When the doorbell rang again, he went to pay for the pizza and determined that he would put more distance between Autumn and himself. It was for the best, for the good of all involved. And if he missed her when she was gone, that was his problem. Even if he were ready to take a new mate, she deserved someone whole, someone who could give themselves to her completely. Gabriel wasn’t sure he could ever be that man. He didn’t know if he wanted to be that man. If he moved on, that would mean he’d let Kiera go. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to do that. Even if a voice did whisper that it’s what she would have wanted.
Chapter Seven
Over the next week, Autumn met several pack members and spent more time with Marin. She’d found that she thoroughly enjoyed her time with Cole’s mate. The woman made her laugh and made her feel like she was part of something special. Autumn hadn’t felt that way since her mother died. Sitting in a chair on Marin’s patio, she looked out over the group of wolves who had gathered there for an impromptu barbeque. Gabriel had hovered nearby all afternoon but, so far, he hadn’t scared anyone away. She’d heard a few rumbles from him a time or two, but he hadn’t chased anyone off.
Unfortunately.
It wasn’t that Autumn wasn’t enjoying herself, but she felt like the males were trying too hard. Men, who hadn’t given her a second look over the first few weeks she’d been in Ashton Grove, suddenly found her interesting? She didn’t buy it. No, she couldn’t deny that the word must be out she was looking for a mate. Were they so desperate to be with someone that they would just take whoever came along? It was insulting.
Morgan, a wolf who had joined the pack the same week as her, brought her another drink. She supposed he was good looking with that dark, sable hair and milk chocolate eyes. There was kindness in him, but she wanted more than that. She didn’t feel so much as a spark between them and wondered if she’d ever feel it. The closest she came was the feel of Gabriel’s touch. A warmth suffused her from head to toe whenever he touched her, a touch that made her think of home. It figured, the only male she’d responded to was one she couldn’t have.
“Thank you, Morgan,” she said as she accepted the drink.
He looked around at the crowd before returning his gaze to her. “You should know, there’s talk. About you.”
“Let me guess. Everyone is wondering why I’m staying at Gabriel’s house.”
He smiled. “They stopped speculating after the next rumor began.”
“And what would that be?”
“That you’re in need of a mate. There are a lot of males in this pack who want to settle down. It’s no secret you’re friends with Marin and are close to the alphas’ family. I think most are hoping to elevate their status by claiming you.”
She frowned. This was what Gabriel had hoped to avoid by not claiming her as family in front of the pack. It seemed it hadn’t worked.
“And you?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I’ve wanted to settle down for a while. There are quite a few single women in the pack, but most are holding out for their true mates. But you’re human, and humans don’t have true mates.”
“Tell that to Marin or Chloe. They’re both human, yet they have true mates.”
“I’ll concede that point. I guess what I’m saying is that no one here feels you’re their true mate. So either you have one in another pack, or you’re just a regular human who can fall in love with whomever you please.”
Autumn felt her temper spark. “So you’ve decided since I don’t have a true mate that I’ll be good enough for you. That you can settle with me, knowing your true mate is still out there somewhere.”
He shrugged. “Lots of wolves settle down with someone other than their mate.”
“How big of you,” she snarled. “Well, you can save yourself some time because I won’t be mating with you. Now or ever. If a man, or wolf, wants me, they’re going to have to be worthy of me, and they have to want me not just think that anyone will do.”
She felt Gabriel move closer to her and realized she’d raised her voice. More than a few people were looking their way.
Morgan’s jaw tightened. “I was willing to overlook the fact you don’t take care of yourself, but maybe that was a mistake.”
Autumn gasped in outrage. “How dare you!”
Gabriel placed a hand on her shoulder. “Everything okay?”
“He called me fat! And thought he would be doing me a favor by settling with me, a mere human.”
Gabriel growled. “If you like your head attached to your shoulders, you’ll walk away. Quickly.”
Morgan looked pissed as he stormed off. Even after he was gone, Autumn still felt angry and hurt by his words. Is that how all the males saw her? As some fat human who would be lucky to have them because no one wanted her? The thought made her ill. She’d hoped for Prince Charming and instead had found a bunch of frogs. And not the kind that turned into a handsome prince, but the slimy kind with warts.
“Do you think everyone feels that way?” she asked Gabriel softly. “Am I just a joke to them?”
His hand tightened on her shoulder before he knelt at her side. “You could never be a joke. Don’t paint everyone in the pack with the same brush as that asshole. Connor is here and saw the whole thing. I’m sure he’ll be having words with the wolf before the week is over.”
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t change someone. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy, to everyone else. Maybe I just rub people the wrong way.”
“Don’t think that way. I love spending time with you, and one of these wolves will feel the same way about you. I’m sure your mate is here somewhere.”
“Gabriel, I’ve met nearly every single wolf, and some non-wolves, in the pack. Most have been polite, but there hasn’t been even the teensiest spark. I haven’t met a single one that I would want to kiss, much less spend the rest of my life with.”
“Then we’ll hope Eric returns soon with good news. I’m not above kicking a little fairy ass if that’s what it takes to keep you safe.”
She smiled. “Then I can forget these meetings and just carry on with my day to day life?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is. I’d rather spend my mornings writing, my afternoons with you, and my weekends with Marin. I like Ashton Grove, Gabriel. It feels like home to me, but trying to force a relationship between one of your pack members and me just isn’t going to work. I truly believe my grandfather was right and that my mate is a wolf, but maybe we just weren’t meant to be together.”
His gaze caressed her face. “You’ve met him, haven’t you? Your mate.”
“I think so,” she said softly. “But I can’t have him.”
They stared at one another and she knew the exact moment he realized she was speaking of him. There was a brief look of yearning in his gaze before he shuttered it and stood, breaking their contact. She knew he wasn’t ready for another mate, might never be ready for one. But she was selfish and still wanted to spend time with him. She would take whatever crumbs of affection he could give her.
“If you want me to move out,” she said, “I can have my things packed in a day. Most of it is still in boxes at the garage anyway. I’m sure my apartment is still vacant.”
Pain flashed in his eyes and it gave her hope that he didn’t want her to leave.
“You can stay,” he said. “I’m not going to throw you out because you have feelings for me.”
“Is it going to make things weird between us?”
“I need some time to think.”
She nodded. “If you want to go home, I’m sure Chloe and Michael would drop me off on their way home.”
“I don’t want to leave you here alone.”
“Gabriel, I’m surrounded by your family. I’m hardly alone.” She smiled softly. “I’m sure I’ll be fine for an hour or two.”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he merely nodded his head and walked off. After he was gone, the single wolves talked to h
er a bit more freely, but she’d already made up her mind that she wouldn’t be taking a mate. They were all nice, but they weren’t the one. The only man she could love had left to deal with his inner demons, demons that she wasn’t sure he would ever conquer.
***
The fallen leaves crunched under Gabriel’s booted feet as he made his way across the cemetery. It wasn’t hard to find the gravesite he sought, the sword wielding angel on top marking the way. He stopped in front of it and fell to his knees. It had been so long since he’d been here, but he saw that both Kiera’s and Radha’s graves had fresh flowers. He supposed he had his family to thank for that, since he hadn’t been able to make himself leave the Victorian even long enough to come here. It was his first time seeing the graves since that first week after the demon attack. He’d thought emotions would choke him as he kneeled here, but all he felt was a sense of peace.
“Ah, Kiera. I’m in a mess, love. My life has been a wreck without you. I’ve been so lost, so empty. But then your cousin showed up on my doorstep.” He smiled. “You’d like her.”
He reached out and traced the letters of her name in the marble.
“What am I supposed to do, sweetheart? In my heart, I know you would want me to move on, to find love again. There wasn’t a selfish bone in your body and I know you would want only the best for me. But how do I give myself permission to love again? I feel like I’m betraying your memory when I enjoy holding her hand or just spending time with her.”
He tipped his face up the sun, letting it warm his skin as a cool fall breeze rustled what was left of the leaves in a nearby tree.
“If only I could see you one more time, could talk to you. I need to hear your voice again, even if it’s just for you to threaten to kick my ass. And I have no doubt you would if you knew how I’d been living my life for the past four months. I know the pack understood why I distanced myself, but I feel like I’ve brought shame on our family with my behavior. I’m the alpha; I’m supposed to be stronger than everyone else. I’m supposed to lead them no matter my losses.”
He sighed and stared at her name some more, as if it would conjure her spirit.
“Just spending a week with Autumn has made me feel better, made me feel almost whole again. Is it wrong that I wonder if her body is as soft as it looks? If her pink lips would taste like strawberries? Part of me yearns for her touch while the other half feels guilty for thinking about another woman that way. I swore I would never forget you, would never stop loving you. Is it possible to love more than one woman at the same time?”
The wind blew a handful of dead leaves across her grave and he shoved them away.
“I told her she didn’t have to move out. God knows the mere thought of her leaving made me want to cry. You were the only woman who ever made me feel weak like that.” He smiled. “Must run in the family.”
The thought of Autumn’s family sobered him.
“She’s in trouble, Kiera, and I’m terrified I won’t be able to save her – just like I couldn’t save you. I don’t know a lot about fairies, but the outcasts sound every bit as ruthless as the demons. I don’t know if I can stand there and watch another woman die, a woman I care about. I can’t lie to myself anymore. Whether I want to admit it or not, I have feelings for her. I’d like to think you’d approve of me being with her. If you could hand pick my next mate, I truly think you would choose Autumn.
“She’s sweet, sometimes shy, and has a wicked sense of humor once you draw her out of her shell. And she’s survived so much. All I want to do is wrap her up and hide her away so that nothing can hurt her ever again. I’m not sure I even felt this protective of you, as much as I hate to admit that. I guess I knew you could take care of yourself.” He grimaced. “Or I thought you could. I should have listened to Colin when he insisted that you train to fight. Maybe if I hadn’t been so blind, so arrogant that things would go my way, maybe you’d still be here with me. But then, if you were here, would I be helping Autumn now? Or would we have even noticed she was here?”
Gabriel took a deep breath. “Autumn says that she believes everything happens for a reason. She said if she hadn’t been abused by her mate, and if she hadn’t been fearful her alpha would force her to mate someone not of her choosing, she never would have come to Ashton Grove. What I saw as chance she saw as fate. Was she destined to come here? Did the fates realize that she would need me? I’d like to kick their asses for taking you away from me, but Adriel assures me that Radha and you are in heaven. That thought gives me comfort.”
Tears gathered in his eyes. “I wish I could see you. Just one more time. I’d give anything to just look at you one last time.”
He closed his eyes and the tears slipped down his cheeks. The air around him warmed and he opened his eyes to a brilliant light. He lifted an arm to shield his eyes until the light dissipated. As his gaze focused again, his eyes widened and his jaw went slack.
“The archangel Gabriel decided to honor your request,” the angel, Remiel, said.
Gabriel heard the words, but he barely acknowledged the angel’s presence. Standing next to him, in flowing white robes, was his beloved wife. More tears slid down his cheeks as he looked at her smiling face.
“Kiera.”
She moved forward and ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m here.”
“I’ve missed you.”
“I know. I’ve been watching you and it broke my heart, watching you hide out in the house, haunting Radha’s and our room. I was happy when Autumn arrived and drew you out into the sunshine again.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes and reached for her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He buried his face against her stomach and breathed her in.
“I don’t know what to do, Kiera. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish you were still with me.”
“It was my time to go, Gabriel. At first, I was angry and sad because I didn’t want to leave you. But then the angels showed me what my life would have been like if I had stayed, if I had survived.”
He lifted his gaze. “Was it so terrible that you would prefer death?”
“I would have died anyway,” she said. “Had I lived, Autumn wouldn’t be the only royal heir left. The outcast fairies would have come for our children and me. In the dead of night, they would have killed us all, and then they would have found Autumn, who would have been defenseless.”
“I don’t understand.”
She smiled. “Autumn is your destiny, Gabriel. I loved you with all my heart, and we had a happy life together. But I was never meant to stay on earth for long. It was my destiny to show you that you had more love in your heart than any man has a right to. And it was my destiny to make you aware of Halflings. Because of me, you recognized Autumn’s scent.”
“I can’t believe that I was destined to love you only to lose you. God wouldn’t be that cruel.”
Her fingers smoothed his hair again in long, calming strokes. “God has a great plan for you, Gabriel. Autumn and you. The two of you together will bring about great things.”
“What things?”
“You will have many children together, if you ever fully open your heart to her. Your firstborn son will be the next alpha, a man even greater than his father and a truly wonderful leader. Your first daughter will become the queen of the fae, ruling with a fair hand and beloved by her people for hundreds of years.”
“Why are you telling me this? It should be Radha and you by my side. I’d have preferred dying with you rather than living without you.”
She frowned at him. “That is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard you say. Would you truly leave Autumn without a way to defend herself? Until you give her permission to love the way she yearns to, her powers will stay locked away. Unlike me, she will have great defensive powers, powers that will aid her against the outcasts. Without those powers…”
“What happens if she doesn’t have her powers?”
“She dies and the outcasts will take over the fae realm. Even
now, they have my grandfather in their grasp. It’s only a matter of time before he dies. But if Autumn fights back and wins, he will be freed and will rule until your daughter is ready to claim her rightful place on the throne.”
Gabriel shook his head. “It’s too much. Too unbelievable.”
“I can’t force you to listen to me, Gabriel, but you should listen to your instincts. I know they’ve been telling you to claim Autumn as your own. You’re a wonderful alpha. Don’t doubt yourself now.”
“I want you back,” he said softly.
Kiera caressed his cheek. “We’ll be together again one day, but not now. You have a job to do, a life to live. It isn’t your time yet.”
He pressed his cheek into her palm and closed his eyes. “I love you, Kiera. I’ll always love you.”
“I love you, too. And for the record, you were right. I do like Autumn and she’s exactly who I would have chosen for you. She needs you, but you need her just as much. Let go of your grief, Gabriel, before it takes over your life. Love her the way you loved me, with your whole heart.”
He opened his eyes. “That’s truly what you want?”
“More than anything. You deserve to be happy again. Stop thinking that you failed me and stop worrying that you’ll fail her. Take things one day at a time, but remember what’s coming. Protect her, Gabriel. She’s your future.”
Remiel pulled Kiera away. “It’s time to go. I’ve allowed you more time than I should have.”
Gabriel stood and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Kiera’s one last time. As she pulled away, he felt something inside of him release, and a weight lift from his shoulders. He watched as she disappeared, a smile on her face. At that moment, Gabriel felt more peace than he had in months. Suddenly, everything felt like it was falling into place. Kiera had given him a mission and he was going to see it through.
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