“Arrgh!” I cried out in frustration at my protesting ribs, and the fact I couldn’t budge us. I stood shakily with the twins, and started to jump across the crates to the corner. As I got closer, I was almost completely on my knees with my shoulders against the grating. I only had minutes before we would all three drown, trapped against the panels. I shuddered, my breathing becoming shallower as I began to panic. My lungs had been filled with water once before when I almost drowned in the river. My eyes stung with unshed tears as I thought about my babies drowning with me.
“Andieee, where are you?” John’s voice was close.
“John! Oh, please, John! Down here, under the grating!
I pushed one last time and landed on the edge of the crate closest to the bars. The space was only about three feet square, with two bars that crisscrossed. I could easily push the babies through it.
“Over here! Please, she’s here,” I heard Noah’s voice call out.
“John, Noah…please. The water is rising too fast, we’re going to drown,” I cried out, pulling my way across the top of the crate with the babies frantically clutching my neck.
A hand reached down and grabbed Matty’s pajamas. I could see well enough to make out John’s face.
“John! John, hurry, take them,” I begged as he pulled Matty through the bars.
“Matty!” I could hear Banton’s voice. My heart pumped so hard it hurt.
“Chandler, hand Elly to me,” John commanded breathlessly. I pushed her up between the bars as I kissed her on the mouth. John grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to safety.
My babies were safe. I could see John above me as he stood and handed both babies to someone in an orange life vest. My babies were safe. I sank down on top of the crate as it pushed up against the bars. Water began to pour in behind me at the edge of the grating.
The adrenalin rush was gone and I had no strength left. Even Banton’s frantic voice didn’t move me. I fell, my body lying across the top of the crate. I could feel the iron bars against my back as the crate bobbed up and down in the water.
“Chandler Ann Gastaneau, don’t you give up on me,” Banton pleaded through clenched teeth.
The ship listed hard again, and the crate below me moved, sliding me off into the water.
“Chandler, where are you?” I could hear John and Ty calling out. I was about three feet away from the bars. I looked up at them passively. I could see their faces…John, Ty…and Banton.
John yelled, “Get that cutting torch over here, now! We’ll have to cut her out!”
I knew his attempt was futile. There was no way they would ever pull me between those bars. I wouldn’t fit. The squares were about six inches too small for my shoulders to squeeze through.
“Chandler, swim back over here!” Banton commanded sternly. He and Ty tried frantically to pull a piece of the grating loose. I swam back to the iron bars as Banton gave up and pushed his arms down to me.
“Baby, hold on. We’re going to get you out,” he said. Ty fell back to his knees beside him.
“It’s not as scary as I thought it would be.” I whispered, our faces only inches apart.
“What, baby?” he asked me breathlessly. He grasped my shirt, pulling me up against the bars.
“Dying. I think I always knew I would die this way. I knew I would drown. But what was so scary in my dreams was that I was alone. I’m not alone,” I said. The water closed over my head. I smiled at him, grasping at his hand as he lifted his face heavenward. I could hear him screaming my name.
Oh, no…Banton. It’s okay. You are holding me, I wanted to cry out to him. I moved my mouth, and the water rushed in. He pulled me frantically, ramming my shoulder against the bars.
I could hear his muffled screams as John yelled, “We can’t cut through this. Banton, pull her out!”
“Break her shoulders if you have to,” Ty yelled, grabbing tight to my other hand in the water. I felt a pop as my right shoulder dislocated, and then as darkness closed in around me, I dreamed I felt Banton’s face.
* * *
My Catholic grandfather, my dad’s stepdad, was right. He’d joked with my mother on occasion that he’d meet all the Baptists in purgatory. This must be it. There was pain. Maw Maw Irene said there would be no pain in heaven. I wasn’t in hell because I wasn’t burning. I was chilled to the bone and my chest ached terribly. My head pounded. I fought and fought, but I couldn’t move anything. My hands were tied down. Someone screamed my name beside me. Please, please stop the screaming. Someone picked and probed at me. I couldn’t see.
Wasn’t I going to go to heaven? I searched and searched, but I couldn’t find a light. There was supposed to be a light. There was always a light in the movies. The cold, wet darkness consumed me. My lungs ached so badly. I wanted to take a deep breath. Someone, please stop the screaming. My head hurts, please stop screaming.
Voices came to me as if through a long tunnel - voices that faded in and back out again.
“…every one of her ribs has been cracked, some of them broken…surgery for her lung…get her back to the states before…time will tell us…”
More of the black, dark coldness. It was quiet and peaceful, but cold. I shivered, wanting someone to cover me up. I need a blanket…I need…I need…
“…lack of air supply. Even Aldon and half-breeds…brain damage…can’t survive without oxygen…too much time…”
I could hear someone moaning and crying. Why were they crying? I’m the one hurting! Please, stop their moaning! My skin is crawling! Please, no more.
I could hear noises again, no longer from a dark tunnel, but in the room with me. Someone was breathing next to me. I could smell him…the warm, spicy male scent of Banton’s cologne.
“There is no medical reason why she’s still out. We can’t do an MRI here. Have to wait until tomorrow. All her vital signs are stable.”
A doctor? I didn’t recognize his voice. I could hear a thrumming, an engine on board a ship. Oh, no, I was back on board the ship. Dante would be coming for me, coming for the twins! My heart raced as I heard loud noises around me.
“Doc, what’s happening? Do something,” I could hear Banton’s voice exploding beside my head. I calmed down. Banton. Banton was here beside me. I wasn’t on the Orco ship anymore.
I slept. I dreamed.
I floated. I was in the water, Banton had my hand. It felt so good, so familiar. Banton. He could never know. I didn’t want him to know what Dante did to me. Banton could never know. He would be so disgusted. It was vile…I couldn’t wash it away…I needed more soap…Please.
“No, please…no, don’t touch…please, don’t touch me. Please, no, I’m not clean,” I writhed, trying to pull away from the sensations.
“Please, baby…please, come back to me. The babies need their mommy. God, please bring her back to us.”
Soft voices pleaded with me. “Chandler, open your eyes. Open your eyes and look at me. I can feel you. You are safe, and warm, and loved. Please come back to us. We’re here,” Brie’s soft voice drifted around me, making me smile. I tried and tried, but couldn’t open my eyes. Why can’t I open my eyes?
“Andie-girl, wake up. We’re almost home, and everyone needs to see you. Brie’s here, Chandler. She needs you. Please, please wake up.” Someone kissed my forehead.
No, don’t touch me. Please, stay away. I’m not clean, please, wash me again. Please!
“Chandler, Sweetheart, please come back to me. Doc, can she hear me? Chandler, I have to see your eyes, baby. You have to wake up. The babies need you, Chandler. Please, come back to us. Don’t give up now. I’m so, so sorry. I had to break your shoulder, I’m so sorry. It’s the only way I could get you out, please forgive me.”
Blackness again. I floated in the water, face down. My lungs filled with it, making me sink further, further down. I touched bottom. Good. No one will find me here. I’m safe here. Banton won’t find my body. He’ll never know what Dante did to me. I had to stay here and hi
de. Banton would be happy. He didn’t know, and he has the twins. Everything is okay now.
A monitor beeped annoyingly nearby. Beep…beep…beep…blip. Beep…beep…
Shut it off!
Why was I so irritable? I was never this short with people. They are taking care of me, I have to be nice.
“Pretty is as pretty does.”
“Oh, Mom.”
“Nice girls are polite and respectful. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
“I know, Mom.”
I’m not pretty anymore, Mom. I can’t be, Dante attacked me and made everything ugly. I want to hide. I want to die.
I was in overwhelming darkness again. I slept a deep, deep sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Normal noises…noises that made sense to me popped in and out around me. The sounds intruded on my sleep – the “squish, squish, squish” of rubber soles on a tile floor…a watch ticking, the “ommm-sheee” of a ventilator. I could feel something covering my face. I wanted to brush it off, but I couldn’t move my arms. The great struggle to wake and open my eyes had begun.
The smell of Banton’s soap, the clean fresh scent of him invaded my senses, calming me. He was sitting near. I could feel him under my skin.
His breath brushed my ear.
“Chandler Ann, wake up. Please,” I could hear tears in his voice as he choked on the words. I pushed and pushed, but my eyes wouldn’t open.
“Chandler, baby, the twins are here. They need to see you.” I felt the bed dip, and I could smell Brie.
“See, Matty, here’s Mommy. She’s right here,” Banton cooed. I felt a little hand on my arm.
“Mommy, see. Mommy,” Matty’s little voice mumbled as I felt him pat my arm.
“Elly, come here to Daddy. See, Mommy is right here, sweet girl. Mommy is here,” I heard him choke on the words again as someone stroked my other arm.
I felt Ellyson’s soft baby breath on my mouth as she lay her head down beside me. I could sense her sucking her thumb. She was watching me.
“Mommy,” she whispered to me. Ellyson had never said my name before. She was talking, and I was asleep.
“Daddy,” Matty said.
“Come here, Tiger,” Banton’s voice sounded more controlled.
“Banton, do you want me to take them and get them down now? It’s late,” Brie said.
“No, leave them in here and let them fall asleep with her. She needs to hear their little voices. If she won’t come back for me, maybe she will for them.”
He was crying. Banton was crying. He thought I wouldn’t come back for him.
I will come back for you, Banton…I will! I’m trying, I don’t want to die anymore. I want to be with you, I want…
I opened my eyes and scanned the room. Banton sat beside me, chasing Elly down the bed as she crawled on my legs. He pulled her back up to his chest and buried his nose in her hair. I smiled, thinking that was my favorite thing to do too. He turned his head to the side, sobs racking his chest.
My heart ached with loss. I realized I could feel what Banton was feeling. The feelings of desperation were overwhelming. As I gazed at him, I discovered I could finally see clearly as if everything had been enhanced with magnification and Technicolor. He looked so beaten, with several days of beard growth. I was surprised the babies knew him at all. He needed a shave and haircut. I’d never seen him so unkempt.
Banton continued to sob, his shoulders shaking as soft sounds escaped through his lips. Frustrated, I struggled but couldn’t move my fingers to touch his face. I couldn’t find my voice. I finally tried my left hand, and it moved.
“Mommy,” Matty’s voice called as I felt him touch my hand. I moved it higher, and felt his hair. He giggled his deep, belly giggle that I loved so much. “Mommy, see!” he giggled again.
Banton quieted and turned as I lifted my hand again to place it in Matty’s hair. His quick intake of breath alerted me he’d seen me move.
“Brie, come quick! Get the Doctor!” he shouted. His voice was so loud, it made me wince.
“Banton, please…don’t yell. It hurts,” I rasped out as he cried out loud.
“Chandler, sweetheart…oh, God, you came back. You’re awake,” he sobbed, burying his face in my chest. I raised my left hand and placed it on his head, trying to sooth him.
“Banton,” I croaked again as he pulled away to look down at me. He wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hands as Brie hurried into the room.
“You’re awake! Thank God,” she exclaimed as I winced. The noise hurt my head.
“Shhh, I understand, baby. Shhh, we’ll be quiet,” Banton murmured as he stroked the hair from my forehead. “Where do you hurt, Chandler? What can I get for you?”
“Shower. I need a shower,” I begged as he chuckled.
“No, please. I have to get clean,” I begged again as he tried to stroke my cheek. I pulled away from him, not wanting him to touch me until I was clean. The motion sent pain shooting down my neck into my right shoulder. I still couldn’t move my arm.
Banton removed his hand and watched me warily.
“Banton, let me take the babies, and you can have some time alone with Chandler,” Brie murmured.
Banton sat silently watching me as Brie gathered the babies in her arms. She leaned over to kiss me on the forehead, and I instinctively shrunk away from her. My neck stiffened again, and I screamed out.
“Okay, shh. It’s okay, Chandler. You’re safe. We can touch you. It’s just me and Brie. You’re safe,” he whispered over and over as he tried again to stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes instead of trying to move. “Chandler, I know you are hurting. Where does it hurt?”
“Everywhere. I can’t move, Banton,” I choked out as I opened my eyes again. A strange older man stood over Banton looking down at me.
“Well, it’s good to see you awake. Your vital signs are good, and you are breathing on your own finally. You have multiple cracked ribs, and you’ve suffered from a punctured and collapsed lung. Both your shoulders were dislocated, one of them broken when they pulled you from that ship, but you are a lucky young lady. If you were a mere mortal human, you wouldn’t have survived. I’m glad you are still here with us.”
My heart sank as he told me how lucky I was. I’m the lucky girl with the big, dark, awful secret. Banton could never know.
“Sweetheart, what is it? Where are you hurting?” Banton kept asking me the question over and over. He was desperate to help me. He could see the pain in my eyes.
“I need a shower,” I repeated.
“Chandler, I don’t think you can manage that just yet. The nurse bathed you this morning and put a clean gown on you. We’ll see how that shoulder looks tomorrow, and we’ll try to get you up. But right now, I need for you to try to drink something, and to rest. It took two transfusions to get you back to this shade of pale,” the doctor shook his head and then winked at Banton.
“No, I have to have a shower. I have to…my head,” I winced as I tried to move again.
“We can give you something mild. I’ll send the nurse back in a few minutes. Drink, Chandler. Sange-Mele get dehydrated like everyone else,” he said as he left the room.
Banton stroked my cheek again. Steeling myself against reacting, I tried not to pull away. I didn’t want to upset him, but it was torture. I wanted to be near him, but I didn’t want him to touch me.
He laid his head down beside me on the pillow, his breath brushing my lips.
“I’ve died a thousand deaths since they took you, Chandler. I don’t think I’ve slept in over a week. I haven’t thought of anything but you and the twins since I found your ring on the floor.”
“You found it?” I whispered.
“Yes. I knew you had been taken then. Ava Grace found your bracelet and led me to the ring. I recognized your clues in the note, too. Good girl,” he breathed, touching his lips to mine. His touch was exquisite, and I couldn’t stand it. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I fe
lt so unworthy of his love.
He reached up and wiped them away as he continued.
“You left good clues, Laurilee’s name, calling Dan ‘Daniel.’ Everett and I had already picked up on those. You signed the note ‘Chandler Ann’ the name you say we only use when you are in trouble. Then Ava found your bracelet. We traced your cell phone to a dumpster by the loading docks at the Port Authority, and Brie and Everett could smell which slip had been infested with Orcos. Unfortunately, the ship had already sailed hours before we caught up to your scent.”
I listened in mesmerized silence. I could listen to his deep, beautiful voice all day. He was here. Banton was here. He could never know.
“Chandler, what is it? You can tell me,” he whispered softly as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I wanted to tell him something, anything. I wanted to ease his pain, but I couldn’t speak. I had to hide, so I turned my head to the wall.
“Oh, Chandler, what is it? I know I hurt you when I broke your shoulder. I’m so, so sorry. I had to. I just had to pull you out. I couldn’t lose you! Baby, please!”
The desperation in his voice tore at my heart. He thought my silence and my reactions were because he hurt me getting me out.
“No, that’s not it. You didn’t hurt me, I promise. It’s not you,” I whispered.
“God, Chandler, tell me. What is it? I know you are in some sort of pain. Please tell me so I can help you.”
I turned back to him. I loved him so much, and seeing him so tortured hurt my heart. His eyes burned, the flecks of gold were bright as his eyes brimmed again with tears.
“You can’t help me Banton. It’s nothing.”
He continued to stare into my eyes, knowing I was holding back. The nurse entered and handed Banton a glass of water.
Southern Spirits (The Southern Series Book 3) Page 46
