by Brenda Novak
“You’re not one of those ‘bad guys’?”
“How many times do I have to say it?”
“Sullivan is convinced you killed Emma.”
“Why would you even listen to that bastard? He’s treated you like shit from the beginning, and everyone knows you haven’t done anything wrong.”
She ignored the part about the way Sullivan had treated her, even though it was true. The police had not been her friend. Because she had a possible motivation for hiding the truth, they’d considered her less than trustworthy from the beginning, which had alienated her even more—and caused the community to react in much the same way. “Emma Ventnor was only sixteen.”
“I told you, I’m not the one who kidnapped her!”
From what Savanna had read, there’d been no sign of a struggle. “You kept a rifle under the seat of your van.” He was a good marksman, too, looked forward to deer hunting season all year. “You could easily have used that to convince her to get in with you.”
“I drove to remote places late at night. I had to have some way to defend myself, just in case. If I remember right, once upon a time, you thought carrying that rifle was a good idea.”
Because she’d believed him, believed almost anything he said. “Until that rape kit was found in our shed.”
“Here we go again!”
She broke in before he could add anything more. “Have you seen the news clip of her parents, crying and pleading for her safe return? Can you imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, Gordon? What if we were those parents? What if Alia was the one who’d been taken?”
“That’s enough. I’m done with this topic.”
“Even though I’m upset and need to talk about it?”
“I only have so long. There are other guys waiting to use this phone. And I’d rather hear about my own kids. How are they?”
She hadn’t told him about Branson’s bed-wetting. She knew how it would make him feel about his son. He’d assume their boy wasn’t as strong or manly as he should be. “They’re fine.”
“And you? How’s my wife?”
“We’ve been down this road,” she said. “I’m not your wife, Gordon. Not anymore.”
“That’s what you say now. Sullivan has gotten inside your head. But I won’t be behind bars forever. I’m going to beat the charges. Then I’ll be out and will be the kind of husband and father I should’ve been in the first place. I realize now that I wasn’t attentive to you and the kids. I took you for granted. But I’ll be better. I promise.”
Squeezing her eyes closed, she let her head fall onto the back of the chair. “I don’t want you to be better.”
“It’s too loud here. These assholes never know when to be quiet. What’d you say?”
It wasn’t just what was happening on his end. She’d spoken softly, but she’d spoken the truth. Opening her eyes, she raised her voice. “I don’t want you to be better. I don’t want you at all.”
Silence. She’d always been so careful not to upset him or hurt his feelings. There was no telling what would trigger one of his infamous mood swings. Her words had to have come as a shock. But Detective Sullivan had asked her to rile him up, and arousing his jealousy was the quickest way to go about it.
“I’ll ignore that because you’ve been going through such a hard time.”
It surprised her that he was hanging on to his temper for a change. She’d have to push a little harder. “It’s not only that,” she said. “I’ve met someone else.”
That wasn’t merely a line calculated to upset him. It was true, she realized. She had met someone, someone who made her crave his company and his touch. That changed everything, made her determined to fight for the same type of magic in the future. That Gavin was leaving was beside the point. She could never go back to Gordon after meeting Gavin.
“What are you talking about?” he asked. “I’ve only been behind bars for two months. And you’ve been bitching the whole time about how miserable you’ve been. Are you saying you’ve had a boyfriend all along? Is that why you moved to California? The two of you left together?”
She started to laugh. She didn’t find what he’d said funny, and yet there didn’t seem to be a better way to respond, to cope. He’d always been so quick to accuse her of wanting someone else—and it had never been true, until now.
“You think it’s funny?” he challenged.
Hearing that frightening edge to his voice, the one that used to make the hair stand up on the back of her neck, she sobered. “No. Only ironic. While you were out stalking and raping women, I was waiting faithfully for you at home, hoping you’d eventually get around to showing me some small scrap of attention. I didn’t meet Gavin until I moved here.”
“Which was when?”
“On Friday.”
“Five days ago.”
“Yes. But I’ve changed and learned so much in those five days, it seems much longer.”
Although she could tell it was forced, Gordon barked out a laugh of his own. “Give me a break! You’ve barely met the guy, don’t even know him. It’s the stress of what we’re going through that makes him look so good, and he’s probably a big enough prick to take advantage of that.”
“No.” As she stared toward the Topatopa Mountains, she realized why Gavin sat out on his porch so often. There was a lot more foliage blocking her view; his was better. “I’ve never wanted a man like I want him,” she admitted. “Doesn’t matter that we just met. I’d sleep with him again if I could.”
“Again?” he cried. “You selfish bitch! You’d better not be fucking other guys around Branson and Alia. They’re still my kids. You can’t shut me out that easily.”
“What’d you do with Emma Ventnor’s body?” she asked.
“Do you think I’m an idiot?” he spat.
“The least you can do is take responsibility for your actions and bring her parents the resolution they deserve.”
His voice dropped to a menacing level. “You’re making a mistake, Savanna. I might be powerless right now, but I won’t always be this way.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “I’m past caring. I’m taking control of my life. I will come and go as I please. I will raise my children as I please. I will sleep with any man I please. And I will never have to put up with you or your mother again.”
“Now you’re really pissing me off...”
“So what are you going to do about it?” she asked. “Get out of jail and kill me like you did that poor girl? Where’d you put her body, Gordon?”
He didn’t answer; he hung up.
Savanna had expected to be shaken, upset by the call. But she felt strangely empowered. She was done trying to keep his moods steady, keep him happy, keep her marriage intact. She’d been so upset when he’d broken everything apart, and yet she was quickly coming to realize that he’d done her a huge favor, at least in one way.
Again, she closed her eyes, simply feeling the wind on her face. I’m free. I’m going to be okay. He’s gone.
After a few minutes, when she felt ready, she texted Sullivan. He called me. You can listen to the recording if you want. I did my best, but I didn’t get a confession or any information that could help. Gordon was too smart for that.
She waited a bit longer to gather her thoughts and her strength. Then she called Gavin.
“Any word?” he said the moment he answered.
“Yes. He called. I just hung up with him.”
Gavin’s voice lowered, grew more serious. “How’d it go?”
“It was a total waste of time, as I feared it would be. Sullivan is crazy if he thinks Gordon will ever say anything to incriminate himself. He never tripped up when we were living and sleeping together. Why would he suddenly divulge important details over a recorded line now that we’re apart?�
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She heard Gavin sigh. “That’s partly why I was so concerned about Sullivan’s request. Trying to piss off a guy like Gordon is reckless, especially when there was so little chance of success in the first place.”
“Somebody has to do something,” she said. And all of his other victims seemed to think she should’ve known and interceded a long time ago.
“You were thinking of Emma Ventnor’s parents. That’s why I didn’t try harder to talk you out of it. Just in case it would help. So...how’d the call end? Did you manage to make him angry?”
She remembered telling Gordon that she’d slept with someone else and wanted to do it again. She couldn’t repeat what she’d said to Gavin, but it was true. Whenever she thought of Gavin’s hands on her body, she felt tingly and light-headed. “Definitely. But...where are the kids? They can’t hear you right now, can they?”
“No. They’re across the room, putting some change in a prize machine. They saw the sign flip to Open in the ice cream store as we rolled past and decided they wanted to stop here before feeding the ducks,” he said with a laugh. “We were the first ones through the door.”
“It was really nice of you to take them and make it so fun.” She wished she could’ve gone with them. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“It is. You’re the first friend I’ve had in a long time. But you don’t have to keep them away any longer. You can come back and go to work. You’ve got to be feeling some pressure.”
“I’m not in a huge rush. I’ll stay at the school a little later tonight, get caught up.”
She stood and gripped the banister as she continued to stare at the mountains. “Are you really moving to Nashville?”
There was a slight pause. “If I want my music to go anywhere, I have to.”
She let her head fall against the support beam. “Of course. I understand. You’re very talented. I like your version of the song you sang better than Keith Urban’s, and that’s a huge compliment because I love the way he sings it, too.”
“Thank you.”
Hearing the smile in his voice, she couldn’t help smiling herself. “Maybe, before you go, you’ll make me a recording of it. As a goodbye present.”
“I could do that.”
“I’d like to have something to remember you by.” Savanna heard her children’s voices in the background as they returned to wherever Gavin was standing or sitting.
“Your mom’s checking on you,” he told them.
“Tell her we’re having fun. She should’ve come,” Savanna heard Branson say.
“Tell him I’ll come next time,” she said. “Hopefully, you’ll give me that chance before you leave.”
She thought he’d readily agree. What was an ice cream date? So it surprised her when he didn’t commit. He just said they’d be home soon, that they were going to feed the ducks, and then he was gone.
* * *
Alia was overwhelmed and frightened by the ducks, especially when they began to congregate around Branson to get the food. She immediately lifted her arms for Gavin to hold her so that she could feel safe while she looked down at them, and he was happy to oblige. She had to be the cutest little girl he’d ever seen. Branson, on the other hand, loved every minute of being right in the midst of the flock. He fed them as much as Gavin would allow. Gavin didn’t want to overdo it; he didn’t know if it was possible to make ducks sick on bread, but he couldn’t imagine it was healthy to overfeed anything. Then they played tag in the park among the trees until the kids were too exhausted to keep running.
“Can we get more ice cream?” Alia asked as Gavin put her down and started to guide them over to his truck.
“More?” Gavin echoed. “Already? What about lunch?”
“I don’t care about lunch,” she responded.
He pinched her soft, round cheek. “Sorry, Blondie. But the party’s over. I have to get to work.”
She grinned up at him and put her little hand in his. “I like you.”
Branson didn’t say anything, but he took Gavin’s other hand.
Savanna’s kids were good kids. Gavin hated that once they were old enough to understand exactly what Gordon had done, they’d have to live with the stigma of their father’s crimes.
Gavin was just wondering if they’d ever have the desire to visit Gordon in prison when he heard his name and turned to see Scott, wearing overalls, a construction hat and boots, and carrying a soda and lunch sack, striding toward him. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he pushed the children behind him.
“I work across the street.” He pointed to a building—a church—that’d just been framed. “Eat lunch in this park almost every day.”
Gavin had known Scott did construction, but he’d never paid much attention when it came to his particular jobs. “Good for you.” He started to turn away, but Scott kept talking.
“What are you doing here? That’s a better question.”
“We came to feed the ducks,” Gavin replied.
Scott eyed Branson and Alia. “They relatives of yours?”
Gavin could feel Savanna’s kids leaning around him to be able to see Scott. “They’re my neighbor’s kids. And they don’t need to be a party to what’s going on between us. So let’s let whatever this is go for now and talk later.”
Scott’s eyes narrowed. “Wait a sec. You don’t have any neighbors.”
“I do now. They moved in last Saturday.”
“And you’re already babysitting?” he said with a demeaning laugh.
“This morning I am. Their mother needed a little help, so I stepped up. You have a problem with that?”
“Their mother...”
“That’s what I said.”
Scott crumpled his sack and soda can and tossed both into the garbage receptacle nearby. “What about their father?”
“He’s no longer in the picture.”
“Interesting...”
“Not particularly,” Gavin responded with a shrug. “A lot of people are divorced these days.”
Scott picked something out of his teeth. “That’s not the interesting part. What I find interesting is that you’re not at work. You’re taking care of some woman’s kids even though you got my girlfriend pregnant with your own.”
Gavin twisted around to point his key fob at his truck. He was farther away than usual, but the lights flashed, telling him the button had worked. “Go get in,” he said to Branson and Alia. “I’ll be over in a minute.”
Although they did as he asked, they kept looking back as if they were worried about what might happen to him. “You’re really starting to piss me off, you know that?” he said to Scott. “Heather is no longer your girlfriend. I had no say in that. And I won’t have you giving me shit every time you see me.”
Scott spread his arms wide. “Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?”
Gavin shook his head. He wasn’t going to get in a fight in front of Savanna’s kids. “Heather told me you threatened to beat the shit out of her last night. She stayed at my place, was too afraid to go home.”
“Oh, brother!” he said. “She knows I’d never hurt her.”
Gavin stepped closer. “Did you threaten her?”
“I might have yelled a few things I shouldn’t have. I’ll admit that. But she’s not upset that she’s pregnant, like you think. She’s glad, happy to finally have some way of forcing you back to her.”
Their raised voices were attracting the attention of others in the park. Gavin didn’t feel like having this argument in public. “Just leave her alone,” he said, and stalked off to make sure Branson and Alia were buckled up.
16
Gavin didn’t go in when he dropped off the kids at home. He pulled into the dr
ive, told them to tell their mother he’d see her later and left. He hated how torn he felt in Savanna’s presence, felt he’d be smarter to limit contact as much as possible. Besides, he had to get the football field mowed before school let out, since Track and Field used it.
By the time he arrived at New Horizons and got the riding lawn mower fixed, he barely had enough time to get it done before the bell rang. He generally developed new ideas for songs or thought about his music career while cutting the turf. Thanks to the contacts of a fellow performer he’d met at one of his gigs, he’d been able to record a couple of demos in a studio in LA, which he’d sent to Republic Records. He was hoping to interest the label in his first two songs, but he knew he probably wouldn’t hear back. It seemed like the only way to sell a song these days was to move to Nashville, make connections, perform at the various bars, become a known entity and build from there. He’d read blog after blog stating the same thing—some from experienced and successful songwriters who’d lived in Nashville for years and were still busting their asses, hoping to attract a big label or a major artist.
Even if he relocated, he knew his chances were slim of attaining the kind of success he occasionally allowed himself to dream about, which was part of the reason he hadn’t felt too bad about trying to hold out until Aiyana married Cal. He didn’t want to leave his mother and the students at the ranch without his help and support only to have his career go nowhere, anyway.
Today, he didn’t think about music, however. He thought about how difficult it was going to be to support Savanna while he was in town, even as a good friend and neighbor, while trying to fulfill Heather’s needs at the same time.
Putting his foot on the brake, he shifted into Neutral, pulled out his phone and texted Eli. Do you think Mom will ever really marry Cal?
He pulled off his cap and wiped the sweat from his forehead while waiting for Eli’s response. But at least the answer, when it came, was hopeful. I think they’re getting darn close.
How much longer?
Is there any rush?
“Yes,” he muttered in frustration. But that wasn’t what he texted back. He wrote, Of course not, and shifted into Drive so he could finish cutting the football field. He didn’t want to push Aiyana into Cal’s arms. He just wanted to start preparing for his move so he wouldn’t be tempted to spend his nights in Savanna’s bed.
