by Adams, Lori
It’s a vaguely familiar sensation, bringing to mind my time with Mom at the Borderland. Only, this time my body is in control and not left behind. I am the master of me and I come with the knowledge to help others. I’m in a field of light, and then Rama appears before me. We move together on the fringe of the spirit world as he continues his teachings, guiding me toward the understanding I will need. Harmonic concordance. He says, To hear the needs of lost souls. Be in tune to their pleas. I nod. I hear them and it sounds like confection in the air …
Chapter 23
Smells Like Teen Spirit Walker
Rama is proud and tells me so five times as we make our way to the barn. I’m exceeding all his expectations. Not only did I move past the fifth dimension, we walked on the fringe of the spirit world while my body was levitating over the bed. Something none of his former students have achieved. He says it’s a duality of the consciousness. I call it multitasking.
I finally heard confection in the air and I know I’m on my way. Perhaps the next time I hear it, it will be the pleas of real souls asking for my help.
When I tell Rama I come from a long line of spirit walkers, he doesn’t doubt me. “There is greatness inside you. I believe you were truly born to it.”
I had better be because I’m giving up a lot for this.
I walk into the barn with the feeling that something has changed within me. I’m no longer the lost girl searching for what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s an unearned sense of confidence; every part of me is aware of certain things I must accomplish now. My muscles no longer hesitate with indecision. They’ll do what’s required. The body is willing to rise to the demands of the mind. Now I must make those demands. And much more.
Kanati and Chang`e are waiting for us. As far as they know, I’m skipping school to focus on my training. Still, they don’t look pleased.
“What’s up?” I ask, stripping down to my blue shorts and white tank top.
Kanati says, “There is unbalanced energy in this town. We thought perhaps you would know something about that?”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“A certain measure of Forgiven souls. A certain measure of guardian energy. And an excessive amount of lesser demons in the area.”
Ah.
For some reason, this doesn’t bother me as it would have yesterday. I consider things with a vague curiosity and then start my stretches. Chang`e approaches when I shrug without answering.
“Sophia, when last we met, Kanati and I both sensed a distinct … demonic fragrance on you. Burnt cinnamon? Have you any reason to smell like burnt cinnamon?”
Ordinarily, a lie would pop into my head, anything to avoid this topic and get on with the important task of turning me into something lethal. But things have changed, and I’m without concern this morning. I tell them about Dante and Vaughn. I explain about Lord Brutus knowing of my Awakening and sending lesser demons to turn me dark the moment it happens.
They are not happy. They say it’s common for lesser demons to sense an Awakening, if they happen to be within range. But to have them dispatched by the leader of The Order of Reapers with the specific task of turning someone dark is not common. I must’ve done something to anger Lord Brutus.
“So if you guys are demon hunters, why haven’t you gone after the lesser demons? After Dante and Vaughn?”
They regard me with grave expressions. Chang`e says they would be grossly outnumbered, plus, they have committed their efforts to me. “But we have alerted our fellow hunters. I wouldn’t be surprised to find them in Haven Hurst before the week’s end.”
Kanati takes my hands, turning them palms up. There is nothing new or different but he wraps his hands tightly around mine, bringing us palm against palm. Then he closes his eyes, concentrating. I look at Rama. He shrugs and tucks a flower behind his ear. A gentle tingle begins in my right palm. It’s fluttering with gradual strength. Soon it swirls and spreads into a warm sensation. I expect to see a pale blue light seep between our hands but there is nothing except heat. Kanati opens his eyes and releases me.
“You have made significant progress today, haven’t you? Achieved the highest level without aid from the Chelsea Light? When it comes, you must be ready. You must have every skill necessary to defend yourself and the souls you will protect. So let us begin. One-to-one combat.”
I recheck my palm. Still nothing, but I could sense it rising to the surface as though Kanati was pulling it. And that alone makes my adrenaline spike. I am so close.
Kanati assumes the position and I eagerly prepare for his attack. He comes at me and I block and roll away, facing him on the turn. Again, he initiates the attack, and we grapple and I flip him onto the ground. I have no weapons so I brace my foot against his rib cage and twist his arm back. And we begin again.
Less than an hour later, we’ve wrestled and flipped and tossed and slammed until we’re huffing and sweating. He’s pushing me to my physical limits but I’m not fading. I feel energized and centered. Chang`e takes her turn with the cane poles, and I spin and whip them around without hesitation. I envision my movements before I act on them—mind and body in complete synchronization. Then I take a fighting stick in each hand, sparing and driving her to the edge of the bank. The war inside me has turned and I am balanced. I am in command of me.
“Well done!” Kanati says, beating his fist against his heart and tipping his head foreword in salute. Chang`e presses her hands together and gives me a slight bow, and I blossom inside. I’ve impressed my demon hunters and myself. The girl from yesterday would be jumping and flailing the happy dance, but I have nothing but a sense of harmony within me. I’m settling into this feeling with mature confidence.
They invite me to a table where an array of strange-looking weapons is spread in neat rows. They are sleek and mystical, made of silver or crystal or gold, everything glittering with supernatural light. Chang`e says I must choose the weapons that speak to me. The ones that call to my hands. Every spirit walker selects their own weapons and the weapons will answer to their call. She gives me a meaningful look, and I lock her words inside my head. The weapons will answer to my call.
Kanati runs down the list: the tamahaac or tomahawk. The stryker, much like the traditional hawk but with a smaller blade. The long knife and gunstock war club of the Okichitaw warrior. The francisca, a throwing axe that looks heavy. Silver throwing stars. A mambele, the South African throwing dagger with a curved blade. Long-range weapons such as the hurlbat, the sling, darts, and javelin. A crystal dagger and a pair of small pistol crossbows no bigger than handguns.
I survey them all, one by one, and then back away from the table. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, bringing my mind and body to a peaceful state. Then I narrow my thoughts and call to the first weapon. Within moments, the weapon rises from the table and flies toward me. My left hand shoots up just as it slams into my palm. I grip the hilt and open my eyes; the crystal dagger. I smile and then hand it to Chang`e so that I can continue. I have my mind set on two more, and they are spinning through the air before I even close my eyes. The pistol crossbows land in my hands, loaded and ready to fire. I inspect them, checking their balance and weight. They are light and graceful. The grips fit perfectly, as though made for my hands.
“Are there more arrows?” I ask, looking for a secret storage compartment inside the grips.
Chang`e smiles at my naive question. “These are holy weapons, Sophia. The arrows will come as you need them.”
Holy weapons with an endless supply of ammunition. How freaking cool is that?
“You have chosen wisely,” Kanati says, but I detect a slight disappointment that the Okichitaw weapons didn’t call to me. But he’s being a good sport about it. He sees that I’m happy with my weapons. They have selected me as much as I have selected them.
“Now you must learn all they can do for you, and you for them,” he says, guiding me to stand before the giant tree in the center of the meadow. Chang`e straps a bel
t around my hips; it’s thin and light and I hardly know its there. I have a sheath for my dagger, and two holsters for my thighs that hold the pistol crossbows. All three weapons are within easy reach, and I adjust my stance, ready for practice.
My first target is the tree trunk itself. I throw the dagger and easily hit where I aim. But I’m immediately awash with memories—throwing the knife at Steve and throwing the knife in the haunted mansion when the demons pushed me too far. It felt strangely natural then, as it does now. I was made for this.
Back and forth I go, throwing and retrieving. I hit everything I aim at, but this exercise becomes daunting—throwing and then fetching the dagger.
It’s not until ten mintues later that I notice Chang`e and Kanati grinning. What I’m doing amuses them, and I think I’m missing something. I look at the dagger in my hand, considering things. Then I haul back and throw it hard, sending it to the top of the tree. It slams into the branch and nearly severs it. The weapons will answer to my call. I raise my hand and concentrate, willing the blade to return to me. It shakes itself loose and backtracks into my palm. I grasp it, smiling.
“You could’ve told me,” I say. “It would’ve saved a lot of time.”
Chang`e laughs. “Your weapons obey you, not me.”
I switch to the crossbows, wheeling them around like a kid with a new plaything. Which is exactly what I am. I pelt the tree with an endless stream of tiny arrows. They are small and lethal. I almost feel bad for the tree but since it’s supernatural and nothing can harm it, I go at it. Three hours pass and I’m in love with these things.
Kanati wants me accustomed to fighting with weapons on my hips, so for the first time in my training, I take on both of the demon hunters. We have short fighting sticks and are clacking our way across the open meadow. The grass is cool under my feet and I move easily, keeping up and not taking too many hits. When they change tactics, I drop the sticks and roll, whipping out my crossbow. Kanati has run toward my left flank, and I fire at the moving target. He flips in the air and swiftly lands on his feet while three arrows impale his fighting stick. Chang`e is charging with her stick whirling overhead. I spin away, slicing her stick with my crystal dagger. It strikes like lightning and splits the wood in half.
Then out of nowhere, the blue sky over our heads cracks like a whip and a man falls through. He is backward and wearing body armor and flailing with a sword in each hand. His blond hair dances in the wind as he sails down, kicking and jabbing. He looks like a child having a tantrum. He hits the grassy meadow with a hard whump and lies perfectly still. Within moments, his helmet sails down and lands next to him.
I think he must be dead, but then he grunts and rolls onto his stomach and looks up. It’s Michael! He seems disoriented for a moment, and then his eyes lock with mine. We stare, both in shock to see the other. He opens his mouth but doesn’t speak. I hold my breath, and then the sky cracks again and a grotesque creature falls out and lands a few yards from Michael. It’s some hairless, four-legged beast with horns and a serious overbite of jagged fangs. Its gray skin is nearly translucent and shows a map of black veins. It looks wet and juicy, like it’s covered in ectoplasm.
Michael scrambles up and runs at the creature just as it charges; a supernatural bull with its head down and horns out. Michael drops to his knees, sliding across the grass and under the creature’s belly. His swords cut two swaths from neck to gut, and then he rolls out. The creature wails an unearthly sound. It is mortally wounded but it’s big and will take time to drop. Another crack from the sky and two others like Michael crash down in body armor with swords flailing. They hit the ground and roll over. All three pounce on the beast, driving their swords in deep. It screams and claws the earth but eventually stumbles, collapsing onto its horrendous snout.
I’m staring, breathlessly. My heart is a jackhammer. I’ve never seen anything like this. Michael and the others climb to their feet, panting from the fight. They are worn and bloody, cut to shreds, but still I can see the amazing beauty in their faces. Their sharp cheekbones and chiseled jaw lines as though carved with diamonds. Their eyes sparkle with mystical light. Angels are unmistakable, even if they’re dripping with blood and glaring at me.
I can’t read Michael’s expression. Nor can I feel his heartbeat inside my chest. I don’t feel panicked yet. It could be that he’s too far away. It could be that I’ve inadvertently severed our tie by creating Ka. Not that it matters. I still love Michael with every part of me. But I can’t bear the idea of never feeling him inside me again.
His eyes tighten and then drop to my hips. He sees the weapons, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Does he finally approve? Will he tug on my heart to let me know?
Two warriors walk into the meadow. They are apart from the others, and I’m guessing they’re the Halo Masters that Michael spoke of. Kanati waves and they make their way over to us. I can’t take my eyes off Michael. This must be his Halo training, but why does he look so angry? The others have relaxed and are discussing the kill. Michael is still coiled for a fight.
It’s me. Michael is still upset with me. He doesn’t think I belong here.
Kanati greets the men as Camael and Sachiel. To my surprise, Rama pulls himself from the flowerbed and joins them. I stand aside while they talk with their indoor voices. I can barely hear them.
Camael says, “How are things progressing?” and Rama says, “We are almost there.”
I look over. They’re talking about me? The Halo Masters know about me?
The one called Sachiel breaks from the others and comes to me. He asks if I remember him from the Borderland and a light goes on.
“Oh, yes! I mean, I don’t remember you specifically but yes, I remember seeing a band of warriors. That was you?”
He laughs warmly and nods. He seems pleased that I remember. Over his shoulder, I see Michael pacing like a caged animal. Back and forth, he watches me and Sachiel. He doesn’t seem pleased that we’re getting along.
“And you weren’t afraid of us then, were you?” Sachiel asks, and I cock my head in question.
“No, I never felt afraid of you guys. Should I have been?”
“No. Definitely not. I’m glad you weren’t afraid; it’s a sign that the warrior in you recognized the warrior in us. A sign of trust. We sensed a strong light within you and we were curious to see …” He pauses with a strange look in his eyes, as though he wants to say more. He shifts uncomfortably and then, remembering his manners, tentatively offers his hand. “Welcome … to the family.” We shake and I get the distinct feeling that he is hesitant to touch me, as though he isn’t allowed. I smile and thank him for welcoming me. He says he heard that I’ll be ready soon.
“I hope so,” I say, glancing at Michael. The other candidates have joined him and they’re walking closer. “Are the Winter Trials winding down, too?”
“Just finishing. We have our warriors.” He turns and we watch them approach. Michael looks anywhere but at me. When he’s within range, my second heartbeat springs to life, and I bite into my smile.
It’s still there! Thank God!
Michael plays it cool and shows no sign of feeling my heartbeat inside him. The more he pretends not to feel it, the more I know it affects him.
While the Masters chat about some official ceremony at the end of the trials, Michael’s eyes wander around the ground and then slowly climb up my legs. He takes a closer analysis of my weapons; he’s curious about which weapons I’ve chosen, or rather, which weapons have chosen me.
I see a faint smile tug at his lips, and then his eyes slowly lift to mine and I know. He approves.
I hold my breath, hoping he’ll say something, anything, to show that he has changed his mind about me becoming a spirit walker. About us.
I feel a gentle tug at my heart, and I wring my hands, nervously waiting for two more tugs. Please let there be two more!
We stare without saying a word, but I can see the love in Michael’s eyes. He looks drowsy with it, and I wi
sh he would try again. Please, Michael, tell me we’re not really over. Please don’t let me go so easily.
There is another faint tug and then … nothing. Michael turns and walks away.
Chapter 24
Tea with Demons
Rama and I have two more successful sessions but I sense he’s growing concerned. I’ve entered the rainbow aura, which is the pinnacle of my transcendence, but I haven’t tapped into something he calls Kundalini. It’s the full release of my spiritual energy. I worry that I’m losing my nerve after seeing Michael at the barn. I don’t know what to take away from the encounter; I saw the love in his eyes, felt my second heartbeat, but he didn’t reach out to me. He didn’t say he loved me anymore, and I’m reeling from the loss all over again. For two days I’ve struggled to regain my mental footing.
Rama says I have achieved a great deal but I must master the last step in the third trial—the empowerment of the physical form—or I can’t complete my Awakening; it’s that crucial.
Kundalini, or “the coiled-up one,” is the essence of my spiritual energy. It’s coiled inside the deepest part of me, waiting for release. Once activated, it must join the spirit through an organic journey, rising and passing through every chamber of my spine in a process called Sushumna. As it drifts upward, it opens the capacity to all intangible things: compassion, commitment, strength, confidence, and courage. It’s a threshold I must pass through. The body is the temple of the consciousness, but inside the consciousness no obstructions can remain. The mystery of myself is not from discovery but from release of those primordial obstructions: desire and fear. As they are released from the consciousness, no obstructions remain and the body—the temple—drops off to complete the true empowerment of the physical form. This is the Awakening of all things possible.
“You have released the desire within you, Sophia. It is no longer a device of service but integrated within you. So what is this fear you hang on to? What has you so afraid that you remain tightly coiled within yourself?”
