were challenged by this, because he was having to
defend himself from Valhallarama while trying to
manoeuvre her into a position out of the way of that
tree when it fell down on top of her.
Oh for Thor’s sake, this was impossible! That
six-foot-three female metal mountain would just not
budge.
He parried her lunges with a Grimbeard’s
Grapple, Flashburn Fancy and two Points of Order
before realising she was never going to move, and
for such a very small dragon the Wodensfang was
making good progress with that tree trunk – it was
already beginning to wobble, and visible flames were
lighting up the grass at the bottom.
Desperately, Hiccup defended himself from the
Nevermiss’s most brilliant fencing-work with his left
hand, while trying to yank off that horrible jammed-
tight tin-can of a helmet with the other.
‘TIM-BERRRRRR!’ sang the Wodensfang and
Toothless in joyful chorus together. The burnt-through
tree was swaying madly.
Hiccup gave one last beyond-hope pull and the
helmet finally shot off his head with a violence that
made his ears tingle.
He shouted at the top of his voice, ‘Mother!
57
Don’t attack! It’s only me, your son, Hiccup! And get
out of the way of that tree, which is about to fall on
your head!’
But most unfortunately, totally unconsciously, he
shouted those words in the tongue he had been used to
speaking in for the last six months (he hadn’t had any
human companions you see). Not in Norse, but in
Dragonese: ‘Mi mamma! Na bitey! Issa lonely
me, ta dissappointa Hiccup! Plus outadaway
da leafdangle which yappen lowdown ta
brain-boxer!’
So much for letting her know
gently in a quiet moment.
Life is sometimes
much more messy
than that.
Valhallarama’s blue eyes practically fell out of her
visor, popping with amazement. She went absolutely
rigid with shock, in the slightly ridiculous and
undignified pose of Mid-Looping-Loot-Bubbles, one
of Flashburn’s more showy-off moves which should
really only be attempted by someone about ten years
younger and half the girth of Valhallarama, formidable
action-woman though she was.
No wonder she was surprised.
For in one gob-smacked, sword-arm freezing
second, she had learnt:
1. That she had just been attempting to kill her only
son by accident.
2. That said son was in fact the Outcast and Enemy
of the Wilderwest, whom everybody (not just the
witch) said was the one who set free the Dragon
Furious and started this war between dragons and
humans.
3. That the same son appeared to have
the Slavemark on his forehead.
4. That the same son appeared to be
fluent in Dragonese, a language that
had been banned. Not that anyone
but Hiccup could speak it anyway.
59
This was a very great
deal to take in, in just one
moonlit moment.
The one piece of
information that she wasn’t able
to take in, because it was spoken in
Dragonese, was the one that would have been most
immediately useful to her.
The information that a tree was about to fall on
her head.
CRAAASSSHHHHH!
The tree snapped off at the trunk and…
BOOOOOIIING!!!!
… It landed plum on Valhallarama’s metal head.
And then bounced off it on to the ground.
Valhallarama stood absolutely stock still for one
second.
She re-arranged herself into a more dignified
position.
And then she swayed gently on the spot…
And…
CRAAAASSHHHHH!!!
She went down like the tree trunk itself.
‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!’
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
Hiccup hopped anxiously from foot to foot.
‘B-B-BINGO!’ shouted Toothless. ‘GOOD
SH-SH-SHOT WODENSFANG!’
And then he flapped down and shouted insults
down her visor.
‘YOU B-B-BIG HUMAN BULLY!’
Hiccup tried to wave him out the way, and
Toothless thought he was reminding him about
manners.
‘SORRY, YOU GREAT METAL
M-M-MOLLUSC! PARDON ME, YOU
LUMPING L-L-LARDBOTTOM LEADBELLY!
EXCUSE US, YOU TERRIFYING TIN
OF T-T-TESTOSTERONE!’
‘Manners,’ said
Toothless smugly to Wodensfang.
‘Yes, well done, Toothless,’ congratulated the
Wodensfang brightly. ‘Lovely apologising.’
Hiccup pushed Toothless off and snapped open
his mother’s visor.
Oh thank Thor, she’s breathing…
She was breathing but she was out for the count,
and there was a big fat lump on the front of her
forehead. Unfortunately the Windwalker, seeing that
the terrifying Warrior was still breathing and whipped
up into a state of hysterical panic
by the fighting, tried to get
Hiccup to ride him out
of danger.
And when Hiccup wouldn’t listen, he lost it
entirely, and picked Hiccup up in his claws, despite
him desperately struggling and shouting, ‘Nooo!!! It’s
my mother!!! It’s my mother!!!’
Wodensfang and Toothless flew on either side of
his head making soothing noises, thinking that he was
the one who had taken a funny turn on account of all
the fighting.
It took him ten minutes to get through to them
what had happened even without the helmet to shout
through.
After catching their breath, Hiccup insisted that
they went back to where he thought the fight had
taken place, but there was no sign of any unconscious
mother, just a deep indentation in the snow where she
had fallen beside the still smouldering tree-trunk.
Where had she gone? Had the Razorwings got
her? Or had the Silver Phantom returned and carried
her to safety?
They searched the forest for the rest of that night,
but they never found her.
Eventually in the early hours of the next
morning, Hiccup pushed aside some brambles and
crawled into a cave he had been using as a hide-out
for some sleep. The warm wet shaggy body* of the
Windwalker beside him, and his two friends Toothless
and Wodensfang snuggled on his chest were always a
source of comfort.
He might be an Outcast, but at least he had his
dragons with him. Not like Fishlegs, who was entirely
alone.
Just as he was falling asleep, Hiccup remembered
something.
He no longer had the map.
* The Windwalker is looking a little less shaggy because he has grown a
little older.
3. HICCUP MUST DIE
The Wodensfang had in fact
been right about the
Dragon Furious sending a dragon to kill Hiccup.
A few weeks earlier, in the endless night of winter
on the little isle of Berk, where the air was so cold it
stung the skin like bees, the Dragon Furious lay in
the smoking ashy remains of what had once been a
Hooligan village.
The Dragon Furious was a Seadragonus
Giganticus Maximus, and he was in command of the
Dragon Rebellion. His aim was nothing less than the
extinction of the entire human race.
The Hooligans had escaped from the last terrible
dragon attack, fleeing to the islands of the south which
were still holding out against the relentless progress of
the dragon invaders, but leaving the island of Berk to a
triumphant Dragon Furious.
The island of Berk was a new and important
conquest for Furious. And yet…
And yet there was one Hooligan who had not
been among the Hooligans who escaped from the
island on this day. One Hooligan whom the Dragon
Furious and the entire Dragon Rebellion had been
hunting without success, over seas and forests and
mountains, through ice caves and volcanoes…
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third.
So many times had the little Hooligan slipped
through Furious’s talons at the very last minute,
double-backing, sneaking past, and streaking away on
the back of his Windwalker, with the whole howling
pack of dragons after him, like a tricksy little fox fleeing
the hunt.
Kneeling in front of the Dragon Furious was
a rare Triple-header Deadly Shadow dragon. You
could not see him, for a Deadly Shadow was one of
those chameleon dragons whose skin can mirror any
background or passing object, so at that moment he
appeared to be invisible.
‘Hiccup must die,’ said the Dragon Furious to the
Deadly Shadow. ‘We have to catch him, or our cause
is lost. Can you do it? Can you find and kill Hiccup
where all others have failed?’
Slowly the camouflaged skin of the Deadly
Shadow turned back to its natural colour, and it was as
if the terrifying creature was suddenly materializing out
of thin air. You could see him in all his splendour now:
gleaming, muscled, panther-like strength, frighteningly
efficient-looking claws and jaws that could shoot forth
both lightning bolts and flame.
67
The three heads of the Shadow smiled. The
poison-ducts in his six cheeks pulsed yellow for
a second. Out of their secret hiding-places crept a
bright, slitting talon or two that shone for a second
and then slid back.
‘My lord Furious,’ said the middle head of the
Deadly Shadow dragon. ‘Once, my brothers and I
loved a human. And this human died of grief because
of the actions of her human family. Now we hate the
human with a hatred strong as acid. If you ask us to
kill him, the boy is as good as dead already.’
‘Ah,’ said the Dragon Furious with satisfaction.
‘I knew I was right to choose you, for you are so
like myself. I needed one who hates like I do, and
who will not weaken, for the Hiccup boy, with his
antics releasing all the dragon-traps, has even been
gaining sympathy among the weaker members of my
Rebellion. Follow him, and kill him. Hiccup must
die!’
‘And Hiccup shall die!’ hissed the three heads of
the Deadly Shadow.
He folded back his wings like a bat, and leapt
into the air, turning white as the blizzard as soon as he
hit the sky. The Dragon Furious watched him go, the
quiet snow falling.
68
~ STATISTICS ~
FEAR FACTOR: ..................... 10
ATTACK: .............................. 10
SPEED: ................................ 10
SIZE: .................................... 10
DISOBEDIENCE:.................... 10
The largest of the dragon species;
Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus
live in the open ocean.
Learning to Speak Dragonese
Moo-lady, yow snoddly sniffer is giganticus plus
warticus, plus, warra eye-pleezee, fur-sprouty hug-
dangles!
Madam, you have a very large and
lovely spotty nose, and what
beautiful hairy arms!
Toothless issa griefspotty me
misschance f-f-flicka-flame ta
gob-sprout. Twassa bigtime
hiccup.
I am so sorry that I
accidentally set fire to
your beard, it was a total
mistake.
Toothless mak ta me m-m-most speshally
griefspotties. Toothless’s runners pop in a
cack-cack di Goredragon, plus me pressit
muchwide ondi floorsheet.
I make you my most heartfelt apologies. I seem to have
stepped in Goredragon poo and trodden it all over your
carpet.
T-t-toothless goggla ta struggla wi munch-munch
di saltsicks lonelywise. Teggly me adda.
I can see you are having trouble
eating all those oysters on your own.
Let me help you.
Ne-ah, Toothless na s-s-sporta da sprouty-warm. Ta maka
me inta un girly-goo, plus me preffa ma flame-shootys
coldover and me flip-flaps lendinta forkfreezies.
Thankee par ta warmwishes.
No, I will NOT wear that furry coat. It makes me look like
a sissy and I would rather my fire-holes froze up and my
wings turned into ice-lollies. Thank you for your concern.
4. ONE OF HICCUP’S LESS
BRILLIANT PLANS
A few weeks after losing the map, Hiccup Horrendous
Haddock the Third was lying crouched in the reeds
on the edges of a tiny little island right in the middle
of the bay that stood in front of Prison Darkheart –
the bay called The Dragons’ Graveyard.
With him were the Windwalker, the
Wodensfang and Toothless.
They were crouching down beside
Hiccup, wings shivering, cats’ eyes peering
fearfully over the ferns at the horror of the
landscape all around them.
‘You are n-n-not going in there…’
squeaked Toothless, pointing a horrified
wing at Prison Darkheart.
‘P-p-please tell Toothless you are not going in
there...’
‘I don’t see that we have any choice,’ said
Hiccup bitterly, ‘now that my mother has betrayed us.
I must say, I know she’s always been a bit absent, but
I never thought she’d actually fight against me.’
Hiccup swallowed. The whole world was burnt
to ashes, and here he was, feeling like crying over a
wayward mother.
But there was no other explanation. Valhallarama
must have got her Phantom to carry Grimbeard the
Ghastly’s map to the witch because the witch was now
in Darkheart, hunting for the Dragon Jewel. And so too
were the Meathead, Murderous, Visithug and Hooligan
Tribes.
Hiccup had seen all th
e ships sail in over the past
two weeks.
Which meant that Hiccup’s friend Fishlegs was
in there, and Hiccup’s father, Stoick the Vast. And
Hiccup was determined to get them out, now he knew
where they were.
It’s my fault they’re in there, so I’m going to get them
out…
‘Oh shiver my t-t-talons!’ wept poor Toothless,
so terrified he fell off Hiccup’s shoulder and into
73
the sea Hiccup was crouching in. ‘Look!’ He
pointed a wing at all the dragon corpses
lying in the sea around them. ‘The
Dragon F-f-furious has been trying
to get in every night! How are
you going to get in if even
he hasn’t managed it!’
At one end of the bay was the gigantic
prison that formed the only entrance to the great
walled hunting-grounds of the Amber Slavelands.
The walls that encircled the Amber Slavelands were
not, perhaps, as long as the Great Wall of China,
but they were certainly much higher, and a similarly
miraculous construction of the Ancient World.
In front of the prison, the tide was slowly sinking
and gradually revealing the grotesque and pathetic
shapes of thousands of dead dragons. Ancient dragon
skeletons jutted from the waters of the bay like airy
melancholy cathedrals, with seagulls shrieking through
the long-dead ribcages.
And there were fresh dragon corpses
too, smelling to high heaven, and leaking green
blood into the water, because every night now,
the prison was attacked by some of the most
ferocious forces of the Dragon Rebellion.
75
‘This is a terrible plan! The witch and Alvin
will catch you!’ squeaked Toothless, in an agony of
fear.
‘Nobody’s going to catch us,’ said Hiccup
soothingly. ‘We’ll just sneak in, see if we can find
my father and Fishlegs and the Jewel, and sneak
out again. Us Outcasts are good at sneaking. And if
anybody spots us, I’ve got the Slavemark, so they’ll
just think I’m another slave.
How to Train Your Dragon: How to Seize a Dragon's Jewel Page 3
