“I don’t know what you going through, but I’m sure it’s because of me. I fixed things with the guys, but I never wanted to see you get hurt. I know it’s no harm in us being friends. Let’s go eat upstairs at the grill. I’ll take care of that stuff you got,” he said standing behind me. I thought about it for a moment and shrugged, shit why not? I had no man waiting for me at home any damn way.
“I can purchase my own stuff and meet you upstairs at the grill,” I said and walked off. I called Kadar as I stood in line because even though he was an ass, I was still thinking about him. I wanted a reason to not go upstairs. I wanted my family back. Kadar’s phone picked up on the second ring.
“Hello,” some bitch answered giggling. I closed my eyes. Damn this nigga was really trying to hurt my feelings.
“Put Kadar on the phone bitch,” I demanded and a few people in line looked at me. I ignored their nosey stares and looked straight ahead. I could hear fumbling in the background then Kadar answered.
“What’s up, O, is Bella okay?” he asked in a slurred voice.
“Yes, she’s fine. Are we really doing this right now? Are you willing to throw away everything we have over a mistake? I love you,” I said whispering the last part. Kadar let out a deep breath.
“I love you too, but you did this. I can’t trust you, O, I just can’t. Look I gotta go, we bout to hit up Kasam’s concert,” he said and ended the call. I put my phone away and willed myself not to cry. Bella smiled almost like she could sense my hurt and I pulled myself together. I could go upstairs because I was pissed at Kadar and fuck things up worse or I could go home and work on picking up the pieces to my life. I decided to pay for my stuff and take my ass home. Angel seemed like he didn’t mind playing with fire, but I had a feeling meeting him upstairs would have just been another bad fucking idea.
****
A week later, I found myself inside of my office. I hadn’t done a job since I had my baby and although I missed catching niggas up, I was a different woman now. My sister wasn’t interested in handling the business by herself, so we were closing down the office. Most of the boxes were packed and we were waiting on movers to put them in storage. We’d decided to run our party planning business out of the office now, which was our cover company for what we really did.
Quinn and I did know how to party plan though so we knew it would be easy to handle and I was a little excited at starting something new. Anything really to get my mind off of Kadar’s bitch ass.
“O, please stop looking like that. Kadar will get his shit together and realize he fucked up then he’s going to be begging you to get back with him,” Quinn said packing her stuff up. I looked at my little sister and sat my box down. I was drained and really just wanted to see my son’s gravesite. I hadn’t been in months and even though I never got to hear him talk and call me momma, I still loved him. I grabbed my purse and car keys.
“I’m going to visit Owen’s grave and get a blowout. Call me if you need me. They’re dropping off the new furniture tomorrow morning.” Quinn sat down on the desk and pushed some hair behind her ear.
“You want me to go with you?” I shook my head and walked off. Bella was with Sariel who was Kadar and my go to person because he for some reason didn’t wanna come to my house that was now fully furnished. I didn’t give a fuck though. The more bullshit he pulled the harder my heart hardened when it came to him.
My son’s grave was on the west side off of Telegraph. I picked up white roses from a local flower boutique and went to his grave. It didn’t take me long to find it and I was happy to see that it wasn’t trash or anything around it. I kissed his head stone, sat his flowers down and laid on my side beside it. Owen’s spirit was with me everywhere that I went, but I still felt a connection with him at his grave as well. For some reason, being at his gravesite comforted me.
“You were taken away from mommy far too early baby. I can’t help but to wonder what it would be like if you were still here. How you would look right now and what type of boy you would be. I miss you…every day. Mommy is facing some challenges, but I know I can make it through them. I love you baby...” I trailed off and thought about my life. I had been through so many things and surprisingly, I was still alive and well. At times, when things really got bad in my life, I missed my mother. To Quinn I pretended like I didn’t, but even as a drug addict, she was still our mom. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in years. She was probably still addicted to crack and putting that first in her life like she always had. I closed my eyes and shook off the anger that was invading my body. I didn’t come out to my son’s grave to think about my mom. I imagined him running around with Bella and it brought a smile to my face.
“If only you could be here growing up with your sister. Now that would be something to see,” I said with a laugh. Someone stood over me and I thought it was Kadar, at least, I wanted it to be him, but it wasn’t.
“Come on sis let’s go eat,” Quinn said bending down to pull me up. I stood up and hugged her. I knew it wasn’t right, but I hadn’t hugged my sister in years. We didn’t show emotion in that kind of way, but I needed for her strength to somehow move into me, so I hugged her as hard as I could. She rubbed my back as I started to cry.
“It’s fine, Olivia. Its okay to hurt because you’ve been through hell, but you will get through this. I’ma make sure you do,” Quinn said and rubbed my back some more. I nodded and was so grateful to have her that I closed my eyes and thanked God. I wasn’t sure what I would do without my sister.
Chapter Twelve
Aamil
“So you about to cut all ties with her, huh?” Ameer asked sitting beside me. I nodded and pulled into Mina’s driveway. Drew and I were two months into therapy and we was still going at it over this Mina shit. Royce was gone and so was Stretch, so to make my household a happy place again, I was going to tell Mina that I couldn’t talk to her or the kids ever again. I loved the kids, but shit I loved my kids more. I had to do what I had to do to get my wife back on the same page as me. I knew I didn’t want Mina, but Drew had somehow put it in her head that a part of me did and she was holding that shit against me.
“So what’s the birthday plans?” Ameer asked. I parked the car and pulled my cap down low. A nigga was getting up, there but I still felt young.
“Shit Drew ain’t said shit. She was gone with the kids when I woke up so maybe she’s planning something for tonight. Kadar’s turnt up ass trying to get me to hit up the strip club with him and Hayward then shoot to Miami for the weekend. If Drew on that bullshit then a nigga just might,” I replied as we got out of the car. We made it to her front door and I knocked twice. AJ pulled the door open with a party hat on his head. He started cheesing so damn hard and that shit was like a kick in the gut because I felt fucked up for what I was about to do, but the shit needed to be done.
“Daddy!” he yelled and the other kids ran out as we stepped in. Silver balloons covered the top of the ceiling with a happy birthday Aamil banner hanging from one side of the wall to the next.
“Did she know why you were coming over?” Ameer asked me. I shook my head and he gave me a look. “Damn…well this is about to be awkward as fuck,” he murmured. Mina walked out into the hallway in black dress with a party hat on her head. She was looking good as hell, but that wasn’t even on my mind but I’m a nigga, so I did notice it.
“Happy Birthday!” she yelled and the kids started singing to me. Mina rushed out of the room and came back seconds later with a Bugatti cake and one candle on it. She walked up on me smiling so hard and she genuinely looked happy. Her face had this glow to it that she hadn’t had in a while.
“Make a wish,” she whispered and I closed my eyes.
I wish Drew would get her shit together. I wished and opened my eyes. I blew out the candle and everybody clapped even Ameer’s silly ass. I pushed that nigga and grabbed the cake from Mina. I took it into the kitchen and cut the kids some pieces. I could smell Mina’s perfume as she approached me.
>
“Happy birthday, Aamil, before we were lovers we were friends. I know that Drew doesn’t like me, so I’ve pulled back with the calling and texts, but I do appreciate you still coming around when you do. You know I only have a handful of family and they not shit. The things you’ve done for me, I will forever be grateful for,” she said and handed me a card. “Read when you’re alone, it’s nothing nasty just a thank you. Come see what the kids got you,” she said and walked off. I folded the card and slipped it into my back pocket. I made the kids a plate of cake and took it to them in the dining room. Ameer ass was playing Mina’s oldest son on his Xbox that I had got him and Mina was sitting at the table with her two daughters playing Uno with them. Her oldest daughter looked at me and she smiled.
“Where’s Drew at? We miss her,” she said.
“Yeah, where’s Drew?” AJ asked before diving into the cake. Mina looked at me and smiled.
“You can call her. If she wants to come over she’s always welcome.” I shook my head knowing that shit wasn’t going to happen and Mina cut on the damn “Whip” song and the kids went crazy. I sat down and watched them dance to that shit for a minute before checking my watch.
“Aye, Mina, let me holla at you real quick,” I said standing up. Mina stopped dancing and walked over to me.
“You didn’t open the kid’s gifts yet.”
“I will in a sec, come here,” I said and pulled her into the hallway. Mina leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest.
“What is it?” she asked in a worried tone. I looked at her and shook my head.
“Look it’s like, this we gotta end all communication. Stretch gone, so you will be good. Go back to school like you were talking about and get your life together for your kids.” Mina nodded and her eyes instantly watered. She started to cry, but she didn’t spaz out on me.
“I guess I should have expected this. You have your own family now and it isn’t right for me to demand things when my kids aren’t biologically yours. The selfish part of me wants to act a fool, but I don’t have a right too. I lost you or maybe I never really had you, but you’re married now and that woman isn’t me. The kids are going to be really hurt, Aamil,” she said wiping her eyes. I wanted to hug her, but that would only further confuse shit.
“Yeah, I know. I’ma miss them,” I replied and cleared my throat. Mina cried harder and I walked up on her. I patted her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. “You’ll be good. I gotta bounce I’ma go tell the kids by,” I said to her and walked off. I found the kids in the living room stretched out on the floor watching TV. I hugged all of them and gave them all some money. It was just in me to do for them because I had been the only nigga doing it for so long. Shit I was there for them whenever they needed me, so I was feeling like a sucka ass nigga when I walked up out of her house with the gifts in my hand. I tossed the stuff in my backseat and Ameer and I got in my car, which happened to be my Bugatti. I pulled off and Ameer looked over at me.
“You good? I know that was hard,” Ameer said and pulled out his ringing phone.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I replied and turned on the radio while he took his call. It took me forty minutes to drop him off at his crib and twenty minutes to get to mines. I parked behind Drew’s BMW and decided to leave the kid’s stuff in the car just so her ass wouldn’t trip on me. I opened the door expecting Aamilah, her, and Shad to be waiting on me, but they weren’t. I slipped off my shoes and went upstairs in search of them. I found Aamilah asleep in her bed with her thumb in her mouth and Shad asleep in his bassinet. I walked into my bedroom and Drew was in our bedroom sitting in the middle of the floor surrounded by shoeboxes. I looked over the labels as I walked up on her. She was wearing a grey Calvin Klein sports bra with Calvin Klein underwear.
“Hey, I called you,” she said not bothering to even look up at me.
“Oh yeah? You was calling to say happy birthday?” I asked her. Drew looked up at me and her eyes were big as hell.
“Aamil.” She stood up and tried to grab my hand, but I pushed her shit away.
“Nah, man gone somewhere with that shit,” I said and walked off. I walked into our first walk in closet and took my clothes off. The card fell out of my back pocket and Drew grabbed it. I pulled it out of her hand and sat it on the highest shelf in the closet because I knew she couldn’t reach it.
“Oh, I guess you celebrated with your other family, huh?” she asked putting her hands on her hips. The love I had for her stopped me from slapping the fucking taste out of her mouth.
“The other family as you call them got me a cake and gifts even balloons in my favorite color and still I cut them off today to come home to this. Your trifling ass couldn’t even have my fucking kids tell me happy birthday. On some real shit, I ain’t got nothing to say to you right now, so go back to looking through shit you bought today and leave me the fuck alone.”
“Aamil…”
“Drew, get the fuck out of my face!” I yelled. She said something under her breath and walked out of the closet. I grabbed Mina’s card and decided to see what it said.
Aamil, what can I say? You the shit for one. I mean you really are. Without my mom, I see things so different now. I see how selfish I was to come at you how I did and I apologize. I really didn’t know any better. I loved you hell I still do and I knew you loved the kids so that was my way of keeping you near. I wished so many nights that they were yours. That’s why I named AJ after you because I wanted him to be your son. Shit I prayed he was, but I knew he wasn’t and you did too.
I’m so proud of the man you have become. It hurts to see you with your family because I think about what I lost, but I’m happy for you. I really am and my days of causing you drama are over. I promise! If we can be friends like we used to then that would be great, but if not I understand. I just wanted you to know that everything you’ve ever done for me has been greatly appreciated. I’m blessed to have a man like you step up to the plate to raise kids that aren’t even yours. You’re blessed so greatly because of the man you are. Have a happy birthday because you definitely deserve it.
Mina
I put the card back at the top of the closet and called Kadar on my cellphone. He picked up on the first ring with bitches giggling in the background.
“Happy birthday niggggaaaa! What you doing!” he yelled into the phone. His ass was enjoying being single a little too much. He hadn’t turnt down since he had the movers take all of Olivia’s shit from their house. I chuckled at his ass and started looking through my clothes.
“Shit nigga that’s why I’m calling you.”
“Well you called the right motherfucka! Meet me at this address I’m about to send you. We over here getting lit,” he said and ended the call. Seconds later, a Detroit address came through to my phone. I pulled out a white Versace collared shirt with white jeans and white red bottoms. I walked out of the closet and Drew’s ass was sitting on the bed with the stank face on staring at the TV. She looked at me and then the clothes in my hands.
“You going out?” she asked with an attitude. I nodded and walked out of the room. I took a quick shower and threw on my clothes. I had a fresh haircut from one of my barbers Mack that worked at my barbershop and my beard was looking good as well. After putting on my Rolex that my brothers including myself had, I sprayed on one of my favorite colognes, Tom Ford. I went into Drew and I’s biggest closet and went to my wall safe. I put in Drew’s birthday and it popped open. I pulled out some money and Aamilah grabbed my pants leg.
“Happy birthday daddy,” she said and held her hands up for me to pick her up. I closed the safe and grabbed my fat ma. I carried her out of the closet and into my bedroom.
“Thank you princess and if daddy catch you with that thumb in your mouth again, you gonna be in trouble.” Aamilah giggled because she knew I wasn't going to do shit to her and Drew looked at me. Her hair was now wrapped up and she had some type of mud mask on. I sat Aamilah on the bed and put my money in my pocket.
An hour later, I sat inside of Hayward’s secret penthouse that he kept from Quinn with Kasam beside me. It was just a few people that we fucked with and a couple of bad bitches.
“This nigga out of control and that's saying a lot coming from me,” Kasam said as we watched Kadar take shots off of this bad ass naked bitch. I was beyond fucked up and scared to move off of the couch because if I did, I knew my dick was going to fall into some pussy that might not be my wife's and that shit couldn't happen, so Kasam was chilling with me. He was married like me and trying to do right so we was watching each other and shit. Ameer’s bitch ass was scared to piss off Sophie, so he didn’t come talking about Soraya had a cold.
“Hell yeah that nigga gotta stop fucking partying and take his black ass home before Olivia be finished with his ass for good,” I said looking at my youngest brother. Kadar was now sucking on some bitch nipple while another bitch sucked his dick. I laughed at the whole scene and washed my hands over my face. I hadn’t been to a freak party like this in a long ass time.
“Man this shit is funny, but why did I cut Mina off completely today for Drew and that ungrateful bitch hadn't even remembered it was my birthday. Mina and her kids got a nigga a cake and everything. I was all fucked up when I got to the house and wasn't shit waiting on me, but an ungrateful ass wife. I had half a mind to go over to Mina's crib, but I didn't. I'm not gon’ play with her emotions just because I'm mad at Drew and shit.” Kasam looked at me and took another shot; he was just as fucked up as I was if not more and Erin was blowing his shit up.
“Drew’s runaway ass need a good shaking or slapping. Shit I know she got a mouth on her, so I wouldn’t judge you if you decided to go in her shit one good time,” he said and laughed. I laughed with his crazy ass because sometimes I wished I could, but I couldn’t do my baby like that. I loved her too much for that.
Side Effects of Loving You 2 Page 9
