by D.R. Johnson
~ ~ ~ ~
There was no running water in this town, but I was able to find enough jugs and bottles in the store to help Joss wash up. I hated wasting clean water, but I also knew we weren't going to be staying here much longer, and the washing would help him feel more human again.
"You still need to rest some,” I told him, concerned when I caught him wobbling on his feet. He was a wiry kid, but it looked like the Powells had managed to get some meat to stick to his bones. He had grown a few inches and was already taller than me. It hurt to realize he still looked so much like Seth, even with the green eyes.
"Ali," Joss said quietly, after we settled in. "What are we going to do about Becky?"
I sighed deeply, seeing the pleading look in his eyes. Becky was such a sweet girl. She didn't deserve what happened to her. So many innocent lives had been twisted into these monstrosities, and none of them deserved it. I thought briefly of Walter and Emma before responding, knowing already I had failed with Seth. I could never make up for that, but at least I could end this for Becky.
"Let me take care of it,” I finally said.
"Okay, just..." He paused for a few seconds. "Should we take her back to the Powells? Ya know... after..." His words choked off.
I nodded, feeling tears sting my eyes again. I blinked them away as I fetched Joss some magazines I'd found by the register, hoping for a distraction. The gesture seemed weak, but he took them from me without pause. Changing the subject, I offered what I could of a smile as I said, "I'm going to go find us some supplies for the night."
Joss frowned at my announcement, but he didn't protest. He knew it was better to use what was readily available rather than to break into our stash. We had both learned that lesson a long time ago.
"Please don't be gone long,” he said as he clutched the magazines in his hands, seeming not to notice the tight grip he had on them. "I don't want to be alone."
"I know,” I said as I reached out to reassuringly pat his shoulder. "I don't want to be alone either. I promise I won't be gone long."
He nodded, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. How close he had gotten to Becky during my time away? I didn't want to ask him what happened yet. He would tell me when he was ready. Even so, I wanted to understand how it had come to be Joss that tried to rescue her and not her father.
The bitterness roiled in my stomach as I dwelled on it, and I found myself growing angry at Jeremy again. Frowning, I left the gas station before Joss could sense my mood. He had enough trauma on his plate right now, and he didn't need to be worried about mine.
I heard him sniffle softly as I walked out the door.
The anger faded as I ran up the street of the small town, searching for some type of general store. Finding a small shop that looked promising, I had to shatter the glass of the door to get inside. Stepping through the shattered frame, I was greeted by a freak wearing an apron with the store's logo on it. The name Doug was written on the upper right side of the apron in black marker.
I froze for a few seconds, monitoring Doug's behavior. He stood stoically, staring at the door, slack jawed. His pants had fallen around his ankles due to his disease assisted weight loss, but most of his hair was probably gone prior to him being infected.
I sneered as I advanced slowly, finally gaining the courage to push him out of my way. I flinched back almost immediately, cringing from having to touch a freak. His feet got tangled in his pants, and he stumbled backwards, colliding into one of the shelves behind him. Astonishingly, he kept his footing and turned his attention to me.
His vacant eyes stared, but he didn't advance. I would never get used to these things like Walter had. Shuddering, I went on about my business, ignoring Doug as long as he stayed put.
After a quick search through the small store, I found a nice tool set as well as a stash of batteries and flashlights. These were excellent trade goods. I also came across some sweatpants, and I grabbed a few pairs to take back to Joss. I had been gone under thirty minutes, but was already feeling anxious to check on him. Stuffing a few more supplies into a duffle bag, I left Doug to mind the store on his own.
I dropped the supplies next to Joss, who immediately started rummaging through the bag. He seemed extremely grateful when he pulled out the sweatpants.
"Sorry. That's all I could find,” I apologized with a shrug. "I know I've got some more stuff packed away in the Murano. I can pull it out in the morning."
"This is fine,” he said, even managing a smile up at me. It never touched his eyes though. Bright green eyes that I wasn't used to seeing on him. I sighed softly as I gave him privacy to change.
Minutes of silence passed before Joss finally asked the question I'd been dreading. "Have you always been this way?”
I shook my head in answer to his question and was surprised by how hard it was to summon my voice to speak. My words barely made it over a whisper. “I was bitten a long time before I met you.”
“Why did you never tell us?"
I turned to him, dropping down beside him on the floor. He tossed his dirty pants as far away from us as he could before looking back to me, waiting for my answer. I searched his eyes for any sign of anger but only saw questions glimmering in the green depths. He wanted, no… He deserved an explanation, and I didn't have a good one to give.
"I've met people since I changed,” I started, searching for my words carefully. "There were a few that didn't like me or trust me once they found out I'd been infected. I've been driven out of more than a few settlements because of that, but they never minded my trade goods.
"When I met you guys, I didn't think I'd travel with you for so long. By the time I knew I wanted to stay, it seemed like it was too late to tell you. I never could find the words."
The floor was covered in cheap linoleum tile, and Joss was picking at the edge where it warped along a crack. I waited for a reaction, but his demeanor never changed. When he finally looked at me, he simply asked, "They really kicked you out?"
I nodded in answer. "They didn't understand me. I don't even understand what we are."
He turned his attention back to the tile. "Are there others?"
"Yes,” I replied without pause, thinking about Walter and the soldier he had buried. "At least a few but I've only actually met one. He didn't know much more than I did."
"I see." He turned his sad green eyes up to me and he tried to smile again. "Maybe we can find more."
I returned what I could of the smile. The sadness between us was almost suffocating, overshadowing the joy of our reunion. I wasn't sure if this immunity we had was a blessing or a curse, but a weight lifted off my shoulders now that I was back with Joss.
The growl of hunger from Joss's stomach ended our conversation.
"You must be starving,” I said, remembering Walter's gift.
Joss was already starting to rise, saying, "I think there's some noodles..."
"Stay,” I scolded, interrupting him. He dropped back down and pouted up at me.
"I'm not completely helpless," he muttered, and I chuckled lightly in response.
Feeling myself relax, my smile seemed less forced. Sadness lingered in Joss's eyes, but some of the tension had left him. I asked, "Have you ever had squirrel soup?"
There was a pause before he replied, and he seemed almost bashful. "A few times, if Jeremy could get one. Mary would cook it up in a stew. Never tasted much different than the chicken to me."
"I'll be right back,” I said as I ran to fetch the stew from where it sat in the front seat of the Murano. I also pulled one of my candles and some matches out of the glove box, and I grabbed my pack filled with blankets before I headed back in.
I didn't even have the candle lit before Joss grabbed the soup. His body needed to recharge after the fever and he must have been starving. I didn't feel like eating, so I let him have the whole bowl. It wasn't enough to satiate his hunger. I ended up soaking three packs of ramen noodles in some water for him before he finally slowed down some. I
wasn't sure how long it would be before his need to eat lessened due to the infection.
He was also exhausted. The sun hadn't faded completely when he turned the old office chair on its back so he could use it as a pillow. The only other cushiony thing in the store was a bundle of neck supports for traveling. We stuffed those in the duffle bag for another pillow, and I spread out one of the blankets. It did little to cushion the hard tile. Sleeping in the SUV would have almost been more preferable. Almost.
The night passed slowly for me, and I was grateful when Joss woke at the first light of dawn. Having spent so much time alone, it shocked me how starved I was for company. I fixed another round of noodles for his breakfast, which he eagerly ate. There were only a few packages left, so I skipped another meal. Joss didn't notice.
Eventually, I helped Joss to his feet and watched over him closely as he moved around, testing his strength. He already seemed to be surefooted, no longer wobbling like he was the night before. I gave him a nod of encouragement as he met my gaze after a test walk around the store. As he approached, his face fell into a frown again, and my own stomach lurched as I knew he was thinking about Becky.
I hadn't been dwelling on the task I had committed myself to, although there had been a heavy knot in my stomach all night. Now that there was nothing left to delay the inevitable, I floundered.
"What if there's a cure?" Joss asked while I was using the facade of packing up our things, trying to hide the fact I was stalling.
I glanced at him, already having been down that road before. It wasn't the first time I'd thought about it, but I truly didn't think there could be a cure. Too much of the world had deteriorated, and there were no signs of humanity making a comeback. I hadn't even come across a hint of a rumor for a cure.
I had to force myself to speak. "No, I don't think there is one."
We stood in silence for a moment as Joss accepted my answer. Finally, he asked, "How do we do this?"
I met his eyes, completely at a loss. I had killed countless freaks over the course of five years, but this was different. This was still Becky, even though her mind was gone. I cringed.
The knife was too messy, and the gun seemed far too brutal. I didn't want to take her body back to her family with a gaping wound. I wanted to preserve what I could of her young beauty. I looked down at my hands, wondering if I could do it. I stated with a shudder, "Suffocation?"
He shook his head immediately, already knowing what I intended by my gesture. "Not like that."
He slipped behind the counter and pulled out a stash of plastic bags. He tossed them on the counter top. I studied them as my mind walked through what the process would be like. It could work. I grimly nodded my agreement.
I studied Joss for a moment before taking a deep breath and going outside. He followed close behind me as we walked to the sports bar. We entered from the back, and he guided me towards the swinging door on the far wall. I led as we exited the kitchen into the main area of the restaurant, the anxiety inside me rising with the bile in my throat.
There she was.
I gasped despite my vain attempts to steel myself. It was horrible seeing her, and my knees grew weak before I was able to recover. Her hair was a little matted and her clothes were filthy, but she looked like the sweet, quiet girl I had met at the farm.
Becky had taken notice of us and was facing our way. There was no recognition in her red eyes. She stared at us, not comprehending who or what we were. Her vacant stare was no different than any other freak I'd ever seen. After a few moments, she went back to setting the table.
I looked at Joss, looking for reassurance in what I was about to do. He nodded grimly, his face a mix of sadness and anger. I turned back to Becky, and minutes passed as I watched her set and reset the tables. I wondered how long she would continue to do that. Probably forever, if no one ended it for her.
I approached slowly, cautiously. I didn't want to startle her. Gingerly, I reached out to her, not sure how she would react. My heart skipped a beat as she turned to me, but other than that, she remained still. My fingers clumsily fumbled to open the plastic bag I had brought, and I cringed at the sound of the material when I finally pulled it apart.
I took a deep breath and held it, quickly placing the bag over her head, all the while thinking she would struggle. Instead, she was docile. She remained still and obedient as I secured the ties around her neck. Done with stage one of the horrific task, I retreated back to where Joss was standing, all my strength drained.
I don't know who moved first, Joss or I, but we grasped each other's hand as we watched Becky. For several moments, she remained still. The only movement was the slight rise and fall of the bag as she breathed. Then she turned back to the table and began to reach for the dishes. The bag completely obscured her vision, so she was working on memory and touch alone. The first dish clattered to the floor as she knocked it off the table. The sound echoed through the stillness, and Becky paused. I was surprised her breathing remained steady and even. Tearing my eyes away, I glanced at Joss momentarily, seeing a stoic expression plastered on his face.
Frowning, I turned back to the spectacle of Becky's slow death. She was moving again, reaching for dishes until another one clattered to the floor. Again she paused, waiting and listening for one agonizing minute after another. I was beginning to think she may have some regenerative power helping her breathe. Then she reached out to the table again, and that's when she faltered.
Becky collapsed to her knees, and Joss's stoic facade broke. He sobbed as he turned into me, burying his head against my shoulder. I held him as I closed my eyes, also unable to watch the scene any longer. Minutes slipped by.
There was a thud as her body collapsed completely, landing on the hard wood floor, and still neither of us moved. I had no desire to open my eyes and see Becky's lifeless body lying there, but there was little else I could do. If I didn't take care of this, then the task would fall upon Joss, and there was no way I would allow that to happen.
I finally pushed him away, holding him out at arm's length, as I made sure he was stable and steady enough for me to leave him. He wiped the tears away, keeping his face averted.
Forcing myself to finish it, I slowly turned from him and went to Becky's fallen body. She had fallen on her side, and as I knelt beside her, I could see the faintest rise and fall of the bag. It didn't persist, though, and I reached out to check her pulse, feeling like I might faint.
Nothing. The task was done.
I gently removed the bag and closed her lifeless red eyes. If I remembered right, they had been a lovely shade of sky blue before. That was the way I wanted to remember them.
I lifted her body easily. She had been a little wisp of a girl, and it was nothing to carry her to one of the long tables on the other side of the restaurant. Joss joined me.
"Let's get her cleaned up some,” I said solemnly. "Let me grab a few things from the Murano."
There was a guttural sound that I took as agreement from Joss, and I could feel that he wanted a few moments to himself to say goodbye. I quietly slipped out the front doors and headed to the gas station. I might as well clean up camp.
I took my time packing up, making sure to leave enough room to accommodate Becky's trip back to her family. I gathered the few things we would need to clean her up, and I even considered grabbing a clean set of clothes for her, but then decided against it. That was too personal. Best to leave that to her family.
Finished, I slumped against the SUV, taking the time to let my mind process what was happening. I felt numb. I thought I would cry, but there were no tears. I didn't know Becky that well, so my mourning was for the loss of a life that could have been. I also mourned for Joss and another piece of his innocence lost.
Nothing could stop the inevitable. I gazed back at the old bar and decided it was time to head inside.
I found Joss sitting in a chair next to Becky, holding her hand. He looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, but I noticed he no long
er had any tears either. He had gathered a few tablecloths and had them sitting to the side. We would be able to use those as a shroud for her body.
I went to him, gently patting him on the back and hoped he felt some comfort in the gesture.
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, knowing it was a stupid question. None of us were okay, but I needed to say something and no other words were forming in my mind.
Joss shrugged as he stood up. That was all the answer I received.
With no more attempts at conversation, we went to work cleaning up Becky's body. I unwrapped the dressing Joss had put on Becky's bite, and was surprised to see it was almost healed. Joss went to work on her hair, a pained expression on his face as he tried to ignore what I was doing.
I cleaned and dressed the wound as if she were alive, bandaging it tightly in hopes to stave off an infection that would never happen now. I continued to wash her skin and what I could of her clothes as Joss worked out the mats and tangles in her hair.
Once finished doing what we could for her appearance, we began to wrap her in her shroud of tablecloths until only her face remained uncovered. I backed a step away, giving Joss his space as he stared down at her. He gingerly touched her cheek with the back of his finger and then leaned down to kiss her forehead.
"We won't have time to say goodbye later," he choked out as he straightened.
We loaded her body in the back as gently as we could. There was nothing left for us to do but take her home. We drove in silence, the anxiety weighing down on us. It seemed like no time had passed when we pulled into the driveway. When Jeremy stepped out onto the porch, Joss finally spoke.
"I'll get her."
"Are you sure? Do you have your strength back?" I asked, truly concerned about his recovery.
The stern look he gave me was answer enough. This was something he had to do himself.
I stepped out first, but when Joss made an appearance, Jeremy froze in his tracks. I ignored him, stepping around to the back of the SUV to help Joss unload our cargo. He cradled Becky tightly in his arms as he turned to walk towards the house.
I followed him as far as the front of the Murano and stood stiffly with my arms wrapped around myself, watching helplessly as the macabre scene played out in front of me.
Joss was only a few feet away from me when Mary and Kevin filed out of the house. As soon as Mary laid eyes on Joss, she stumbled off the porch, her face ashen with grief.
"Rebecca?" Her anguished croak made it to my ears. She rushed past Jeremy, her cries becoming louder the closer she drew to him. "Rebecca? Is that my baby? Becky?"
Joss only made it a few more steps before she converged on him. Mary grabbed at the makeshift shroud until she uncovered Becky's face, letting out a wail when she finally laid eyes on her. She pried Becky from Joss’s arms, forcing him to relent his hold on her. He lowered her body to the ground as he passed her to her mother's arms.
"Oh God, my baby girl! My poor baby girl!" Mary's wails thundered through my thoughts, and the tears that I had thought run dry came on again in full force. Jeremy took two steps forward and collapsed to his knees. Kevin stood frozen on the porch, unable to move. Mary continued to wail, rocking Becky's body back and forth. It was the only sound, the only movement for many terrible, agonizing seconds.
Finally, Joss clumsily pulled himself to his feet and stumbled back a few steps. I was surprised to see him move forward, heading toward the house. He disappeared inside for a few moments, returning with something small in his hands. It was too small for me to make out at that distance.
He forced Kevin to face him, trying to hand him the object, but Kevin only shook his head. He pushed it back into Joss's hands and they embraced in a brief hug. When Joss left him, Kevin sat down on the porch steps with his head in his hands. I could see his shoulders shake from sobbing.
Joss walked by Jeremy without a word, his face a mask of stone as he passed him. He briefly paused as he came up beside Mary, as if he wanted to console the hysterical, grieving woman, but he finally tore himself away. He approached me with a determined look plastered on his face that melted into a weary resignation as he reached me.
"I’m done here," he whispered. "Let's go."
