by Hot;Humid
She was doing something she hadn’t done in years. She was driving out to her brother’s lake house. It was the only thing she had left of her family. It was two hours outside of Salem but she knew if she left now she’d miss most of the evening traffic.
She needed to leave town for a little while to get away from her thoughts of Thane.
Days had blended into one another. She stayed home all the time. Thane didn’t want to see her anymore. Could she blame him? Janis called a few times but Brine couldn’t bring herself to answer the phone. She wanted to talk with Thane. She wanted to make him understand.
She missed him.
Brine stopped showering and ordered take out. She knew she was going through her savings, but she couldn’t bring herself to fix anything. The food in the fridge quickly became outdated, but she didn’t have the energy to clean it out. A day went by, then two, which blended into three. When four hit she stopped believing he would call. At the end of the fifth day, she stopped counting because it was too painful.
They would never work this out. If he couldn’t sleep with her, he didn’t want to be friends. That was just how he felt.
Alex was calling though and leaving message after message for her to come back to work. She really needed to think about that. Brine found herself reaching for the phone but hanging it up quickly when she realized she was dialing Thane.
Brine had enough of the pain that settled deep within her body. She couldn’t make him understand. Both knew that they would never have a traditional relationship. She couldn’t have kids. She didn’t want to have a family she could lose. She knew she had to get over the loss of her family before she could get over losing Thane.
Before she realized it, Brine was pulling up in front of the lake house.
The lake house was everything she remembered it to be. She got out of the car and stared at the cabin. Josh was just out of law school when he bought the place. Wind whipped Brine’s hair around her face as she stepped back in time. It was like looking into the painting Weeping Willow by Monet, with past reflecting present.
It’s the perfect place to hold the wedding.
Josh’s infectious zeal for life still made her smile. She turned to look at Josh, but he wasn’t there. Her twin would never be there again. The years felt like yesterday.
She shut the car door. She’d tried to save all of them that night. She was supposed to be home an hour earlier from work. Had she kept to that schedule, they’d all be alive today. She would’ve found the fire in the wall. She could’ve saved all of them. Instead, she lost Josh, her mom, and her dad. Everyone. She was an orphan.
Brine went inside. The maid still came once a week to dust and clean. The place looked exactly the same as the day she was last there. Josh didn’t even have time to move in all the things he wanted to. He’d only had the place for a few weeks.
This was the place she needed to be. This was the place she felt most at home. Didn’t she?
Brine closed her eyes. The cabin looked exactly like Thane’s place. That was the reason why she felt so at home with him. She couldn’t get away from him. It didn’t matter where she was. He had wormed his way into her very being, making her body crave him with the simple thought of his name.
Brine filled the kettle with water to make tea.
“You are being a coward, Little.”
Brine closed her eyes at the sound of her twin’s voice and shut off the water. She steadied her hands as she went about tuning the flame under the kettle. She knew if she looked, she’d see Josh standing across the kitchen. It’d been years since she had a visit from him. She turned and saw him slouched with his arms crossed. She could tell by his look that he was in a mood. His dark-blond hair was messed and his jeans were new.
“Where’ve you been, Big?” she asked.
“Here and there. Mostly watching you make a mess of things with that new man of yours.”
“I’m not making a mess of our relationship. He didn’t want what I had to offer. I offered him friendship, and he shut me out.”
Josh tossed up his hands. “Finally you admit it. You are in a relationship with Thane. Too bad he’s not around to hear it.”
She snorted. “Did you come here just to bitch at me?”
“Yep. You need to make it right, Brine.”
“Why? He’s the one that didn’t want to be friends. I did what I can to make it work for me.”
Josh went to the fridge and opened the door. When he saw that it was empty, he slammed it shut. “For you. What about him? Don’t you care about him?”
“Of course I care for him!”
“Then why don’t you start acting like it?”
She flinched. “I do care for him.”
Josh shook his head. “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard. It’s been all over the papers. The news.”
A vortex flew through her body “What has?”
“Thane’s pulling his company out of Oregon. I guess if he can’t be with you, he doesn’t want to be in the same state you occupy.”
“What the hell? He can’t do that. If he does that…”
“Bingo. The government contracts he holds could go to other logging companies that aren’t so concerned with their environmental footprint. Which is what will happen if you walk away from him. Fifty years from now, the site you guys met at will be gone. A hundred years from now, the entire forest will be gone.”
She shivered “Oh my god. What am I supposed to do?”
“Stop him from leaving. Keep his company in Oregon where it’s meant to be. It’s vital to you…to him…to the children you will have together.”
“What if I can’t?” she asked.
“That’s the risk you’re going to have to take. He wants you, Brine.”
“I miss you, Big.”
He touched her cheek. “I miss you, too, Little. Make this right with Thane. You both deserve a chance at happiness.”
“Love doesn’t conquer all.”
“No, but it can free you both.” He messed her hair like he used to do when they were kids. “See you later, Little.”
“Wait…don’t go!’
“It’s time for you to wake up.”
The whistling of the kettle brought Brine out of her head. She’d fallen asleep with her head on her linked hands on the table. Had she imagined another visit with Josh? Had she been dreaming again? She found herself staring at the spot he’d been standing. It was always like that when he came and went. She lost time. It was always like waking from a dream.
Brine made her tea and went out onto the porch to watch the fading sunlight disappear behind storm clouds rolling across the lake. Lightning splintered across the sky. Rain started pouring on the other side of the lake. Brine watched the rain race across the lake toward the house. Thunder shook the foundation of the house. Brine went inside and the wind caught the door from her fingers. The lights flickered, winking off and on. It was almost like someone was snapping at her, trying to get her attention.
The dream resonated in her mind. Josh had said Thane was leaving. It couldn’t be possible. Brine went to the television and clicked it on, searching for a local news channel.
The news report wouldn’t start for another ten minutes. She paced the house as she listened to the media heads talk about the weather, traffic, and mudslides that knocked out roadways.
The top stories came on. Brine reached for her cold tea but set it down without drinking any of it. She listened as a picture of Thane came up onto the screen. It was true. His company was pulling their contracts out of Oregon. Brine shivered as she thought of what would happen to the land and those beautiful redwoods that towered there. She had to stop Thane. She had to make him see reason. Just because he couldn’t have her…
She was a coward. She sat down. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe Josh’s message wasn’t true. The lights flicked on and off again. Thunder rattled the windows.
“All right!” she screamed. “I hear you!
Chapter Twenty-One
The mudslides had taken out half the road to Thane’s house. She ignored the barricade that blocked the road and drove on the good side of the street. It was no longer raining but water edged up near the roadway. Another detour blocked the road. The white-and-red sign said that the road was closed.
The lights showed a muddy watery mess covering the road. She was going to risk it. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do but she had to get to him before he left for good. Brine white-knuckled it all the way to his house.
She pulled up the driveway and her headlights cut across the front porch.
Thane stood on the stoop. He was soaking wet. He looked dangerous in his tight jeans and leather jacket. He used a cane to walk with his booted foot. Her heart flipped wildly. She wondered if it would always be this way when she saw him. Somehow she suspected that it would. That would only make losing him harder to get over. Thane looked shocked to see her
“You shouldn’t have come. It’s too dangerous.”
“What are you doing out here?” she asked.
“I’ve been looking for Shadow. He took off when the storm hit. He’s frightened of them.” Shadow now sat at his feet looking wet and guilty. Thane dropped the towel he had around Shadow’s back and started to towel him off. “What are you doing here?”
How could she even begin to explain her dream from her brother? She couldn’t. “We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said. “I think I know where things stand between us.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance. She was still irritated with him for the way he left things between them. She couldn’t hide her annoyance at his refusal to be friends. “Can we go inside to talk about it?”
“Sure. That’s what friends do.”
She could hear the mocking note in his voice. Thane opened the door, and Shadow trotted off to his spot in the living room. He was giving her what she wanted. A chance to talk with an extra large side of cold shoulder. Everything should’ve been falling into place the way it was meant to be. Why wasn’t she happy about it then? Damn Josh, his visit had left her doubting what she knew to be the best thing for her heart. She felt mixed up and confused. Could she be more than friends with Thane? She’d have to try.
“How’s your foot feeling?”
“Better.” They were silent for a few moments. “Tell me how this friendship thing is going to go. No sex, right?”
Brine was surprised he wanted to talk about it. “Yeah, just friends.”
“So, I can have other relationships with other women?”
She cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah with whomever, whenever.”
“And you’ll be okay with that?” he asked.
“It’s your sex life. Not mine.”
Thane ran a hand through his wet hair. “Okay. I think I can handle it. You want your handcuffs back.”
“Yeah.”
“We had some good times with those handcuffs,” he said.
Lightning flashed outside and thunder rocked the house. The lights flicked off and on. It felt like a warning from Josh. “I didn’t come here to talk about being just friends.”
Thane got a beer out of the fridge and twisted off the cap. “Oh? No? You want to be friends with benefits now?”
The question felt like a slap. She pushed on. “I want to know why you’re pulling your company out of Oregon.”
“How’d you hear about that?”
He didn’t look happy. “I heard about it on the news. I think you’re making a mistake.”
“It’s none of your business, Brine.”
“I don’t want you leaving because of me.”
Shadow whined as the lights flickered again. Thane went into the living room to pet him. “There’s no reason to stay. I’ve been thinking about making this move for some time now.”
“Really? Since when?”
“Brine.”
“Fifty years from now the site will be a wasteland.”
“You don’t know that,” he countered.
Brine raised a brow. “I know the area. I know what the loggers are capable of.”
“Give me a reason to stay, Brine.” He crossed the room and grabbed her by the shoulders. “You know what I want.”
She froze. Her heart was racing. “I can’t. You have to want to stay for yourself.”
Thane cursed. “Why are you here, Brine? Tell me. Just say it.”
“I want you to stay. I don’t want you to stop doing what you love because of me.”
Hurt crushed through his eyes. “I can’t be friends with a woman I want to fuck every time I look at her. I’m not pressuring you into forever, Brine. I want what we have now. If you don’t ever want to get married, I’m fine with that. I just want a real chance. So, what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
He let go. “You need to decide. Not me.”
“What about your work?”
“What about it? I can start over somewhere else.”
“Thane…don’t do this.”
She could see by the hard look on his face that she’d lost this round with him. It was all up to her. All she had to do was tell him that she wanted him. Why was it so difficult?
“You have twenty-four hours to decide, Brine. After that, I’m gone.”
It wasn’t enough time. He had to understand what she was going through. She couldn’t think about joining her life with another person, only to lose them.
“Thane…”
“Take Benjamin Street home. It’s open. It’s what I use when the mud slides around here.”
There was nothing more to say right now. Brine left and stood on the porch. She did feel at home here. How could she explain it to Thane? It was all about what she wasn’t able to get over. Her past. She’d chosen to never love again. At the end of the day, she really was a coward when it came to love. She didn’t want to hurt again. The loss of her family had been nearly the end of her. She spent every day for a month crying in the shower every time she got up. She couldn’t be taken to the edge again. It wasn’t a place she could go to alone again. Her heart felt as though it was breaking from not loving him.
Brine went to her car and drove away, knowing she’d never be back. If protecting her heart meant she was a coward, so be it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
She couldn’t sleep. Brine tossed and turned. She felt sick inside. Every time she fell asleep she saw Thane and the hurt she put in his eyes. She rolled over again and saw a vision of Poppy telling her that she’d be pregnant by December with a girl. She moaned and rolled over again. Her dream shifted with her twin Josh telling her she was a coward.
She opened her eyes with a start and the darkened room glared back. Thane was a complicated man. He was demanding. He knew what he wanted and he went after it with every facet of his being. That was what drew her to him in the first place. His passion for his company and for life was an erotic seduction that made her take notice.
She shouldn’t stop him from leaving. She should. She had to.
She jumped out of bed. There was no time to change. She had to do this now. She had to let Thane know that she wanted him. Her mind was made up. She was about to make this little complication a giant mess. She grabbed the keys to her car, running out the door. The engine chugged several times and finally flipped over as an afterthought. She drove across town. It wasn’t until she saw his darkened house and his truck sitting in front, that she let go of her breath that she’d been holding.
She slowed the car, allowing the lights to reflect the house. Thane’s truck was backed into his driveway as though he planned on loading it tomorrow. He was really going to leave. Her heart lurched in her chest. She needed him to stay. She wanted him to stay.
Brine slammed the car to a stop, blocking his drive. She sprinted up the walk to the porch. All the lights were off in the house. That didn’t stop Brine from kicking the door several times to get his attention.
No answer. She pounded again. Shadow
barked on the other side of the door. No lights came on but the door was yanked open. Thane stood on the other side in just a pair of jeans. That tattoo on his arm, twisted over half his chest. Brine was grabbed by the wrist and dragged inside. He slammed the door shut. Darkness clung to them as he crowded her against the wall. He was a whisper away.
“What are you doing here at two o’clock in the morning?”
She was breathless as she reached out and touched his face with her palms. She ran her hand over his face, through his hair, as though he was slipping through her fingers. “I wanted to talk to you again.”
“Talk.”
A tremble tickled up and down her spine. She’d shared so much about herself over their time together. She told him things she’d never told anyone. Several seconds teased by. She didn’t know how to begin.
“You’re always the boy scout, aren’t you?” she asked. “You always do the right thing. Say the right thing. You’re honorable.”
“I do.”
She touched his arms. “Cocky, too.”
“You like that about me.”
“You seem to think I like you.”
He leaned in close. “I know you do. You’re just too chicken to admit it.”
“I’m sorry for that. I am. I’m a complicated woman. I don’t know how to love without letting go, you know?”
He pulled away. Disgust twisted his face. Hurt stabbed her heart. She didn’t know how to make things right between them. “You still don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“Brine…you really don’t know?” he asked.
“Know what?”
He laughed but it sounded bittersweet. He opened the door. “If you don’t know, I can’t tell you. You’re too smart to play dumb.”
“I’m not playing dumb. I’m not playing you.” He waited but she didn’t move. She couldn’t. “Thane…what is it? Do you need me to say the words?”
“No.” He was exasperated. “Just go, Brine. I can’t be the one to explain it to you. It’s not about love. It’s about understanding what I need, too. It’s not all about you, Brine.”
