It wasn’t so easy for him. So much unresolved pain. His childhood was a haze of unpleasant memories. With a child’s unquestioning devotion, all he’d ever craved was his father’s love and approval, but it had never been forthcoming. He’d grown up believing he was never smart enough, never quite tough enough to meet his father’s high expectations.
On impulse, Max leaned over and planted an affectionate kiss on his mother’s cheek. He’d accepted long ago she had moved on with her life, but it didn’t upset him. Both of them had learned to be independent people. They’d had no choice. But, unlike her, he’d always surrounded himself with friends but never really needed anyone until Rebecca.
An image of her beautiful face danced before him. He still couldn’t believe she was here. He brooded over his relationship with Kate. In those first few months since he’d left England, they’d tried to rekindle the spark between them, but it had already been too late. He had fallen out of love with her. This made him sad. They had, after all, been together for a long time. They’d shared many happy moments, but even in those first throes of passion, something was missing. He and Kate had never really truly connected the way he felt he did with Rebecca. Kate had always wanted so much more than he could give her.
Rebecca was different, so alive and vibrant. She could be a bloody pain in the arse at times, but God did she make him laugh. He realized, for the past eight months, he’d only been half-alive, but now she was back in his life, and he would die before he lost her again.
“You’ve got that daft look on your face.” Turning down the corner of a page, his mother closed her book. “You’re thinking about that girl.”
“That girl, mother dear, is here, safely tucked up in my bed in the company apartment as we speak.”
“She flew all this way to find you, and she got through Jackson security? What an enterprising young woman she must be. I’d like to meet her. She sounds quite a character.”
“She is.” Max patted her hand. “You will get on like a house on fire. When it comes to animals and being impulsive, you have so much in common.”
“Max…” she hesitated. “Rebecca, isn’t it? She’s very young and just finished school, I recall you saying.”
“What are you getting at, Mum?” Max swiveled in his chair and folded his arms.
“Please don’t give me that Max glint.” His mother, slapped at his knee. “All I am saying is, well, if you are planning on building a relationship with her, you need to think long and hard about how it could affect her. If she wants to be with you, then she’s going to have to move to Sydney and give up her studies, or at least start over at a college here. Long separations can affect a relationship. Isn’t that one of the reasons why you and Kate grew apart?”
“A very, very small one,” he growled, not at all liking this conversation and the direction in which it was heading.
“All I am trying to say is you’d better be totally honest with her, Max. It’s hard being married to a newspaperman. At least let her know what it is she’ll be letting herself in for.”
“I am not Dad,” he said. “I would never neglect her the way he neglected us.”
“Maybe not,” His mother calmly reopened her book. “At least, not intentionally. If her happiness is important, then you need to make some hard decisions.”
Max stared at her. “What are you suggesting? That I give it all up and just walk away? Give our rivals the chance to knock us off the top spot? God knows they’ve been trying for years.”
“Well I wouldn’t cry. As far as I’m concerned, Jackson Media can go down the drain tomorrow. I will even pull the plug myself and put out the flags.”
Her revelation stunned him, but before he could respond, his father’s body suddenly went into spasms, and a barrage of alarms sounded out.
“Max…” She grabbed his arm. Together they stood, as the room filled with doctors and nurses.
Amid the organised chaos, Max looked on, a helpless spectator, while the battle for his father’s life drew to its inevitable conclusion.
* * * *
Disoriented, Rebecca sat up and tried to focus in the unfamiliar room. Max sat on the edge of the bed, a shadowy outline in the dull glow of the bedside lamp. Silent and still, he stared into nothing. Her heart sank, knowing the worst had happened. “Max?”
It seemed as if he didn’t hear her, but then he turned. Pain was etched on his face.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He touched her cheek. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Rebecca sat up on her knees and reached out to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Cradling her in his arms, he buried his face in her hair. She held him, gently rubbing his back, feeling the tension in his muscles beneath her palms.
“It’s over, Rebecca,” he whispered.
She would have given anything to take away his pain. “Oh Max…I’m so sorry.” She tasted his salt tears.
“Just hold me.” He closed his eyes, clinging to her, as if needing her to absorb the anguish from his soul.
Lying back, she drew him down until they lay side by side. Her heart pounded out a wild, eager beat. Something had changed in their relationship.
“I’m sorry.” He touched her lips with his. “Grown men aren’t supposed to cry.”
“My father says men should cry more often.” Taking his face in her hands, she kissed away the tears.
“I am so glad you’re here with me.” He let out a sigh, a sigh filled with so much grief it tore at her heart. “I’m so tired, Rebecca. So bloody tired.”
“It’s okay. Don’t talk any more if you don’t want to.” He shivered beneath her touch as she pulled the sheet over him.
He pulled her closer to him. “I can’t believe he’s gone. I feel numb—and guilty. So bloody guilty because I ought to be feeling more than I do.”
Rebecca couldn’t speak, all too conscious they lay together in a bed. She’d fantasized about being in his arms so many times but never imagined it would be under these circumstances, that he would need her so much. She held his head against her chest, her fingers tentatively caressing his face.
“Do you know, as I stood, staring down at my father’s body, I felt nothing? I couldn’t feel any love for him. Not even at the end. What I did feel was angry and cheated because all my life I’ve been waiting and hoping that, one day, I would win his approval, and now, well, it will never happen. The selfish old bastard went and died on me.”
Rebecca lay there, speechless at this outpouring of his heart. There was nothing she could say or do except hold him.
He went on. “You don’t know how much I hated him at times, for how he treated my mother, for his neglect of us both.” Max fought hard to control his emotions. “When I was a boy, I was so afraid of him. He was so big and strong, so powerful. I thought he was the greatest man on earth. He intimidated me—my own father, a man I should have been able to go to for love and support. But in the end, do you know what I saw? Only a simple man, a frail, helpless old man who died without ever sharing in real love or affection. What a legacy he left, a wife who despised him and a son he never really took the time or trouble to know.”
Fresh tears fell, and Rebecca cried with him, wishing she could do more to console him. “Oh, Max…”
“Don’t.” Lifting his head, he put a finger to her lips. “Don’t be sad for me. Be sad for my father, but not for me because I have one thing he never had. I have your love, and you are worth more to me than all his power and money. I love you. Nothing else matters to me.”
Elation flooded her soul. It was hard to breathe. But, along with the joy singing in her heart, came a remnant of her old fear. Beneath her searching hands, she felt his body tense and heard the urgency in his whisper.
“I need you now, Rebecca. I need you to touch me, to make love to me. Without you, my life doesn’t make sense. Kiss me.”
Moaning her pleasure, she melted against him. That first real kiss was honey on her lips, his mouth teasing hers w
ith exquisite tenderness. She wound her arms around his neck and pulled his body closer to hers.
“You are so beautiful.” He broke the kiss, tracing a line from her forehead to her lips. “You’re scared. Don’t be. I would never hurt you.” His beautiful green eyes hypnotized her. He spoke softly, calming her uncertainties as he unbuttoned her nightdress. “I understand what you may be feeling. I want to erase every painful memory, every hurt you suffered. I want to show you how it should be when two people love each other as much as we do.”
Rebecca trembled as he parted the thin material and caressed her bare skin.
“We’ll take it slow, and, if you want me to stop, I will. I love you.”
The intimacy of his touch startled her, but he reassured her with a slow, very sexy smile. Under his gentle caress, her anxiousness dissolved. They kissed again, more ardent this time, as her confidence grew. He wanted her. His touch made her light-headed, thrilling her beyond anything she’d imagined.
His lips still on hers, he worked at his clothes. “Wait.” Not taking his eyes from hers, he sat up.
Fascinated, she watched him undress. His muscles rippled in the dim glow of the bedside lamp. She didn’t think she’d ever seen anything so beautiful, and she wanted to cry, overcome by the new emotions churning inside her. Reaching out, she traced a line down from his chest, hesitating when her fingers brushed against his groin.
He covered her hand with his and held it against him. He didn’t speak, allowing her time to banish the demons once and for all. The love she saw burning in his eyes before he closed them against her intimate, searching touch drove out every ghastly memory. This was Max, the man she loved, the man she knew would love and protect her forever.
Reaching for him, she pulled him down until he covered her with his warm body. She revelled in the sound of their hearts beating as one. “Love me.” She sought his lips. “Make love to me.”
* * * *
Max couldn’t sleep. Although dog-tired, the uncertainty of his future played on his mind, keeping him awake.
Rebecca slept soundly, her head resting on his chest, her face still flushed from their lovemaking. Her expression was innocent. She looked untouched, so pure. He stroked her cheek, loving the way her long lashes rested against her soft, fresh skin. Tracing her rosy lips with his thumb, he brushed his own lips against hers. She stirred but did not wake. His breath caught as once again, he found himself utterly amazed by the depth of his feelings. He knew then. He could not live without this girl. Compared to her, everything else paled into insignificance. Max was no saint. He’d made love with many women in his life, but he’d never felt the kind of emotion Rebecca brought out in him. It frightened him because she made him vulnerable. He tried to imagine his life without her. The possibility he could lose her ate away at him until he thought he would go crazy with it.
His mother’s perceptive words played over and over in his mind. Did he really want this life about to be thrust upon him? Just let me get through tomorrow, he promised himself, and then I’ll be able to think straight.
Careful not to wake her, he cradled her body with his. She stirred against him and turned over. Her eyes still shut, she murmured. “Don’t leave me…”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rebecca lay still, too afraid to move, too afraid to breathe. She was scared, if she did, she would wake up and find him gone.
Max lay on his side, one well-muscled leg draped over her, an arm cradling her head. She rested her cheek against his chest. His steady heartbeat and melodious breathing soothed her. She watched him sleep; she’d been watching for hours. He was better than any dream or fantasy. Making love with him had been amazing, beyond her wildest imagination. He’d been so gentle with her and yet so passionate, bringing her alive with his intuitive touch.
“What’s going on in that devious, gorgeous mind of yours, Miss Harding?” Eyes still closed, he smiled a Cheshire cat smile. Wrapping her in his arms, he pulled her in close to him.
“You’re a fraud, Mr. J.” She snuggled up to him. “I thought you were asleep.”
“Guilty.” He opened his eyes and rolled her onto her back until he lay above her, body resting up on his elbows. “I’ve been watching you watching me.” He traced her mouth with one warm fingertip. “So, my dear…” His lips played follow the leader. “Do I pass your inspection?”
“Well…” She looked past his head and up at the frolicking cherubs on the ceiling. “I suppose so.”
“Suppose?” He arched one beautifully shaped eyebrow. “Oh, now you have bruised my ego.”
Giggling at his sulky pout, she sought his mouth and kissed him. “The truth? I am still floating. You’re pretty damn good for a colonial. I am sorry I cried, though. I promised myself I wouldn’t. I mean, it’s so romance novel clichéd, isn’t it? Not that I have read any but—”
“Harding, you always did talk too much.” He cut off her ramblings with a fierce embrace.
She responded to him, elated to think she could excite him so quickly, but then, like a bad dose of shingles, reality reared its ugly head. The shrill ring of Max’s alarm rang out, breaking into their private little world.
Swearing under his breath, he reached over and switched it off. With a reluctant sigh, he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, expression once again drained. “I’m so sorry, my love.” Closing his eyes, he expelled a tired sigh. “God, I wish this day would just go away. There’s so much to do, so many people waiting for me, and I don’t know if I’m capable of dealing with any of it right now.” He let out a terse laugh. “Or ever, if I’m honest.”
Crouching on her knees, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek on his shoulders. “I’m sorry. It’s still early. Don’t go yet. You’re tired. Try and sleep, at least for a couple of hours.”
“You’re right.” Turning in her arms, he lowered her down. “Just one more hour, but I don’t intend to waste it sleeping.”
* * * *
A gentle but persistent knocking at the front door woke her. Pulling on the robe against the chill of the morning, she tiptoed from the bedroom and opened the door to find Peggy dressed in a resplendent purple tweed suit, a bag of delicious smelling goodies in her hand.
“Please.” Rebecca put a finger to her lips. “He’s dozed off again, and I don’t want to wake him just yet. He’s so stressed.”
“I know. It is not a good day for him.” Peggy swept by her and made for the kitchen, clearly well at home in the apartment. “Have you had coffee yet? No? Never mind. I could do with some myself.” She went about the business of filling the coffee machine, before opening up the bag of croissants.
Rebecca looked on, arms wrapped around her body. Efficient people always made her feel inadequate, especially at such an ungodly hour.
“Sugar?” Peggy pulled two mugs from the overhead cupboard.
“Three please.” Rebecca slid onto the chrome and glass breakfast barstool.
“Three? How do you manage to keep so slim? Kate would have killed herself without her sweeteners. Tell me, how is Max holding up?”
Before answering, Rebecca took a pastry and bit into it. “I think it hasn’t quite sunk in yet.”
“Well, I’m just glad you are here for him. God knows Sissi isn’t going to be much help.” She glanced at her watch. “He’s going to have to wake up soon, you know. He has so many appointments.”
“Can’t they wait?”
“I’m afraid not, Rebecca. As hard and insensitive as it may seem, business matters must be attended to. Max has to meet his father’s lawyers today. I will help him as much as I can, but he now effectively owns this company, and he is the person people will want to talk to—not me. He is going to have to deal with—”
“I’m well aware of what I’ll have to deal with, Peggy.”
Max walked into the kitchen, clad only in his jeans. “Hey, you.” He leaned in to kiss Rebecca on the cheek before crossing to the counter to pour out a cup of coffee. He met
her eyes across the room and gave her a warm smile. Mug in hand, he pulled out a stool and straddled it. “God—do I feel rough.” He rubbed. “Sorry.” Leaning in, he caressed her cheek. “I shall shave. I don’t want to scratch your beautiful face.”
Catching the amused crinkle of Peggy’s eyes, Rebecca felt the heat rush to her cheeks. Nothing seemed to faze this woman.
“Max—” Peggy joined them at the bar, her matter of fact tone reminding Rebecca of a salesman giving a double glazing quote. “The funeral home has been onto me. Everything is arranged for tomorrow. I didn’t see any point in prolonging it, and those who need to know have been informed.”
“Thanks.” Completely unembarrassed by Peggy’s presence, Max pushed a wisp of hair back from Rebecca’s face and kissed her. “Okay.” He turned his attentions to Peggy again. “You have my full attention. What’s first on the agenda?”
“What would you like to be first?” She studied him over her glasses. “Shareholders, lawyers, bankers, press, TV, they are all lining up for you, ready to tear you up and spit you out. Oh, don’t glare at me like that. I’m joking. You’ll be fine.
“Just don’t let them intimidate you. Remember you are the boss now. Most of them know less than you do. All they’re interested in is their returns.”
“I wanted to run a newspaper,” he said with a measure of bitterness. “Not play with pretend money.”
“It’s not that simple any more, I’m sorry to say. This is not some one-paper operation, and don’t forget the bid that was put in for the satellite channel. It was your father’s wish that we go ahead.”
“Well, I shall be withdrawing our offer. I refuse to have a porn channel bearing our name.”
“It’s not hard-core, Max.” Peggy sighed. “It’s adult entertainment and extremely lucrative.”
“Peggy, do I really need more money?”
Out of her depth, Rebecca watched in dismay as he rubbed at his brow. She knew he was trying to hold it together. “This is all crazy. Why does it all have to be done today? Max is so—”
A Little Crushed Page 23
