by Marly Chance
He sobered and said quietly, “Your father died before you were born. Your mother abandoned you when you were eight years old.’
Kate turned away from him again and said coldly, “I don’t think I need a history lesson.”
He continued, “You and Gage were left with your aunt. A nice enough woman but one who had little time for children. That left only you and Gage to care for one another.”
Kate could feel the words pressing in on her like a giant fist. She ordered icily, “Stop.”
He said quietly, “No. You nearly lost him tonight. Your father, your mother. They left you, and then Gage nearly left you, too. How does it feel, Kate?”
Kate felt her breath hitch. That moment when Tair had told her about Gage flashed through her mind. She tried to push it away, but it stayed. She said brokenly, “You bastard.”
Tair walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders from behind. Leaning down next to her ear, he said gently, “Kate, let go. No more hiding. I promise you. It is okay.”
Feelings too big for her body rushed through her with the force of a hurricane. The fear, the pain, the helplessness, the horror, the anger, even the joy and relief, all of it built until she thought her chest would explode. Spinning around, she slammed both hands into his chest and yelled, “Stop it! Stop it right now!”
She was blinded by tears and hitting his chest weakly. Tair wrapped his arms around her and held her fiercely. Kate felt the last ounce of control break away, and with a moan of anguish, she let go and sobbed. Shudders wracked her body and she was crying so hard that she could barely breathe.
Tair picked her up and carried her to the couch. Sitting down, he cradled her in his lap and held her as she cried against his chest. Stroking her back with soothing motions, his own eyes misty, he said softly, “I am here, Kate. I am here. Everything will be fine.” He placed gentle kisses into her hair and murmured softly in his own language.
Kate cried until she felt hollowed out inside. Her entire world had narrowed to the anguish of her feelings and the warmth and comfort of Tair’s big body encircling her. Finally, her crying lessened and she regained some control.
Pulling back from his chest a little, she said softly, “I’m sorry. Your shirt is soaked.”
Tair placed a gentle hand under her chin and raised her face. With great tenderness, he said, “I do not care about the shirt. I care only about you.”
Kate gave him a weak smile and sniffed. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and sighed. “You scared me, Kate. Do not shut me out again. I may be able to scan your thoughts, but I have to block you when intense negative emotion is involved. You were so unresponsive, I was very worried.”
Kate noticed for the first time how tired he looked. There were lines of weariness and strain in his face. He had been worried about her. The hollow feeling inside her began to fill with warmth. Raising her hand, she placed it on his cheek and said, “Thank you, Tair. I mean it. I’m sorry I called you a bastard.”
He chuckled. With a teasing light in his eyes, he said, “I was being one at the time. Although I had a good reason. It is a hidden ability of mine.”
She took her hand off his cheek and punched his chest lightly. She said, “Well, you are excellent at it, just like everything else.”
At the mention of “everything else,” the air became charged. Kate was very aware suddenly that she was on his lap. Her hand resting against his chest moved in an unconscious caress. She knew she looked like hell, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be close to him. Leaning forward, she placed a gentle kiss on his mouth.
Tair watched the changing expressions on Kate’s face in sudden awareness. She was looking at him so warmly without defenses or games. When she placed her mouth against his own, he responded, lightly moving his lips under her own. It was a kiss unlike any other they had shared -- the simple touching of lips, with pure tender feeling behind it.
Kate pulled back from the kiss and stared at him silently. Neither of them spoke. Finally, giving in to temptation, she moved forward and captured his mouth again.
This time, there was hunger and need in the kiss. She ran her tongue along the seam of his lips and felt them open. She raised her hands to his face and darted her tongue inside his mouth to explore. The feel of him, the taste of him was wonderful and familiar. She wanted more. She thrust harder into his mouth and the kiss caught fire.
Tair moaned and thrust back with hungry greed. She was kissing him passionately, no holding back. With every eager movement of her mouth, she communicated naked need. It was intoxicating and overwhelming, and it flayed him alive. He wanted more.
Kate pulled away and shifted in his lap until she was straddling him. Bringing her aching sex down onto his hard cock, she moaned as pleasure shot through her. Rubbing harder, she cursed the clothes separating them. Tair’s arms came around her and he arched upward, increasing the pressure. Kate whimpered and her head fell back.
Tair fought for control. She was driving him crazy. The feel of her sex against his cock was pure temptation. He wanted to take her with every thing that was inside him. She lifted up suddenly and he nearly begged. Her hands went to the top button of his pants and he froze.
Kate was past caring about anything. She wanted him inside her no matter what it meant, no matter the consequences. She unbuttoned his pants with quick movements. His cock sprang into her hand, the smooth skin as soft as velvet. She wrapped her fingers around it and felt that hard length of it throb against her palm. Stroking it with slow up and down movements, she said, “I want you inside me. Now.”
Tair choked out, “Kate…” and tried desperately to think.
Kate said, “I don’t care. You win. We’ll live on Shimeria. I don’t care about anything except feeling you inside me.” She gave him one last stroke and her hands went under her skirt to one of the ties of her panties. Tair’s hand shot out, gripping her wrist, and stopping her.
Looking up at him in surprise, she tried to move her hand, but his grip was firm. He looked like he was in agony.
Tair cursed himself inwardly. He was insane. She was ready and willing. She trusted him. She had surrendered the game and agreed to live on Shimeria. All his careful building of trust and luring her closer had worked. She was vulnerable and greedy for him.
He had her right where he had planned. And he couldn’t do it. The truth of it hit him squarely like a blow to the chest and rocked him all the way to his soul.
No matter how badly he wanted her, there was too much that she did not know and too many games between them. She was too vulnerable. He could no longer deny or pretend to himself or to her. The time for games without real meaning was over. Looking into her perplexed face, he said firmly, “No, Kate, not like this.”
Kate was shocked not only at the words but the tone. He really meant it. He was rejecting her completely. She jerked her hand from his grasp with one fierce move and scrambled off of his lap.
Standing and staring at him, she watched as he grimaced and re-buttoned his pants. She said coldly, “What the hell kind of game are we playing now?”
Then, she added sarcastically, “Oh, yes, I remember this one. It’s called make a fool out of Kate.”
Tair rubbed a hand over his face. There was no going back. He could only go forward and fight for her. His heart raced and he felt terror run through him at the risk.
Finally, he took a deep breath and said calmly, “It is not a game, Kate, and that is the problem. You have been through too much today and you are vulnerable. I will not have our first time together overshadowed by other things. We need to reach an understanding first.”
Kate felt frustrated arousal and fury blending to a lethal mix inside her. With icy composure, she said, “Why should you care? What possible difference does it make?”
Tair smiled at her grimly. He said simply, “It makes every difference. I am in love with you, Kate. No more games and hidden plots. I have fought it and denied it, and pretended it would go away. The truth
is I will never stop loving you.”
Kate felt pure panic all the way to her toes. In a shocked voice, she said, “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t love me.”
Tair gave a self-derisive laugh. “Kate, I am crazy with love for you. The only reason you cannot see it clearly, is because you love me, too.”
She took a step back. Her whole world was upside down today and she couldn’t seem to figure out which way was up. She grabbed for outward icy composure in the midst of such inner turmoil. “Now that really pisses me off. I never said that. You’re crazy.”
He laughed once again rather resignedly. “I admitted it already. And you do not have to say it. You tell me every day in a hundred small ways. The way your eyes light when you see me, the way you respond to my touch. The way you trust me, when you have every reason to distrust. You love me, Kate. And when you stop running from it, you will admit it.”
Kate shook her head. He did not love her. She did not love him. It was a simple sexual affair and a game and this was getting out of hand. This overwhelming panic she felt was not good. She needed to think.
She needed to get away from him and think. She turned and headed for the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, “Wait right there, psycho, I’m just cleaning up.”
He gave her a skeptical look, but nodded.
* * * * *
Kate shut the door of the bathroom and went to the mirror over the sink. Staring at the face in the mirror, she wondered what the hell had happened to Kate Carson. The woman staring back at her was a mess. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. Her hair was tangled and her eyes looked swollen.
She was pale and there was an overall look of tension and panic on her face. Grimacing, she muttered, “You’re powerful, and confident, and you don’t need anyone.” The words echoed in the room as if mocking her.
She decided to handle one thing at a time. First of all, she would fix herself. Then she’d handle Tair.
Chapter 18
Tair waited impatiently for Kate to return. She would be more difficult now, he felt sure of it. She was panicked and when Kate was scared, she grew fierce. When she walked back into the room freshly groomed and with the light of battle in her eyes, he smiled grimly. And waited.
Kate felt much better. Her heart was thumping like she had run a race, but she was dealing with it. She needed to interject a little reality into this sentimental delusion of Tair’s.
She squared her shoulders. “Tair, it has been a stressful day. Obviously, this has been more difficult for you than I thought.”
Staring at him sternly, she said firmly, “I know I’m to blame with my emotional whig-out, but there’s no reason for us to pretend things are anything but what they are. We are having a purely sexual affair due to this Oath business. I don’t need love words and all that sentimental drivel.”
Tair roared with laughter. She was priceless. He shook his head, marveling at her ability to blind herself to what she did not want to see.
Regaining control, he said calmly and emphatically, “I have never met anyone who needs sentimental drivel more than you, Kate.”
Kate felt her heart rate climb, but she wasn’t sure if it was temper or more panic. In an overly patient tone, she said, “You are not in touch with reality and need to seek help.”
Tair grinned. “Sheka, you are the biggest fraud on two worlds. That is the reality.”
Kate nearly smiled at his tone, but managed to keep her glare. She said coolly, “I am not a fraud. I don’t know what you mean by that.”
Tair eyed her with open amusement. “You show the world what a hard, dangerous person you are. You disdain anything that will make people think you are soft, or that you need anyone.”
He swept his hand through the air, mimicking pulling back a curtain. He reeled off the list like a lawyer in court presenting evidence, gently mocking her. “Meanwhile, you sneak food to Deva and cuddle her when you think I do not know it. Your eyes grow wet at pledge ceremonies, and you are unbearably touched when I give you the simplest of sincere compliments.”
He leaned forward and looked her squarely in the eyes, as he made the final point. “The slightest tenderness from me, and you are completely undone. That is evidence even a lawyer cannot deny.”
Kate felt a sudden confusion. In defense, she attacked. “Maybe you do love me, but maybe that was part of my plan.”
She searched desperately for the words to distance him. “I’ve been keeping you under control using your emotions. Then, I walk away the winner after two weeks. Have you considered that? I may be soft sometimes, but I’m pure bitch when it counts.”
The smile drained from his face. He said quietly, “I believe you have proven your own words, sheka.”
Kate felt regret slice through her. Her words had hurt him. She felt her own heart ache in response. She admitted softly, “I’m sorry. There was no plan.”
He nodded solemnly. “I know.”
Suddenly tired, Kate tried to think of a way to reason with him. She could barely focus. The exhaustion of the day and her emotional storm was catching up with her.
At this point, she was through pretending and plotting. “I need to think and I can’t seem to do it. There’s a spare bedroom. I would appreciate it if you would use it. I need to be away from you for tonight. I need some time alone.”
Tair studied her in silence for a moment. Finally, he agreed. “You are tired, Kate. We will talk again after you have slept. It has been a very long, difficult day.”
She gave him a look of gratitude. Her exhaustion ran bone deep. She was shaky and vulnerable, and her emotions were running too high for her to be able to think rationally. She would figure it all out in the morning. “Thank you.”
He nodded. She walked to the hallway and looked back.
Tair smiled at her and said firmly, “I will be here in the morning, Kate. I will always be here to love you and fight with you. When you finally trust in that, you will find the rest is rather simple.”
Kate gave him a look so tired and defeated that he ached to take her into his arms. Then she turned and walked down the hallway. Tair leaned back and ran his hands over his face. He was exhausted, too.
Love was no easy emotion, and loving Kate was an even more complicated thing. The very traits he loved about her, her strength, her prickly shields and wit, her hidden softness and inner passion, were the same things that made a love relationship difficult with her. He reached down and pulled off his boots.
The wait would be unbearable, but there was nothing he could do. He knew her better than she knew herself. She needed this time, so he would give it to her. But if she woke up tomorrow with the wrong answers, he was not giving up.
She needed him. They needed each other. Shaking his head at the two of them, he muttered, “She issues a sexual challenge and I raise the stakes with an emotional one. I don’t know which of us is the bigger fool.”
Chapter 19
Kate thought about Tair’s words as she tossed and turned in bed that night. Despite her exhaustion, she could not sleep. His words kept echoing in her head. Sometimes the truth is too powerful to deny. She had avoided it her whole life, but now it was staring her in the face.
She was afraid to love anyone fully because the risk was so great. She loved Gage and Sharon, but it was the inescapable love formed by siblings. Sharon hadn’t been born her sister, but she had known Sharon since she was eight.
She loved them both with the kind of love that comes in spite of reason or choice. It had taken root over time and grown too deeply to ever be cut out. It was simply a fact.
Her feelings for Tair were more complicated and scary. She was scared spitless at the thought of loving him. She had avoided emotion in her past relationships, quickly cutting off contact at the first stirrings of anything beyond respect and affection. At other times, she drove the person away, like she had with Todd. With new clarity, she realized it was a protection from loss. She turned onto her side.
If she lo
ved Tair, he could abandon her. And the longer they were together, and the more her love grew, the greater that final loss. It was an incredible and awful risk.
With painful honesty, she admitted what she had known for some time. She was already in love with him. He was sexy and funny. She admired his integrity and his intelligence. She might not agree with him all the time, but she believed in him. He was a good man.
The most amazing thing was his ability to see her – not the outer Kate, but the inner Kate. He was psychic and that accounted for a lot of it. But, she had a gut feeling that even if he had no ability to read her mind, he would have seen her. And still loved her.
The real choice was whether to stay with him and risk losing him later, or to cut her losses and deal with the pain now. Just the thought of a life without Tair left her feeling cold and empty inside.
Turning over onto her back, she stared into the darkness. Why was she so convinced it wouldn’t work? Would Tair really just throw up his hands and give up on the two of them at some point? Would she?
That didn’t sound like Tair at all. He was one of the most determined men she had ever encountered. He was very strong-willed and not one to back away when things grew rough. He was a fighter.
With a sudden smile, she realized he was also one of the smartest people she had ever met. Maybe she needed to look at this whole thing from another view.
Turning over onto her side, she hugged her pillow and considered. It boiled down to gambling and guts in the end. Did she trust him and herself enough to take the risk of getting hurt? Did she have the guts to take the chance? Did she want it enough? Did she want him enough?
Did she love him enough to take the chance? Her breath caught. The answer came in the simplest of ways -- an undeniable voice from deep inside her soul.
Yes. If she was going to gamble it all, it was going to be with Tair. And if anything was worth fighting for, it was their love. In her short time with Tair, she had discovered a happiness that she was not willing to lose.
