Deeper than the Night

by Amanda Ashley

Chapter Thirteen

  Alex came to an abrupt halt when he saw Kara standing in the bedroom. He had caught her scent as soon as he entered the cavern but, trapped in his own misery, he had ignored it, thinking it to be nothing more than a cruel reminder that she had been there and gone.

  "Kara!"

  "Hello, Alex. "

  Hands clenched, he stared at the woman he had never thought to see again. Hope smothered his anger; her presence calmed the beast that had been clawing at his insides.

  He took a deep breath before asking, "Did you call Barrett?"

  "No. "

  He arched one black brow, his gaze intent upon her face. "Why not?"

  Kara shook her head. "I thought about it, but I just couldn't. "

  "So, why are you here?"

  Feeling suddenly nervous, Kara licked her lips. What should she say? Neither of them had ever mentioned love, or spoken of commitment. What if he'd been glad to be rid of her? What if he didn't want her back?

  "I want you," Alex said quietly, and it took all his willpower to withstand the urge to drag her into his arms and never let her go. "Never doubt that. "

  For once, Kara was glad he could read her mind. It would be so much easier if he would just read her thoughts, her feelings, than to have to try to express them in words.

  But he was in no mood to make things easy for her. "Why are you here?" he asked again. "What do you want?"

  Kara looked deep into his eyes. I love you,she thought. I want you to love me. Hold me. Kiss me . . . She swallowed, trying to form the words, to push them past a throat gone suddenly dry.

  "Alex, I'm . . . I'm so sorry for the way I acted before. Don't hate me for it, please. I didn't mean to hurt you. "

  "It's all right, Kara. " There was forgiveness in his words, but his voice remained cold.

  Hold me,she thought, I need you to hold me.

  Alex folded his arms over his chest. "We need to talk. "

  She didn't like the sound of that, didn't like the tension that was evident in his voice, in every taut line of his body.

  "Let's go outside. " He stood aside so she could precede him out the door.

  Her steps felt heavy as she walked outside, acutely aware of Alex's presence behind her. The silence between them seemed ominous, like the stillness before a storm.

  Once outside, she sat down on a flat rock, feeling the damp chill of the stone penetrate the material of her slacks. She gestured toward the cavern. "What happened in there?"

  "That's one of the things I want to talk to you about. "

  Hands clasped tightly in her lap, Kara looked up at him. The moon was full and bright and she could see him clearly. He was barefooted and shirtless, his body damp with perspiration, his hair tousled.

  He closed his eyes for a moment, his face lifted to the moonlight, and she thought how beautiful he was, tall and dark, like a pagan prince worshipping the night. She let her gaze run over him, felt her admiration turn to revulsion when she saw the blood on his hands. She hadn't noticed it before; now, she couldn't seem to see anything else.

  Aware of her scrutiny, Alex wiped his bloody hands on the jeans he had pulled on when he first entered the cavern. "You accused me of being a vampire before, and I denied it. "

  Kara nodded. She had a terrible feeling she knew where all this was headed.

  Unable to help herself, she placed her hand over her throat, felt the wild throbbing of her pulse. She stared at the blood on his hands again. Was he going to attack her? Rip her throat out?

  She stood abruptly, her courage deserting her. "I'm tired. Maybe we could discuss this tomorrow?"

  "No. "

  Kara sat down again, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. "Go on. "

  "You accused me of being a vampire," Alex repeated quietly, "and in a manner of speaking, it's true. My ancestors were a wild, untamed race of people. The men were warriors, predators who drank the blood of their enemies in the belief that the life force of those they had killed would then be theirs. During times of intense stress, our men were occasionally subject to uncontrollable rages that bordered on madness. As my people became more civilized, the drinking of blood was forbidden. War among our own was outlawed. Such behavior was gradually bred out of our people and peace prevailed. Inevitably, there were throwbacks. When you left . . . "

  He took a deep breath, ashamed to admit his weakness. "I was angry when you left me. " He lifted one hand and slowly made a fist. "I felt the madness come on me, and I set out to destroy everything that reminded me of you. "

  Kara nodded, her heartbeat accelerating as she waited for him to go on. She couldn't take her gaze from his face, couldn't help wondering if he would have destroyed her, too, if she had come upon him then.

  He knew her thoughts, but could not condemn them. Even if he frightened her away forever, she had to know the truth. All of it. "With the madness came the ancient urge to hunt, to kill, to glut myself with blood. "

  He blew out a long sigh. "In ancient times, those who could not control the lust for blood were banished from our planet and transported to earth. I've often wondered if perhaps it was some distant ancestors of mine who formed the basis of earth's vampire legends. "

  "There was blood. On your hands. "

  He saw the revulsion in her eyes and knew she was wondering who, or what, he had killed.

  "A mountain lion," Alex said flatly.

  "Did you . . . did you drink its blood?"

  "No. ""

  "Why not?"

  "Because of you. " He had been bending over the animal's neck, his mouth watering as the scent of warm fresh blood filled his nostrils, when suddenly an image of Kara had filled his mind. He had seen himself through her eyes, seen her horror, her revulsion, and he had been ashamed.

  "Is that why you write about vampires, because you share their . . . their lust for blood?"

  "You're very perceptive, Kara Crawford. My people share many of the characteristics attributed to your fictional vampires. "

  She was staring at him, her eyes wide, as she waited for him to go on.

  "I can manipulate inanimate objects with the power of my thoughts. I seem to be immune to the diseases of your planet. My metabolism is much slower than yours. I can't abide your sun, and so I usually stay up late at night and sleep during the day. Not the sleep of the undead," he added, hoping to reassure her.

  "Can you also turn into a bat or a wolf, and dissolve into a mist?"

  A faint smile tugged at his lips. "Handy tricks, to be sure, but beyond even my powers. Is there anything else you want to know?"

  "Are you . . . " She looked away, biting down on her lip, wishing she could think of a delicate way to ask an indelicate question. The fact that she was curious at all made her cheeks burn.

  "You're wondering if I'm like the men of earth," Alex said. "Wondering if the sexual habits and mores of my people are different from yours. "

  Kara nodded.

  "The answer is yes, and no. Anything else?"

  "Just one thing. Do you love me, Alex?"

  "Yes. " In a swift movement, he knelt before her and took her hands in his. "I've loved you since the first time I saw you, lying there in the hospital. Nothing will ever change that, Kara. "

  With a hand that trembled, Kara caressed his cheek. He had said he loved her; she knew she loved him. But was that enough for two people from different worlds?

  "Kara, tell me what you want me to do. "

  "I don't know. I thought if I knew you loved me, it would make everything all right, but it only makes things more complicated. "

  "What do you mean?"

  "Where do we go from here?"

  "Wherever you want. "

  She shook her head. "I don't know what I want. Everything is so . . . confused. Did you know they're showing my picture on TV? Telling people I have a virus that is highly contagious and might be fatal? B
arrett's not going to give up. I called Gail, and she said he'd been at the house asking for me. I told her not to tell anyone I called, not even Nana. My grandmother must be worried sick . . . . "

  "I'm sorry, Kara. I've brought you nothing but trouble. "

  "You saved my life!"

  "You might have recovered without my help. " He shook his head, remembering the night he had given her his blood, the gamble he had taken with a life not his own. "You could have died. "

  "But I didn't. "

  "Kara . . . " His hands spanned her waist, and then he drew her down onto his lapand kissed her.

  Warmth spread through her, chasing away the cold and the fear and the indecision. She slid her arms around him, her hands roaming over his broad back.

  "Alex!" She lifted her hand and stared at the dark stain on her palm. "You're hurt!"

  "The cougar scratched me. "

  "It feels deep. Let me see. " She stood up and moved around behind him. His blood glistened blackly in the light of the moon. "That needs to be sewn up. "

  "I'll be all right. "

  "But it could get infected. "

  "I can't go to a hospital, Kara," he remarked with a rueful grin. "Anyway, it isn't necessary. "

  "What do you mean?"

  "Kara, I've been here two hundred years. In all that time, I've never been sick. Any injuries I've received have healed in a day or two. "

  "At least let me wash the blood away. "

  "If it will make you feel better. "

  He stood up and followed her into the kitchen. While Kara looked for a clean rag, he went to the sink and washed his hands; then he sat on the floor while she rinsed the blood from the scratches on his back.

  He glanced over his shoulder. "You're no longer repulsed by my appearance?"

  Kara studied the dark strip of skin that ran down his spine. "No. " She washed away the last of the blood, then dried his back with a towel. "I wish you had some bandages. "

  Alex stood up and took her in his arms. "Stop worrying. "

  Kara nodded, suddenly too aware of his nearness to speak. His eyes were dark, smoldering with suppressed desire. She could feel the heat radiating from him, feel the evidence of his desire.

  "I want you, Kara," he said, his voice rough with need.

  "I know. "

  He kissed her again, gently, as if he were afraid she might shatter in his arms. His tenderness tugged at her heart, and she had a sudden urge to hold him, to comfort him.

  "Kara?"

  "Yes, Alexander?"

  "I don't want to hurt you. "

  "What do you mean?"

  "You're so fragile. I'm afraid I might crush you. "

  "I'm not made of glass, Alex. "

  He lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, lowered her to the bed, then stretched out beside her and drew her close. At last, she was in his arms again. He closed his eyes, absorbing her nearness, her very essence, as he absorbed the light of the moon. She was like sunshine and satin in his arms, warm and soft. Her fragrance filled his senses, her skin was supple and smooth beneath his hands. He buried his face in the wealth of her hair.

  "Alex . . . " Desire unfolded within her like a flower opening to the sun. Her hands moved restlessly over his arms, his chest, his shoulders and back, delighting in the sensations that came from touching him_the powerful muscles in his arms, the sleek warmth of his skin, the rough silk of his hair.

  Her hand stilled as it brushed against the peculiar, rough-smooth feel of the ridged flesh along his spine. Alien flesh . . . the thought crept, unbidden, into her mind.

  She felt his body stiffen beneath her palm, felt the tension that pulsed through him as he drew back.

  "Alex . . . "

  The pain in his eyes stabbed her to the heart. Wordlessly, he sat up and turned his back to her, as though to say, Take a good look.

  She felt his withdrawal in the deepest part of her soul. "Alex, please . . . "

  Please what, she thought, hating the gulf that stretched ever deeper between them, hating herself.

  "It's all right, Kara," he said, and his voice was flat, empty of emotion.

  She stared at his back. The narrow strip of flesh that loomed before her eyes seemed to grow wider, darker, until it filled her line of vision.

  He stood up, and she knew he was going to leave her, and that if she let him walk away, she would never see him again.

  "Alex! Don't go! Please come back to bed. "

  He whirled around to confront her, the skin across his cheekbones taut, his dark eyes filled with torment. His hands were tightly clenched at his sides, and she shrank back against the headboard as she remembered the destruction those hands had wrought.

  The movement was not lost on Alex. Eyes narrowed, he took a step toward her, an angry growl rising in his throat as she raised her arms to fend him off.

  "I thought you weren't afraid of me," he said, sneering.

  "I'm . . . I'm not. "

  "No?"

  He could feel the anger, the frustration, swirling through him as he took another step forward. "You should run away, Kara. Run from the monster as fast as you can, and maybe I'll let you go. "

  "Alex, don't. " She stared up at him, her heart racing. For a moment, she was sorely tempted to run away, and then, with a defiant toss of her head, she squared her shoulders and met his gaze. "I'm not afraid of you, Alexander Claybourne. "

  With a strangled cry, he dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands. She stared at him for a moment, the sound of his anguished cry tearingat her soul.

  "Oh, Alex," she murmured, and slipping out of bed, she went to him without a qualm. Pressing his head to her belly, she stroked his hair. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'll never be afraid of you again. "

  For a moment, he let himself bask in her touch, pretending she was his, would always be his. He had been alone so long. The people of ErAdona were known throughout the galaxy for being a warm, affectionate people. Living alone, unloved and untouched, had been the hardest part of his exile.

  He savored the touch of Kara's hand in his hair a moment more, and then he stood up.

  "It won't work, Kara," he said, his voice as cold as stone. "I was a fool to think otherwise. The differences between us are too vast. "

  "No!"

  He turned away from her then, his steps heavy as he walked toward the door. "Good-bye, Kara. "

  "I love you, Alex. Please don't leave me. "

  Her words stopped him, but he didn't turn around, only stood there with his head bowed, his back toward her.

  Crossing the floor, she went to stand behind him. Slowly, gently, she brushed her lips over the raised ridge of flesh along his spine, felt him tremble at her touch.

  "I love you," she said again. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Say you forgive me. "

  "I forgive you," he said quietly. But he still didn't turn around.

  "Alex, please . . . "

  "Please what? I can't change what I am. "

  "I don't want you to change. I'm not asking you to change. Only to love me, as I love you. "

  Slowly, he turned to face her. "Tell me what you want, Kara. But know this_if I stay, it's for always. Not just until it's safe for you to go home. My people are not like yours. We mate for life, not for the moment or until we find someone new, but for always. "

  "For always," Kara murmured.

  "Then I pledge you my love, my life, for as long as I live. From this night forward, you will be my woman. I will defend you to the death, and love you until my last breath. "

  They were the most beautiful words she had ever heard.

  "Will you be my woman, Kara Elizabeth Crawford?"

  "Yes, Alexander. And I promise to love you, and only you, for as long as I live. I'll stay by your side in good times and bad. I'll share your laughter, and your tears, and I'll love you until my last breath. " <
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  "Kara . . . " He whispered her name as he slanted his mouth over hers. She was his now, always and forever his. Where he came from, marriage was an exchange of vows between a man and a woman. No license was required. No minister or magistrate was needed, though some preferred to be married within one of ErAdona's magnificent cathedrals, to have friends and family in attendance. But the marriage itself took place in the hearts of the man and the woman. Kara was his now, always and forever his, bound to him by the words she had spoken, as he was bound to her.

  Sweeping her into his arms, he carried her back to bed. "You must tell me if I hurt you. "

  "You won't. "

  He placed her on the mattress and sank down beside her. "It's been a long time since I've been with a woman. "

  "That's all right," she murmured, winding her arms around his neck. "It's been a long time since I've been with a man. "

  "How long?" Jealousy rose up within him, hotter than the boiling waters of the ErAdonian Sea. "How many?"

  "None. "

  His eyes widened with disbelief. "You've never been with a man before?"

  "No. " Alex frowned. If she'd never been with a man, she probably wasn't using any method of birth control. On ErAdona, a woman took a capsule which prevented conception for a year; if she decided she wished to become pregnant before the year was over, she took a second capsule to reverse the effects of the first. A similar capsule was used by the men. But here on Earth, methods of birth control were less sophisticated.

  "What's wrong?" she asked.

  "I don't want you to get pregnant. "

  "Pregnant!" She'd been so caught up in the first blush of love, so eager for his touch, she hadn't given a thought to getting pregnant. Unwanted pregnancies were something that happened to other people.

  Alex nodded. "It could happen, although I'm not sure it's possible. "

  "Why not?"

  "We're from different worlds, Kara. It might not be possible for us to create a new life. " He tucked his finger beneath her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Does it make a difference? If it does, tell me now. " Before it's too late, he thought, knowing that once he possessed her, he would never let her go.

  "I don't know. " She'd never really given it a great deal of thought. She'd always assumed that someday she'd get married, but she'd never given much thought to having children. She'd just presumed they'd come along in their own good time_a handsome little boy and a pretty little girl.

  She looked at Alex and imagined having his child. A little boy, with Alex's black hair and dark eyes. And a tiny stripe down its back . . .

  "Kara?"

  "It doesn't matter," she said, pushing her fears aside. "I love you, Alex. I'll love your children if God grants them to me. And if not . . . " She shrugged. "If not, then I'll be content to be your wife. "

  His arm tightened around her, drawing her closer, as he uttered a silent prayer that she would never regret her decision.

  Kara felt his lips move in her hair, felt the warmth of his breath against her neck. In that instant, she wished they could make love, but Alex was right. It was better to wait until there was no danger of her becoming pregnant. "I wish . . . "

  "I know. " A sigh of frustrated longing swept through him. "For tonight, just let me hold you. "

  Kara nodded as she settled into his embrace. "Yes," she whispered. "Hold me and never let me go. "