by Vi Voxley
Hesitating, Eleya had considered telling her gerion that he needed to apologize first, but the words never left her lips. Xaven had stripped naked and climbed into the tub. There, he slowly and carefully started unwrapping the package he'd brought.
Eleya watched as small bottles of massage oil emerged from there, all her favorites.
"How did you know?" she asked, sliding the sleeves of her long dress over her shoulders and letting it drop to the floor.
Xaven's answer was delayed for a second as he stared at her, standing half-naked and removing her panties.
"I asked your aide, Towaren," the warrior replied.
The sharp gaze held Eleya for a long moment.
"Tell me he doesn't know from experience," Xaven growled. "If he has laid a finger on you, he's a dead man."
Eleya couldn't keep the soft chuckle from her lips.
"No," she said, joining her gerion in the bath. "He just runs errands for me."
"Good," Xaven replied and got to work.
The massage was incredible. The warm water kept Eleya in a comforting cocoon and Xaven's hands on her skin were amazing. Her valor squares pulsed pleased light green shadows in the bathroom.
Just like that, the fight seemed to go away. Or at least, she managed to forget about it for a while. There were more important things on her mind. As Xaven continued to rub her, eventually slipping a hand between her legs and making Eleya moan in need, she realized how deeply she'd been wounded.
Her first gerion would never have done anything like that, wouldn't have cared for her after a hard day's work. Especially after a disagreement.
Eleya had never thought that Eren had gotten to her, but apparently he had. She had fully expected Xaven to be the same, to come back to her still mad or not come back at all.
The warrior made her scream again and again. Water splashed to the floor, flooding the entire bathroom as Xaven fucked her, his hands fisted into her long dark hair. Eleya cried out his name and for a divine moment there, she believed that everything was going to be alright again.
She found that it was hard to forget.
Lying in bed that night, Xaven kissed her, running his hands over her body. The touch that Eleya had welcomed before didn't suit her now. She pushed him away, seeing the same look of betrayal in Xaven's eyes as she'd witnessed when they fought.
The warrior pressed his hand against her heart. Eleya watched him listen before raising his sharp gaze to her.
"I can feel it beating," Xaven told her. "And I swore to make it beat for me. This is the second time now that you're pulling away from me when you've been perfectly happy with me moments before.
"I can't break into a heart that protects itself so hard. Why are you keeping me at arm's length?"
Eleya didn't know.
"Oaths are a good thing," she replied. "They keep us going, fighting toward something. But just because you promised doesn't mean it's going to happen, or happen soon. It's not a battle won in advance. You can't expect things to get gradually better because you put enough hours in. That's not how it works."
Xaven didn't reply for a long time.
"That may be true," he admitted. "A Brion can win any battle, but even we can't handle impossibility. You think this is a fair fight, but it's not. You are putting up walls without a reason."
"Everything has a reason," Eleya argued.
"Then tell me," Xaven prompted, taking her hand. "Tell me the reason."
"I would if I knew," she replied.
It had gone nowhere that night and the nights that came after followed suit.
From time to time, Eleya let her gerion closer. They shared a timeless moment of happiness, wrapped together in their passion for each other. The warrior made her body sing and brought her pleasure she had never believed existed in the world.
And every time, she went cold again. After a while, it started bothering Eleya as much as it did her gerion.
Dark thoughts she'd had in the past returned. Perhaps she wasn't capable of love. Perhaps she was too wounded from her first bond to deserve or enjoy the second chance.
It infuriated her.
Eleya wasn't resistant to love. With every ounce of her being, she wanted to love Xaven, but the emotion simply didn't come.
Instead of it, there was a strange numbness, a feeling of seeing double. She looked at the captain and thought that he was perfect for her in every way. When she checked again, Eleya could almost catch the shadow of the something that bothered her before it slipped through her fingers again.
It was all revealed to her two weeks after their fight when she went down to the arenas to watch Xaven train.
The evening was nice and warm outside, but Eleya welcomed the damp coldness of the underground arena. The High Senator sneaked in without being seen, to watch Xaven in secret. The nagging doubt hadn't left her for days now. There had to be some kind of an explanation, but Eleya couldn't grasp it.
Xaven was incredible.
The arena was filled with AIs and battle mechs. Her fated dashed and surged between them, a hundred sharp blades ready to cut him to pieces without mercy. Brions never trained with anything that couldn't kill them if they were careless. Having safety measures in check didn't push a warrior to their limits. Brions hadn’t gotten to be the most feared warrior race in existence by giving themselves a pass.
Eleya watched, her warrior soul judging every move Xaven made.
She came to the conclusion that she'd been right. Xaven might have been a general on four, maybe five of the Brion flagships. He was powerful and quick, smart enough to see opportunities to go in for the kill and even smarter to know when he needed to wait.
He truly was one of the most gifted fighters on Briolina.
Eleya was walking down the steps toward the arena before she realized she was moving. The problem had finally clicked in her head.
Xaven saw her coming and quickly cut through the last mechs remaining in his path. The ease with which he did that told Eleya she'd been right. The program Xaven had set was nowhere near his level of skill.
It was ironic that Xaven thought she underestimated him, when in truth the fault was all his.
"Why don't you want to be a general?" Eleya asked.
Xaven's face dropped at once. He rested his hands against the edge of the arena, panting heavily. Sweat glistened on his rock-hard abs and a part of Eleya wanted nothing more than to stop picking fights and just climb on top of her fated, letting him ride her to oblivion.
She chose fighting. Fighting was good. Fighting was what Brions did.
"Don't start again," Xaven warned her. "We've talked about this already, Eleya."
"No, we haven't," she said. "We've talked plenty about me, that is true. Answer the question, for once."
Xaven glared at her, but a single ray of hope flared to life in Eleya. She couldn't stop comparing Xaven to Eren, but perhaps that was fine. Everything had gone wrong with her first treacherous fated. The less Xaven was like him, the better.
"I have no interest in it," Xaven said. "I know you don't want to hear this because you've deified the position, but it's not for me. It takes all the fun out of life. I'd be tied to the job until the day I die. The Union thinks the generals have all the freedom in the world, but they're the ones who are most controlled. By duty, by honor, by whatever. They go where you point."
"You are saying you don't want to do a job that keeps you imprisoned?" Eleya asked. "Does that not remind you of someone, perhaps?"
Xaven regarded her seriously. She could see him considering and the flare of hope grew bigger in her heart. Maybe it was possible to make Xaven see what was wrong with him. Maybe it was possible for the both of them to see their flaws and heal together.
"All the more reason why you shouldn't be mad I don't want to be a general," Xaven said.
"True," Eleya allowed, getting to the point with no small amount of regret. "But I don't think that's the problem. It's not the whole truth, at least."
"Enlighten me, then,"
Xaven said.
The tone of his voice wasn't promising anything good, but Eleya had come too far to back down. She had never been one to shy away from painful truths.
"I think you don't want the position because of the responsibility," she said. "I don't think you're driven enough. I've been trying to figure out for weeks what it is that's missing in you and that's it. You have plenty of determination, but nothing catches your interest. You are so skilled and it has taken you here in life, but you have nowhere to go from this point.
"Not because you can't, but because you don't want to. It's the same with us. You want me, you put in the amount of effort you think is fair and then you wait for the reward."
The look on the warrior's face was terrible to behold.
During those two weeks, Eleya had never seen an expression as furious as that one on Xaven. Her gerion's eyes were burning, his lips pressed into a thin line and there was a vein throbbing on his forehead. The captain looked like he was ready to explode.
"Is that what you really think of me?" Xaven asked, growling.
"Yes," Eleya said.
It was harsh and a little unfair and a terrible thing to say to her fated, but she was who she was. They were both Brions. She had never met a warrior who liked things sugarcoated and Eleya wasn't about to start doing that now. If it was herself, she would have wanted to know about her flaws.
She had to believe she'd handle it well.
Xaven quickly have her a chance to prove that.
"And what about you, then?" he asked. "You have all the drive in the world. Every last person on Briolina will tell you that you're excellent as the High Senator. Even the generals love you, which is impossible to achieve. But you are still crying about the thing you were forced to leave behind.
"You judge everyone based on whether they want the same things in life as you and think those who don't are weak. I know you think being a general is the epitome of what a Brion can be. Everyone knows you think that, but it's not. It's your truth, not mine.
"I never wanted to be one. You may be right about some of my motivations, but what does that matter?"
Eleya didn't say a word, but Xaven was only getting started. The warrior was gripping the edge of the arena so hard she thought he was going to rip it right off the ground.
"You lost the thing you loved the most and look what it's done to you," he said. "You preach serving Briolina, when you hate having the job that you are best suited for. You think a Brion needs to be strong when you glorify your wounds from your first bond and your lost title.
"You think being a general would bring me some universal happiness, but you have not been happy since you left the army and you're not about to start now. I wanted to make you happy, every little thing I did was to bring that smile to your lips, but I see now that is not possible.
"There is no gate into your heart that I could open. You are waiting for some kind of a miracle, a lightning strike to free you and I can't make that happen. You are holding that door shut and no matter what you say, there is nothing I can do until you let go."
A heavy silence set over the arena as they stared at each other. Eleya had no idea what Xaven was thinking, but her heart was beating louder than it had for years. She felt like crying, but there were no tears coming.
She wanted to say something, too, but there were no words that could have fixed the ones that had already been spoken.
The world was holding its breath, waiting for one of them to speak, to admit their flaws and fight.
Xaven picked up his spear and turned to go.
"You don't have to say anything," he told her. "I will go. I'm sorry your second bond didn't bring you happiness either."
8
Xaven
Something as simple as sleeping turned to a chore.
The days that passed without Eleya by his side, without her sweet voice in his ear, were like the gods had singled him out for a punishment Xaven didn't believe he deserved. The warrior felt like a dead man walking, but without a target on his back. No one had killed him, except maybe Eleya.
The world didn't have color, though. Food was like ash in his mouth and every night, Xaven laid awake in his bed, feeling the missing presence of his gesha.
Briolina was a hot planet. It had a summer that lasted most of the year and a season that resembled spring on most other worlds. Nights were never cold, which was why most Brion homes didn't have many windows.
Now Xaven was cold, for the first time in his life.
He knew that it wasn't a physical thing. His body didn't actually feel the shivers that went down his spine when he thought of Eleya. The sheets on his bed were cool silk but when he laid his hand next to him, searching for a body that wasn't there, it felt like dipping his hand into ice.
Xaven had considered going to his gesha at first. He even tried, walking into Eleya's palace without anyone stopping him. It was clear the High Senator had given no orders to bar his way to her quarters.
He'd stopped on the stairs. The pride that had never held him back from anything suddenly roared to life, refusing to allow him to crawl back to her.
Brions didn't crawl. They didn't beg or barter, especially for the love of their fated. It was either freely given or not given at all.
Days turned into a week without a single word from Eleya and Xaven started to wonder if pride was the emotion that he treasured more than the eternal bond.
The door to his quarters started beeping, signaling a visitor.
Xaven was on his feet in a second and dashed for the door. Bitter disappointment washed over him as the screen showed him Towaren, Eleya's aide. Hope raised its head, however.
"Captain Xaven," the young aide said, stepping in and looking around. "Are we alone?"
"Eleya is my gesha," Xaven growled at the man. "Who do you think would be at my quarters?"
"Friends," Towaren replied without blinking an eye. "Family. I don't know."
Xaven humphed. He motioned for the young man to follow and led him to his dining room, offering him a cup of wine.
"Thank you," Towaren said, accepting the drink. "I still need the answer, Captain."
"Why?" Xaven asked. "What's so private you can't talk about it?"
"Everything that concerns High Senator Eleya is extremely sensitive information," Towaren replied in a tone of voice that said he considered it a common truth.
"And you think I'd be close to someone who would use any information against her?" Xaven demanded, taking a step closer.
The aide backed away, a flicker of fear flashing behind his eyes. He was a warrior like him, but Xaven could see right away that confrontation wasn't what Towaren had come for.
"You can never be sure," Towaren said. "There have been traitors before. Some of them very close to the High Senator."
Xaven glared.
"You mean Eren, her first gerion?" he asked.
"Yes," Towaren said, hesitating for a moment. "Captain, I didn't come here to accuse you of anything. I'm just trying to be careful, because she doesn't know that I'm here."
That was surprising. Xaven had gotten the impression that Towaren never did anything without Eleya's expressed command or approval.
"Then you shouldn't be here," he stated firmly.
"Perhaps," Towaren allowed. "But I had to come. I've never seen the High Senator like this."
Xaven's eyes narrowed. That changed everything. If there was something wrong with Eleya, there was no power in the galaxy that could have kept him away from her.
"Speak," he ordered. "Is my gesha alright?"
"Yes and no," Towaren said carefully. "I don't know what's going on between you and her and I'm not going to ask. A fated bond is private first and foremost, but she has not been herself and you have not been to the palace in a week."
Xaven didn't answer. He wasn't about to discuss his bond with Towaren, the aide was right about that.
"I finally decided to come and speak to you," Towaren said. "If the High Senator found o
ut, I'm sure she would be furious, but..."
"Go on."
"This is bad," the young warrior admitted. "I have been there for every major event of her life since she became a general. I witnessed the failing of her first bond and fought off her rage when she was demoted to the High Senator.
"I've never seen her the way she is without you, Captain. She is like a ghost, a shadow. Like the fire inside her has gone out. I have seen no light emitting from her valor squares in a while. No anger, no sorrow, no joy."
That sounded eerily familiar. Xaven listened, feeling the painful cold grip around his heart tighten even more. It wasn't just him suffering, then.
Hoping that Eleya was faring better had been his only comfort. Not even the darkest hour of his life could make him wish anything else but the best for his fated. Eleya had broken her first bond and although Xaven considered the same thing happening to him worse than death, it had given him some much-needed peace of mind.
He'd imagined Eleya had to more prepared for the feeling of loss, but clearly he'd been wrong.
Xaven didn't know what to say. Not to Towaren and definitely not to Eleya. The last time he'd tried to speak to her had resulted in the worst heartbreak of his life.
For a Brion, being away from their fated was an unimaginable cruelty.
"Thank you for bringing this to my attention," he told Towaren. "I will do everything I can to fix Eleya."
The young warrior observed him with a curious expression.
"Is that what you think she needs?" he asked.
Xaven felt his fingers itching for the spear on his back. The aide had some courage if he dared to speak to him like that. Eleya was his gesha, his and his alone.
"She needs to know that I will do whatever I can to make her feel better, no matter how she feels about me," Xaven said.
"That's just martyrdom," Towaren said, raising his hand and reaching for the spear when Xaven growled so viciously the young warrior was forced to back away. "She doesn't want that. This is what I was afraid of."
"Say another word about my gesha and you will deeply regret it," Xaven snarled, pulling his spear.
