by Jayne Castel
She felt so conflicted; a sickening jealousy that she did not understand, an ache of longing that she did not want to accept. She was also consumed by a bitter disappointment at how wyrd had treated her – and an anger that she cared at all.
This was a political alliance, she told herself as she brushed at the tears that blurred her vision. I should not care.
But she did.
She had been ready to give up on men; eager to embrace a nun’s life at Bonehill without regrets. Even after her marriage to Annan, she had managed to keep the wall up for a time. Yet, little by little, her defenses had come down. She had found that she enjoyed being Annan’s wife; that although they kept their distance physically, he was a good, kind man who made her feel safe and protected.
Yet, seeing him with Hereswith had brought her fragile happiness crashing down.
The tears flowed faster now, and eventually Saewara gave up trying to stem them. She sat there, with her head in her hands and let herself cry – for what had been, what was, and what, she was sure, would be.
“I saw the queen, M’lord,” a boy who was playing with a group of children on the outskirts of the revelers, answered the king’s question. “A short while ago. She walked into the woods.”
Annan smiled at the lad, and ruffled his hair in thanks, before leaving the boy to return to his friends. The king then crossed the wide stretch of grass and stepped under the dark eaves of Exning Woods.
He knew why Saewara had sought refuge here, and he did not blame her. Most likely, he sickened her. Saewara deserved so much better than the treatment she had received. It was bad enough that her own kin had treated her cruelly, but she had fared little better under his roof. It seemed that no one cared for her feelings; and he was no better than the rest.
He found her easily, for she had not ventured far from the forest edge. She sat with her head in her hands, gently sobbing.
Annan stopped in his tracks. He knew that he was intruding, and was not welcome. She had come here to be alone.
Shame washed over him.
I should not have followed her.
Annan stood there for a moment, before deciding to quietly retrace his steps. However, he had only taken one step back when Saewara realized that someone was watching her.
She bolted upright, dashing away the tears with the back of hands, her gaze fastening upon him.
“What are you doing here?” The first words out of her mouth were not welcoming. Annan inwardly cursed himself for following. Yet, it was too late to slip away – and as such, he decided to be honest.
“Looking for you,” he replied.
“Well, now you’ve found me.”
“Yes, I have.”
They stared at each other. Annan stared into her anger-filled eyes; the color of a stormy sky. Annan knew he should leave, but instead he stayed.
“Why are you angry?” he asked.
She looked away, staring down at her hands. “I am not.”
“You are.”
“Why don’t you leave me be?” she shot back, refusing to meet his gaze once more. “What does it matter to you how I feel?”
“I’m sorry I danced with Hereswith,” Annan said the words that had been rising within him, ever since he had noticed her absence from the feasting table. “But you need not worry. There was nothing it in. I care not for her.”
Saewara looked at him then; her eyes flat with rage.
“Why are you telling me this?” she bit off every word. “What does it matter to me if you wish to bed half the village?”
“But I don’t.”
“I care not!” Saewara jumped to her feet and faced him.
They still stood at least ten feet apart but he could feel the anger emanating off her in waves. “You made it clear from the beginning how things were between us – and I accepted it. If you want to dance with Hereswith, that’s your business.”
“I don’t want her, Saewara,” Annan replied, taking a few steps forward to close the gap between them, “and I pity my brother.”
“You pity him?” Saewara’s eyebrows arched. “You’ve changed your tune.”
“Men can be fools,” Annan held her gaze steadily. “I am the first to admit it – in fact, I’m the biggest fool of the lot. When Penda ordered me to marry you, Hereswith signified the life I was giving up. I didn’t know her then. I didn’t know you either. She represented freedom, whereas you represented slavery.”
Saewara did not respond. She continued to look at him in that direct, honest manner of hers. That look that had always disarmed him.
“I wanted you from the first moment I saw you,” Annan blurted out the words before nearly choking on them.
Where did that come from?
Her eyes widened.
“What?”
“I know you will find that hard to believe,” Annan replied, recovering from the admission that had cut him open and made him far more vulnerable than he ever wanted to be. “Even under Penda’s stare, with the folk of Tamworth jeering in my face, you enchanted me – and I hated you even more for that.”
“Annan,” Saewara’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “You don’t have to say this.”
“I do.” Annan took another two steps forward, bridging the gap between them even further. “You think I am repulsed by you; I can see it in your eyes. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have kept my distance from you because I knew that once I bedded you I would be lost.”
They continued to stare at each other. Annan saw the blush creep up Saewara’s neck, and knew his words had touched her.
“And my brother would have won,” she finished Annan’s sentence for him.
Annan nodded. His heart started to hammer against his ribs and he felt as he had that day on the river bank. He was losing control, and was powerless to stop it.
“You are lovely.” He stepped close to her – so close they were almost touching – and gazed down into her tear-filled eyes. “So lovely that sometimes it hurts me to look at you.”
Saewara opened her mouth to reply but Annan smothered her words with his lips. One moment they were standing close, staring at each other. The next, he had pulled her hard against him, and his mouth covered hers.
Like that day on the riverbank, with the flooded river raging beside them, the kiss was not gentle. It was hungry and desperate; filled with much that was still unsaid. Saewara clung to him as if her life depended on it; her tongue warring with his, her sharp fingernails clawing into his back. The taste and feel of her unleashed something within Annan that no woman ever had; blotting out all thought, all reason. At that moment, he would have given all for the woman in his arms. The world could burn and he would not care – just as long as he had her.
They broke apart, breathless. Annan gazed into her eyes, and saw that they were glazed with lust. She stared at him, her lips swollen from the violence of his kisses. He had never wanted anything more in his life than to take her.
Yet, once he did, he knew there would be no turning back.
“Come.” He took hold of her hand and led her back toward the edge of the woods. The hall would be empty as the feasters continued to celebrate the handfasting. There would be no one to interrupt them. “Our bower awaits. From now on, we will be sharing the same bed. In fact, I’m never going to let you leave it.”
Chapter Twenty-One
The Undoing
The moment they were hidden behind the fur hanging, that shielded their bower from the rest of the hall, Annan and Saewara lunged at each other.
Saewara groaned as she felt the hardness of his arousal pressed against her. Boldly, she reached down and stroked the length of it through his breeches. Annan gasped, growling low in his throat. Then, he gently took hold of her wrists and pulled her hands away from his body. His mouth came down over hers, and Saewara felt the world spin. He kissed her deeply, thoroughly – their fused mouths were the only parts of their bodies touching. Saewara kissed him back with abandon, struggling to free her wr
ists so that she could caress him again.
The same sensation that had carried her away on the riverbank entangled itself around her once more. She lost any sense of inhibition. A hunger raged within her; desperate to be fed.
Enjoying her frustration, Annan gave a low laugh and pushed her backwards toward the furs, before throwing her down on them. Saewara sat on the bed, gasping to catch her breath; her gaze never leaving his.
As she watched, he stepped back and began to undo his breeches. Seeing the direction of her gaze, his mouth curved into a wicked smile. Her heart began to hammer against her ribs and her mouth went dry. If he stood there staring at her like that for much longer she would not be responsible for her actions.
“Take your clothes off, Saewara.”
It was not a request, but an order.
Saewara’s hands trembled when she unbuckled the belt around her waist. Then, in one movement, she pulled the woolen dress and under-tunic over her head. Naked, she sat on top of the furs watching him strip his clothes off. His eyes never left her all the while; his hot gaze raking her body from head to toe.
She did the same, her gaze hungrily taking in every inch of him. Tall, strong and masculine; his arousal was magnificent. Her fingers ached to touch him.
“Please.” She stretched out her arms to him. “Come here, Annan.”
She did not need to ask twice.
Suddenly, he was on top of her, and kissing her as if he would never have another chance to do so. Once again, their passion was not gentle, not at all. Saewara twisted under Annan, arching her body against his, her nails raking at his back. They kissed, licked and bit at each other in a frenzy.
Annan’s hands tangled in Saewara’s hair, and he pulled her neck back so that he could bite her neck. Forcing her head back further, so that her body arched like a bow toward him, Annan bent over her breasts. When his hot mouth began to suckle her left breast, Saewara cried out, pressing against him as he drew the nipple deep into his mouth; and when he slid a hand between her thighs and stroked her gently there, she shuddered and groaned.
Eventually, Annan let go of Saewara and lay down on the furs, on his back. He then pulled her astride him. Surprised, for she had never made love to a man in this position, Saewara stared down at her husband’s face – at his eyes that had turned a midnight blue. She ran her hands over the mature lines of his chest, over the ridges of old scars that had turned silver with time.
“Saewara,” Annan whispered hoarsely, as her hands stroked over his belly to his hard shaft. “I swear you will be my undoing.”
Saewara chuckled at that, enjoying the power she had over him. “I hope to be far more than that, Milord.”
Gently now, he lifted her over him. His gaze fused with hers as she lowered herself onto him. The sensation of Annan inside her, filling her, made Saewara arch her back and groan.
It had never felt like this with Egfrid – never.
They began to move, in a timeless rhythm that had them both gasping within moments. Annan’s hands gripped her hips and he pulled her down against him, harder and harder with each thrust of his hips. Then, he cupped her breasts, stroking them and gazing at them as she continued to ride him.
Eventually, not able to contain himself any longer, Annan took hold of her buttocks and arched toward her. He called her name, his body shaking.
Saewara’s body hummed like a lyre played by a master musician. Pleasure crested in a hot wave through her body, and a moment later, she felt Annan explode within her.
They collapsed together on the furs; sweat-slicked and trembling, their limbs tangled. Saewara lay against Annan’s chest, listening to his heart thundering. The bower spun around them and she suddenly realized why her sister by marriage held such power over her brother. For years, the bond between Penda and Cyneswide had mystified Saewara – but no more. Passion this powerful altered your mind; sapped your will. No wonder Annan had been wary of giving in to it.
Saewara knew that she would never see the world in the same way again.
They spent the rest of the day hidden away together in the privacy of their bower.
Annan and Saewara spoke little, dozing in-between explosive lovemaking that left them both unable to move – let alone speak – in the aftermath. Saewara found her hunger for her husband increased with each time he took her. Annan had ignited a bonfire within her that his kisses and touch just made burn all the brighter.
As the light faded outside, and the revelers returned from the meadows outside Exning, the lovers heard voices inside the hall. Fortunately, no one interrupted them, and they lay, cocooned together in the furs, enjoying the feel of skin against skin.
Eventually, hunger of a different kind drove Annan from their bed. Leaving Saewara waiting for him, naked, wrapped in the furs, he dressed silently and slipped out into the hall. A short while later, he returned with a platter of cold meat, cheese, griddle bread, slices of moist honey-seed cake and two large cups of ale.
They fell on the meal as if neither of them had eaten for days, before feeding each other pieces of cake at the end. The eating then turned to kissing, and the remains of their meal were pushed aside. The food was forgotten, as the hunger for each other’s bodies returned.
***
Annan awoke in the depths of the night and stared up into the darkness.
Saewara was curled up next to him. The soft sound of her breathing was the only noise in the bower. It had been a life-changing day – one that he could hardly believe had occurred.
Annan lay there for a while, his thoughts wheeling, before he slid out of bed and quietly dressed. The intensity of what he felt for Saewara had turned his world upside down. He had not been ready for it, and indeed had not even realized the depths of his feelings until he followed her into the woods. He needed some time on his own to sort his thoughts out.
A night stroll was in order.
Throwing a cloak over his shoulders to ward off the cool night air, Annan picked his way over the sleeping figures in his hall and made his way across to the doors. Outside, the air was silky with only a slight crispness to it. The night was clear and a full moon lit his way as he walked through the deserted streets of Exning to the village gates. The sleepy guards opened the gates so that their king could make his way to Devil’s Dyke.
Torches lit the length of the fortification, outlining its tall shadow against the night. Annan climbed a ladder up to the top, and greeted one of his warriors who was taking his turn at the nightly watch.
“How goes it?”
“Quiet, Milord.”
“Very good – let’s enjoy the peace while it lasts.”
Annan made his way along the earthwork, casting the odd glance down at where torches burned along the eastern side of the the fortification. Devil’s Dyke has been a massive undertaking and Annan knew that Penda would not be foolish enough to pit his fyrd against it. No, he would try another way in.
That suited Annan, for another way in meant that the two armies would not meet shield-wall to shield-wall. Instead, it would be on the marshes to the north, or the woods to the south. Which Penda would choose was anyone’s guess.
The clean air sharpened Annan’s senses and he drew deep breaths of it. Tonight, his thoughts could not remain on Penda and the approaching conflict between them for long. Instead, it moved to the Mercian King’s winsome sister.
Saewara.
She had ruined him for any other woman – that was for certain. Even now, his feelings for Hereswith seemed trivial in comparison. It was no wonder he had spent so many years unmarried, for before Saewara he had never seen women as companions. They were either to be bedded and forgotten about or longed for from afar. Saewara had taught him that a woman, the right woman, could transform his world. He had often made fun of Saba for the way his friend had pursued Hilda, with no thought to how others might judge him. The ealdorman cared not what others thought of his love for Hilda; he knew her worth and had made sure everyone else knew it too.
&nb
sp; Saba made him feel shallow and arrogant by comparison.
Yet, despite that he could not imagine life without Saewara at his side, there was something that worried Annan; a worry that needled him even when he tried to push it from his thoughts.
Although she had married him, Saewara was still Mercian. He knew that blood flowed thicker than water – and even if she had been treated cruelly by her own kin, Annan wondered where her loyalties ultimately lay.
You’re sleeping with the enemy, a cruel voice whispered. Who is to say she will not betray you. If her brother triumphs, who is to say she will remain at your side.
Stop it. Annan shook his head, cursing the part of him that trusted no one; the part of him that ensured his survival in a world where only strong men lived past boyhood. He did not want to think about this now; not after the most miraculous day of his life.
Let me enjoy this, he told the voice, drawing his cloak tightly around him despite that it was not cold. I have never before truly loved a woman – just let me have this one.
So be it, the voice sneered back, but you have been warned. Remember, she is Mercian. Her brother married you to her for a reason. She is his pawn – placed in the enemy camp deliberately. When the time comes, he will expect her to do his bidding.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Shadow Approaches
Saewara stirred from a deep sleep and rolled over onto her back, stretching her limbs like a cat. Now that she and Annan shared a bed, she slept more soundly than she ever had before.
Beyond the hanging, she could hear the sounds of industry, as the servants prepared the first meal of the day. The smell of baking bread made Saewara’s stomach rumble and she sat up. She glanced to her right and felt a stab of disappointment when she saw that Annan had already risen.
These days Annan rarely stayed in bed after dawn.
