“Shhh,” she whispered in his ear as his heart finally gave up its erratic fluttering.
***
Gemi woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. The dark tent moved in uneasy waves making her stomach do summersaults. Hands were on her shaking her whole body. Jaxtons face came into view as her eyes began to focus and the tent stopped moving.
“What’s wrong?” he yelled as he brought his hands up to her face to push her sweat matted hair away from her eyes.
“Don’t touch me! Stay away!” Gemi screamed, pushing his hands away from her.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Oh god…I …I killed you. I killed you and I liked it,” she whimpered. Gemi pulled her knees up close to her chest and hugged them in tight.
“What?” he asked.
“I found a knife in your bag…I’m losing it like all the others.”
“Gemi it was a dream,” he said reaching a hand back out to her.
“No!” She batted his hand away again. “You don’t understand! I liked it. I watched you take your last breaths at my hand and I enjoyed it. It’s only a matter of time before I go completely mad.”
Heavy sobs racked her body.
“Please calm down before you wake the whole camp,” Jaxton pleaded.
“How… can… I…” she managed through caught breaths. “I killed you… Killed you and tried to kill Kai.”
“Did you?” he said taking a step back from her.
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Gemi calm down and take a breath.”
She peaked up at him from her folded arms, he was standing in front of her demonstrating a deep breath, emphasizing it with the rise and fall of his hands. Full of hesitation she sat upright and breathed in deep with him. After a few minutes the tears dried and her breathing had returned to a steady normal tempo.
“Ok,” he said sitting on the edge of her bed. “Now that you are calm I need you to answer me. Did you attack Kai?”
“I don’t remember doing it. I remember her attacking me. I wanted to though. When she was kicking me I wanted to…I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore.”
“Do you want to hurt me?” he asked.
“No I don’t.”
“Are you sure?”
Gemi nodded.
Jaxton walked over to the gear bags. He bent over momentarily searching for something before he stood upright and walked back towards her. He placed a knife unsheathed on the bed at her feet.
“What about now?” he asked.
Wide eyes met his. It was the same blade she dreamt about, found in the same exact bag. She was terrified to even look at it for fear she would be overtaken with the need to murder. Jaxton rolled his eyes and grasped her by the hand to push the handle of the blade into it.
“Well?” he asked.
Gemi looked at the blade in her hand and was relieved that no insane tendencies overtook her. “No, I think I’m ok.”
Without a word Jaxton reached over and grabbed her hand in his, pressing her fingers into a tighter grip on the handle. Before she knew what was happening he brought the blade down on his open palm, the sharp blade slicing clean through his soft skin.
“What the hell are you doing?” Gemi screamed, fighting to release her hand from his.
The blood pooled in the palm of his hand just as it had to her hand in the dream. After staring at her silently for some time he released her hand from his. Gemi reacted throwing the blade to the floor as if it was made of hot embers. She clutched his hand in hers and grabbed the sheet to stop the bleeding. She tore at the fabric, ripping a strip off of the weak material and began wrapping it around his hand.
“Why would you do that?” she yelled.
“I was proving a point.”
“What?”
“Well if you really were going insane you probably wouldn’t have let a moment go where you had the opportunity to hurt me and wouldn’t be acting the way you are now,” he said, his voice far too overconfident. Far too superior.
“And if I had been losing it, what then?”
“I guess it was a risk I was willing to take. Plus now I know that you didn’t attack Kai.”
“Oh and how do you know that? What if I am just really convincing?” she said.
“Are you trying to change my mind?” he asked.
“Well… no, but I just want to clarify that this is a very dangerous game you are playing at I mean I’m toeing a delicate line here.”
A laugh erupted from him, deep and joyful. It took Gemi by surprise making her stop fussing over his wound. She had never heard him laugh like this. Sure he had laughed at her expense, but if anything that was condescending. This was something else entirely.
“What exactly is funny about all this?” she scolded.
“Nothing. I’m just relieved that you’re not losing it. The truth of the matter is that we were to take a vote in the morning if the majority voted that they believed you had snapped then…” He stopped when he surveyed the look of horror on her face.
“Then you were going to kill me?” Gemi shrieked.
“No! No, that’s not what I said.”
She jumped from the bed and retreated into the corner. At that moment she wished she hadn’t hastily thrown the knife away. She glanced frantically for it, but was nowhere to be found in the dim light.
“You didn’t have to say it! You’re all monsters! You say that we are the crazy ones, but we are not the ones who have full control over our emotions but still choose to kill.”
Her brain told her to flee, to run as far away from this place as humanly possible. She sidestepped towards the exit, her hand reaching out trembling in search of the tent opening. Once she grasped the edge she moved quickly, making a run for it, but Jaxton was faster. He grabbed her by the back of the shirt and pulled her hard into him, his hands trying to pin down her flailing arms. Her elbow sunk unto his stomach and she felt it tense under her, his body bowing forward as a muffled groan escaped his lips. For the briefest of seconds he stopped fighting back as hard.
Gemi took his pause and made a run for it again, but as before he moved far quicker than her. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, his muscles tightening around her body like a vice and lifted her into the air. He swung her back around to face the other side of the tent still keeping his grip on her. Although muscular, she never imagined how strong he was until that point.
“Stop,” he growled in her ear as she fought to free herself.
“Get… off… of… me.” she accentuated each word as she continued to struggle with him. Biting him came to mind, but she decided against it, instead she brought the heel of her foot down hard on his. It did nothing, his boots protecting him from her attempts.
Growing weary of the fight, Jaxton became more forceful. He pressed his arms around her tighter, the force threatening to squeeze the air right out of her body and leaned back taking her to the ground with him. She landed hard on his chest her legs kicking up into the air. Using the moment of surprise against her he was able to roll her off of him and onto her back on the floor. Before she had a second to get up he was on her, pinning her arms above her head at an angle that might break them if she continued to struggle.
“Listen!” he bellowed a few inches from her face.
Gemi stopped fighting. She lay motionless underneath him, her face flushed from the effort and her breath coming in short bursts.
“I was never going to let anything happen to you,” he said releasing some of the pressure on her arms making them ache as the blood rushed back to them. “I said I would protect you and I meant it. Now, if I let you up are you done trying to run from me?”
“Yes,” she whispered still not one hundred percent sure that she did trust him.
The weight on her arms and chest were eased as he climbed off of her although he remained close his legs straddling her body just in case she decided to run again. He was much more menacing at this angle. When she did not make a b
reak for it he reached his hand out to her to help her up.
Gemi took it, figuring it was probably not in her best interest to provoke him any further. Once she was on her feet he made a small movement to her side placing his body between her in the exit. It seemed he trusted her just as much as she trusted him.
“I said I wasn’t going to run,” she said making her way back to her bed.
“One can’t be too careful,” he retorted.
Mirroring her, he moved to his bed and sat on the edge where he continued to stare at her. Gemi rolled her eyes and laid down turning her back to him. Tomorrow was not going to be a good day.
CHAPTER NINE
Gemi did not sleep well. Jaxton didn’t sleep at all. Every time she turned towards him in her restless movements he was sitting up. Sometimes he stared into the distance; sometimes she caught him staring at her, it was then that he would glance away.
The dreams kept coming as well. Somehow they seemed less jarring after that first time, no longer causing her to wake up screaming. She hadn’t decided if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
When she finally gave up on sleep and pulled herself out of bed Jaxton was sitting by the gear bags cleaning his knives. When he saw she was up, he stopped what he was doing and glanced up at her. The dark circles under his eyes showed how tired he was.
“Are the others awake?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders in response. “I haven’t heard much noise out there.”
“Ok, I guess I’ll go get something to eat,” she said moving towards the exit.
“Well then,” he said standing and returning the blade to the sheath at his waist. “I’ll join you.”
There was no point in arguing with him. He may just end up tackling her again. So with a roll of the eyes she nodded her head at him and walked out through the tent opening.
The sun had just started to rise. The mornings were becoming bitter, the dew standing on the ground confirming her thought as it showed signs of frost. If they did not make it back to the home base before winter was in full swing they would be in serious trouble.
When they reached the kitchen Gemi was shocked that most of the camp was already awake and mid meal. Her arrival was not a welcome one she realized right off. Hard eyes met hers making her wish that she had just stayed back in the tent with Jaxton awkwardly watching over her. Everyone had already picked a side, and she had a sinking feeling it wasn’t hers.
The doctor and Sann were sitting together in the far corner, both avoiding eye contact. They must not know that she had been let in on the secret vote that was to decide if she would be put down as they had so colorfully said before.
“Keep her away from me!” Kai screamed as she rounded the corner with Callum.
Gemi was surprised to see light bruises marking the skin around her neck and face. Her lip was fat and several scratches that looked as if someone had clawed at her arms were present.
Callum scowled at her, pulling Kai in closer to him as Gemi approached. She was overwhelmed with the urge to defend herself of these allegations, but thought better of it when she saw Kai begin to shake and cry.
Her blood ran cold.
Either Kai was a superb actress, or Gemi had in fact attacked her. The more she thought about the incident in the woods the more images of her attacking Kai popped into her head. It was becoming harder and harder to define the truth in her own memory.
“I’m sorry I –” Gemi began to say.
“Enough Kai,” Jaxton cut her off stepping in between the two women.
“She has every right to be terrified of that monster,” Callum interjected. “I think it’s time we take a vote, screw waiting.”
“That’s irrelevant now,” Jaxton said.
“Excuse me?” Kai said her eyes drying and becoming hard.
“I don’t think she attacked you,” he said deadpan.
“Explain all the marks on her then,” Callum snapped.
“Well honestly, I think that maybe you should explain that.”
Jaxton walked past them, dismissing them without a word. Gemi followed close behind not wanting to be caught up in any of the backlash that was to come.
“Screw you Jaxton, there was a deal in place!” Kai called after him.
“Does someone want to explain what’s going on?” Sann asked from the side.
“Since Jaxton refuses to believe that his little pet here could hurt anyone Doctor Askel decided that we should put it to a vote which Jaxton agreed to,” Callum was practically yelling so that the rest of the camp turned in their direction.
Gemi glanced at the doctor who immediately looked away. She could not believe that he would turn on her like that. She felt the world closing in on her. Jaxton was the only one who seemed to have her interest in mind and how long would that last.
“Let them vote,” she said under her breath.
“No,” Jaxton growled in her ear.
“A deal is a deal,” she said throwing her chin in the air and doing her best to put on a brave face.
Kai scoffed loud enough for her to hear.
“No,” Jaxton said firmly, “I’m no longer playing these games. No voting to murder, no more animosity, just no more. If anyone has a problem with it, you know where the road is.”
“I’m not staying in the same camp with a crazy,” said Kai.
“Then leave,” he snapped. “But good luck making it back to base on foot.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me Kai. Either you are all in and with us, or you are out.”
Kai stood there mouth gaping. For once since Gemi had met her she had nothing to say. It was quite a spectacular sight.
“Jaxton I don’t think –” the doctor started.
“No! This is where we are. We will need to work together, if you don’t think that you can handle it, you need to leave plain and simple.”
The camp went silent. Everyone knew their chances of making it all the way to base on foot were slim.
“Fuck you Jaxton,” Kai said.
“Be gone by nightfall. And take him with you.”
“I will get you back for this,” she shouted.
And then she was gone.
Lunch went by awkwardly as everyone went about eating and avoiding conversation. Gemi and Jaxton sat by themselves, even the doctor and Sann kept their distance As much as Jaxton had spoken about being together and all or nothing, his exiling of Kai and Callum had made it clear what he really meant. It was him and her against everyone else.
“What’s to say that they won’t come back in the middle of the night?” Gemi asked after Jaxton returned to the tent.
She had stayed behind when the group went to see them off. She figured it was probably not best to provoke the situation any farther, and her presence may have done just that.
“They won’t.” Knowing by the look on her face she wasn’t mollified, he continued. “Besides, there won’t be a camp to come back to. We head out in a few hours, so you should get some rest.”
Gemi still felt torn about the whole ordeal. On one hand yes, Kai seemed to hate her for reasons she could hardly grasp, but throwing her out one her own was sentencing her to death. It made them no better than the savages running around. And Kai had a point. She was a ticking time bomb and no one would be able to stop that.
“You should have let them stay,” Gemi whispered as she exited the tent, ignoring Jaxton’s requests for her to stay.
The night was brisk, making her hug her arms in tight to her chest. The rest of the group hurried around the camp pulling apart equipment to store away for the journey ahead. No one acknowledged her.
Full of angst Gemi took off in a full sprint towards the doctor’s tent. She was relieved to see it was still standing and the doctor inside packing his belongings.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, bursting through the opening.
Surprised by her sudden entrance, Doctor Askel dropped the stack of books he had been preparing to put into
a duffle bag.
“Sorry for what?” he asked.
“I never meant for that to happen to Kai. I didn’t even know that is what Jaxton had planned.”
He eyed her skeptically for a short while before nodding.
“We could still catch up with them, get them to rejoin the group.”
“Jaxton would never allow it,” he said bending down to retrieve the books sprawled across the ground. “Besides, Kai thinks you planned this, hell we all kind of thought that. She would never come back willingly with you here.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we make it back and she doesn’t.”
“Well, I would say that you might as well stop dwelling on things you can’t change.”
“Everyone hates me, don’t they?” Gemi asked.
The room went silent again as the doctor continued to pack. He was avoiding the question, or coming up with a nice way of telling her that her fears were right.
“They don’t necessarily hate you,” he said finally. “But you have to understand, Kai and Callum they were one of us, family. Jaxton chose you, an outsider over their wellbeing. It doesn’t sit well. I just wouldn’t expect to be winning any popularity contests in the near future is all.”
Outsider, the word bounced around in her head causing a knot to form deep in her stomach.
“I could ask Jaxton to let them back, I’m sure he would listen to –”
“Like I said,” he said cutting her off. “The point is moot. You might as well go pack, we head out soon and I have a lot left to do as you can clearly see.”
Knowing that the conversation was over she turned to leave, to where she was not sure. Gemi walked to the edge of their camp and sat down under a tree completely dejected.
The soil was moist making the cold air seep further into her bones causing a violent tremor to rip through her body. The tent would be warmer she knew, but she was not ready to face Jaxton. He had made her the black sheep whether it be intentional or not. The absence of Kai and Callum was now on her shoulders.
A thought sprang to mind. Kai couldn’t have made it that far on foot. It was possible that Gemi could catch up to her and convince her to come back. It would be a hard sell, but it was possible.
Paroxysm Effect Page 10
