by Brenda Novak
“I had to leave right away,” she said. “I was getting so defensive in Nephi I couldn’t function.”
He sighed into the phone. “I know, but now you’re even farther from me than you were before—”
“No, it’s almost the exact same distance. I checked.” She’d been nervous about putting more miles between them.
“Still, it sounds like you’re in a big mess, and I’ve got finals and can’t do anything to help.”
“We’ll be okay.” At least she wouldn’t have to worry about running into one of her husband’s victims, or having her ex-mother-in-law show up to start another argument. Here she was on her own, but she was no different than anyone else, would have a chance to heal in an emotionally safe environment.
Reese lowered his voice. “I know Branson, especially, is struggling with everything that’s happened. Do you think he’ll be able to adjust?”
She thought of the bed-wetting they’d been dealing with since Gordon was arrested. “I do.”
“Maybe you should get him some therapy.”
“I should get us all therapy, but there’s no money for that.”
“Have you heard from Gordon?”
Like his mother, her ex had tried calling her many times, as many times as he could use the phone in jail. But after the first few days, when her faith had completely given way and she’d broken down and screamed her rage and anger at him as he begged her to ignore the proof she’d been shown—which she couldn’t—she’d stopped accepting his calls, too. That was when he’d started writing her long, rambling letters pledging his love and pleading his innocence. The last one had insisted that he’d found God, that he was attending daily Bible study and was praying that she’d be able to see that the police had the wrong man.
She hadn’t bothered to write back. She felt too conflicted when she communicated with him, hadn’t even told him—or his mother—that she was taking the kids and moving to California. She’d simply packed up and left as soon as possible. She planned to get a new phone number, too—to cut every tie that still attached her to Gordon. But all of that took time and attention to detail, and right now she was buried in far more basic tasks. “Not in the last couple of days,” she said.
“What about Dorothy?”
“Of course. She texted me again yesterday.”
“What’d she want this time?”
“More of the same. She’s desperate to get me to pay for his attorneys.”
“How can she still believe he’s innocent?”
“I’m not sure she cares if he’s innocent. His victims don’t matter to her. She wants to save her baby.”
“After all the shit she put him through in the past, it’s shocking she’s so defensive now.”
Savanna saw a spider crawling across the floor and jumped up. She hated spiders. “Ironic, isn’t it? And yet she claims I’m ruining his life. She got to him long before I did.”
“What about his father? Do you think he’ll step in and try to help?”
With a shudder of revulsion, she swept the spider into her dustpan and hurried to take it outside. “No. Gordon’s never gotten along with Ken. Once he left Dorothy, he never looked back.” What happened to Gordon when he was a child wasn’t fair. Both of his parents had let him down—and now he’d passed on the favor. “I feel bad for him when I think of his past, but that doesn’t change the present. I have to do what I can to save my sanity so that I can support our kids.”
“Branson and Alia are great. They’re going to make it through this and so will you.”
That spider had unsettled her, made her more cognizant of the dirt and all she had to accomplish to make this place into a home. “I hope that’s true, given we don’t have any choice.”
“Will you return to Utah for the trial?”
“No. I don’t want to go back for anything.”
“I thought there was some question about whether you’d testify.”
“Detective Sullivan once asked me if I’d be willing to take the stand and talk about how secretive Gordon was—and how much he was gone. Sullivan wanted me to confirm that Gordon wasn’t at home when the attacks took place, but they have my sworn statement, which lays it all out, and the forensic evidence is far more damning than anything I’d have to say. I suppose they could contact me if they feel the trial isn’t going well and ask me to come, but right now it doesn’t appear they need me.”
“Will you be able to do it if they ask?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. I’d rather not be involved.”
“I don’t blame you.”
After that, they talked about having him come visit once the semester ended so he could help fix a few things. But he also worked as a bartender and couldn’t jeopardize his job, wasn’t sure how many days he’d be able to get off.
“I’ll see what I can do and let you know,” he promised before ending the call.
Once they’d disconnected, Savanna finished unpacking the kitchen. Then she walked down to the end of the drive to see if her neighbor had come home. Why she was curious enough to make the effort when she was so tired, she couldn’t say. She just couldn’t quit thinking about him. She supposed she was romanticizing him a little bit, since it was much more fun to think about this new person in her life than all the dark things she’d been thinking about for the past couple of months. Occasionally, she even caught herself wondering what it would be like to kiss a man who had facial hair. Gordon had hated beards and mustaches—even goatees—so he’d never worn one.
Would she feel the hair on Gavin’s face or only his full, soft-looking lips? And what would a man who had long hair and tattoos be like in bed?
I like it soft and gentle, and I won’t get in the way of your search for a lesbian partner.
That she felt a tingle when she remembered the way he’d said those words told her she’d be hopeless as a lesbian. She hadn’t been serious in the first place.
Still, she wasn’t interested in another relationship. She’d been burned too badly. He just gave her something to daydream about that wasn’t upsetting, and she couldn’t see any harm in fantasizing if it made getting through the day easier. It wasn’t as though she’d ever act on those fantasies.
The stars were out. She hadn’t noticed them in ages. She stopped to gaze up at the sky and to feel the cool wind ripple through her clothes. She was glad she’d come to California. She felt she could breathe for the first time since the nightmare with Gordon started. She didn’t have to worry about the police dropping by to ask her any more questions, didn’t have to fear that every car she heard was someone coming to vent their anger, didn’t have to worry about what someone might say to her children or dread another visit from her mother-in-law. She’d unshackled herself. And even though that freedom would come at the price of living in a tumbledown old ranch house for a while, she was willing. For the first time since she said “I do” nine years ago, she realized that even her marriage had been confining. She’d accepted that being Mrs. Gray was her “forever” lot in life, would never have considered leaving Gordon, if only for the sake of her children. But now that he’d made the decision for her, perhaps one day she’d be glad that she’d been given the chance to reinvent herself.
That was an interesting thought, one she hadn’t considered in all the misery of the foregoing weeks, but one that seemed to hang in the air tonight as a tantalizing promise. The future could be what she made it...
Hauling in a deep, cleansing breath, she smiled as she continued to the creek.
She couldn’t see Gavin’s place from there, so she crossed over and peered through the trees.
There were no lights on at his house, and his truck was still gone.
It was after midnight. This late, he had to be with a woman, didn’t he?
Probably. Maybe he was even sta
ying the night...
She told herself he had the right to do whatever he wanted; it made no difference to her. But she didn’t feel quite so relieved and happy as she turned and walked back to the broken-down house that awaited her attention in the morning.
5
Gavin was exhausted when he turned down the narrow road leading to his house. No Good Pete’s had been rowdy, and the crowd hadn’t left until the bar closed. Normally, he liked playing for a packed house. All musicians dreamed of being well received. But his mind hadn’t been on his music tonight. He’d been thinking about his new neighbor—about how pretty she was and about the fact that she’d been married to a rapist. How did something like that happen to a woman like her? And how had it affected her and her children?
He’d also been making a mental list of all the things she would need over the next few weeks in order to make her house a home, and he was so preoccupied with what he could do to help that he didn’t notice until he was ready to pull into his own drive that there was a Toyota Pathfinder in the way.
He recognized that SUV instantly. It belonged to Heather Fox, his on-again, off-again girlfriend for the past few years, who was now with Scott Mullins, a guy Gavin had known almost since he moved to Silver Springs at fourteen.
“There you are,” she said as he got out. “Your gig must’ve gone late.”
Her statement struck him as odd. “You knew I had a gig?”
“Yeah, I saw it on your website. I like what you’ve done there, by the way—how people can book online.”
He’d forgotten about the website. “It’s been convenient. I still go over all requests to make sure they’re not too far away and negotiate if they want longer hours or more than one show, but it handles a lot of the initial inquiries, since people can see my rates and whether I’m off on certain days or already booked.”
“It’s cool that your music career is taking off. You deserve it. You’re so talented.”
She’d always encouraged him when it came to his music. She’d been flattering in other ways, too. That was probably why he fell back into a relationship with her every once in a while even though he wasn’t in love. “Thank you.”
“So you were in Santa Barbara tonight?”
She must’ve gotten that from the website, too, because he hadn’t talked to her since seeing her at the Blue Suede Shoe three weeks ago, when she’d been with Scott. “Yeah. No Good Pete’s.”
“Oh. I’ve never seen you play there. I’ll have to go next time.”
With or without her current boyfriend? he wondered, but didn’t ask. “They’re having me come back next Saturday.”
“Perfect. Santa Barbara’s not that far. But...why are you home so late? Don’t most bars close at two?”
He could hear the jealousy in her voice. She suspected he’d been with someone. She hadn’t been happy the last time he—yet again—broke it off. “This bar did, too, but it took me a while to pack up.” He grabbed his guitar from the back seat. “What are you doing here? Did I miss a text?”
“No.” She gave him an enticing smile as she came toward him. “I thought I’d surprise you.”
Why? “It’s late. Really late.”
“Is that a problem? I figured you might be lonely all the way out here. The last time we were together, you were still in your apartment, remember?”
This was generally how things started with Heather. She’d hit him up and he’d succumb simply because he was a little lonely, she was comfortable, he missed the physical intimacy and it was hard to tell her no. He didn’t like disappointing her, and after he’d had some space, he tended to remember only the good things about her, which then made him wonder if he shouldn’t give the relationship another shot. She’d been fixated on him for so long he wished he could return her love. But wishing never seemed to make it possible.
He stopped before she could walk into his arms. “Does Scott know you’re here, Heather? Because the last I remember, you two were seeing each other.” And Scott wouldn’t be happy to learn she’d shown up at her old boyfriend’s place. He was threatened by Gavin—as evidenced by the dirty looks Gavin received whenever they happened across each other in town.
A sheepish expression claimed her face. “It’s none of his business.”
“Because...”
“We broke up tonight.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I thought it might be serious for you two.”
“Oh, come on,” she said. “You know my heart has never really belonged to him. You’re the only man I’ve ever truly loved.”
Gavin began to feel a little uncomfortable. He didn’t want this to go the way it usually did, where he wound up in a relationship he was eager to get out of. “Heather, I hope I’m not the reason you broke up.”
“Of course you’re the reason! I don’t know what to say. I can’t get over you.”
Shit. She’d seemed happy. Having Scott in the picture had taken so much pressure off him. “I care about you,” he said. “I hope you know that. But...I don’t want to get back together.”
He hated having to be so blunt, but he didn’t want her to ruin her relationship with Scott, with whom he’d thought she finally had something, because of false hope.
Instead of the hurt and anger he expected, a tentative smile curved her lips. “Come on. I treat you right, don’t I? Have I ever said no to you?”
She hadn’t. That was part of the problem. He lived in a small town, which meant as a single person he went long stretches without sex. By the time she cycled back to hit him up, the physical intimacy she offered usually tempted him beyond his ability to refuse.
But he wasn’t going to succumb tonight. He’d met someone else, someone he thought he might really be interested in. He knew getting to know Savanna, in order to make sure, wouldn’t be easy. She’d been through a lot, and it was all so recent. But he’d felt an honest attraction when he was with her—one he didn’t have to force—and he wasn’t going to ruin his chances by sleeping with an old flame he couldn’t seem to get rid of. “I’ve never said you didn’t treat me right.”
“Good! Because after what you experienced as a child—”
He lifted a hand to stop her. He didn’t want to go into that. But she waved him off.
“I know you won’t talk about the past. You’ve told me next to nothing. But the whole town knows you were left at a park when you were a kid. It isn’t a secret. I’m only saying that you’ve been on your own for a long time. Aren’t you ready to have someone to love?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. He was ready. But he had to find the right person, and he knew it wasn’t Heather. He’d tried with her—several times. “It’ll happen when it happens.”
She grabbed his arm. “How do you know that? Maybe you have to act.”
“Heather—”
“Wait. Before you say anything else, I—I need to tell you something.”
He didn’t see how he could refuse to listen. She had tears in her eyes. “Go on...”
“I’m pregnant, Gavin.”
His heart began to pound against his chest.
“I found out a week ago,” she added.
He swallowed against a tight, dry throat. “You’re not saying... I mean, we haven’t been together in...in a while. Two months at least. So...this must be Scott’s child, right?”
She wiped away the tears that were starting to fall.
“Right?” he repeated when she didn’t answer.
“I don’t know.” Her words came out a frightened whisper.
Gavin closed his eyes. This couldn’t be happening. “Is that why you and Scott broke up?” he asked when he looked at her again. “You told him about the baby, and he thinks you might be pregnant with my child?”
“Yes. I believe it is yours. In any case, I
hope it is, because you’re the one I love.”
When Gavin’s knees threatened to give out on him, he set his guitar down and reached for the door frame. “You were on the pill,” he said, keeping his voice measured and calm despite his panic.
She wrung her hands. “I was. But my doctor told me that certain medications can make the pill ineffective. And I was on antibiotics our last week together.”
Gavin let his head fall against the door frame above his hand.
“You’re not going to say anything?” she asked when he didn’t respond.
“I don’t know what to say.” He knew how religious her family was. Although she didn’t buy in completely, an abortion would be out of the question. He wasn’t sure he’d suggest terminating a pregnancy in the first place. So...what other options did they have?
“When can we find out?” he asked. No doubt Scott wanted to learn the child’s paternity as badly as he did...
“Not until the baby’s born.”
He straightened in surprise. “That’s nine months!”
“Seven months,” she corrected. “I’m about nine weeks along—or that’s what we think. I’ve never been good at keeping track of my cycle.”
“Seven months is an eternity. Surely, there’s got to be a way to find out sooner.”
“We could do a prenatal paternity test, but it’d be safer—better for the baby—to wait. My doctor told me he wouldn’t recommend it.”
He felt sick. She was right. He had begun to want a family, but not with her. With someone he could truly love.
“Gavin? Are you okay?”
He struggled to voice a few words. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You’re just standing there, looking dazed.”
He was screaming inside, but he didn’t want to make this any harder on her. The fact that she was crying told him she hadn’t planned the pregnancy. “What can I do to help?” he managed to say.
“There’s nothing anyone can do at this point. But I’m hoping you’ll be open to giving us another chance. For the sake of the baby. I mean...maybe the universe is trying to tell us something.”
