Drawing myself out of my musings, I tighten my hold again as my chest begins to rise and fall in time with my breathing. The look on Callum’s face tells me he is just as affected as I am by my current state.
“Hi,” I say, not knowing what to say, feeling embarrassed by my lack of clothes and perusal of him. “Umm… I’m running a little behind; I got back from visiting with Ms. June a bit late. I had lost track of time,” I ramble on.
Looking me over again, I can hear him whisper to himself about “being right on time,” and I can’t help the smile that takes over my face.
“If you can just give me a few minutes to get changed and do something with my hair, I’ll be ready,” I say, turning toward the hallway while waiting for his response. He doesn’t say anything, only nods his head as I rush down the hall, leaving only the sound of his growl behind me.
Quickly shutting the door, I grab a cotton t-shirt and my favorite jeans from my closet, tossing them on the bed next to the bra and underwear I had pulled out earlier. Once I’m dressed, I towel dry some of the excess water from my hair. Running my fingers through my damp hair, I quickly braid the strands in a fishtail. Keeping it simple, I swipe some mascara on my eyelashes before I hurry to join Callum.
“All ready?” he asks, standing up in front of me.
Nodding my head, I’m not able to resist the urge to touch him as I run over his forearms, before wrapping them around his neck drawing him into a hug. I let myself enjoy the way he sighs or how he lightly brushes his lips against the soft skin on my neck.
“I’m ready,” I declare, tilting my head back.
Leaning down, Callum presses a soft kiss against my lips. I don’t even recognize the strangled moan that comes from me as I pull him closer to me, seeking comfort in his arms as I open my mouth to deepen the kiss.
When my tongue connects with his, Callum unleashes a deep groan as he slides his hands over my ass drawing me closer to him. I can feel his arousal against my stomach as our tongues continue to duel with each other.
Ever since the day we went mudding, we’ve been riding this line, but it hasn’t quite crossed over to more. We are playing with fire. It’s dangerous, I know, but I can’t find it in me to stop.
He continues to run his hands over my ass, drawing them up underneath my shirt, along my lower back, tightening his arms around me. Leaning back, he breaks the connection as he presses his forehead against mine. We both struggle to force air into our lungs. He never ceases to take it right out of me.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll be ready, too,” he whispers. Looking up into his crystal blue eyes, I nod my head knowing exactly what he means. I purse my lips together, trying to hide the smile that breaks out across my face.
I think it’s safe to say he is feeling this, too.
Leaning forward, I pick up the remote from the coffee table and click off the TV. After Ellie and I had gone into the city earlier tonight, we rented a movie from Redbox and grabbed some take-out from a little Chinese restaurant. There are limited options in Arbor Creek. Knowing I would be going out of town next weekend, I wanted to make use of spending time with her.
I could tell she was tired on our way back, the way she covered her mouth to stifle her yawns. The sun had started to set on our drive home, only adding to her tired state. It wasn’t even twenty minutes into the movie when she curled up on her side, laying her head across my lap. She took her hair down from that bun thing she does, leaving it fanned out across my lap. Her face is soft and peaceful as she sleeps.
A soft vibration from my pocket distracts me from Ellie’s beautiful face. Slowly sliding my hand down beneath the pillow, I slip my phone out to check the notifications and find two missed text messages from my father. We haven’t spoken since I left Chicago.
Steven Reid: Callum, will you call me soon?
Rubbing a hand over my face, I take a deep breath and lean back against the plush cushion of the couch. I don’t know how I could ever move past how my father would lash out when he was drinking or the way he would treat my mother. Then having him tell me he wanted nothing to do with me after choosing not to follow in his footsteps solidified how I felt. What makes it even more difficult is knowing that even today, my mother still doesn’t say a bad word against him.
“I know your father loved me, Callum. He had a bit of a temper when he drank but, beneath it all, he is a good man. He loved you and your brother more than anything.”
The stress I feel over the whole situation is like a fresh wound. I know talking to him will reopen the wound I’ve been working to heal. It doesn’t surprise me that, as the calls and texts from Mason stop, they’re now picking up from Steven.
I tell myself I will deal with him at some point, but not tonight. Checking the time, I see it’s a little after eleven p.m. before I slide my phone back into my pocket. The fact that he is even bothering to text me this late tells me he hasn’t bothered to put down the bottle.
Positioning my arms beneath the pillow, I move to slide out from where I’m seated under Ellie. I briefly consider leaving her to sleep on the couch, like she often does, covering her up with a blanket. Knowing how tired she has been, I decide against it.
Bending down, I pick her up and carry her down the hall. As soon as she is in my arms, she instinctively wraps her arms around my neck and mumbles my name softly.
Once I lay her down on her bed, her eyes snap open, bright with panic and fear.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” I say reassuringly. “It’s me, you fell asleep watching the movie, and I wanted to bring you to bed before I took off.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, I lean down and brush the hair away from her face. Looking up at me, she flashes a tired smile as she leans her face into my palm.
I think too long about the worry in her eyes before she realized it was me, leaving me with a knot forming and taking root deep within my stomach. Thinking about where this intense fear could stem from, considering someone would so much as harm a hair on her head, fills me with a level of anger I haven’t felt in a long time. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would do anything to protect her.
“Thank you,” she whispers softly. My eyebrows bunch together, forming a deep V, the question evident on my face. What could she possibly be thanking me for?
“Thank you for continuing to show me, in even little ways, that I can trust you. I know I pushed you away in the beginning out of fear. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
She says the last part as a whisper.
I think she knows how I feel about her. Hell, I do my best to make sure I do more than just tell her. I want to show her through my actions.
“When I bumped into you that day at the bus station, I don’t know if I could ever describe the way I felt. I was captivated by you. I spent the entire ride wanting to be close to you, trying to figure out a way to talk to you after you and your sexy ass stormed off,” I confess, laughing. Fighting back a smile, I continue, “I could sense you had a wall up, a big wall. I know what it’s like to have people in your life you trust walk away. I can promise you, Ellie, I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here, every day, reminding you why I’m not giving up on you,” I say confidently. I have never said anything and meant it more than I do in this moment.
Tears fill her eyes as she takes in the words I’ve poured out to her, wanting her to understand the gravity of my feelings. The emotions that, while I am still working to understand fully, feel so strong and real.
“Will you stay with me?” Ellie’s words come out in a whisper with a hint of vulnerability there.
Standing up, I plant both of my hands on either side of her hips and swing my leg over to the opposite side, climbing over her. Once I am lying on the bed, she moves her head to my shoulder, turning so she is curled into my side.
“You can go to sleep now, baby. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up,” I reassure her, pulling her hand up to my mouth, pressing a soft kiss against her palm before resting it against my heart.
She doesn’t say anything as she lets out a soft sigh of contentment, closing her eyes.
Moving my hand to brush her hair away from her face, I get lost in how peaceful she looks like this. Hearing her breathing even out as sleep pulls her under, I run my lips on her temple and take a deep breath, letting the scent of Ellie wash over me.
Even in the quiet stillness of the room, I feel the fears I’ve tried to keep tamped down push their way up to the surface. I know it’s no coincidence that these feelings reveal themselves after hearing from my father.
When you’ve had people disappoint you countless times, you can’t help but expect for it to happen again. Focusing on the feelings and emotions I have for Ellie, I’ve fought against the fear that she can do to me what has happened so many times. What if she wakes up one day and decides Arbor Creek isn’t where she wants to be?
The feelings I have for her grow stronger every day. The way she makes my heart race when she’s near feels a lot like love. It’s more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt.
It’s foreign, but it feels so right all at the same time.
I think that’s why I find myself fighting against her when she pushes me away. I know what it’s like to have someone turn their back on you and give up so easily. All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to fight for me.
I do for Ellie what I wish would’ve been done for me all along.
I fight for her, while in the back of my mind I fear maybe, eventually, I could push her too much, to where she would walk away.
It scares the hell out of me. To want something but knowing that the more you give to them, the more you have to lose if they walk away. Or maybe I’m just scared of losing her because for as short of time as I’ve known Ellie, she has come to mean more to me than I ever thought possible.
Letting that realization wash over me, I close my eyes and let sleep pull me under, like the waves of reality crashing over me.
Age 13
A lot has happened since I told Grams about the abuse. As if my heart wasn’t already breaking into pieces, I was shattered watching the way she sobbed after I told her everything.
She promised me that day I would never have to go back there, and I was so grateful to hear those words.
Everything after that was a blur. Grams reported the abuse to the police department, and I was forced to sit behind some glass window, retelling them everything. Living through abuse has a way of breaking you down, crushing your soul through the weight of the burdens you carry until you’re left with a shell of who you once were.
I quickly learned that the threats he made if I broke my silence were nothing more than promises of what was to come. Walking out of the interview room, hearing my mother’s cries, I knew she was just another person in my life to betray me, leaving me behind.
“YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR, ELLIE. YOU TELL THEM THE TRUTH; YOU TELL THEM WHAT YOU SAID IS NOT TRUE,” my mother wailed, throwing herself onto the floor.
It had taken three police detectives to restrain her, carrying her out of the room. I will never forget the words she yelled back at me as I watched her go.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. You’ve taken everything away from me, Ellie. Tell them the truth!”
Staring down at my homework, I lazily draw circles along the side of the paper before lightly filling them in. Since it was almost the end of the school year, the principal and my teachers agreed to let me finish my assignments from home. Today was the first day I made it out of bed before one o’clock. I caught the way Grams looked at me, her eyes full of worry. I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already has been, so I made a promise to myself I would get up early and focus on my school work. I’m smart enough to know I don’t need or want to go back to my school, so I’ll do whatever is needed to prevent that.
Grams left a short time ago to pick up the fixings from the store to make dinner. I heard her on the phone earlier this morning with her doctor. She wouldn’t tell me, but I know the doctor is concerned about her blood pressure. He had called in a prescription for her to pick up while she was out.
As if on cue, the phone rings from where it hangs on the wall, drawing my attention away from the constant thoughts swirling in my mind. Pushing my chair from the dining room table, the chair scrapes across the floor as I stand up, making my way over to the phone. Pressing the receiver against my ear, I answer with a “hello” as I wrap my fingers around the tangled cord. I hear the phone clicking as I hold the phone in front of my face, wondering if the call disconnected.
“Hello, are you there?” I ask again as an uneasy feeling settles in my stomach.
“I was wondering if you were going to answer.” I would know that gravelly voice anywhere as my hands tighten in a fist around the cord. My heart starts to pick up pace as the panic fills me. I don’t think I could speak, even if I wanted to.
“What, don’t tell me you thought that just because your Grams isn’t home and you have me locked away that I wouldn’t reach out to you.”
How could he possibly know I’m at home alone right now? Covering my hand over my mouth, I fight back the strangled sob that threatens to let loose.
The detectives promised me that once I told them what happened, he would be put in jail where he couldn’t hurt me again. The fear that he could’ve somehow got out has me sliding down the wall hiding beneath the counter of the breakfast bar.
“I’m going to have to make this quick; I gotta get back. I am upset with you for what you’ve done, Ellie. You’ve caused a lot of trouble for me, but I want you to know I forgive you. Once I get out of here, I’ll come find you, and we can be together.”
Bile rises in my throat as the strangled sob is unleashed. “Bye, sweet girl,” he says before I hear the phone clicking once again.
Dropping the phone on the floor next to me, I pull my knees up to my chest as I wrap my arms around them tight, burying my face into the crease of my arms. I knew that freedom from him was only temporary. I knew he meant what he said. That although he was going away for now, he would eventually be released.
A day would come when I would regret this decision. I just hoped I was far away from here when it came.
Jolting awake, the panic starts to set in as my eyes adjust to the darkness. The light from the bathroom is on with the door open just a little, casting a soft glow in the room. Feeling the weight of an arm draped across my hip and the warmth at my back, I turn my face to the side and see the light shining on the side of Callum’s face.
All the tension I felt when I woke up leaves me in relief as I take in the stubble lining Callum’s jaw down to his long lashes resting on his cheekbones. Just knowing he stayed with me is just another way he continues to show me he wants to be here with me.
Being mindful not to wake him, I attempt to slide out from beneath his hand draped across my side, needing to use the restroom and get a drink of water.
I just need to wrap my head around everything.
I should have known better than to think I could slip out unnoticed as his hand flexes around my hip, halting my movement.
“Hey, baby,” Callum whispers, his words coming out more of a mumble. “You’re awake.” He smiles, as he covers his mouth to hide his yawn. I can’t help but return his smile, just taking in the sleepy look on his face.
“I am, just having a hard time sleeping. When I woke up, I guess I wasn’t expecting you’d still be here,” I confess, looking down at his toned chest to avoid his eyes, rubbing my hand up the arm draped across my hip.
Seriously. These arms.
“You asked me to stay. If you give me the chance to be near you, I’m going to take it. I’m not going anywhere,” he affirms, sliding his hand up the side of my body until he reaches my face. His open palm spans the side of my face, brushing my hair back in the process.
Placing my hand over the top of his, I take a minute to just appreciate the feel of him here with me.
Leaning forward, Callum presses his forehead agai
nst mine. When our eyes meet, I don’t miss the look on his face. I can see it in his stare, something more there.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask as my brows furrow. “You look like something is bothering you, like your mind is somewhere else.” Immediately, I want to be concerned; everything was fine when we got back to my house earlier. I don’t know what could have changed in such a short time.
Callum rolls over, leaning back against the pillow and breaking our connection as he rubs his hand over his face. Turning over on my side, I move and lay my head on his shoulder resting my hand against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath my palm.
Wrapping his hand around mine, he breaks the silence. “My father texted me earlier after you fell asleep. I haven’t heard from him since I was in Chicago, and let’s just say it didn’t go over well.” The words come out with a hint of sadness, and if I’m not mistaken, a tinge of anger.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Staring up at the ceiling, the seconds tick by and after a while I think he is going to ignore my question and let it go.
“He has had an alcohol problem for as long as I remember. When he would drink, he often put his hands on my mom. More times than I can count, I would wake up hearing him yell as he smacked her around.”
The anger I heard in his voice earlier is wrapped around every word he has spoken.
“I remember the last fight they had before my mom finally left him. He had stumbled through the door late at night. I don’t know what time it was, but I know it had to have been late because even my mother had gone to bed. He had the nerve to get mad at her, to put his hands on her because she put the leftovers from dinner in the fridge. That asshole made her get out of bed to heat up his food, and when it wasn’t hot enough for him, he slapped her across the face, splitting her lip in half.
“Growing up, he always wanted me to become a lawyer and follow in his footsteps. I didn’t though. I’m not… I’m not like him.” The last four words come out full of so much emotion. I can hear the uncertainty in his voice as if for a minute, he feared he could ever be like his father. “I don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t want to be like him. Why doesn’t he get it?” he asks, looking me in the eye.
Where I Found You (Heart's Compass Book 1) Page 12
