Chapter Fourteen
They slept late. It was early afternoon when Kara woke to find herself pressed against Alex, her legs entwined with his, her head on his shoulder. She studied his face for a long while. He was so beautiful. It was hard to believe that he was over two hundred years old. Hard to believe he was from another planet. In a small way, she could sympathize with his plight. He had been sent away from his home, forbidden to return. Shewas in exile, too, she mused, but at least she had hope of returning home, of seeing her loved ones again.
Strange as it seemed, she thought she might be content to stay in his mountain retreat, in his arms, for the rest of her life.
She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering what it was going to be like to spend her life with this man. She was his now, and he was hers, as surely as if they had been married in front of an ordained priest. She thought about what'd he'd said the night before, about not having children. How would she feel in ten years, twenty, watching herself age while he stayed young?
With a sigh, she pushed her troublesome thoughts away. She was bound to Alex now, bound by vows of love and commitment. Whatever problems they might encounter in the future paled beside the more important problems of the present_ like Dale Barrett wanting her blood.
When she opened her eyes again, it was to find Alex watching her, his dark eyes filled with tenderness.
"Kara. " He whispered her name as his fingers trailed over her cheek. "Do you know how empty my life was until I met you?"
She nodded, lost in the yearning she could see swirling in the depths of his eyes. Black eyes that seemed to see into the furthest reaches of her heartand soul.
"It was the same for me," she murmured. "I think I've been waiting for you my whole life. Maybe, deep inside, I knew you would come. " She laughed softly. "But that's impossible, isn't it?"
"Is it?"
Looking at him, feeling his nearness, it didn't seem impossible at all. "What are we going to do now?"
"Whatever you want, Kara. "
Her gaze slid away from his. "I want to go to the store. "
Alex arched one brow. "The store?" he asked, pretending he didn't know what she was talking about. "Why do you need to go to the store? We have enough supplies to last a week or so. "
She punched him in the arm. "We don't have everythingwe need. "
He watched a tide of color wash into her cheeks, and hegrinned. "Ah," he said. "There's an all-night drug store not far from here. I'll go as soon as it's dark. "
"I could go now," Kara remarked, wondering if he thought it brazen of her to suggestsuch a thing.
Alex shook his head. "Tempting as the thought is, I don't want you going anywhere alone. " He grinned down at her. "But I'm glad you don't want to wait. "
After a late lunch, they set about cleaning up the mess in the cavern's main room. Kara glanced at Alex, awed by the strength the man possessed. The table and chair had been smashed beyond repair; the sofa had been ripped apart as if it had been made of toothpicks instead of solid wood and leather. The only item not completely destroyed was the bookcase. She shuddered to think of his rage turned against a living creature.
She saw Alex go suddenly still and knew that he had divined her thoughts.
"You needn't be afraid of me, Kara," he said quietly. "I would never harm you. You must believe that if you believe nothing else. "
"I'm not afraid of you, Alex. Youmust believe that. " She smiled at him. "I've rarely seen you during the day time. "
Alex grunted softly. "Unlike your vampires, I am not compelled to sleep during the day. I need only stay out of your sun. "
Their gazes held for several seconds, both thinking of the night to come, and then they turned back to the task at hand.
When they finished cleaning up the debris, there was nothing left in the cavern's main room save for the bookcaseand the bear rug.
Kara glanced at the empty bookcase, at the pile of ashes in the hearth. "I'm sorry about your books. "
"It doesn't matter. "
Kara felt the pull of his gaze, felt her heart begin to beat faster as he moved slowly toward her. Energy pulsed between them, throbbing in time to the beat of her heart. Warmth engulfed her; she felt herself drowning in the fathomless depths of his ebony-hued gaze.
A low groan escaped his lips as he drew her into his arms. "I've been fighting the urge to hold you all day," he said, his voice low and sandpaper rough. He rained kisses over her cheeks, her eyelids, the delicate curve of her throat. "Tell me to stop, Kara. Tell me how dangerous it is for us to be together. "
"We've got to stop," she said agreeably, but her arms wrapped around his neck and her body molded itself to his until she could feel his heartbeat pounding in rhythm with hers.
"Yes," he said, his voice like a hot wind against her throat. "We've got to stop. "
Lifting her into his arms, he carried her to the hearth and placed her on the rug, then followed her down to the floor. "Kara, natayah . . . do you know how desperately I need you?"
"I know. " She brushed a lock of hair from his face, traced the shape of his mouth with her fingertips.
"Make me stop, Kara. I can't do it on my own. I've wanted you too long, waited too long . . . "
His gaze burned into hers, hotter than the sun at noonday, brighter than the tail of a comet.
"Push me away," he said, "now, before it's too late. I don't want to hurt you. "
"You won't. "
"You don't know that. You don't know what I'm capable of. "
"I'm not afraid. " Kara pressed herself closer, felt the very real evidence of his desire. His need inflamed her own and she moaned softly as she writhed beneath him, silently begging him to satisfy the sweet desire he had stirred within her.
Alex stared deep into her eyes, the hunger for her flesh pulsing through him. She was his woman now, and he burned with the knowledge that she was his, that he could hold her and touch her. And with that knowledge came the fear that he might do her harm, that he would take and take until he had drained her of energy, of life itself. Not that he would deliberately harm her, but sometimes, caught up in the heat of passion, he forgot how fragile these earth creatures were, how weak their hold on life, how easily they broke in his hands.
"Alex . . . "
With a muttered curse, he looked away, breaking eye contact. As much as he wanted her, needed her, he would not take her, not without the means to prevent conception. To his knowledge, none of his race had ever mated with an earthling. In his brief encounters with other women, he had always used a contraceptive to ensure that no pregnancy would result. He had no idea if he could father a child with an earth woman, or what the consequences to Kara might be should his seed take root within her womb.
The thought of hurting her cooled his ardor and gave him the strength to draw away. Her cry of protest rang in his ears as he stood up and left the cavern.
He watched the last rays of the setting sun vanish beneath a cloak of twilight. Head tilted back, he stared into the heavens, overcome by a yearning for home, for that which was familiar and forever lost. Two hundred years he had lived on this planet, and he was still a stranger. Two hundred years since he had allowed a woman to hold him, to love him.
He felt her presence behind him, caught her scent on the wind stirring through the pines.
"Alex?"
"Go back into the cavern, Kara. You're not safe with me. "
"I'm not afraid. "
"I am. I can't be near you and not touch you. I can't touch you and not want to make you mine. "
"It'll be dark soon," she reminded him. "And then. . . "
Slowly, he turned to face her. "Kara, you know what I am. How can you want me to touch you?"
"I love you. " She shook her head. "I love you. Nothing else matters. " She grinned up at him, hoping to erase his sour expression. "I've been your wife since yesterday, and I'm still a virgin. Don't you think it
's time we remedied that?"
"Past time," he agreed.
It seemed he was gone for days, but in truth it was less than an hour. Surely the fastest anyone had ever traveled down the narrow mountain road and back again.
Kara felt suddenly shy as Alex swung her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. The heat of his gaze lit the candles on the wall, and then he was lowering her to the bed, stretching out beside her.
"Don't be afraid," he whispered.
"I'm not," she replied, but it was a lie and they both knew it.
"Kara, we don't have to do this. "
"No, I want to, really . . . "
Alex took a deep breath. Perhaps he was rushing her. He couldn't blame her for being anxious and uncertain. With a sigh, he slipped his arm around her and drew her close. He felt the tension thrumming through her, could almost hear the fierce pounding of her heart.
"Relax, Kara. I'm just going to hold you, nothing more. " Gently, he rubbed his knuckles over her cheek, his movements slow and soothing.
"I'm sorry. "
"It's all right, Kara. It's better this way. When this mess with Barrett is over, I'll take you home. "
"What do you mean?"
"This isn't going to work. "
"Alex . . . " She started to rise, but he held her in place.
"It won't work between us," he said quietly. "I was a fool to think otherwise. " He stilled her protest by placing his hand over her mouth. "No matter how much alike we are, Kara, I'm afraid it will never be enough to overcome our differences. I think you'll always be a little afraid of me, and I can't live with you, knowing that. I don't blame you for the way you feel. It's natural to be afraid of what we don't understand. "
Kara took his hand from her mouth, pushed his other arm away, and sat up.
"You idiot! I'm not afraid of you. Don't youthink I know you won't hurt me? Honestly, Alexander Claybourne, sometimes you make me want to scream!"
He stared up at her, his brow furrowed. "I don't understand. "
Kara let out a huff of exasperation. "Men! The only thing I'm nervous about is . . . is that I've never . . . " She shook her head, wondering why it was so hard to say what was on her mind. "I've never gone all the way before, you jerk, and I feel stupid because I'm so nervous, and I don't know why. I know what's involved, I know how it's done, I've just never done it! And I'm afraid you'll be disappointed . . . . "
Her voice trailed off and she looked away, feeling incredibly stupid.
"That's what this is all about? You're afraid you'll disappoint me?"
She nodded, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. She was supposed to be a grown woman, but she suddenly felt as if she was fifteen years old and out on her first date.
"Kara . . . "
"I love you, Alex," she whispered.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her onto his chest. "And I love you. Never forget it. Never doubt it for a minute. I love you . . . . "
Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her gently. And that kiss burned away all of Kara's doubts and fears. She loved him. She wanted him. And he was there.
His kisses, the touch of his hands, were like magic. Eager, unashamed, she explored the man who held her heart and soul. She rained kisses over his broad shoulders, across his chest, down his belly. She ran her hands over the muscles in his arms and legs. She made him turn over so she could press kisses to his back; she ran her tongue over his spine, intrigued by the rough texture of ridged flesh, the contrast between that and the smooth skin on his shoulders.
Vulnerable and acquiescent, Alex let her get acquainted with his body, let her touch and caress him until she had satisfied her curiosity, until he was certain she knew every inch of his body as well as she knew her own. It was the most exquisite torture he had ever endured, lying there while her warm hands and soft lips moved over him, arousing him until he ached with need.
She trailed her fingertips over the ridged flesh of his spine, and he groaned with pleasure so deep it was almost pain, a pleasure he had thought never to feel again. On ErAdona, when a woman stroked a man's spine in such an intimate fashion, it meant she had agreed to be his life mate. Once she touched him there, they were considered mated even though no words had been spoken. It was also a source of great sexual pleasure.
"What is it?" Kara asked. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. "
"I thought I'd hurt you. "
"No, Kara, quite the opposite. "
"What do you mean?"
"Touch me again, Kara. Run your hands over my back. "
"Like this?"
Alex closed his eyes, drowning in sensation, as she massaged his back, pausing now and then to run her tongue along his spine.
Kara laughed softly as the evidence of his desire grew unmistakable. "I seem to have touched on an ErAdonian erogenous zone," she mused.
His purr of contentment was loud and rough, like the muted roar of a lion.
She reveled in the knowledge that she had brought him pleasure, and then she heard him groan again, saw the fire blazing in his eyes, and the laughter died in her throat. How cruel she was to tease and torment, she thought, and how patient he was to let her do it.
But he wasn't the only one in distress. You couldn't play with fire without getting burned, and she yearned for him, ached for him, in the deepest core of her being.
"Now, Alex," she murmured, and waited impatiently as he sheathed himself in protection before tucking her beneath him.
And then he was a part of her, his body a warm, sweet invasion of her flesh, and she knew that she had been born for this moment, this man, and that nothing in her life would ever be the same again.
Later, while she lay in a near-drugged state of completion, he fetched a bowl of warm water and bathed her from head to foot, washing away the stain of her maidenhead, the perspiration that had dried on her skin. He bathed her gently, almost reverently, and she thought she had never felt so pampered, so cherished, in all her life.
"I love you, Alex. "
"And I you, natayah. "
"You called me that once before. What does it mean?"
"Beloved one. "
"Na-tay-ah. "She tried the word on her tongue, liking the sound of it, the way he had looked at her when he said it.
Alex quickly washed himself, then slid into bed and drew Kara into his arms again. "Are you all right?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I was afraid I might have hurt you. "
"No. It was wonderful. " She grinned. "Was it good for you?"
Alex chuckled. "Indeed. "
"As good as . . . "
"As?"
"I don't suppose you've lived like a monk for the last two hundred years. "
"No. " He lifted one brow in disbelief. "Don't tell me you're jealous of those women?"
"Of course not. "
"Kara. " He drew her closer, holding her body tightly to his. "I paid them for the use of their bodies. There was never any more to it than that. Never. "
She nodded. He had answered her question, and she believed him, but he had been in love before, been married before, and she couldn't help wondering how it had been with his wife.
Caught up in the aftermath of their lovemaking, trying not to be jealous of a woman who had been dead for over a hundred years, she forgot that, when he chose, he could read her mind.
"Kara. " Lifting himself on one elbow, Alex gazed down into her eyes. "I love you beyond words. You've given me new hope for the future, restored my passion for life, for living. I've never felt this way about another woman. Never. "
He took a deep breath, unable to ignore the guilt that rose in his heart as he realized that what he had felt for AnnaMara paled beside the love he felt for Kara. He had never loved any woman the way he loved this gentle earth woman; should he live another two hundred years, he knew he would never love li
ke this again.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I know I have no right to be jealous. I know you loved her. "
He nodded. "But it was never like this, Kara. I loved her. I would have died for her, but she never filled my heart, my thoughts, my very soul, the way you do. "
"Oh, Alex . . . "
Touched to the depths of her being, Kara slipped her arms around his neck. "I love you, Alex. Maybe I am jealous, but I can't help it. I . . . I wish I could have been the first woman in your life. "
"Ah, Kara," he murmured helplessly.
Blinking back her tears, she smiledup at him. "I'm going to make you forget those other women, Alexander Claybourne. If it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to make you forget there was ever anyone else. "
"I'm at your mercy, natayah,"he replied, grinning. "Do to me whatever you wish . . . . "
"I'm serious. " She dragged her hands down his chest, raked her nails along the insides of his thighs, then ran her palms along the sensitive flesh of his spine. "I'm going to burn those women out of your mind and heart. "
"I'm already burning," he said, his voice silky with desire. "Can't you feel the flame?"
"Oh, yes," Kara said, laughing softly as the evidence of his desire swelled against her belly. "Oh, yes. "
And then she was on fire, too, writhing in the inferno of desire that burned between them, and for Kara there was only Alex, and for him there was only Kara, always and forever Kara, burning away the memories of the past, and he knew his life hadn't truly begun until he met the woman he held in his arms, and in his heart.
Deeper than the Night Page 18
