by Leann Harris
“I’ll let my brother know.” He climbed in his truck and drove away.
Kaye shook off the sad memories evoked by the washing machine’s removal and started toward the house. What had happened to Gramps? Had he ridden out to help Joel? Surely not. Gramps still was in no condition to be on a horse. Anxiety high, she searched the house but didn’t find him. Charging out to the barn, Kaye readied herself to either hop on a horse or four-wheeler to fetch her delinquent grandfather. She’d just built up a good head of steam when she found Gramps asleep on a hay bale, leaning against the barn wall.
Tenderness welled in her heart. Gramps would never admit he needed a nap, that his age was catching up to him, but out here, he could sleep without her knowing about it and save his pride.
She walked back to the house, entering the kitchen. The new appliances stuck out like neon lights nestled among the aged cabinets and pitted ’60s pea-green Formica countertops. A sparkling new toaster sat on the countertop along with a new coffeemaker.
They’re beautiful. Her mother’s voice rang in her head. She could see her mom preening over the new, beautiful appliances. Moisture gathered in her eyes and Kaye’s lips quivered. “Oh, Mom, you’d be so proud,” she whispered.
And her father would’ve been just as proud for his wife. Although there were years when there was no money for extras, her dad’s generous heart had always managed to pamper his wife.
The ache grew and Kaye fought for breath. She stumbled out the back door, but her legs only carried her to the charred picnic table. Memories flashed through her head like a kaleidoscope of birthdays, Christmases, spring roundup. She fought the grief and longing for her parents and grandmother that she’d been able to ignore or suppress since she’d left home. Closing her eyes, the memories continued to pummel her....
“Kaye? Are you all right?”
She heard Caleb’s words through the layers of sorrow. She felt him sit beside her and turned to him to assure him she was fine. Tears blinded her vision and her chest heaved. The next thing she knew, she heard someone crying and didn’t realize it was her until Caleb pulled her into his arms and cradled her head tenderly on his shoulder.
The pain and grief rolled out of her, much like floodgates opening, and she had no control over them.
How long she cried, she couldn’t say, but it seemed like hours. When sanity returned, she felt the support and comfort of Caleb’s arms. This was the second time the man had held her and surrounded her with his strength.
She pulled away, wiping her face. A choked laugh escaped her as she shook her head. “You’d never believe I was an efficient military officer who never once cried the entire time I was in the army. I didn’t even cry when my ex emailed me, telling me he was filing for divorce.”
Well, she’d certainly put it all out there, hadn’t she?
“I believe you.”
His response brought her gaze up to his. Was he pulling her leg? She studied him. “Really?”
“My mom was someone who couldn’t cope with anything after my father died. You, Kaye, are nothing like her. From what I’ve seen, you’re doing fine.”
She couldn’t quite believe her ears. “It was seeing all those new appliances in the kitchen. I knew my mom would’ve been so excited and suddenly it just blindsided me.” She looked down at her hands. “Coming home, there are so many memories. When you’re dead tired from a day of basic training, your brain doesn’t work. You just fall unconscious into your bunk.
“I took the coward’s way out when I left here.”
Caleb’s finger lifted her chin. “I don’t see a coward. I see an amazingly strong woman who has dealt with a lot of tragedy.”
She searched his face, trying to see if he really meant what he said. His eyes held admiration and something else.
Embarrassed, she looked away.
Gramps walked out of the barn. “The deliverymen finished in the house?”
“They’re gone, Gramps.”
“Well, let me go in and test out the new TV.” He started up the porch stairs. “You coming?”
She looked at Gramps over Caleb’s shoulder. “I am. And you can show Caleb your new toy.”
Gramps walked inside. As Kaye stood, Caleb said, “Give yourself a break, Kaye. You’ve held it together much better than anyone else I’ve known.”
But not good enough. “Thanks.”
As they walked into the house, Kaye knew the ground under her had shifted, but she wasn’t ready to acknowledge how it had moved.
* * *
“It’s nice to have a full meal for a change.” Joel sighed as he and Caleb sat on the stairs to the back porch after dinner. Kaye had used the new stove to cook spaghetti, but she’d insisted the men make the salad. They’d also cleaned the porch and would fix the roof this weekend. “And it’s nice not to have to cook.”
Caleb shook his head. “I guess you need to get married, friend.”
Joel drew back. “Me? What about you?”
Caleb didn’t have a quick comeback.
Joel, his elbows resting on his knees, turned his head, meeting his friend’s gaze. “What, no comeback?”
A deep sigh escaped Caleb’s chest. “You know when you get an itch. You’re going along and everything is fine, then wham, it all blows up.”
Joel nodded. “I hear ya.”
“I’ve had that itch since Sawyer finished school.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Even before Albuquerque, I’ve been restless, wondering if I want to keep living out of my horse trailer and not having roots.
“You had a home to come back to when you stopped. I’ve been toying for some time with finding a ranch and breeding stock for the rodeo. I know Jack Murphy is always looking for good stock for the rodeos he supplies. After the rodeo in Lubbock this past spring, Jack complained he needed more ranchers he could buy stock from.”
“You serious?”
“My need for a steady income changed with Sawyer out working, using that new degree. And I’m tired of living like a gypsy. I’ve been doing this for the past sixteen years. For the past year, I’ve been socking away most of my paychecks and saved up enough money to buy a place.”
“Is that the only reason you’ve stayed so long this time?”
Caleb looked away. “My body’s starting to complain about the traveling, eating in different places, and I got aches I never had before. Staying put is looking mighty good.” At least that was what he’d been telling himself since the accident.
“You know that what happened in Albuquerque wasn’t your fault, don’t you?” Joel pressed.
Caleb recovered from the gut punch. Surely he could’ve done something different to avoid what happened.
Joel nailed him with a look that said he knew the guilt Caleb lived with. “You’ve got to deal with it.”
Caleb stilled, not believing his friend was pressing this.
“I don’t mean to push.”
Caleb stood. “Good.”
Joel raised his hands, surrendering the topic.
Feeling foolish, Caleb sat. “You know of any ranches around here for sale?”
“Yeah, there’s a lot. There’s a drought, too. You sure you want those headaches?”
“Good question.” He thought for a moment. “Why don’t you go back out on the circuit and I’ll buy this place.”
Joel laughed. “You’d have to take Gramps with it. Maybe even my sis.”
The teasing comment hit Caleb between the eyes. A family. Gramps and Kaye. It sounded so good. Sawyer and he had never had grandparents they knew. Neither his father nor mother’s families had been in the picture when he was growing up. He’d known about his dad’s parents and vaguely remembered visiting them in Tucumcari, but precious little had been said about his mother’s parents. “Sounds good.”
“I know.” But the idea grabbed his soul. A home. A family. A wife. Kaye.
They heard the back door slam and they looked up to see Kaye.
“Gramps could use some help getting ready for bed.”
Joel stood. “I’ll see y’all tomorrow morning.” He walked back into the kitchen.
Kaye settled on the step Joel had vacated. “I would’ve helped Gramps, but he wasn’t even going near that suggestion. He acted insulted.”
Caleb laughed. “You’re dealing with a different generation.”
She smiled and shook her head.
Sitting next to her brought back memories of her in his arms this afternoon, crying. Of course, as she’d cooked dinner, no one would’ve known about her emotional breakdown. That intrigued him. “We got a lot accomplished today—the morning sessions in town and the afternoon deliveries.”
“We did. I even had one of the deliverymen asking how his brother could register to compete in the rodeo.”
“That’s great news. Word of mouth has gotten around this town.”
“And this is one time I’m glad that word of mouth spread so quickly through the county.”
There was pain in that last comment, but he decided to leave it alone. “So do you want to go with all the events that the mayor suggested?” They talked about tie-down roping, team roping, bareback riding, steer wrestling, bull riding, barrel racing and saddle bronc riding.
“If we could get enough entrants. I’ll talk to Mike about it. But I’ll add calf scramble for the kids, and I loved the idea of a celebrity pin-a-calf event.”
“Have the sheriff’s department versus the volunteer fire department?”
She smiled, and he felt it in his gut.
“I like that. And maybe have teen girls versus teen boys.” She rubbed her hands together.
Caleb could see that. “That’s a win for the guys.”
“In your dreams, cowboy,” she shot back.
He threw his head back and laughed. She joined him. He welcomed that fighting spirit of hers. He thought of her all afternoon, understanding how sometimes events could slap you up the side of the head. He’d wondered if she would be moody when they ate dinner, much like his mother had been. But if he hadn’t held her while she cried, he wouldn’t have known about her tears. The lady fought back.
“So you think the girls will outdo the boys?” He arched his brow.
“I wouldn’t count them out. In the army, there are some jobs that women do better than their male counterparts.”
“But with that brute-strength thing, guys have the advantage.” Mirth danced in his eyes.
“You’d be surprised, cowboy. I knew a couple women who could take down any man.” She tapped her chin. “I remember we had a drill instructor. She took down a man who jumped on her when she was leaving a restaurant. She put the man in the hospital.”
They sat quietly as evening turned to night before them. “There’s nothing better than watching the moon rise from my own back porch.” She leaned toward him. “But I’ll say that when I was in Albuquerque, watching the moon rise there at that elevation, the sky looks different.”
“Albuquerque?” he choked out. What had she being doing in that city?
She turned and a small frown gathered between her brows. “That’s where the equine therapy ranch I spent time at was.”
“Oh.”
“It’s amazing out there seeing the moon on a clear, cold night at that mile-high elevation, but there’s something about seeing the moon in your own backyard that makes it special. Didn’t you ever sit outside and watch the moon rise?”
“Yeah.” He remembered once when his mother’s boyfriend at the time had slapped Sawyer. Caleb had stood up to the man and got a good beating. Both he and Sawyer had left the house and walked out into the pasture behind their house. They’d slept outside that spring night. Through his puffy eyes, he’d seen a harvest moon rise and it had been as if God had sent him comfort, telling Caleb that he wasn’t forgotten. Caleb had known then he would take Sawyer and leave when he had saved enough money.
Her hand covered his. “Thanks for this afternoon.”
“No problem. After we finish this rodeo, you have any idea what you might do?”
“Well, I’ve been toying with the idea of getting my counseling certificate. While I was in the army, I got my college degree in business administration. I also had a major in psychology and social work.”
“That’s impressive.”
“Naw, but I’d like to see what it would take to get my certificate to counsel other vets. I know there’s a need.” She hung her head. “Maybe I can talk to myself and counsel myself. Or pray. Of course, prayer does wonders, but first you have to do it.”
He took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers.
“I guess I should get some benefit from my degree aside from an ex-husband.”
She gained his attention.
“So you said.” Oddly, he felt the need to push. Or maybe Kaye needed to talk.
A frown gathered between her brows. “You sure you don’t have your degree in counseling? I mean, every time I’m around you, I spill my guts. This has got to stop.”
“Guess I’m just a sympathetic guy.”
“Really?”
“I’m a good listener.”
She pursed her lips. She remained silent for so long, he thought she wouldn’t say anything. “I was stationed in Alabama. Since I went to OTS—Officer Training School for all you nonmilitary types—they give their officers an opportunity to get a bachelor’s degree. I couldn’t resist. When I was in psych class, I got to know one of the guys in the class. We hit it off. He played in a band. Richard made me laugh. And he was a good guitar player. I went and listened to him play a gig and was impressed.
“It was a whirlwind romance and we married. It was a sort of spur-of-the-moment thing, and Joel and Gramps didn’t have time to drive to Alabama before the wedding.” Her words stopped and she tugged her hand.
Caleb loosened his grip and she pulled her hand away. “His band started being successful, playing different clubs around the South. I guess Richard thought I’d resign my commission. He dropped out of school and started traveling with the band full-time.” She turned to him. “I understood his need to perform, to travel, but you have to have money. If it hadn’t been for my paycheck and the PX, well, we would’ve starved. Then when I got my orders to go to Ft. Drum in New York, he wouldn’t go with me. I called him after work one day and a young woman answered. She handed him the phone and he told me he wanted a divorce.
“Thankfully, the judge didn’t order me to pay him alimony. Once I was in Iraq, I thanked my army lawyer that I had that divorce decree, but my ex didn’t let that stop him and used our joint credit card, although I’d canceled it. They tried coming after me. They didn’t get far.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She told the story without any of the “poor me” attitude his mother would’ve used.
“I don’t know what happened to my judgment.” She pursed her lips. “But I’m not going to make that mistake again.”
It sounded like her ex had done a number on her. Of course, with what she told him, she was better off without the man. But it didn’t sound like she was in any mood to try again.
Although he wasn’t in any better position for a romance so he need not worry. But he needed to tell his heart to stop noticing what a strong, beautiful woman Kaye was. The type he’d always wanted.
* * *
Kaye couldn’t believe her mouth. It seemed every time she was within earshot of Caleb, things tumbled out that she hadn’t told another soul. It was time to turn the tables on him.
“So what are you going to do after our charit
y event? You plan on going back to the rodeo?”
His expression sobered. Their easy exchange stopped and he put up a barrier. “I don’t know. I’m starting to get a little too old to be constantly traveling and living out of my trailer. I’ve discovered aches and pains that weren’t there before. Getting up in the morning is a challenge.”
“What did your dad do? Maybe you could follow in his footsteps.”
He looked down at his hands. “He worked on a ranch near San Antonio.”
She waited for more of an explanation.
“Pops died of a heart attack when I was twelve. I would’ve loved to talk to him about ranching. He didn’t own the place, but he competed in rodeos to get extra money. He wanted to buy his own spread.”
She wondered about his mother, but from his body language, he wouldn’t welcome the question. “Well, it seems you and I are facing some massive changes in our lives.”
“More like circumstances made that change for us.”
“Bad circumstances.”
He shrugged. “There are lots of bad things that happen to people. I wondered why my dad died so suddenly. After wrestling with that question for several years, my pastor said we are still humans even after we believe. It’s what we do with the tragedy and grief that we have control over, and do we give to Him who can heal our hearts the grief and tragedy.”
She heard what he said, but her heart wasn’t buying. “There had to be a reason. It’s not just chance. It can’t be.” Angry, she stood abruptly and walked into the house.
* * *
Kaye couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she’d remember how she broke down in front of Caleb that afternoon. She’d bawled, losing it completely. And combined with that earlier incident in the storm, what was wrong with her? She wasn’t eighteen anymore, so why was she acting that way? Suddenly, she didn’t recognize herself.
She remembered Caleb’s sheltering arms, giving strength and comfort. The man always seemed to be there, unlike her ex. When she’d wanted to cuddle with her ex after a long, rough day, he’d looked at her as if he couldn’t be bothered.
