by Linda Turner
“Lise, honey…” Struggling to hold on to what was left of his control, he wanted to draw out the moment until neither of them knew their own name, but suddenly she stiffened in his arms, and with a startled cry of surprise, pleasure washed over her in waves.
And watching her, loving the feel of her coming apart in his arms, was Steve’s undoing. His own body caught fire, and with a groan that came from the very depths of his being, he gave himself up to the all-consuming flames.
He was an idiot.
Lying with Lise cuddled close in his arms, Steve stared out of the cave at the dust storm, which was finally blowing itself out, and called himself seven kinds of a fool. He’d gone too far, dammit! As long as he’d just flirted with her and kissed her, he’d been able to convince himself it was all part of his job. Granted, that hadn’t been something he was particularly proud of, but he’d been able to live with himself knowing it was for SPEAR. But he hadn’t made love to Lise to discover information about her father. He hadn’t even thought of Simon—or his mission. The only thing he’d been thinking of was Lise—and the fire she’d lit in his belly.
He’d made love to her strictly for himself, which was what he’d wanted, but it was too soon, dammit! He’d lost himself in her arms, and he’d completely forgotten that the only one he could truly trust was his contact at the other end of the phone line.
Not Lise. As much as he’d wanted to let down his guard with her, he never should have done it. Because first, last and always, she was Simon’s daughter. And while Steve didn’t think she knew anything about her old man’s terrorist activities, he didn’t know that for sure. Until he did, he never should have made love to her. After all, blood was thicker than water, and she had a very clever father. If she was just as clever, she could be up to her neck in whatever Simon was doing.
He didn’t want to believe it, not about Lise, and it was that, more than anything, that scared the hell out of him. She’d touched his heart in a way he hadn’t expected, and he couldn’t afford to let that happen again. He would keep his hands to himself, finish his mission and get the hell out of there while he still could—before he did something stupid. Like fall in love with her.
Her heart still thundering, Lise stared blindly out at the dying storm and saw nothing but the last few moments in Steve’s arms. He’d been wonderful. Sweet, gentle, tender. He hadn’t rushed her like some sex-starved cowboy who’d been out in the bush too long, but instead, he’d drawn her slowly into lovemaking. And in the process, he’d made the moment so special for her that she’d been hard pressed not to cry.
But he’d never mentioned love, never talked about the future at all.
That might not have bothered a more experienced woman, but Lise wasn’t experienced, and she’d be the first to admit it. She’d never made love before—she hadn’t expected such a swirl of emotions to envelop her. She wanted hearts and flowers and pretty words. And she wanted a future. With him. And that absolutely terrified her. Everything was happening so fast! She felt like she’d stepped on a merry-go-round that was spinning out of control, and there was no way to slow it down or step off.
Was she falling in love with him? Was that why she was so confused? No. She couldn’t possibly be. She’d only known him a matter of weeks. People didn’t fall in love that fast—she should know. Her parents had been absolutely devoted to each other, and they’d known each other for six months before they’d realized they were falling in love. There had to be another explanation.
But the only one that came to mind was that she was falling in lust, not love, and she didn’t even have to think about that one to reject it. She wasn’t the type of woman who lusted after men—if she had, she’d have been involved with someone long before now. No, it was more than lust, she told herself, but not yet love. But it could be, and that was what worried her. She shouldn’t be having these feelings for someone she knew so little about. Yes, he’d told her about his childhood, but how did he feel about children and commitment and marriage? If he gave his word on something, could she trust it? Could she trust him? Would he be there for her the way her father had always been there for her mother?
Would he be there for his child in a way her father had never been for her?
The traitorous thought came from out of nowhere to confuse her, but she didn’t have an answer for that any more than she did for the rest of the questions buzzing around in her head. And answers were something she desperately needed right now. Answers about Steve, answers about herself and what she wanted for herself now and in the future. And there weren’t any in sight.
She needed time to think, and she didn’t have to wait long to get it. The storm blew itself out, and suddenly, Steve was as anxious as she to put some space between them. “We’d better get back to camp,” he said huskily, breaking the tense silence that had fallen between them. “Everyone’ll be worried about us.”
Rolling away from her, he didn’t give her time to argue, but simply reached for his clothes and hurriedly dressed without sparing her another glance. Seconds later, he stomped into his boots and grabbed his hat. “I’ll see if I can find the horses.”
He was gone before she could open her mouth to tell him she’d go with him, hurrying out of the cave as if he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. Hurt, she tried to tell herself she was just being sensitive. If he was in a hurry, it was only because he knew the storm had no doubt caused a lot of damage. They could lie around like two lovers stranded on a deserted island another time. Right now, they had work to do.
And he was right, of course. Resigned, she hurriedly pulled on her clothes, wincing as the dirt and grime clinging to them scraped her sensitive skin. She longed for a bath, but the springs were miles away, and Steve needed her help. She tugged on her boots, then stepped outside to see what kind of damage the storm had done.
The fences she and Steve had spent the morning repairing were down again, but the horses, thankfully, hadn’t gone far. They’d found shelter in the rocky outcroppings surrounding the cave, and Steve had collected them when she stepped outside. “How are they?” she asked huskily as he checked them for injuries.
“Dusty,” he replied. “But not as skittish as I expected. I guess they’re used to dust storms blowing up out of nowhere.”
“It goes with the territory,” she said with a shrug, making no apologies. “I’m just glad they didn’t run off and leave us. It’s a long way back to camp.”
It was, in fact, ten miles, and they barely spoke to each other the entire way. Lise told herself she was okay with that—she wasn’t in the mood for conversation anyway—but when they reached the camp, Steve couldn’t seem to get away from her fast enough. Hurt, she told herself he was just pitching in and helping the others. The storm had come right through camp, knocking down tents and twisting them into a wild tangle. Clothes were scattered through the bush for a half mile or more, and the chuck wagon was covered in three inches of dust. The corral was down, and God only knew where the cattle were. It would take the rest of the day, and possibly tomorrow, to set everything straight.
She knew that, and was thankful that everyone immediately went to work rebuilding camp without having to be told. But she’d just made love for the first time in her life. There had been times in the past when she’d wondered what it would be like when she gave herself to a man, and not once had she ever thought that he would walk away from her afterward without a word—regardless of what was going on around them.
But that was exactly what Steve had done, and that devastated her far more than she’d expected it to. Did he think she wanted some kind of undying proclamation of love? she wondered, scowling at his back as he rode into the bush to pick up the clothes that were scattered to the four winds. Is that what this was about? Was he afraid that she wanted him to marry her now that she’d given him her virginity? Or did he just regret it and no longer want anything to do with her?
If that was the kind of man he was, then he wasn’t who she’d thought
he was. Pain squeezed her heart at that, but she knew it was better that she find out now than later. Determined to ignore him, she quickly turned her attention to the pans she was cleaning for Cookie while he swept dust from the chuck wagon.
She’d always considered herself a practical person, and putting Steve from her mind shouldn’t have been difficult, not after the way he’d hurt her. The rat didn’t deserve a second thought. But try though she might, she couldn’t stop thinking about those moments in the cave when every thought she had began and ended with him.
Did he really regret making love with her? She had no experience to fall back on, of course, but she’d have sworn he was as caught up in their lovemaking as she was. So what happened? When had he started to regret it? Why? Had she said something, done something to offend him? She certainly hadn’t meant to. He’d given her the most incredible experience of her life. Her heart turned over in her chest every time she thought of it. Surely he knew that. After all, he was the one with all the experience. He must have been able to tell.
But what if he hadn’t?
The question snuck up on her from her blind side and stopped her in her tracks. Had she disappointed him somehow afterward? Was this what all the silent treatment was about? They’d both gone into the experience with expectations, and she had to believe that she’d somehow let him down. Otherwise, he’d be helping her clean the chuck wagon right now, flirting outrageously and waiting for another chance to get her alone.
What had she done? she wondered, worried. She’d never know until she asked him.
Another woman who’d just lost her virginity might not have had the courage to approach him when he so obviously wanted nothing to do with her, but she’d never lacked for courage before Steve Trace had come into her life, and she didn’t intend to start now. If there was a problem, the only way to work it out was to talk about it.
Her mind made up, she set aside the large pan she’d been cleaning and dried her hands. Surprised, Cookie looked up from his sweeping and frowned. “Hey, you’re not finished. Where are you going?”
“I’ll be back,” she assured him. “I’ve just got a little business I’ve got to take care of first.”
“But—”
“I’ll be right back.”
She headed for the corral before he could say another word, leaving him grumbling in disgust as he turned to the chuck wagon. “That’s okay. Take off like everyone else and find something else to do. Just don’t complain when there’s nothing but sandwiches for supper.”
Quickly saddling Thunder, Lise wouldn’t have cared if they had nothing but bread and water for the rest of the day. All she wanted was to talk to Steve. But when she rode out of camp a few seconds later, there was no sign of him anywhere. Surprised, she brought Thunder to a quick stop, scowling as she searched the area where she’d last seen him retrieving clothes and other items that had been blown to kingdom come by the storm, but she couldn’t find him. Where the devil had he gone?
Thunder pawed the ground impatiently, but she only patted his neck absently and murmured, “Easy, boy. He’s got to be around here somewhere. Give me a second to find his trail.”
Riding to the last spot she’d seen him, she found his horse’s tracks in the new coating of dust the storm had left behind and was surprised when she saw that he’d headed east. Since the storm had blown up in the east and moved everything in a westerly direction, there was nothing to retrieve to the east.
“Maybe he went to the springs for a drink,” she muttered to Thunder. “That seems to be where he’s heading.”
His tracks didn’t stop at the springs, but continued right on past them. Frowning in puzzlement, Lise searched the eastern horizon and finally spotted him in the distance, riding away from her.
He was headed for her parents’ old cabin.
Later, she couldn’t have said how she knew where he was going. She hadn’t asked him to check out the cabin to see what kind of damage it had suffered from the storm, not when there was so much work to do at camp. But he was headed in the right direction, and common sense told her that’s where he was going.
Why? she wondered, carefully keeping her distance as she followed him. There was no logical reason for him to take off for the cabin without so much as a goodbye. There was work to be done, dammit! So what the devil was he up to? She intended to find out.
Chapter 8
If anyone happened to see Steve riding away from camp, they would have thought he was searching the bush for items that had been blown away by the storm. In actuality, he was using the search to hide the fact that he was slowly, deliberately making his way toward Simon’s cabin.
Thanks to the storm, things couldn’t have worked out better if he’d planned them. The camp was a disaster area—not a single tent had been left standing, and it would take hours to set everything right. With so much work to do, no one had even looked up when he’d volunteered to ride out and collect the clothes scattered all over the bush.
That didn’t mean, however, that he had hours to find the cabin and search it. He had thirty minutes—at the most—before someone noted his absence and possibly came looking for him, so he didn’t have time to dawdle. Every instinct he had urged him to hurry, but he couldn’t. If someone saw him racing across the desert, that would surely raise suspicions he didn’t want to deal with. Better to keep his pace slow, even though it ate up more time, and appear to be searching for one of his shirts that had disappeared in the storm. Then, if someone saw him and demanded an explanation, he could pretend to be surprised that he’d wandered so far from camp.
It wasn’t easy. He had to sit relaxed in the saddle, as if he was bored with the job, and all the while, his eyes searched the horizon for signs of the cabin. Lise had mentioned that it was a half a mile east of the springs. That could cover a lot of territory. If he didn’t find it soon, he’d have to turn back and look another time.
Aware of every second that ticked by on his watch, he was just about to give up hope when the sun glinted off the tin roof of a small house in the distance to his right. That had to be it! Chancing a quick glance over his shoulder, he saw nothing but red dirt and the bush behind him. Relieved, he headed straight for the cabin.
Hanging well back and to his left, Lise wanted to sink into the ground when he suddenly looked over his shoulder to see if he was being followed. She needn’t have worried. Still covered in dirt from the storm, she and Thunder couldn’t have faded into the terrain better if they’d been dressed in camouflage. And Steve only took time for a quick look behind him. If he hadn’t been in such a hurry, he would have surely seen her.
She wanted to believe that he’d just stumbled across the cabin by accident, but she’d never been very good at lying to herself. So maybe he was just curious, she thought. She supposed she would be, too, if their positions were reversed and she found herself in Wisconsin and had a chance to check out his parents’ farm. There was nothing wrong with wanting to see where a person was from.
But even from a distance, she could see it was more than curiosity that had led him to the cabin. He approached it almost like a thief scoping out the next place he was going to rob, and she couldn’t begin to understand why. What did he hope to find? No one had lived there for years.
Questions nagging at her, she watched with growing indignation as he approached the front door. It was locked, for heaven’s sake! What did he think he was going to do? Walk right inside like he owned the place?
That was, in fact, exactly what he did.
Stunned, Lise couldn’t believe her eyes. One second he was standing at the door, and the next he was pushing it open. And for the life of her, she didn’t know how. The cabin wasn’t some abandoned shack that had been left to rot in the bush all these years—her father made sure it was kept in top-notch shape. It had a steel door and a dead bolt lock that would have given a skilled cat burglar pause. Yet Steve didn’t even hesitate. With a flick of his wrist, he unlocked it.
A second afte
r he stepped across the threshold, the door shut behind him, leaving him inside and her out. And that was the last straw, as far as Lise was concerned. Damn him, who the hell did he think he was? That was her parents’ cabin. Hers! He had no right to be scrounging around in there when she’d never even stepped foot across the threshold! And she was going to tell him that right now! Urging Thunder forward, she headed straight for the cabin.
There was nothing there.
Standing flat-footed in the middle of the small one-room cabin, Steve couldn’t believe his lousy luck. He’d taken a chance slipping away from camp, and for what? Nothing, dammit! After what Lise had told him about the place, he was convinced Simon had a secret office set up there, but there wasn’t a computer or desk or even a filing cabinet in sight. Instead, the cabin was furnished just as it must have been when Simon and his wife lived there, with an old-fashioned poster bed and dresser, an over-stuffed couch and matching armchair and an inexpensive chrome dinette set. If Simon had hidden any damning evidence there, it had to be under the floorboards or in the mattress because there wasn’t any other place to conceal anything.
“Well, damn!”
He checked the entire cabin because appearances could be deceptive, especially where Simon was concerned, but the quick search soon proved to be nothing but a waste of time. The floorboards were tightly nailed in place, and the mattress and living room furniture were stuffed with nothing but their original padding. Like it or not, he had once again struck out.
Frustrated—and more than a little infuriated—Steve would have given just about anything to get his hands on Simon at that moment. If he hadn’t known better, he would have sworn the bastard was on to him and had Lise tell him about the cabin just so he could sit back and laugh at the idea of Steve looking for something that wasn’t there. Simon was that manipulative and sadistic.
