Dani did as she asked. Gloria put thin arms around her and squeezed.
"I've been a horror to you," she said, her voice soft and shaky. "So cruel. There's no excuse, although I'm likely to try to give you one. You're like me. Oh, not the bad things. You're better than that. You have a lot of your mother in you. I always liked Marsha. I hated her, too, for being strong. My son was never strong. There was too much of his father in him."
Dani sniffed and straightened. She wiped her face. "What are you talking about?"
Gloria smiled and blinked away a few tears of her own. "I'm saying I was hard on you. Too hard. I wanted you to be better than me, but I never knew how to say that. You didn't run away, like your brothers. I kept waiting for you to, so I pushed and pushed and then one day you were gone. I've missed you so much."
Tears trickled down Gloria's sunken cheeks. “I’m sorry. I know that's a useless thing to say, but I mean it. I'm so sorry, Dani. I love you. I have from the moment your mother handed you to me and I held you." She smiled. "Even then you were feisty. You grabbed onto my hair and you wouldn't let go."
Dani didn't know what to think. There was too much information, but in the best way possible. She felt happy and confused and connected with the woman she'd most admired all her life.
"I love you, too," she said. "I wanted to be like you."
"Perhaps you need a more inspiring goal. Maybe you should be like Katherine Canfield. She's a saint, isn't she? Everyone says she is."
"She's very special, but you're my family."
Gloria took her hand and squeezed. “They're your family, too. That could make for very interesting holidays."
Dani laughed. "I hadn't thought of that." She drew in a deep breath. "The doctor says you're fine. You're going home in a few hours. I'll be there to keep watch on you."
"I live to be a prisoner in my own home." But she was smiling as she spoke.
The door to her room opened and Dani's brothers spilled into the room. Dani stepped back to let them reach Gloria, but she didn't leave. She needed to stay close.
The irony of the situation didn't escape her. A year ago, she'd felt alone in the world. Only her brothers had been there for her. Now she had Gloria and the Canfield family. What was that old saying? An embarrassment of riches?
Speaking of embarrassment, she had a bad feeling that when she checked out the morning papers, her personal best on the humiliation level was going to sink to an all-time low. She hadn't said anything yet-not while they didn't know what was going on with Gloria. But she should probably tell them before they saw it themselves.
She waited for a lull in the conversation, then stepped in front of Gloria's bed and said, "Guess what I did last night?"
***
It was midafternoon when Alex showed up at Gloria's house. Dani let him in and led him to the kitchen.
"How's she doing?" he asked.
"Good. She's sleeping. The doctor said she would be drowsy for the rest of the day. I' m staying here to keep an eye on her. Kristie wanted to. She's flogging herself with guilt-something I can relate to."
He leaned against the counter. "What do you have to be guilty about?"
"I was off having hot monkey sex while my grandmother was messing up her medication."
"Hot monkey sex?" He grinned. "Is that what it was?"
"Don't get all macho and smug. It's your fault I wasn't here in the first place." Not that she actually blamed him, but he was looking too pleased with himself at the moment.
"Because you always check her pills before she takes them?"
"No."
"Because she's not capable of managing her own medication?"
"She's perfectly capable. It was an honest mistake, one she won't make again. For the record, I deeply resent you using logic at a time like this. You should simply accept the blame and promise never to do it again."
"Never make love with you?"
Oh. Right. "Well, maybe not that, but something close."
"I shouldn't think about making love with you?"
"Did I mention I hate the logic?" she asked. "Plus you have an unfair advantage. You probably got more sleep than me."
"Not by much." He closed the distance between them and kissed her. "Want to start over?" he asked.
She rested her forehead on his chest. "Yes. Hi, Alex. Thanks for stopping by. I've had a hell of a day."
"I bet. But Gloria is better now and that's what matters."
"It is. I just feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks. My life used to be boring. I miss boring."
"Me, too."
She looked up into his dark eyes. "How was your day?"
"Not one I want to repeat. I had a meeting first thing this morning with my parents. I don't, as a rule, enjoy discussing my sex life with them. Then there were a series of meetings both with and without the senator, all on how to 'handle' the situation."
Dani pointed to the paper on the table. She'd left it open to the photo and article about her leaving Alex's place in the predawn hours. No one knew exactly what had happened in his big house, but there was plenty of speculation.
"We can't even deny what they're saying. Sex was had by all."
"More than once," he agreed.
She fingered the paper. "I haven't really made it to the big time, though. They're still accusing me of having sex with a man. Now if we move on to aliens, then I'll have hit the big time."
"Good attitude."
"Really? It's all that stands between me and a major meltdown." She stepped away until the table was between them. "I hate this. I hate that my life is being scrutinized. I know, I know, it's because of who my father is. But I don't want this. I don't want to have to worry about being followed and photographed. I'm not a celebrity. I don't want to be news."
"Me, either. It comes with the territory."
"But you've been living this way for a while. You're used to it. Your whole family expects it. Mine doesn't. My grandmother is going to read this."
"My mother asked me if it was true. It's not comfortable, it's not what anyone wants, but it's reality."
Again with the logic. If Alex had a flaw, this was it. "I don't want this reality," she said, fighting the urge to blame him for everything. It wasn't his fault, she reminded herself. They were in this together.
"It's the one we're dealing with. Unless you want to go away somewhere." The edge to his voice told her what he thought about anyone running away.
"I'm not giving up my life so easily. I just hate that I don't have any choices. That because of the press, I'm on the defensive."
"You live your life and the hell with them."
"Is that what you told Katherine?" she asked. "I know this is hurting her and I hate that, too. She doesn't want to be the subject of speculation, yet she is. Like all of this. Why on earth does Mark want to run for president?"
"Because he thinks he can make a difference. I'm sure he's sorry that his goals in life are getting in your way."
She frowned. "Why are you angry with me? I'm the innocent party in all this."
"We're all the innocent party. You're just more vocal than the rest of us."
She bristled. "What? I'm complaining too much? Is it uncomfortable? Am I expected to just smile and wave, no matter what happens? I don't get an opinion? I don't get to complain that my bad luck with men continues on."
The second the words fell out of her mouth, Dani knew she'd gone too far. Her excuse, if one could be made, was that she'd been on the emotional edge for too long and really needed to get some sleep.
"So I'm just like Ryan and Hugh?" Alex asked coldly, "Good to know."
"You're not," she said quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just running out of energy here. Why can't I meet a nice guy and have it be easy? Why can't things go well?"
"They're not going well?"
He was deliberately misunderstanding her. She hated that, too. "Not by my definition," she said pointing at the paper. "This is
awful."
"It's an outside circumstance that has nothing to do with what's going on between you and me. If you back away because of publicity, you let the press win."
"I never said I was backing away."
"You said I was like the other jerks in your life. If that's true, why would you stick around?"
When had this conversation spiraled out of control? She folded her arms over her chest. "Alex, stop. I don't want to fight with you. I'm having a hard time coping. I'll deal with it."
"You're not yet. You want an instant solution. There isn't one. You came looking for your father and you found him. It's not going to be easy. Are you willing to see it through, or are you going to disappear at the first sign of trouble?"
"What? That is totally unfair. I have never walked away from trouble. Do you think it was easy being married to Hugh? I'm not the one who ended that relationship. You don't know me, so who the hell are you to judge me?"
"Right back at you."
She was seriously pissed off, but she was also hurt. This was not how she wanted things to go with Alex. Last night had been so amazing and wonderful. Shouldn't they be thinking about that instead of fighting?
"I have to go," he said and walked out of the kitchen.
She started to follow him, then stopped herself. What was there to say? Then she shook her head. No. She wasn't going to leave things hanging like this.
She went after him, but by the time she reached the hallway, it was too late. She heard the front door close. He was gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Katherine parked in front of Oliver's school. She knew her attention should be on the coming meeting, but it was hard to focus on anything but the sick feeling in her stomach.
She was losing Mark. She tried to tell herself she wasn't, that nothing had changed about her situation, that only the information was new, but she couldn't quite make herself believe it. She had a strong sense of him drifting away and knowing that he might be lost to her forever tore at her heart.
Had he ever gotten over Dani's mother? She tried to tell herself that Mark hadn't been in that deep. But she knew that if something happened to him today, she would mourn him the rest of her life. She only ever wanted to love him. Perhaps he felt that way about Marsha Buchanan.
If so, Dani would be a constant reminder of what he'd lost. She would make the past live again. Was that why Katherine felt such a distance from him lately? If only Dani had never come looking for her father.
Katherine tried not to blame the young woman. It wasn't her fault, but could the timing have been worse?
She glanced at her watch and realized if she didn't hurry, she was going to be late. So she gathered her briefcase and walked into the school.
Individual education plans or lEPs were the backbone of the special education system. Parents and teachers sat down together to discuss and agree on goals for the coming year. The battle Katherine frequently fought was to push the goals so the child was asked to do just a little bit more than expected. It was the only way to get real growth.
The teachers were committed professionals who saw what was possible. Katherine prided herself on believing in what was impossible.
Ten years ago she'd been told Ian would never survive a regular classroom. That the constant teasing would destroy his spirit and that he wasn't physically capable of keeping up. Today he was being courted by excellent universities on both coasts, including Stanford and MIT.
But it was always a battle. Her friends told her to stop fighting, to put her children into private school. The family could certainly afford it. But for Katherine, there was something more at stake than making her life flow more smoothly.
She was a high-profile parent. Every time she was able to win a battle, she believed she made things easier for a parent without her connections and resources. So she sat through IEPs and fought for more than the school wanted to give.
She entered the small conference room. Oliver's teacher, Miss Doyle, was there, as was the school administrator and the special ed counselor.
They worked through the pleasantries, then got down to the logistics.
"Our main focus for next year is Oliver's reading," Miss Doyle said. "We think by the end of the year he should be reading at the first grade level."
Katherine slipped on her glasses and flipped through the pages she'd brought with her. “That was the goal for last year. Along with helping him interact better in new situations."
The other women exchanged glances, then Miss Doyle sighed. "Mrs. Canfield, Oliver is developmentally disabled. He has limitations. Wanting him to be different isn't going to change who he is."
The teacher was maybe twenty-five or twenty-six. Katherine was genuinely torn between feeling old and tired and wanting to point out that she had been raising children nearly as long as Miss Doyle had been alive. She knew a whole lot more about what her kids could and could not do.
"What I want," Katherine said slowly, "is targets that stretch us both. Oliver gets help at home. He can get more help. But I do not accept that after two years of reading he should still be at the first grade level."
"Oliver is a lovely little boy," the administrator said. "But he will never be normal. As Miss Doyle said, there are limitations."
"Agreed. But if we all decided he can't be more, then his fate is sealed right now. I won't do that. People rise to the level of expectation. It has been proven time and time again. Expect more and you will get more."
Katherine suddenly thought of Mark. His limitations weren't about his intelligence, but he sure had them.
"Have you considered Oliver might get more personalized attention in a private school?" Miss Doyle asked.
The administration winced.
Katherine stared at Oliver's teacher. "Are you telling me you're not capable of instructing my son?"
"No. Just that…"
"I appreciate this is a challenge for all of us. You have said yourself that Oliver is very well behaved in the classroom. He's not disruptive or difficult. So there is no reason to move him. I am confident we can come up with a plan that makes us all stretch and is in Oliver's best interest."
The administrator leaned over to Miss Doyle and said something Katherine couldn't hear. She'd been through this enough times to know that a compromise would be reached, but it would take some fighting on both their parts.
It wasn't that the school didn't want to give Oliver an excellent education. She knew they had his best interests at heart. Yet special education children were a financial burden on a school district. Despite the increased state funding for each child in the program, the district had to pour in more resources, which came from other programs. It was always a balancing act.
Three hours later, she left and drove to meet Fiona for lunch. Her former daughter-in-law had called to request the lunch the previous day. While Katherine didn't have the energy to deal with her right now, she understood that Fiona was going through a difficult time. Katherine briefly wondered when anyone stopped to think about her going through a rough time, then pushed the thought away as both selfish and unproductive. She'd been raised to believe it was her duty to give back, regardless of how she felt that particular day. With wealth came responsibility. But just once she would like to call in sick, where her life was concerned, and spend the day curled up with a great book and a pint of Ben & Jerry's.
She met Fiona in the restaurant of what had been the Four Seasons hotel, until it had been sold. The food was excellent, as was the service. As the lunch crowd was mostly businesspeople, they were unlikely to run into anyone they knew. An important consideration, Katherine thought as she handed her keys to the valet. Alex was probably going to be a topic of conversation.
Fiona was waiting in the lobby. Tall and beautifully dressed, as always, Fiona was put together in a way that made Katherine feel as if she should check her makeup.
"Have you been waiting long?" Katherine asked. "I was at an IEP for Oliver. It ran over."
Fiona
smiled, then leaned in and kissed her cheek. 'They always do."
"You're right. I fight and fight and hope I'm doing the right thing. Let's go in to lunch. I'm starving."
The women linked arms as they walked. Fiona mentioned a blouse she'd bought at Nordstrom and how they should go shopping sometime soon.
The idea made Katherine tired. Mark frequently told her she should hire more help, which probably made sense. But what, exactly, was she supposed to give up to a stranger? Her afternoons with her children? Her evenings with Mark? Her charity work? What she needed was a clone. The thought made her smile.
"You're in a good mood," Fiona said. "The IEP went well."
"It went, which is about the best it can be. I want the moon and they can't give it to me without giving it to every other parent. It's a question of resources."
"I don't know how you do it,'1 Fiona admitted. "Raise those children. You're so busy. One or two special needs children would make sense, but all of them. Not Alex, of course," she added. "At least he's normal."
Katherine stared at the other woman. There were so many thoughts in her head, she didn't know which one to deal with first.
Normal? Fiona was defining normal? How dare she? Yes, some of Katharine's children had issues, but they could all be dealt with. As for Alex not having problems, hadn't Alex told her how difficult things had been when he'd first come to live with them? He'd been as far from "normal" as any of the others.
"I'm not sure I could give any of them away" Katherine said lightly, sure that Fiona hadn't meant anything bad by what she'd said.
"Of course not." Fiona laughed. "They're all so precious."
Were they? In her eyes? Katherine wasn't so sure. There was something about Fiona's tone and body language.
The waiter appeared. They both ordered without bothering to look at the menu. Fiona asked for a glass of chardonnay. Katherine settled on iced tea. She was so tired that if she had any alcohol, she was likely to collapse face-first in her salad.
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