Right Where We Belong

by Brenda Novak

  When Savanna’s eyes drifted shut and her lips parted, Gavin knew she was close to climax. He was close himself, too close, which was why he’d been thinking about Gordon and anything else that might help him hold off. He didn’t want to come before she could.

  “That’s it,” she suddenly gasped. “Oh, God, that’s good!”

  Her words snapped his restraint, which had been tenuous to begin with. Gavin clutched the pillows on either side of her in an effort to give her a little more time. But when he felt her body jerk, he knew it was impossible. That familiar tightening had already started in his groin and was now bringing with it a cascade of exquisite pleasure. He wanted her to look up at him as he let himself go—to finish together—and the moment was made perfect when she did.

  “That was the strongest climax I’ve ever had.” She was sweaty and breathless but obviously happy, so he was surprised when, several minutes later, he heard her sniff quietly and felt her move to wipe her face. She even got up, turned off the light and went into the bathroom for a while, where he heard her blow her nose.

  When she slid back into bed, he lay there, staring at the ceiling for several seconds, wondering if he should give her some privacy or try to console her. Something was wrong...

  When she sniffed again, he rose up on one elbow. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. That was great.”

  He could hear the false cheer in her voice. “Then why are you crying?”

  She let her breath go on a long sigh.

  “Savanna?”

  “I don’t know,” she replied.

  “Are you sorry you asked me to stay?”

  “Are you kidding? No. It’s just that...the tenderness you showed me has made me realize how stupid I’ve been. How naive.”

  He pulled his hair back so it wouldn’t fall into her face. “You’re talking about your marriage?”

  “Yes. I should’ve left him years ago.”

  “You stayed because you were committed. You were trying to be a good person, a good mother and wife.”

  “I was oblivious. An idiot. I didn’t even realize how badly my marriage was broken. I knew Gordon was difficult, of course. But I thought all marriages were probably a challenge. I tried to love him, despite so many things. Didn’t expect or demand enough. That’s on me.”

  “The fact that you didn’t get what you needed is his fault,” he said. “Some of the people in our lives—even the people closest to us—may not possess the compassion or concern they should.” He was speaking from experience. That was what he told himself whenever he thought of that moment at the park when he’d first realized he’d been left behind. He hadn’t done anything to deserve his stepmother driving away. And yet it was hard not to feel she’d rejected him because he was unworthy of the love he needed. The ironic thing was that even after his father chose his stepmother over him, the marriage didn’t last. His father was now married to someone else, someone much nicer, not that Gavin was willing to have a relationship with either one of them.

  “I’ve been under a lot of pressure, that’s all.” She was trying to minimize what she felt so that she didn’t bring him down with her. He’d done the same thing, many times. And he’d seen the boys at the ranch act in a similar fashion.

  “Do you have some lotion handy?” he asked.

  “Lotion?” she repeated.

  “Yeah.”

  “In the bathroom. Why?”

  “Will you get it for me?”

  When she did as he asked, he had her roll onto her stomach and used the cream to give her a massage.

  “This feels amazing,” she said, “but I shouldn’t be letting you do it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s late, and you’ve already done so much for me. I’m your neighbor. It’s not like you owe me anything.”

  “Relax. This isn’t a chore. I like feeling your skin, your body. I’m doing it because I want to.” And because he believed that touch, when used in the appropriate way, and with care and concern, had the power to heal. He’d seen his mother hold students who were so hardened, so tough, that they’d been sent to New Horizons as a last-ditch effort to help them avoid prison—and who, before long, ended up breaking down and sobbing in her arms. And he’d watched how she used every opportunity to reassure the troubled boys who attended school at the ranch by patting them on the back, giving their arm an affectionate squeeze, welcoming them with a warm hug. She always demonstrated love, and he’d seen how quickly it could make a difference. The love she’d given him had acted as a beacon that’d led him out of the storm that’d been his own childhood.

  “Wouldn’t you rather make love again?” she asked. “At least then there’d be something in it for you.”

  “Not right now.”

  “Because...”

  She had a hard time allowing others to be the one to give, he decided. “Because this is more important,” he said, and was relieved when she finally succumbed to his ministrations and eventually drifted off to sleep.

  11

  “Mom, I had another accident.”

  Savanna opened her eyes to see Branson standing at the edge of her bed. Since she didn’t have drapes on the window yet, it was easy to tell that the sun hadn’t come up. The color of the light indicated it was close to dawn, though.

  She allowed her eyelids to slide closed again. Just for a few seconds, she told herself. She’d been sleeping deeply, was loath to return to full consciousness.

  “Mommy?”

  Branson. Her son needed her. The distress in his voice finally pierced through her grogginess. Then she remembered why she felt so relaxed and fulfilled and, in a panic, flung out her arm to see what she might encounter on the other side of the bed. Was Gavin still with her? She hadn’t meant to let him stay until morning, didn’t want her son to see him lying next to her. But since they’d granted themselves only one night, she’d wanted to claim every minute. Not only was he the best lover she’d ever had, which wasn’t saying much considering Gordon was her only other experience, he was also the best lover she could imagine.

  Fortunately, her hand encountered nothing but bedding and pillows. And, from what she could tell, he wasn’t in the bathroom, either. There was no light, no noise. He must’ve gotten up and left while she was sleeping.

  Thank goodness he’d been aware enough to do that...

  Drawing a deep breath in an attempt to compensate for the adrenaline that’d jolted her into full wakefulness, she smiled at her son. “It’s okay, honey. Did you wash off and change your clothes?”

  “Not yet.”

  No doubt he was wondering why she wasn’t getting up to help him. But she wasn’t wearing any clothes, and she couldn’t ask him to leave while she dressed. She didn’t want him to know she was naked in the first place, since she generally didn’t sleep that way. “Then you go wash up and change while I get you some fresh bedding, okay?”

  He hesitated a little longer. “Why is this happening?” he whispered. “Even Alia doesn’t pee the bed. And she’s younger than me.”

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” she told him. “I’ll be there in a second.”

  As soon as he went out, she pushed back the blankets and forced her body to obey her brain’s commands. Her night with Gavin was over. Time to be a mother again.

  With a small smile for how many times they’d woken up and made love, especially for how Gavin had encouraged her to ride him after he’d been on top for the two previous encounters, she shoved her hair out of her face and that beautiful memory to the back of her mind. She wanted to hang on to the good feelings he’d inspired for a little longer, but the afterglow of their night together disappeared when she found her son, changed into dry clothes, crying.

  “Branson, what is it, honey?” she asked, pulling him into
a hug. “I hope you’re not crying over a few wet blankets.”

  “I am,” he said, his voice muffled against the nightgown she’d quickly pulled on. “I’m too old to pee the bed. But I don’t know how to stop.”

  “You’re just sleeping too deeply to get up and go to the bathroom.” She hoped, by not making a big deal over it, she’d be able to help him through this rocky period. She’d been trying to take it in stride. Everything she’d read online suggested she not shame him, not turn it into a huge issue. “It could happen to anyone.”

  He pulled back. “Then why doesn’t it happen to you or Alia?”

  “It could, in the future,” she told him.

  “But I never used to do it!”

  Not until his father had been arrested...

  Savanna took his hands. “Sometimes things happen in life that make us feel bad. And even though we may tell ourselves we’re okay, our bodies can show that we’re upset.”

  “You’re saying it’s because of Daddy.”

  “That’s what I think. Don’t you?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “When your father did...what he did, he hurt us all,” she continued. “This is how your body is responding. I understand that wetting the bed is upsetting and embarrassing for you, but you won’t do it forever. You’ll stop when you feel safe and loved again. And you will feel safe and loved again. I’m right here, aren’t I? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll continue to take care of you as I always have.”

  With a sniff, he threw his arms around her waist and clung tightly.

  She held him for several minutes, trying to comfort him by rubbing his back. Then she ruffled his hair. “Come on. Let’s get your bed made. I’ll lie down with you for a while, and we can talk about whatever you’d like. It’s too early to get up.”

  He wiped his face. “Okay.”

  Savanna shook her head as she remade the bed. Lately it seemed as if she was always feeling some strong emotion. In the past twenty-four hours, she’d been angry, aroused, excited, happy, confused and in tears herself. “We’re going to be okay,” she told Branson as he crawled under the covers with her.

  Once they were both comfortable and settled, she asked him what he wanted his room to look like. Then they talked about the new house, what needed to be done and how it had once belonged to someone in her family who’d died, which made it special. He said he loved the creek and all the space he had to play here in Silver Springs but was afraid to start at a new school.

  Savanna reminded him that wouldn’t happen until fall and that he’d be feeling much better about everything by then. She was going to help them finish up their current year herself. Fortunately, they’d always done well in their studies, were both at the top of the class. Even though she wasn’t experienced with homeschooling, she didn’t think having her take over for such a short period would hurt them in any way.

  Branson drifted off to sleep just as the full brightness of the sun started to slant through the window. Savanna knew Alia would be up soon. Then Branson probably wouldn’t be able to sleep any longer, either. But if she was quiet, Savanna thought she might have a few minutes of solitude to reflect on what had transpired last night. She’d felt so connected to Gavin. As a matter of fact, she’d felt closer to him than she had Gordon, at least for the past several years.

  After slipping out of Branson’s room, she made herself some coffee, pulled on a sweater to protect against the early-morning chill and carried her cup outside. She needed to buy some chairs for the porch, she decided. Right away. She could tell this was going to be one of her favorite places at the new house.

  The sounds of birds chirping and squirrels scrabbling among the trees seemed to come from all around as she leaned on the banister. Cradling her cup in both hands, she stared toward the copse of trees that hid Gavin’s house from her view. Had he left for work?

  She felt bad for keeping him up so late, and yet it made her smile to remember how readily he’d shrugged off her concern when she mentioned it to him. “This is worth it,” he’d said as she bit his neck and then his chest and helped herself to what she found much lower.

  Her cell phone rang. She’d brought it with her so that she could call the contractor Gavin had recommended for the bridge. But she wasn’t expecting anyone to call her, so she cringed as she pulled it from her pocket. She assumed it would be Dorothy again—or Gordon, since it was an hour later in Utah—but caller ID indicated it was someone from the Nephi Police Department.

  Savanna wasn’t sure that was much better. She cast another longing glance toward Gavin’s house but knew even if he was home there’d be nothing he could do to relieve the anxiety knotting her stomach right now.

  Knowing she had to face whatever it was, or she’d only get another call later, she hit Talk. “Hello?”

  “Savanna, it’s Detective Sullivan.”

  She managed to avoid an impolite groan. “What can I do for you, Detective?”

  “I’m standing outside your place, but...it doesn’t look like you live here anymore.”

  “If you’re outside the Nephi house, I don’t.”

  “You moved?”

  “I live in California now.”

  Silence. Although he didn’t say a word, she could feel his disapproval.

  “Hello?”

  “I wish you would’ve stayed,” he said. “We might need you to testify at the trial, remember?”

  “I’m hoping you won’t need me. What’s happened hasn’t been easy on me or my kids.”

  “It hasn’t been easy on Theresa Spinnaker, Meredith Caine or Jeannie West, either,” he said. “That’s why we have to make sure we get a conviction, no matter how hard it is on everyone.”

  He’d had so little empathy for her. And yet she understood that he had to separate himself from his compassion in order to do his job. She also understood how he felt about the possibility of Gordon getting off. She was beginning to worry more and more about that herself. If her soon-to-be ex didn’t go to prison, what would he do? Come out to California? Try to reconcile? “If it becomes important that I testify, I will. The DA can let me know.”

  “I’m glad you’re willing to help.”

  “Is that why you called? Because you were concerned that I might’ve escaped the whole mess?”

  When he hesitated, she knew he’d heard the bitterness in her voice. It was tough not to blame him, at least partially, for what she’d been through. He’d been so belligerent in the beginning. But he wouldn’t even be involved in her life if not for Gordon. Gordon was clearly the one to blame. “I called because we need a favor.”

  “You mean beyond my testimony?”

  “To be honest, I consider that your duty, not a favor to me. But we’re still gathering evidence, building the case, so we’re not quite to that part yet. What we need right now is for you to see what you can get out of Gordon about someone named Emma Ventnor.”

  Savanna gripped her phone tighter. “He won’t tell me if he raped her. He’s still claiming he hasn’t raped anyone.”

  “It’ll involve more than simply asking him about Emma. We’d like you to get him to say whatever he will about her. The calls from the county jail are recorded. We’re hoping to get something on tape.”

  Squeezing her eyes closed, she pressed a fist to her forehead. “When was this woman raped?”

  “She’s been missing for over a year, Savanna. We think he might’ve killed her.”

  “No way. Gordon might be a rapist, but surely he isn’t a murderer!”

  “We don’t know. That’s why we need your help.”

  “I told you. He won’t even admit what he did to the three victims you already know about. What makes you think he’ll tell me anything about a fourth?”

  “You’ll have to rile him up. Get him angry. Push him to the
point where he’s not monitoring himself.”

  Great. Then maybe he’d complain to his mother, and Dorothy would harass and threaten her that much more. “This other woman can’t be from Nephi. I would’ve heard about it if someone had gone missing.”

  “Emma wasn’t a woman, Savanna. She was only sixteen. And you’re right—she didn’t live in Nephi. She lived in Bingham.”

  A chill ran down Savanna’s spine. Almost everyone in Utah knew that the world’s largest copper mine was located in Bingham. “By Kennecott.”

  “Yes. And Gordon was there, fixing a pump, the day she went missing.”

  12

  “Heather came by.”

  Gavin had just accepted three small cookies and a carton of milk from Aiyana, who’d brought those items from the cafeteria. She stopped by his tiny office, which basically consisted of a desk he’d wedged into the maintenance building along with all of his tools and other supplies, quite often. Bringing him something to eat or drink was her way of continuing to care for him, and he knew it. She was the reason he’d been so hesitant to pack up and leave to pursue his music. He knew she depended on him; his loyalty wouldn’t let him go. “When?” he asked.

  “While you were gone, picking up that part for the lawn mower.”

  “You bumped into her on campus?”

  She pulled the long black braid that ran down her back around to the front so she could fix the tie. “No, she came to the administration building.”

  “Why would she go there? She knows my office is on the other side of the ranch.”

  “I’m guessing that when she didn’t find you here, she decided to stop in and say hello to me.”

  Gavin could no longer taste the cookie in his mouth. Heather was hoping that Aiyana would become her mother-in-law—and she was getting impatient because he hadn’t contacted her since she’d given him the news. “Has she ever come to see you before?”

  “No, but she’s never been pregnant before. Maybe she was hoping to determine whether you’d told me.”