But that made things complicated, and there was nothing complicated about how much he loved her right now. How much he knew he would always take care of her. How he knew he would never give up on trying to win her.
“Can I move?” he whispered in her ear, and she nodded restlessly.
As he pulled out slowly and then pushed in, she let out a loud moan, making his skin tingle with excitement and his cock practically twitch. So hard, but he had to be patient.
He continued to move, going slightly faster as her nails dug into his back again, urging him on. Her little hitched breaths and moans drove him crazy, and her whole being surrounded him. Her warm heat sheathed him, her scent filled him, and her love, radiating her acceptance of him, made him feel like he was caught up on another plane.
He threw his head back as he drove deeper, guided by her gasps and moans until she flew over the precipice, dragging him with her as she screamed her pleasure to the sky, just the way he’d wanted her to. He jerked and came inside her, loving the way she clenched around him, never wanting to leave her warm heat or let this moment end.
But it did, eventually, as her cries died down and she sobbed with relief against his chest, holding him close.
“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing her hair back and tilting her chin up.
She nodded, gasping for air and trying to calm her heaving chest. “I just… I don’t know… how you do that. You don’t just get inside me. You feel like you’re part of me. I just… It overwhelmed me.”
He held her close, tucked in against him, sheltered from the world until her breathing slowly calmed and her heart wasn’t racing.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said.
“I wasn’t crying,” she said. “I was just… You made me feel emotional. I don’t even know why.”
“Because you love me?” he asked simply, wiping away an errant tear.
She pouted. “I was going to say more because you made my body feel like it was flying into a million different pieces. But sure. Maybe it’s that.”
“Maybe?” he asked, wrinkling his brows. “Do I have to remind you how I feel about uncertainty?”
She giggled and pressed herself against him, hiding her face. “No,” she said. “Please. Can’t take anymore.”
He pulled out of her and quickly got off the bed, grabbing a towel to quickly wipe off. Then he was back to holding her again, clasping her curvy, warm body against him as if it had been painful to be away from her for even a few seconds.
And more to the point, it had been.
“That was amazing,” she said, finally seeming to calm down.
His own heart was racing. The way she’d looked just after sex, crumpled in against him, overwhelmed, had been just how he felt inside.
Like nothing in the world should feel that strong. So strong it was scary.
She stretched, but he didn’t let her get away from him. She sighed and cuddled back in. “I was planning to go back home, but I don’t think I can make it. So tired.”
He brushed her hair back and kissed her, pulling the sheets over her.
It was late, and he couldn’t blame her for being tired. When shifters made love, they didn’t do it halfway.
And already his body was looking forward to doing it again, even as his heart was afraid of everything it meant was happening between them.
She cuddled into the sheets and slowly relaxed, and after a moment’s hesitation, he turned off the lamp and joined her, curling in and trying not to mind the darkness.
“I love you,” he murmured behind her ear. He wasn’t sure if she was awake or if she’d heard him, but her curvy body moved gently, settling in against him.
The words were out there. He’d make sure she heard them later.
She meant everything to him. Somehow, in a place that had only been hell to him, she’d let him finally feel heaven.
Even in the haziness of his dream, Rock saw the violence coming before his father could shout. Before his eyes glinted a toxic yellow, before the air filled with a kind of fear that felt so thick you could choke on it.
“Where the fuck is he?” John Brolin swept the empty glasses off the table in front of him as he lurched to his feet. He slammed his hands down on the wood, ignoring the shards, and Rock noted the first glint of claws as his hands clenched.
Ryland, Rock’s younger brother, moved in front of the door, looking cautious. What was he doing? Protecting Riker, who’d just run out on them?
Rock had barely healed from the last beating, but he had no choice at this moment. He was only a teen, but Ryland hadn’t even gotten his height yet. A slight boy with blond hair, he hadn’t even gained the ability to shift.
Rock moved in front of the door, shoving Ryland aside just as his father lunged.
John caught him in the chest and knocked him back with incredible force, breaking the door out behind them as they went rolling onto the front drive, scraping over the gravel before coming to a halt with John on top.
Rock looked up at the impossibly large man to see him already shifting.
Shit.
Rock focused, trying to bring his bear to the surface amidst the panic, but felt himself caught across the face hard by a swipe of bear claws. Stinging, huge pain lashed through him as he flew to the side, hot liquid running down his cheek and onto the ground beside him.
Get up. Fight, his inner bear urged.
But he stayed down. Maybe if he did, Dad would get tired, lumber off.
To where Ryland was?
Rock shoved to his knees, feeling dizzy from what must have been blood loss. How hard had he been clocked? He raised a hand to his face. Big mistake. A huge gash where his cheek had been, blood pouring out.
He cursed. He’d been planning to get out of this place, and now his father had made him a freak. No matter his healing ability, this was going to leave a mark. He would always have a memory when all he wanted was to forget.
He let out a roar as he shifted into his juvenile bear and lunged at his father, catching him around the middle and knocking him to the floor. He tried to swipe at his father’s face, but his father knocked him aside and easily caught him by the throat, throwing him against a nearby tree.
He felt a crack in his back as he hit against it and then fell, limp, to the forest floor. The needles beneath him crunched under his father’s massive paws as he approached. His yellow eyes seemed… happy.
What the fuck made someone like this?
His father’s bear was twice the size of his, sauntering toward him. He wasn’t anyone’s son. He was just prey now. Riker had dared to leave, and Rock was going to pay for it.
He heard a bellow and saw someone running toward them. Ryland was going to intervene.
Rock heaved himself to his feet and lunged at his dad, drawing his attention. His dad knocked him back again, but Rock was up in a second. Pain or no pain, bleeding or no bleeding, he had to protect his brother.
His dad knocked him back again, catching him with his claws on his painful cheek. Did it even matter if he was torn apart anymore?
Did it even matter what happened to his body when his heart didn’t even know how to feel anymore? Aside from Rosalyn, who probably only felt bad for him, did anyone in this world care? His brothers didn’t know how to, just like him.
They tried to back each other up, but with the constant threat of harm and evil in the house, it was mostly about avoiding the worst beat downs.
And then there were times when their father fooled the town and all the brawlers. Charismatic, kind, nice. But if you knew him, if you’d ever seen the violence, you knew it was all a mask. That he hated the town. That he hated their mother, who’d left probably after taking beatings like this, and that he was always simmering, always waiting for someone to give him a reason to lose control.
One day Rock would be bigger. He felt himself lifted and slashed across the chest, gagging at the feeling of being pulled apart.
Fuck.
“Stop! Y
ou’re killing him!” That was Ryland’s voice, panicked, probably pacing in the distance.
“Get back in the house!” Rock shouted as his dad struck him again across the face, this time with the back of his paw. The gleam in his yellow eyes made Rock want to throw up. One day he would get away from here, but would he ever be able to forget those eyes? The terror of never knowing when your life was going to end at the hands of someone who loved you?
He could feel himself giving up inside as he was tossed against a tree again and slumped in front of it, slowly coming out of bear form. He had no more strength for it. He didn’t begrudge Riker for running. He’d run too if he had any way to. If only his legs worked, he’d run now, before his dad could end him.
Even if his fucked-up face was messing up everything anyway.
Then he heard a low growl unlike any he’d heard and the thunder of footsteps toward them. A large gray shadow loomed in the darkness, getting closer. Holy shit, was that huge thing Ryland? Had he finally shifted?
Rock felt a shiver of doom go through him. What did it mean that their calm little brother had become this?
His dad cracked his neck back and forth and turned around with a smug look as if ready to tear apart another brother. When he saw Ryland, he froze.
Rock had to almost stifle a laugh at the way his dad looked ready to piss himself at the thought of facing someone bigger. But he was far too sore, too close to death to make anything like an expression.
“Stop,” he heard his dad growl, still in bear form. “I am your father. You will respect me.”
Nothing but a deep snarl in response. That was ominous.
“Stop now,” his dad commanded, backing up as the huge shadow approached him. Rock pushed over slightly to get a better look at Ryland’s bear. Holy fuck, the thing was terrifying. Was that even a normal bear? It was grey, shaggy, and looked totally feral. How the hell had that burst out of his calm, quiet little brother?
“Ry,” he called out, not liking the way his younger brother seemed out of control. “Snap out of it, bud.”
“I don’t need your help, you useless piece of trash,” his dad spat. He barely finished his words before he was caught by the neck by Ryland’s bear and jerked side to side like a naughty squirrel. Ryland had brute strength and size on their father and, apparently, no compunction against using both.
His father was tossed unceremoniously toward the house, and Ryland’s bear stalked toward him, head lowered in a killing position.
“No,” Rock said, pushing to his feet and shifting one more time as he lumbered toward his brother. In the distance, his dad, trying to escape, shifted back to his lame-looking, bloody human form.
Rock reached his brother’s bear in time to earn a feral glare and a backhand that sent him reeling. He shifted back, wiping blood with a hand as he felt the world waving in front of him. His body was trying to heal from all the hits his father had dealt. His soul was long dead to the feel of someone he loved trying to hit him.
He’d long ago given up on winning, on feeling more than worthless, on feeling he had a right to do or be anything in this world.
But he hadn’t given up on Ryland.
“Hey, man, come on. We’re fine now. Look at him.” He pointed to their lame heap of a dad, sobbing like the coward he was. “Come on. I need you.” Rock let his brother eye his broken form. Even in his feral state, he had to come to the same conclusion. “I’m not going to make it without help. Not this time.”
He could swear he saw the bear give a small nod, and then suddenly, too fast to even catch with human eyes, the bear was gone, leaving a huddled, small Ryland in place, looking over at Rock with haunted, wide eyes.
“What have I done?” he asked, looking around him. “What just happened?” His usually calm voice was nearly hysterical.
“Probably saved our lives,” Rock muttered, trying to push up on his feet and failing.
Ryland came and put an arm under Rock, lifting him up. Pain lashed through him, feeling as if it were infecting every part of his body.
He’d never taken a beating like this. Had Riker? He got beatings more often. But this seemed worse. Their dad had been careful to hit them where it wouldn’t show. This time he’d marked Rock’s face.
None of them had ever gotten the gall to leave before.
But after this, Rock was sure. One day he’d leave this all behind. One day he’d be somewhere far from these cursed mountains, where every day was another guessing game of whether you’d live or die. Where the whole world looked past your suffering.
“Hang in there,” Ryland said determinedly, helping him toward the truck. “We’re going to see the Mortons. Ros, right? You like Ros.”
Right. Not the whole world.
Rock would miss Ros when he left someday. But she would understand. He couldn’t think about that now.
He just wanted to see her face, see the way she looked at him as if nothing were wrong with him. As if he weren’t the weak, loser punching bag he knew he was.
As if he were worth something.
One day he would prove he was.
13
Rock sat up, holding his head, feeling searing pain surging through him as if everything in the dream had just happened.
He jumped out of bed and paced the room for a second before running for the door and yanking it open.
He skittered down the stairs and into the living room and then out the front door, running away from the house and shifting into a bear, not knowing exactly where he was going.
It was just dark and cold, and the wind was on him as he ignored the sting of branches grazing his skin.
Out of control. No control. That’s what it had been like here, day after day. Never knowing what was going to happen. Facing impossible odds.
And where had she been? Enjoying her perfect life, unless he came crawling to her.
No, that wasn’t fair. He knew it wasn’t. But as he thought of her back in his bed, sleeping calmly, he resented that she wanted him to stay here, but she would never understand what it was like.
She’d never been hit by someone she loved. She’d never spent a night cowering in fear at the sound of footsteps, memorizing the way they sounded when someone got angry, wondering if they were going to come up the stairs to her bedroom.
She’d never known the shame of people looking at her healing face with pity or disgust or sympathy. She’d never known the feeling of carrying proof on your face of being unlovable.
She’d never know any of that, so who was she to say he should stay in this town that was hurting him?
He could feel the terrified child in himself trying to take hold, but as he skidded to a halt in the middle of the trees on the side of the mountain where he’d been running, he looked up to see the moon.
So bright. Sending its light down over everything, almost hypnotic as he watched it.
He slowly calmed, his heartbeat thudding in his chest at a slower and slower rate until it was almost normal.
But he could still feel all of it. The sting of the wounds, the fear for Ryland, and most of all, the powerlessness.
Had his father felt this way, looking up at this moon?
He had often ranted about being stuck in Bear Canyon. He had hated his lot in life here. If Rock stayed, would he turn out to be just like him?
He paced back and forth in the brush, ignoring the trees, the shadows, the wildlife around him.
Until he heard the crunch of footsteps. Another bear.
He lifted his nose in alarm and then recognized the scent.
Rosalyn.
Her bear was a tawny brown, and she retained her pretty blue eyes that glinted in the moonlight.
Concern radiated off of her. “What’s wrong? What the hell are you doing out here?”
“Nightmare,” he growled curtly.
“Oh,” she said, taking a few more steps closer and sitting down next to him.
Having her close did something to him. Made him calm slightly. Mad
e him feel like he could breathe easier. He put a paw up to his cheek. It wasn’t bleeding.
She leaned in slightly, fur to fur with him. “You okay? You can’t just run away like that.”
He stiffened. “Right. That’s kind of the whole theme with us, right? You want me to stay put wherever is convenient for you, even if it hurts me.”
She flinched, looking hurt. “Why are you putting this on me?” she asked. “You’re the one who said you could do this. You’re the one who promised to stay. I just said I wasn’t leaving. The rest was up to you.”
“And I’m a dumbass,” he said. “Because I was never going to be worthy of someone like you. You should marry someone like Harvey. Stay in town. Have a good life.”
“And what about you?” she asked.
“Jump buses ‘til I die,” he said. “Might not be too long if they keep upping my stunt difficulty.”
She snarled. “What, so because of one little nightmare you’re going to put aside everything we just had together and run away on me again?”
He shifted back to human, striding through the brush back to the cabin, uncaring about his nakedness. “I wasn’t going to, but now that you mention it, that’s a great idea.”
He heard her following, still in bear form. When they reached the deck, he heard her footsteps get lighter as she shifted and saw her bend to pick up a robe to wrap herself in.
For a second, she looked so beautiful, so vulnerable in the moonlight, that she made him catch his breath.
But she’d never needed him.
He’d always needed her, like the lame-o he was, but she’d always been fine without him.
His shoulders slumped as he opened the back door and held it for her to go inside.
“So the camp, the relationship, the sex, all of that gets pushed aside for one nightmare?” She stormed inside and sat on the couch, fuming. She had a little stick caught in her hair and brushed him aside when he tried to grab it for her. “Go put on some clothes. I can’t talk to you like that.”
Craved by the Bear (Trapped in Bear Canyon Book 2) Page 12
