The two of them both looked over at Kristie, who was cradling Megan close to her and Kass’s mother, who was sobbing quietly.
“Megan seems fine. They checked her thoroughly for injuries. Somehow, nothing hit her. It could have been because she was in the back in her car seat. She was properly secured in her car seat. They aimed only for the front seat. That probably saved Megan’s life.”
“At least Megan is okay.”
“It is a blessing.” He turned to face Gray. “I know Rick made you the godparents.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
Kass’s father opened his mouth to speak when the doctor suddenly approached the group. Gray jumped up, as if he could go into the hospital room and fight Rick’s battle for him.
“Which one of you is Gray?” the doctor asked, although his gaze fell on Gray immediately.
“Me.”
“He asked to speak to you. We normally wouldn’t allow it but…” The doctor hesitated briefly. “I would get your goodbye in order.”
Gray didn’t have to be told twice. As if he were in a dream, he trailed after the doctor. Everything felt as if it was in slow motion. It was like his legs were stuck in quicksand as he made his way to Rick’s room. We normally wouldn’t allow it but…Gray didn’t need the doctor to fill in the blanks with that statement.
Gray stepped inside the hospital room, steeling himself for what he was going to see. Even though he knew it was going to be bad, it didn’t prepare him to see Rick. He was lying in bed, with nurses hovering over him. His skin was so pale that it looked as if all the blood had drained out of his body. One eye was shut, sagging as though he couldn’t open it. Gray wondered if he had nerve damage from the bullets. He looked so weak that it was amazing he was still alive and that he wanted to speak to him.
The doctor glanced at him. He didn’t need the doctor to say anything. He barely had any time to say goodbye to his friend. As if he was watching a movie, he walked toward his friend.
Rick let out a low moan of pain and a nurse administered a needle quickly, glancing up at Gray. “We’re trying to make it as comfortable for him as possible.”
“Rick?” he whispered, unsure, standing next to his friend.
Even though his injuries were grievous and hard to look at, his friend’s one eye opened. “Gray.”
“I came as soon as I heard.”
“I knew you would.” His voice was raspy and Gray had to lean closer to Rick to hear him. “Not much time. Had to talk to you.”
“Was it…” He trailed off, meaning the Infernos.
Rick nodded and then rasped, “Megan. You have to raise her.”
Gray blanched. “What? Rick. I know we are her godparents but…surely your parents, Kass’ parents…”
“Too old. Couldn’t raise her. You have to take her. Get her safe. Kristie would be a good mother. Kass would want it. That’s why she made you godparents. Please, Gray. Promise me.”
Gray’s breath had caught in his throat. He looked down at his best friend and fought off tears. No, I can’t cry now, he told himself, trying to quell the rising sob in his chest. He had to focus on what Rick needed.
He thought about taking care of Megan. Sure, Kristie and he both wanted a child. But they were separated right now. How could he take care of a baby? Were the two of them actually ready for that?
But how could he say no to his friend’s final request? And if he said no, what would happen to Megan? In the end, Kristie would want to take Megan in as well.
Gingerly, he reached out and gripped his friend’s hand. “Okay. I promise.”
Rick let out a soft sigh of relief and closed his one good eye. “Thank you.”
The medication quickly lulled Rick to sleep. Gray knew he was supposed to leave now but he found himself trying to take in what he could of his best friend. Rick wasn’t going to make it. That was the final conversation he was ever going to have with him.
When the doctor escorted him out of the room, he finally broke down in tears, hiding out in one of the bathrooms.
Chapter Thirteen
Megan let out a loud wail, irritated with the bottle Kristie was trying to have her drink from.
“I know, I know you don’t want the bottle. But I don’t have any breast milk to give you,” she told the little baby stoutly, rubbing her eyes. “You are very stubborn, do you know that?”
In reply, Megan cried harder. Her tiny fist smacked against the bottle. Kristie, who had loosened her grip on it ever so slightly, watched it fall to the floor of the kitchen.
“Goodness, okay, She-Hulk.” She pulled Megan close to her, trying to calm the baby down.
It had been two weeks since Kass and Rick had passed away. It still felt unreal. Whenever Kristie held Megan, it seemed to hit her full force. The eyes that looked so much like Kass’s. Megan’s grumpy face she got sometimes that looked so much like Rick’s. All of it were never ending reminders that her friend was dead and Gray’s best friend was gone as well.
She shifted Megan to one side, gently rocking her. She was exhausted. She had been throwing up all morning again. Her therapy had been on hold since everything had been going on. Taking in Megan had been a big event and she was still trying to adjust to taking care of the tiny baby.
The tragedy of their deaths had rocked everyone who had known them. Kristie had felt as if Gray had been opening up to her but once Rick died, he had sealed up back inside. She couldn’t get him to open up again. She didn’t know how to. She tried to keep in mind that everyone dealt with their grief differently, but she didn’t like being shut out.
He had been great with Megan, however. Gray had completely thrown himself in to taking care of her. He would often get up in the middle of the night just to check up on her, although Kristie suspected it was because he wasn’t sleeping that well.
When she had been shot, he had sworn revenge on the Infernos and Armand. Now Rick was dead. Kristie became fearful of what Gray was going to do next. But he hadn’t been spending hardly any time out of the house, besides working at Lionel’s garage. It felt as if she had moved back in with a ghost.
Of course, Kristie had had to move back in. There was no way that she could take in Megan and live with her mother. Her mother, taking Kass’s death as further proof that she needed to leave Gray, told her that she had to give her tough love – she refused to let Kristie move back home until she left Gray. But I’m not going to move back home, Kristie had wanted to tell her mother, I’m a mom now, too.
Once again, the fear of leaving the house had overtaken Kristie. She had quit her job, mostly to raise Megan but also because the thought of driving around town where the Infernos had killed two people so carelessly made her terrified. Her night terrors had returned as well. She needed to go back to therapy but the thought of discussing Kass’s murder just felt like too much too soon.
“Hey, need help?”
Kristie looked over her shoulder, having not heard Gray get home. He bent over to pick up the bottle that Megan had punched to the floor.
“Can you hold her? She always seems to calm down a bit when you hold her.”
Gray nodded and gently took Megan from Kristie. A peaceful look instantly went over the girl’s face. Kristie wondered what Gray had that she lacked to make the little girl calm down like that. Gray looked happy, too. He was admiring her fingernails again, she realized. For some reason, how small they were seemed to marvel him. It was cute.
“How was the garage?”
“Busy. My uncle has been promoting the garage pretty steadily and it is paying off.”
“That’s good.”
Silence reigned. Kristie wondered how in the world they had gotten there again but refused to let it bother her. Gray was mourning. She was, too. She couldn’t make him open up. Kristie knew by now that forcing him would do her no favors.
“I’m putting opening a new bar on hold,” he said suddenly.
Kristie was surprised and secretly relieved. She knew when Rick was alive t
hat he wanted to rebuild the bar and try to bring the gang back into power again. It hadn’t made her happy but she was busy with taking things slow between them and hadn’t mentioned how it was a bad idea. The fact he wasn’t going to open a new bar meant she didn’t have to bring it up.
“Is everyone okay with it?”
“Yeah, they’re fine. They all had to deal with the cops for a bit, asking more questions. They ask a lot of questions but seem completely unable to track Armand down.”
“I noticed that, too.” she replied, trying not to let the bitterness show in her tone.
Gray looked down at Megan. “I think she wants to nap. I’m going to go put her in her crib.”
Kristie nodded and watched him go.
***
Gray held Megan close to his chest. The little girl was looking up at him with sleepy eyes. Her mouth seemed to be in a constant pout, as if she was upset with the hand that life had dealt her. Gray couldn’t blame her.
Anytime he looked at Megan, he remembered Rick. It would have been impossible not to. The rage over his death and the grief he was feeling never ceased. It was as if he had a leech clinging to his back, but instead of sucking his blood, it poured negativity and despair inside of him.
He knew he should be talking to Kristie more. Anytime he wasn’t in the apartment, he told himself that he needed to open up to her about what they were going through. They had gone from married, to separated, to dating and now parents of their best friends’ child. He should be speaking to her about it.
But instead Gray felt like stone. Anytime he got home to the apartment and went to speak to her, his body locked up. What would he say? The pain he was feeling felt as if words couldn’t properly describe it. Words would fail him.
It was unfair to Kristie. He always seemed to be unfair to his own wife. He didn’t even deserve her. She should have taken that separation and ran it into a divorce. Gray couldn’t live without Kristie, but she would have had a fair shot at living. But that didn’t matter either. As soon as Rick passed away, she would have come for him. She would have known he was in pain.
He stepped inside Megan’s room. It had originally been planned to be an office. It wasn’t even an official bedroom but it would do for now. It had her crib and a few other things for her in it as well.
Gray placed Megan in her crib and she gave a tiny yawn. He couldn’t get over how small she was. It was enchanting. I will protect you with my life, he swore to her. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep.
He watched her sleep for a few minutes and then headed back out to the kitchen. Kristie was having cereal for dinner and looked exhausted. She was holding up better than he had expected. Suddenly becoming a mother on top of Kass being murdered was no easy feat to deal with. She had quit her job and part of Gray worried that she had quit so she could hole up inside the apartment under the guise of raising Megan.
“Did she fall asleep all right?” she asked him, her skin looking waxy.
Gray briefly thought back to how sick she had been recently. It was mostly vomiting. He guessed this was how the stress had manifested itself. He nodded and walked over to her, kissing her gently on the top of her head. Then he sat down next to her. He looked at the kitchen table, which had been thoroughly cleaned since they had had sex on it. That felt like a lifetime ago.
“How are you doing?” he asked her.
“Me? Fine. My stomach feels sort of off. Just so much going on…”
“How are you holding up at home?” Gray wasn’t sure how she did it. If he had spent all day at home instead of having the mechanic job to focus on, he would have gone crazy.
“I’m fine. Megan is a full time job. I think.” She paused briefly. “I think she can tell that her parents are gone. I know that sounds crazy, and I can’t explain how I know that. But it just feels that way.”
Gray slid his hand over to hers and gave it a small squeeze. Kristie smiled faintly back and the two of them fell into silence.
***
When Kristie threw up the next morning, she told herself that she had to stop fooling herself that it was stress. Leaning over the toilet bowl shortly after Gray had left for work, Megan began to cry. Kristie rested her head against the side of the wall, trying to make sure there wouldn’t be a round two.
A distant memory came back to her. She remembered back when she was in high school and her mother had been giving her the safe sex talk.
“Besides,” her mom had said over dinner of chicken and dumplings. “It runs in our family history that we get the worst morning sickness. Almost instantly, too. It’s terrible.”
Kristie blinked back into the present moment, her skin feeling sticky. No fucking way. She got to her feet and trudged her way to Megan’s room. No fucking way, she repeated, as if it were a mantra.
Kristie changed Megan’s diaper and fed her. This time she didn’t complain about getting food out of the bottle and sucked on it greedily. Her bright green eyes looked up at Kristie as if to say I know.
“I bet you do,” she said out loud to Megan.
She suddenly wished Kass was there. She could call her up and Kass would be there when she bought the pregnancy test and took it. If she were pregnant, Kristie could guess it was around the time that Gray took her on the kitchen table. That put her at roughly a month along. Her period was due to start in the next few days but Kristie didn’t feel like waiting.
She bundled Megan up accordingly and headed out to her car. She felt nervous taking Megan out but didn’t want to wait. If Armand tried anything while she was with Megan, she would kill him herself. No way would anyone touch a hair on Megan’s head.
Once she got to the drug store, she became overwhelmed by the choices. There was an entire section dedicated just to pregnancy tests, all promising different things. Megan let out a soft gurgle in her carrier, and Kristie glanced down at her.
“I know,” she whispered. “I don’t know the difference either.”
Each promised to be the best pregnancy test ever, all offering different ways to be highly accurate. Kristie’s head began to spin. She wouldn’t have been surprised to find one test promising to be able to tell her future on top of the test, or the gender of the baby already.
“I wish you remembered what test your mom used,” Kristie mumbled to Megan, who let out a soft coo.
Finally she grabbed one and started on her way home. She kept staring at the bag whenever she hit a red light. Every nerve felt on edge. Her stomach rolled and for a second Kristie was terrified that she was going to be sick right in the car. She managed to hold it together till she got home. There she put Megan in her crib and went to read the instructions on the test.
They seemed simple enough. Pee on the stick and see if you’re pregnant. Kristie could follow that, even if she was nervous as hell.
“Accurate results in three minutes,” she read off the box, thinking that three minutes sounded absolutely forever.
And it was. Kristie paced the kitchen, not wanting to be in the bathroom unless she got tempted to peek at the test. Every time she checked the clock, it seemed stuck on the same time. Maybe the test was defective. She should have bought two. No, she should have bought a few from different brands. Then she would have really known for sure.
Calm down, the last thing you need to have is a panic attack over all of this. Finally, after three minutes, Kristie bolted into the bathroom and looked at the stick. She stared at it, her eyes widening.
She was pregnant.
***
Gray let out a long sigh of relief as he headed to his truck. Today had been insanely busy. He found himself missing Megan and Kristie. Being busy was nice because it meant he wasn’t dwelling on Rick and what to do about Armand. But he was more than ready to get home and be with Kristie.
When he stepped inside the apartment, he paused for a moment. He could smell food cooking. Kristie wasn’t exactly one to cook. He headed into the kitchen and saw Kristie bent over the stove. She looked up at him.
“Hey! I didn’t hear you come in!” Her voice was a few pitches higher than it usually was.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
“Just making dinner. Megan is just over there.” She pointed to the traveling crib they set up sometimes so they could be with Megan outside her bedroom. “It’s chicken and dumplings.”
“Didn’t know you knew how to make that,” Gray commented as he made his way over to Megan.
She was lying down, looking up at the ceiling as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Gray’s heart melted a little when he saw her, and he scooped her up, holding her close. She was so impossibly tiny.
“Thought I’d try something new,” Kristie replied, avoiding his gaze.
Something is going on. Gray wasn’t sure what it could be. She seemed to have a little color back in her face, which was either a good sign or meant that she was embarrassed about something.
“Do you need any help?”
“No. I’m almost done.”
He sat down at the table, watching Kristie in the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle and fed Megan, watching her drink. Her eyes grew sleepy as she drank, and Gray knew it was time for her to take a nap as soon as she finished.
Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at Kristie. She was hard at work. Gray let Megan finish eating and then headed to her bedroom to put her down into the crib. She fell asleep almost instantly. He watched her for a few moments. He wished he could sleep like that. She looked a lot like Rick when she slept, and it made his heart ache. Rick. An image of his friend, dying in front of him in the hospital bed, came back to him. He should have told Kass and Rick to move when he had first mentioned it almost ten months ago. They would have been far away and safe from the tragedy that had befallen them.
Gray went to the bathroom next. He splashed some water on his face, trying to snap himself back into the moment. Sometimes when he watched Megan sleep, he could feel himself start to think about Rick. He didn’t want to think about that, not when Kristie had gone to all the trouble of making dinner like this. She was hiding something but dwelling about Rick wouldn’t make anything better tonight.
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