by J. J. Green
“What?”
“You don’t really think that Carl doesn’t care about you, do you?”
Her friend sighed. “I didn’t think so when we left Mars. Now, I just don’t know. The minute the Council officers made him the offer to leave, he took it. Like he realized he’d made a big mistake.”
“But he wanted to go fight. He wanted to take part in the battle with the Shadows. He’s risking his life.”
“That’s what I mean. He’s risking his life just to get away from me.”
“Krat, Jas,” Sayen exclaimed. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. “What’s wrong with you? Are you sick or something? This isn’t like you.”
“No, I’m not sick. I don’t know what you mean.”
“You don’t know what I mean? What I mean is, where’s all this self-pity coming from? You sound like a kratting teenager. Of course Carl cares about you. You know that. You spent the last several months avoiding the fact and pushing him away, but you know it as sure as we’re standing here.”
Jas didn’t reply for a moment, then she asked, “So how come he left me?”
Sayen heard an uncharacteristic tremble in her friend’s voice. “Jas, I guess I know how you feel. Erielle left me too, remember? And I was just as hurt and angry as you are right now. But she had to go to fight the Shadows on Earth and protect her people. And it’s the same for Carl. The Council mentioned the opportunity, and he took his chance. He had to do it, the same as Erielle and Makey did. He probably thought he couldn't live with himself if he didn’t try to avenge the deaths of his parents.”
“You didn’t go,” Jas said.
“I wasn’t as quick off the mark as Carl, but I will, Jas, I will, when the time comes. I’ll never forget what the Shadows did to Mamma and Daddy.”
Without a word, Jas set off walking again.
“Wait a minute,” Sayen said, hurrying to catch up.
Jas went determinedly on, continuing to say nothing. Sayen glanced back at the lonely steel tower and squat base that marked the entrance to the underground outpost. The station had grown smaller as they’d increased their distance. Though her suit’s navigation would lead them straight back to it, the dwindling image made her uneasy.
“Don’t you think we should turn back?” Sayen asked. “The myth should be here soon, and rad levels are high on Ganymede. We probably shouldn’t stay outside more than half an hour or so.”
Jas’ breathy sigh came over her radio, followed by, “I’m being really dumb, aren’t I?”
“You mean about Carl? Well...” Sayen considered how to put her response kindly, but she knew that Jas could take the truth without offense. “Yeah, you’re being real dumb. Can we go back now?”
Jas about-faced and began to stride back to the outpost. Sayen trotted along behind her.
“You know, Jas,” she said. “I don’t think Carl went to fight in the Shadow battle just for his parents’ sake. I think he wants to beat the Shadows because he wants a peaceful future for both of you.”
“Really?” Her friend’s voice was high and quavering once more.
“Yeah. When we were aboard the Bricoleur before we went to Mars, he came to my cabin—to cheer me up I think. I was pretty low for a while after Erielle left. He brought that daft animal with him. We talked a little, and he did make me feel a bit better. Then we got to talking about everything that had gone on.”
She paused. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Carl cares about you so much, Jas. He told me so. He was all confused at the time we spoke because he thought you two were close, but you always pulled away if anything started to happen. Yet you’d been so free and easy with that officer on Dawn. He couldn't understand why you were so reluctant to be with him, but now that he knows he’s important to you, I’m sure he wants to fight for you too.”
“He compared my feelings for Idris with my feelings for him?” Jas exclaimed.
“I guess he did. It’s natural, isn’t it? But it’s okay now, right? Because you finally decided you want to be with him.”
Jas stopped in her tracks, almost causing Sayen to collide with her. “This is terrible. He’s got it all wrong. I didn’t hesitate because I didn’t like him as much as I liked Idris. I hesitated because...Krat. Now he’s gone, and I can’t explain why I acted like I did. Sayen, this is awful. What am I going to do?”
Sayen wasn’t exactly sure what Jas was upset about, but she tried to reassure her friend all the way back to the airlock. Her efforts didn’t seem to do much good. When they were inside and Jas had removed her helmet, Sayen could see her friend remained worried and distracted. It was too late for them to talk more, however, because the myth had arrived.
Chapter Six
Jas had rarely felt as bad as she did at that moment. She was naked and lying down under a blanket in the Ganymede Outpost’s medical center, waiting to receive the mythranil that might or might not send her to the place the Paths came from. But she didn’t feel bad because she feared what was about to happen. More than becoming addicted to the powerful narcotic, more than getting lost in that place beyond the physical universe, more than dying, in fact, she feared never having the opportunity to set Carl straight about what he meant to her.
Ever since the trauma she’d experienced when she’d been at training college in Antarctica, she’d had a certain approach to relationships. She hadn’t shied away from them entirely, but when someone was interested in her, she was always careful to keep everything light and easy. She preferred dating on missions when the man was planetside, knowing that, in a few days or weeks, circumstances would force them to part company, usually amicably, after a brief fling. She’d always steered clear of dating shipmates, who she would be unable to avoid until the mission’s end, which could be months or sometimes even years in the future.
With Carl, everything had been different. For the first time since she was eighteen, Jas had felt out of control of what was happening to her. Though she couldn’t have put her finger on the moment when Carl had become something more to her than just her pilot friend and shipmate, she knew that her feelings were serious, and her vulnerability had scared her.
On Dawn, with Idris, things had progressed as usual up until the Shadow invasion. The lieutenant had been a good person, but Jas wouldn’t have thought twice about him six months after departing the colony. Her feelings for Carl, by contrast, were for life. In the past, she’d lost someone who’d meant that much to her. She didn’t think she could survive that loss again, so it had taken a long time for her to let her true feelings show.
“Are you ready?” Martha had come in while Jas was lost in her thoughts. The alien’s golden head with its shining compound eyes appeared above her. In the claws at the end of one of her front legs she held a hypodermic needle filled with a deep crimson liquid. Her claws looked almost as sharp as the inner mandibles of her mouth, which protruded as she spoke.
“Um, I think so,” Jas said.
“I can assure you that I will hit exactly the right spot,” said Martha. “Though my species’ vision is not as effective as human’s, at this distance I can detect the odor profile of your body. The points of sensitivity are clear to me. I will inject the mythranil in the area that gives the greatest effect. The Council is extremely grateful to you for participating in this experiment.”
Dr. Sparks entered the room, rubbing his hands together. “I’ll do it,” he said cheerfully. He seemed to have caught up on his sleep while they’d been waiting for the myth. But still, Jas thought, the massive insectoid alien with razor-sharp mandibles would be a preferable alternative to the doctor.
He took the hypodermic needle that the alien handed him.
“As you wish,” Martha said. “I am sure that you are a competent physician. It really does not matter, providing that Ms. Harrington begins the experience and gathers any useful information as quickly as possible.”
The Paths had been placed in a corner of the room in case their proximity might create some kind of beneficial
effect. Jas’ gaze lingered on their brown, baggy forms as Sparks lifted the blanket.
“You do know what you’re doing, don’t you?” she asked the doctor.
“Of course I do. Tut tut. Such little faith. As a matter of fact, mystical medical theory is one of my specialties. I took additional credits in it. I know all the meridians and adjacent neural structures. Never fear.”
She rolled her eyes. She’d always known the man was a quack. But in this case he did seem to be the right person for the job.
“As a matter of fact, I quite envy you,” the doctor went on. “If the effects of myth are similar to the trance the Paths put me in during my little sojourn on Mars, you’re in for a delightful experience. Now, please remain still. I’ve found the exact spot.”
Jas gasped as a bright point of pain materialized to the right of her groin. She clenched her teeth, fighting the urge to leap up and rip the hypodermic from Sparks’ fingers. Myth was supposed to be a narcotic—a relaxing, pleasurable, doped-up experience. Jas hadn’t imagined she would have to endure agony to receive a dose.
But in another moment, the pain was replaced by bliss.
***
Jas wasn’t sure if her eyes were closed or open, but she could feel as much as see an infinite expanse surrounding her. She was floating in infinity, and she was part of it, endless and unconfined. Whirls of colors she did and didn’t recognize spun around her, though she was also a part of them. She was empty and she was whole; she was split into a billion pieces and she was complete. All her desires and needs, worries and fears, were gone. Existence was all and it was perfect. She was perfect and free.
She floated forever, but at the very edge of her mind something nibbled. Like a grain of dust in her eye, a tiny piece of gravel in her shoe, an invisible scrap of food stuck between her teeth. It was the sense of a task incomplete. Something she had to do or see, or someone she’d left behind. The tiny speck of irritation marred the perfection. Jas mentally pushed at the thing, willing it to disappear. But it resolutely popped back. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t escape it.
A disruption appeared in the ever-evolving patterns that surrounded her, and she understood that she was not alone. The colors churned faster, until, “Welcome,” a chorus of voices echoed in her mind. The sounds seemed to bathe her in cool waters and enveloped her in such feelings of security and warmth that she forgot to answer.
The voices repeated their greeting, calling Jas to a modicum of concentration. “Hello? Who’s there? Who are you?” she asked without speaking.
“We are the creatures you call Paths in the physical realm.”
Jas could vaguely remember something related to that name, but she no longer cared about anything. The name’s significance slipped from her mind like raindrops through cobblestones.
“Human, you must listen.”
Why wouldn’t they be quiet? There was that speck of irritation again, niggling at her. “What? Why?” She tried to move away from the beings who spoke, but they were all around her and all through her too.
“Human, we wish to help you, but you must hear us.”
Jas couldn’t escape the voices. Wearily, she replied, though her voice was also no more than a resonance in her mind. “What do you want to tell me?”
“You are in the Void, and entities from here are invading your plane of existence. They are leaving here for your universe and destroying living things there. We want to stop them. We want to help you.”
The relevance of their words still escaped Jas.
They continued, “We do not want the others to continue to leave and take away the brief, time-bound lives of beings on the physical plane.”
Concentrating with all her might, Jas said, “I don’t understand. Why do these others want to leave here? Everything is perfect.”
“Objects from your plane flit in and out of existence here. They notice these things and desire them. They lust for the complex creations that you physical beings use to move across distances. Here, they have no need of them, for there are no distances. Every point is simultaneously connected. So they must move to the physical plane to enjoy them.”
Jas’ mind began to drift. She couldn’t grasp what the things were telling her. She began to relax once more into elation and bliss.
“Human, please listen. Because we do not wish to destroy and replicate a physical life form, we are all but helpless within your realm and cannot exist there indefinitely. You must take this information back with you. Many of the others have left the Void. We believe they spread throughout your realm, much farther than you imagine. We have read the minds of those remaining here and learned that if your side appear to be winning the battle with them, the others will reveal themselves and betray those closest to them. Your defense will fail. You must take this information back with you and warn your kind of the danger.”
But Jas couldn’t properly understand what they were telling her. Words were gossamer in the Void.
Chapter Seven
Jas didn’t know how long she’d been floating in the Void. Time didn’t seem to exist. She’d always been there, and she’d never been there. She could no longer hear the beings. Only a trace of their warning remained in her mind. What had they been referring to? She couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter anyway.
A moment or a millennium later, she became aware of more entities. Had the original beings returned? Maybe they would tell her their message again.
But these things were not the same. A wave of unease coursed through her. They didn’t embody the bliss of the Void. They were its opposite values—negativity, confinement, emptiness. Jas tried to move away from the things, but the dimensionless place offered no escape. Tendrils of fear wriggled into her, invading her joyful bliss.
“We know you,” voices said. “Those of us on the other side encountered you there. You have ended our existences. You cannot return to the physical plane to destroy more of our kind. You must stay here. We will keep you here.”
The writhing tendrils of fear hardened within Jas, sparking flames of pain. Her mind was brought rapidly into focus. Where was she? What was happening? What were these things she could perceive but not see?
She struggled, her mind a mess of fear. The things that held her tightened their grip. All Jas’ years of training kicked in and she tried to fight, but she had no body. She tried to scream, but she had no mouth. Without eyes, she couldn’t see her attackers. She could only feel them. She was trapped.
But like the rays of a gentle dawn over the waves of a stormy sea, Jas felt the first beings return. The initial reaction of those that held her was to tremble as the strength of their resolve weakened. The powerful grip that held her slackened.
Then a discordant tone sounded. The things holding Jas squeezed her tighter. Her mind was being crushed. The sensation was agonizing.
All around, a battle broke out as the opposites fought. Colors flashed and disappeared. Voices erupted and were silenced. Jas was lost in a sea of turmoil, and ever the grip of the things that held her grew tighter. The first beings were trying to free her, but the ones that held her were too strong. Ever tighter they gripped. They were squeezing her from existence. They were...
The sensation lessened and transformed to a rocking motion. She was being pushed from side to side roughly. She began to slip from the entities holding her. She was fading away. Once last attempt was made to grasp her, but she was gone.
Someone was pushing her. Why was someone pushing her? She heard voices in the far distance. They were familiar voices, and for the first time in what felt like forever, they were coming from outside her head.
“Jas, can you hear me?” It was Sayen.
“It’s okay. She’s coming out of it now.” Sparks.
“Thank krat for that.” Phelan.
She opened her eyes. All three familiar faces were hanging over her.
“M’ okay,” she mumbled. “I’m okay. Quit crowding me.”
As they backed off,
Jas shakily sat upright on the narrow cot, pulling her blanket over her shoulders. She shivered. Martha’s head was poking in at the doorway.
“You’ve been under for hours.” Sayen said. “We thought you were never going to come around. How are you feeling?”
“I’ll check you over,” Sparks said. “If everyone could leave?”
“Really, I’m okay,” said Jas, and for the most part, she felt she was. Except that she was very, very down. She wanted nothing more than to return to the place she’d left. She could see how easy it was to become addicted to myth.
“Did you find out anything?” Phelan asked.
Jas rubbed her face with her hands. “About what?”
Martha squeezed a little more of her bulk into the room. “Could you tell us if you found out anything about the Shadows or the Paths?”
“The Shadows or the...? I know the names...” Exactly what they were, she wasn’t completely sure.
“Have you forgotten the nature of the experiment you undertook?” Martha asked.
“Jas, what can you remember?” asked Sayen.
Trickles of memory ran into her mind. She began to recall snippets of things that had happened recently and people she’d met. Erielle. Makey. The Shadows.
“Just give me a minute, will you?” she said. She shut her eyes, trying to remember. Gradually, the last few months came back to her. She remembered what had happened and the reason for her disorientation. Like opening a barely healing wound, she recalled that Carl had left.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Sayen asked.
“I’m afraid I have to ask everyone to leave so I can conduct a thorough medical checkup,” said Sparks.
“I’m fine,” Jas snapped.
“I apologize for hurrying you,” Martha said, “but time is of the essence. If you have anything to tell me about your experience while under the influence of the mythranil, now would be the appropriate time.”
“Ough.” Jas put her face in her hands.
“Jas, what’s wrong?” asked Sayen.
