his fingers into my hair and caresses my cheek with his thumb. He is gentle but he holds me as though he is afraid I’ll disappear.
“I want to see you, too. I mean, I have something to tell you. But …” There’s too much chaos and noise, and I know this isn’t the time or place to explain about Rama Kuan.
Michael has lost his patience and yanks me against him, crushing his mouth onto mine in a punishing kiss. I’m caught off guard but wrap my arms around his neck, aching to get closer. We haven’t kissed since the night at the frozen waterfall, and the idea that he might not stop again flits through my mind. The sparks are quick and painful in the dry winter air, and I flinch. Michael growls deep in his throat and tears his mouth away. We’re panting and trembling. I’m reluctant to let go but he removes my arms and steps back just as Jordan the Leerer crashes the party.
“Hey!” he says in an abrupt sort of way. He stares at Michael and then at me.
I take a step back and post an innocent look: I am just a casual bystander out inspecting the quality of our fake crystal trees. Completely legit.
This is awkward because Jordan is assessing the situation, and Michael is assessing Jordan’s emotions. Jordan must think it strange to find Michael and me alone in the trees. We’re never seen talking during school. I expect Michael to toss out some excuse because he’s quick on his feet, but strangely enough he doesn’t. This adds to the awkwardness, and then Jordan says, “We need everybody helping the chess club.” It sounds more like a demand than a request.
Michael regards him with a cold look. Jordan makes way for me to leave first and then follows close behind. I get the feeling that I have been deliberately searched for and and am being escorted across the gym.
By the time we reach the chess club, the entire astronomy class is there. It seems we’ve been loaned out to help assemble the angry Russian nutcrackers. J.D. and Holden attach a giant wooden head to a Russian soldier’s body. Then they stand back, and we all wait for it to topple forward but it doesn’t. To test its stability, Casey starts dancing with it, moving its arms up and down. He declares it fit, and this leads to talk about the Winter Carnival dance. Michael has been watching Jordan, but at the mention of the dance his eyes slide to me. He catches me smiling and grins. I can’t wait to dance with him. It will be our first public display of covert affection. I just hope we can continue to fool his family.
While I’m preoccupied with fantasies of dancing with Michael, my friends are up to something. Bailey, Duffy, Rachel, J.D., and Holden have been whispering off to the side. Then Bailey maneuvers J.D. to stand next to me. She is sporting her Cheshire cat grin, and I get suspicious. She nods at J.D., who then becomes shifty and bashful. Everyone goes quiet.
“Um, so, hey, Sophia? I was wondering if, you know …” He flushes and glances around. I realize they’ve sent J.D. to ask me to the dance.
My second heartbeat accelerates violently in my chest, and I feel a painful tug that nearly pulls me sideway. I flick a pleading glance at Michael just as I hear, “So how ’bout it? Wanna go to the dance?”
Sweet, shy, linebacker J.D. is looking at me with all the embarrassment and hope I’ve ever seen plastered on a face—a billboard sign that says, Dear God, Please Don’t Shoot Me Down in Front of Everyone!
I bite my lip and stuff my hands into my pockets. Damn, but I hate this. How do I say no?
Or do I?
Didn’t I joke to Michael that I would have to dance with other guys if I was going to dance with him? To keep up our secret charade? What better charade than having an actual date?
“C’mon, Sophia,” Rachel say brightly. “It’ll be fun! And J.D. is a great dancer, right, J?” He blushes and shrugs.
Duffy scoffs and starts gyrating against Bailey. “The place’ll be packed, nuts to butts. Maybe she’s too shy to twerk.”
“Oh, it’s not that,” I say, scrambling to think. “It’s just that—”
“Well, don’t say you’re not going!” Rachel wails. “You have to go! It’s our senior year! You have to do everything! For the last time!”
“Da, comrade tchotchke. You have to do everything. Il grand finale.” Bailey knocks me into J.D. He catches me by wrapping an arm around my shoulders. It feels like a hug, and I wiggle free and mutter an apology. Everybody laughs like we’re two pathetic wallflowers fumbling through the awkward stages of pubescence. My face is hot with embarrassment, and I throw an inconspicuous look at Michael. He is ridged and impassive, but I see a storm gathering in his eyes.
“So it’s settled then,” Bailey says, and I give a timid nod.
Michael will eventually see that it’s the perfect cover. Right?
Michael steps back from the group. His face is stoic and his eyes are hard on me.
“Sophia, I have that book you wanted to borrow,” he says dispassionately. “I’ll be home later. Come by at eight to get it … or not at all.” He turns and walks out.
Chapter 10
I’ll See Your Half-Wit and Raise You Two Demon Hunters
Because the roads are still heavy with snow, I follow the snowplow pushing its way west out of town toward Michael’s house. Dad didn’t like the idea of me going out this evening, but I insisted, saying I was in desperate need of homework help. Seeing his concern, I decided that when my training is complete and I’m officially a spirit walker, I’ll tell Dad everything. It’s not like I planned to keep this from him forever. I just don’t want him worrying or telling me not to do it.
In the meantime, I get to tell the Patronus family about my Ascended Master and my first day of training. I’m so excited I can hardly sit still. So as I plod along, I rehearse various dialogues to an audience of red taillights: “Hey everybody, guess what? I’m on my way to becoming a spirit walker!” Yea! And the crowd goes wild!
Or: “Good evening dear friends and colleagues … you are now in the presence of a future spirit walker.” Hmm. How about: “Dude, I’m totally stoked to be a righteous spirit walker, azright!”
I laugh and take a deep breath. I’ve gotta calm down. I want this to come out halfway intelligent at least.
I park on the street and grab my astronomy book, otherwise called my cover story. Several times a week Michael and I meet on the pretext of studying. I’ve gotten over the humiliation that his family must think I’m slow in the head because I need so much tutoring; spending time with Michael has been worth falling on the intellectual sword.
I am greeted at the door by Milvi. She is stunning, as always, with her shimmering blond bob and violet eyes. We hug hello, and then I shrug out of my coat and hang it on a peg. She is here tonight because it’s the monthly extended-family dinner night, and the families are just having dessert and drinks in the living room. I’m invited to join them but I tell her I’m here to study with Michael.
“Oh, sorry. He’s out on a call,” she says casually
, as though he’s out delivering pizza. I used to feel a wave of envy whenever Michael or his brothers were called to save souls. Now I’m flushed with excitement; it’s almost my turn to help.
Milvi leads the way into the living room. It’s a cozy, no-nonsense space with fat cushions, a crackling fire, and framed family photos. Michael’s mother, Katarina, and his Aunt Sasha are ensconced in a cutthroat chess match by the fireplace. Raph is watching a football game, Gabe is reading, and Uriel is feeding some strange bird perched on his shoulder. Michael’s father, Dimitri, and his Uncle Pavvo are carrying trays laden with coffee, tea, and pumpkin spice pie à la mode. When he sees me standing in the doorway, Dimitri’s face lights up.
“Sophia!” He sets his tray on the coffee table. “So glad to see you again. Please, come join us.” He has gained everyone’s attention, and I’m quickly offered warm greetings as the family looks my way.
“Hi, everybody.” I raise my textbook by way of explanation for intruding. “Test coming up so …”
I say this casually enough but I notice more than a few perceptive smiles. Surely they’re not suspicious. Or maybe they think I’m crushing on Michael, and they find it amusing? Maybe they feel sorry for me because they know Michael would never cross that spiritual line.
I settle into a chair and wonder if there will ever be a time when Michael and I can reveal our secret. Will our love always be in hiding?
Dimitri offers me a plate of dessert and a cup of tea. I accept, and place them on the end table. While everyone returns to their previous distractions, my mind runs over the last time Michael and I were together in front of the family. We did nothing to draw suspicion, so maybe I’m just being paranoid. Hiding my newest secret has me on edge and I dig into the pie for something to do.
It’s amazingly delicious but I eat slowly, biding time until I can spring my news. I’m nervous and jumpy like a kid on Christmas morning. My knee starts vibrating, and I keep glancing toward the door for Michael.
Uriel breaks up laughing. “Somebody spike the tea? ’Cause Sophia’s gonna bounce out of her chair.”
I look around the room and find everyone staring. I stop my knee and blush. “Sorry.” I bite into a smile because I can feel my secret rising to the surface. I don’t know how much longer I can wait.
“What’s up?” Raph asks. He pauses the game and gives me his full attention. With everyone watching and waiting, I go for it.
“Well, I … wanted to tell you all that … um … well, I’ve started my training to be a spirit walker. It’s official; I have an Ascended Master.”
They react just as I’d hoped, with wild cries of joy. Then they jump to their feet and pull me into hugs.
“I’m so happy for you!” Katarina says, her bright blue eyes glowing with pride. “I know you’ll be a wonderful spirit walker!” She hugs me twice before stepping aside. There is a line, and I feel like a bride who’s taken the big plunge and will embark on her whirlwind honeymoon at any moment.
I wish Michael were here!
While I hug Gabe, Uriel, Milvi, and Aunt Sasha, I wonder if I should’ve waited for Michael. Could I have waited? Dimitri and Uncle Pavvo hug me tightly with hardy pats on the back. Then Raph steps up. He is smiling from ear to ear. He takes my hands and squeezes.
“Pretty cool, I gotta say. I guess all that worrying was for nothing.” He hugs me and whispers, “You’re gonna do great, Sophia. Welcome to our spiritual family.”
“What the hell’s going on here?” Michael’s sharp voice cuts through the chatter and everyone stops. Raph and I spring apart. Michael has appeared without warning, so the second heartbeat starts a moment too late.
“Did you hear the great news?” Milvi asks. She presents me like I’m a new appliance to be won on a game show. “Sophia has begun her training! She has an Ascended Master!”
Everyone is elated all over again. Michael has gone pale and still, staring at me. He is the lump of coal in my stocking, and I feel guilty. I should’ve controlled my impulsiveness; I should’ve told him first, in private, so he could manage his emotions in front of his family. They shouldn’t be wondering why he is against me becoming a spirit walker. It’s supposed to be a great thing, a gift or a calling to the spirit world that few would refuse. They wouldn’t understand why Michael doesn’t want me involved; I don’t understand why.
Michael inhales and lowers his eyes. He is deadening his feelings with great effort. I chew my lip and wait anxiously for him to look at me again. My heart aches for him to be happy for me.
Please, Michael. You know how much I’ve wanted this. Please, please be happy for me.
“Let’s have a toast!” Katarina declares, raising her tea. Cups are in the air, and one is shoved into Michael’s stiff hand. He moves away and stands with his back to the fireplace. His face is thrown into shadows but his aquamarine eyes glow with an eerie light. Michael doesn’t lift his cup.
“To the newest member of our spiritual family!” Katarina calls out. “Sophia St. James! She is welcomed with open hearts!” There is a round of “Here! Here!” and then everyone clinks and drinks. The chatter escalates as I peer over my teacup; Michael’s eyes are blazing into mine.
He says, “Who is your Ascended Master?” and I say “Rama Kuan,” and then he flinches and yells, “Are you kidding me?”
The celebration stops. Everyone is staring with open mouths. It’s too soon to determine if the family is stunned that Michael yelled or shocked by what he yelled. Personally, I would love to yell back but he has me worried. Michael’s face is turning red with rage. He shoves his cup at Uriel, who fumbles to take it, and then marches to Dimitri.
“Rama Kuan!” Michael shouts in his father’s face. He points at me like it’s my fault. “Did you hear what she said? Her Ascended Master is Rama Kuan! That half-wit, lazy, good-for-nothing beach bum who—”
“Hey, wait a minute,” I jump in. “Don’t talk about Rama like that. He may be laid back but he’s not a half-wit.”
Please don’t let him be a half-wit.
“Michael, please,” Katarina says. “He is an Ascended Master, after all.”
“I don’t care if he’s an archangel. He’s not good enough to train her. She … she shouldn’t even be …” He looks around, stricken. “You all think it’s safe for her? Out there, in the spirit world? Fighting for lost souls? To be trained by Rama Kuan? He thinks George Lucas is a prophet, for God’s sake!”
The room falls silent, and we stand around waiting for someone to contradict Michael. Sadly for me, no one does, and I start to worry. Michael is beyond reproach and storms out of the room. Seconds later, we hear his bedroom door slam on the second floor above us.
Katarina apologizes for Michael’s behavior, and Dimitri tries to put my mind at ease. “Sophia, if Rama Kuan was unqualified, he would have been removed from his position. And Michael knows that. He’s just become particularly tense since his own trials have started. Perhaps a bit overprotective, which is usually an added benefit for a guardian.” He smiles affectionately, and I nod with a different understanding. I suspect Michael is really mad at the situation and taking it out on poor Rama Kuan. Personally, I don’t care if my Ascended Master is a half-wit. He’s my half-wit, and my only hope of becoming a spirit walker.
The mood is shattered, and I need time to think. I thank the family for the dessert and warm wishes, and then head to the foyer to fetch my coat. I’m nearly out the door when Raph and Milvi catch me. They’re tugging along a very reluctant Gabe. Usually, Gabe keeps to himself and his books, so his face is pinched with annoyance.
“Gabe, here, has an idea,” Raph says, nudging his brother to speak.
“I didn’t say it was a good idea,” Gabe complains. “I said it was an option, if someone cared to bend the rules.”
“Oh, don’t be so pedantic,” Milvi whispers. “It’s perfectly fine to do.”
“Then why are you whispering?” Gabe retorts.
Milvi rolls her eyes and turns her back on him
. “Look,” she says to me. “Gabe thinks you could use some real tutoring with your training.” I don’t like the way she says “real tutoring,” like she knows about me and Michael, but I keep quiet.
“It’s like this.” Raph pulls us deeper into the alcove and whispers. “Rama Kuan is kinda lax in the self-defense area. It’s probably why Michael got so pissed. We all care about you, and safety is a big issue for spirit walkers. I’m sure you understand how dangerous it is? Rama Kuan explained all that, right?”
Uh, no, but Michael has. Repeatedly. At the top of his lungs.
“Actually, we haven’t gotten that far yet,” I say with a sinking feeling. They look worried. “Should I have been told?”
“First thing out the gate,” Gabe says, sighing heavily. “He was supposed to explain the process and give you a choice. It’s a little thing we like to call free will. You may have heard of it?” He is quite the sarcastic little shit all of a sudden.
“He only told me about the three trials I have to master to achieve enlightenment. Besides, I would’ve accepted anyway.”
“Atta girl,” Milvi says, and I feel better. Gabe clears his throat for attention.
“Even so, you must understand what you’re getting involved in. As your process continues and you pass through one level and into another, your Chelsea Light will take shape in your hand.” He gathers my hands in his, and we peer into my palms. “Nothing so far, but it’s too early. Anyway, as the light grows within you, it will manifest in one of your palms. When you have reached definitive enlightenment, it will be rather like a beacon, meaning lost souls within the area will be drawn to it. As will demons, reapers, soul seekers, and any other vile creature from below. They’ll want your light.”
