He nodded and remained sitting. “Thank you for waiting up for me.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Pleasure. The word echoed in his mind. His hunger sated, his mind turned in another direction. He eased out of the chair, standing still long enough to calm his racing heart. Her back was turned to him, and his eyes traced the curves beneath her dress. His all too familiar arousal beckoned him to act on his desire for her. He was tired of pushing his longing aside. Tonight, for better or worse, he would approach her as her husband, and if she refused, then he would honor her wish for him to leave her alone. Either way, he had to know if that kiss she gave him in the storm cellar meant that she loved him.
He moved softly across the hardwood floor, his feet hardly making a sound. She draped the damp hand towel on the edge of the sink. Taking a deep breath, he reached for her arms and gently pressed his body against her back. He couldn’t afford to be subtle, but he didn’t want to scare her either. She paused, her hands resting on the edge of the sink, looking straight ahead.
He didn’t know if that was a good sign or not, but he proceeded. His hands trembled as he kissed the side of her neck. Though he had his share of women, this one made him feel like the past had never happened. The slate had been wiped clean, and with the wiping of the slate came an onslaught of uncertainty and hope. The silence surrounding them bore down on him so much that he felt as if she must hear the beating of his heart.
“I love you, Sarah,” he finally whispered in her ear. Eternity seemed to hang in the balance as he waited for her to respond.
Sarah turned to him. He stood so close to her that her breasts pressed into his chest. His eyes held a question, and she understood what it was that he was asking. Her heart thrilled at the thought of going to his bed. She already knew how she felt about him, and now it was time to tell him. Running her hands up his arms and wrapping them around the back of his neck, she softly made her confession. “I love you too.”
No other words were needed. He leaned in to kiss her, pulling her into his arms and letting her know how much her reply meant to him. She felt his need. It was more than a physical urgency to consummate their marriage. He wanted all of her—her mind, her heart, and her body. It was such a wonderful feeling after being in a cold marriage for ten years.
When their kiss ended, he continued to hold her. She buried her face in the side of his neck. He was strong and solid, dependable and faithful, generous and kind. How could she not love him?
She joined him as he walked up the stairs, careful not to wake Emily or Luke. She understood that she would be going to his bedroom. Once he closed the door so they could have their privacy, she blushed. “My body isn’t what it used to be...before I had Luke,” she admitted, keeping her voice low. “You might want to draw the curtains.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. His lips were soft. “I know having a baby changes a woman’s body, but I want to see you.”
Forcing aside her unease, she nodded and allowed him to remove her dress, followed by her chemise and pantaloons. She stood in front of him, staring at the floor, feeling ashamed that her stomach wasn’t as flat as it used to be and wishing she had insisted on the darkness.
“I don’t know why you worry yourself over things that don’t matter,” he replied. “You are beautiful.”
When she dared a look in his direction, she was surprised by the expression on his face, for his eyes and smile told her that he liked what he saw, that he hadn’t been saying those words just to soothe her fears. She relaxed and gave herself permission to watch as he undressed. She never saw Jim naked. He kept his robe on until he was under the covers. So it was with fascination and curiosity that she took in Neil’s naked form. He let her take in her fill of him, the heat rising in her cheeks when she realized her gaze lingered at his erection. She knew what it meant, but knowing Neil could look at her and be aroused did wonders for how she viewed herself.
Once he settled next to her in bed, he kissed her. His hand cradled her head, allowing him to deepen the kiss. He traced her bottom lip with his tongue. Nervous but longing for more, she encouraged him, parting her lips. The invasion of his tongue into her mouth should have startled her. Jim never kissed her this way. But she found that she liked it and returned his passion with her own. She reached up and caressed his jaw, noting the stubble. She liked that too. It reminded her of strength and hard work, both of which she viewed as the very essence of masculinity.
His free hand lingered at her shoulder before moving down to her breast. His thumb brushed her nipple, sending a tingling sensation down her spine. He was gentle, giving her time to adapt to this. Jim hadn’t touched her this way. She now knew the difference between a mechanical touch and a loving caress. What Jim had done out of obligation, Neil did out of desire. Desire for her. It only made her appreciate him all the more.
He groaned, the sound rumbling from deep in his throat. His mouth left hers and traveled along her jaw and to her ear. His lips lingered at her neck, causing an involuntarily shudder to course down her body. Who knew a mouth could be so amazing? Or that a hand could bring forth a swell of pleasure as it cupped her breast?
He shifted closer to her so their bodies touched, and she felt his arousal against her hip. She wondered if he would let her touch him there. Jim had always said no. But Neil wasn’t Jim. He might say yes.
“Neil?” she whispered, opening her eyes.
He was kissing her shoulder. “Hmm?”
“Would you mind if I...” Her cheeks flushing, she cleared her throat. “May I touch it? I would like to know what it’s like.”
Neil lifted his head so he could look at her. His eyes, which seemed darker in the moonlight, met hers, and there was no doubting the compassion in them. “He didn’t let you explore his body?”
She shook her head.
The mattress shifted as he rolled onto his back. He took her hand and brought it to his erection. “Explore me, Sarah. My body belongs to you.”
Her curiosity overrode her embarrassment, though she knew she had no reason to be embarrassed. He was right. They were one. Just as she belonged to him, he belonged to her. Just as he had the freedom to touch and enjoy her, she had the freedom to touch and enjoy him. Still, she felt relief when he closed his eyes. She lightly stroked him, feeling his hardness. His groan of pleasure emboldened her, so she gathered the courage to wrap her hand around him. He rewarded her with another groan, and despite her awkward blushing, she pressed on. His body was so different from hers. Where she was soft and yielding, he was firm and hard. They complimented each other, and she suddenly realized that lovemaking was supposed to be a joyous and pleasurable act, not something to be rushed and tolerated for the sake of producing children.
When she was satisfied with her learning of him, she settled next to him and kissed him. The intensity of her kiss surprised her, but she also liked her newfound confidence. This time she slid her tongue into his mouth so she could taste him. He eagerly responded to her, his hands which had been gentle were now insistent. But she liked this too. It meant he needed her, and she loved being needed. She pulled him to her and let him roll on top of her. He settled between her legs. She knew she was ready for him. She’d be slick and warm. The ache between her legs begged for him to enter her. But he didn’t do as she expected.
Instead, his lips left her mouth and traveled down to her breasts. His tongue teased her nipples. The tension between her legs increased. She squirmed against him, longing for him to do something to satisfy her. She’d never felt this strange urgent sensation with Jim. This was much better, she realized. So much better.
And it didn’t end there. She gasped when Neil’s mouth left her breasts to kiss the length of her stomach. He wasn’t going to kiss her...down there, was he? It seemed such a wicked thing to do. Jim had never ventured there, and he’d only touch her to spread her legs so he could enter her. But then, that was Jim. This was Neil. She never imagined two men could make love so d
ifferently. She lifted her head off the pillow, wondering if he was really going to do it, and the sight of his head between her legs shot a thrill through her. Maybe it was wicked, but as he kissed her sensitive region, she decided that wicked was wonderful. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the pillow and gave into the urge to feel. No more thinking. No more wondering. Just feel and get caught up in the moment.
A soft cry escaped her lips when his tongue traced her swollen folds and plunged into her. She reached for the blanket beneath her and grasped it in her hands, unable to stand the sweet torment, yet wishing for it to continue. And it did. She didn’t know this feeling was possible. She never once imagined that a man might kiss a woman down there and make her hips move in rhythm with the thrusting of his tongue. She was building toward something. It was a startling discovery, and the moment she realized it, she pleaded with him to take her there.
He moaned in response. Then she felt him slightly shift. She was ready to squeak in protest when he slid two fingers into her, heightening the bliss he’d brought her to. Then his tongue caressed her sensitive nub, and she knew she was there. Right at the brink. The moment she gave into her much needed release, she cried out, her body jerking in what had to be wanton behavior. But if this is what wanton meant, then she didn’t want to be a proper lady anymore.
As her mind began to clear from her heavenly ascent, he moved on top of her, his body covering hers. She felt wonderfully weak, still gasping for air, her body still humming from pleasure. She eagerly accepted him as he entered her. She groaned and clenched around him, welcoming him to her.
He steadied his weight on his elbows and moved inside her. She dared to open her eyes to see what he looked like when he made love to her. His eyes were closed, but his expression seemed focused and somewhat pained. But his raged breathing and low groans told her he enjoyed this. She wanted to bring him pleasure, like he had brought her. She gripped his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist as he increased the momentum of his thrusting. His movements drew out the lingering effects of her release, making her groan in rhythm with him. Then he abruptly stopped and arched his back. She felt a throbbing within her as his seed poured into her. He moaned and she smiled, satisfied that he found his release.
He didn’t roll off of her, as Jim used to do as soon as he was done. No. Neil remained inside her. He held her to him as if his very existence depended on her. His kisses were no longer urgent but soft. His lips lingered on her neck, her cheeks and finally on her lips. Tears fell from her eyes. Lovemaking was so different with Neil. Even after she met his needs, he wanted to be close to her.
Neil stopped kissing her and asked in a whisper, “What’s wrong?”
She opened her eyes and noted his concern. She smiled. “Nothing’s wrong. I just didn’t know making love could be this wonderful.” She laughed despite the fresh tears forming in her eyes.
He returned her smile. “I didn’t know it could be this good either.”
She wondered what he meant but he kissed her with such tenderness she forgot her question.
When he got off of her and settled next to her, he pulled the blanket over them and brought his arms around her. She snuggled against him, feeling content, relaxed, and well-loved. He kissed the top of her head. Her eyelids felt heavy and before she knew it, she fell asleep.
Chapter Eighteen
October brought days warm enough to open the window and enjoy the fresh air, which is exactly what Sarah did. She hummed a pleasant tune while she made breakfast. Because it was Saturday, Emily and Luke slept in. She loved Saturday mornings since she didn’t have to rush to get Emily ready for school.
She wondered when she would have to deal with Jim’s mother. She hadn’t seen the woman after the previous month when she came over and called Luke “little Jim”. Neil happened to open the screen door at that moment so he overheard her. He then ordered Beatrice to leave, saying she was welcome back when she called Luke by his correct name. Sarah was grateful to Neil, for he was quick to stand up for her. He was so different from Jim, and Sarah made sure to pray her thanks every day for that.
The front door opened and Neil stepped into the kitchen, taking off his hat. Sarah’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. His short dark hair fell slightly over his forehead and a smile graced his lips. Soft lips, she thought. Lips that brought her much pleasure in bed. Her cheeks grew warm at the turn her mind took. With Jim, no such thoughts had invaded her daily routine, but with Neil, she often found herself wishing for nightfall when they could be as one in their bedroom.
“What are you making?” he asked, approaching her.
She motioned to the cookstove. “Pancakes and eggs.”
“It smells good.” He took her in his arms. “And so do you.”
Wrapping her arms around him, she pressed herself against him, loving the way their bodies fit together. “I miss you when you’re not here.”
Bringing his lips within an inch of hers, he chuckled. “I’m usually at the barn or in the fields.”
She closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss. “That’s too far away.”
“If I was in the house all day, you’d get tired of me.”
“That’s hard to imagine.”
His lips touched hers and she melted in his arms. He deepened the kiss, and she gave a slight moan as his tongue found hers. She didn’t know how he did it, but he managed to make her tingle from head to toe. He slid his hands down the curve of her back and caressed her bottom. She felt the male part of him pressing against her stomach and lowered her hand, ready to stroke it.
“All you two ever do is kiss.”
Startled, they pulled slightly apart. Neil brought his hands higher up on Sarah’s back and she brought her hand back up to his neck. She cleared her throat, surprised the girl was already awake.
He grinned at Emily. “You’ll just have to get used to it. I wanted to thank your ma for making a good meal.” He kissed Sarah on the cheek before he let her go so he could run over to Emily and swing her around.
Sarah laughed as Emily squirmed and giggled.
“What are you doing up so early?” Neil asked her as he set her down.
“I heard Ben and Cal fixing the side of the house.”
He groaned. “I told them to wait until another hour. I’m sorry they woke you up.”
Sarah took the skillet off the range. “I’ll get Luke.”
He shook his head. “You’ve got enough to do. I’ll change his diaper and bring him down.”
She smiled her thanks as he ran up the steps to Luke’s bedroom. Turning to Emily, she asked, “Would you like to help make breakfast?”
“After I go pee.”
Sarah laughed as the girl hurried out the door so she could go to the privy. Emily was adorable. Any woman would be blessed to be her mother. Blinking, she realized that she was her mother. Sure, she hadn’t given birth to her, but in her heart, she felt as if the girl was her own daughter. And Emily did call her ‘Ma,’ so she felt the same way. She sighed with contentment. Her life was complete, and she hoped that she might ease the pain that Emily suffered in losing her real mother.
***
Later that day, Neil took Sarah, Emily and Luke to town so Sarah could visit with Rachel and Caroline. He talked with Rachel’s and Caroline’s husbands for a brief time before he went to collect the food items that Sarah wanted at the mercantile. After he returned, he joined them for supper.
His wish for a complete family had finally come to pass. Preacher Peters had been right. He not only reaped the bad things he did, but the good as well. A man couldn’t ask for a better gift than a wife and children who loved him.
The next day after church, he brought his mother home with them as usual and noted that Sarah and his mother fussed over the children and talked as if they had known each other their entire lives. His mother had gotten along with Cassie, but it was different with Sarah.
And as his mother joined him in checking on the horses, she pulled hi
m aside. “Neil, I want you to know that I am happy you have Sarah in your life. Now when my time comes to join your father, I can rest assured knowing you’re with a good woman.”
Concerned, he frowned. “Is something wrong with your health?”
She patted his arm and smiled. “Oh, I didn’t mean to worry you. I am doing fine. I’m just glad my years of prayer came to good.”
He hugged her. “Thank you for praying, Mother.”
The horse in the stall next to them neighed. “I think I’m supposed to get to work. Come, I’ll walk you to the house and get into my work clothes.”
Upon their return to the house, he opened the door, surprised at the scene that greeted him. Sarah was wiping flour off the floor, and Luke was screaming from his high chair, covered in the white powder, while Emily stood by the table, also crying.
“Please, Emily, I can’t think,” Sarah yelled. “I need you to go outside so I can clean this up.”
Emily’s tear-filled eyes turned to Neil and his mother. She sobbed even louder and ran past them and to the field, probably to the tree that she liked to climb when she was upset.
“I’ll comfort her,” his mother said and quietly departed.
Neil’s eyes scanned the kitchen, noting the canister of flour that rested on its side on the work table. Children’s handprints and footprints marked the area. A rag had been tossed to the side of the kitchen table and Sarah had a bucket of soapy water sitting next to her.
Sarah remained on her knees, her hair and dress partially covered in flour. She wiped the sweat from her flushed face and glanced at Neil and sighed. “I didn’t handle that well at all,” she scolded herself.
Ignoring a wailing Luke, he reached for a clean dishtowel and rinsed it in a clean bucket and knelt next to her. “What happened?” He carefully wiped the floor, trying not to make the situation worse by spreading the wet pasty substance all over the place.
His Redeeming Bride Page 18
