‘No celebrity kisses,’ I said, praying that my expression didn’t give me away. ‘I left before the results were announced.’
Which was true, but in fact I did know the result because Pam the Jam had called me and left a message on my voicemail.
The spring lamb pie from Hetty’s Farmhouse Bakery had won the silver award, losing out on gold to Pemberton’s Pasties. Joe had accepted it on my behalf. I’d won the runner’s up prize of two thousand pounds and the honour of being allowed to put silver Britain’s Best Bites stickers on my packaging. In theory, I now had everything I needed to make Hetty’s Farmhouse Bakery a success. It was a fantastic outcome, or at least it would have been. Now it felt like a hollow victory. None of it mattered any more and the last thing Dan needed to hear was news of my success after the day he and Bart had had.
‘Right, that’s you done, Mr Greengrass. You can take these now.’ The nurse handed him a glass of water and a small plastic pot with some tablets in it. ‘You’ll be in overnight, but unless you show any other signs of trauma, the doctor should discharge you tomorrow.’
She hung the clipboard back in its spot at the end of the bed and, with another friendly smile, left us for the next patient. Dan muttered that he didn’t have any pyjamas and I offered to go and have a look in the patients’ shop downstairs in the foyer but he shook his head.
‘I want to know about Joe, did you see much of him?’
‘Um, a little.’ I bit my lip, remembering when I met Joe at Appleby Farm and how I promised Dan that from now on I wouldn’t keep secrets from him.
‘Oh?’ He cocked his head to one side. ‘Tell me more.’
He knocked the tablets back, and took a gulp of water to wash them down with.
‘He told me that he came to see you after I left for Cornwall and that you had a row. I never knew that.’
He dabbed his chin and folded his arms across his chest. ‘No, I didn’t tell you because … Well, I guess I already felt bad enough about us splitting up, I went to him hoping for a sympathetic ear … Anyway, then Dad died and it put things into perspective. I loved you and wanted you back and I decided to do something about it.’
I nodded, taking this in. But after Mike’s funeral when we realized Joe had moved away without telling us, why hadn’t Dan mentioned it then? Had Joe told him that he had feelings for me?
Dan reached for my hand and squeezed it. ‘What else did he say?’
I looked into his brown eyes and my heart leapt for him. Should I share my suspicions? It was so long ago, did it really matter now?
‘Hetty, I can read you like a book, what is it?’
‘A bit awkward really,’ I said. ‘I get the impression that he may have been in love with me in sixth-form. A bad case of unrequited love, and that was why he lost touch with us.’
Dan choked, spraying me with water. ‘What? Did he say that?’
I shook my head, taking his water from him and passing him a tissue. ‘He just said he’d been in love, he didn’t say who with.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘He didn’t try anything on in London, did he?’
I blushed. ‘No, no, of course not.’ Joe hadn’t. Gil might have been about to, though …
‘Well, it’s all making sense now.’ He nodded, staring into the distance.
‘That’s what I thought,’ I said, biting my lip. ‘I feel terrible, don’t you?’
He blinked at me. ‘I mean, about you winning the Cumbria’s Finest competition. It was a fix.’
‘He wasn’t on the judging panel,’ I gasped, appalled, ‘so it wasn’t a fix. I won on my own merit.’
‘Can you be sure?’ He picked at the bandage on his right hand.
I stared at him, fighting back a sharp retort and focused on deep breaths. Dan had been through hell today, and Bart was still going through hell. This wasn’t a day for arguing, it was a day for kindness and love.
‘As sure as I can be.’ I leaned forward and kissed his cheek then stroked a finger along his stubbly jaw. ‘Anyway, how Joe feels about me doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I love you, Dan, and when you get out of here, how about we go away for a night, have a proper date, just you and me?’
He lifted his eyes to mine and his face softened into a sad smile. ‘I’d like that. And I’m sorry for saying it was a fix. Perhaps I have got concussion, after all. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you,’ he said huskily, ‘but it must have been good.’
I kissed his cheek again and seconds later Viv and Poppy returned carrying a tray of plastic cups.
‘Look, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to go and find out how Bart’s doing,’ I said. ‘Your mum and Poppy will keep you entertained.’
‘Sure.’ He closed his eyes briefly and groaned. ‘This is such a bloody nightmare. Give them my love and tell Anna I’ll be along tomorrow just as soon as I’m allowed to move around.’
‘She’ll like that,’ I said and pressing another kiss to his cheek, I left my family in search of my poor godson and my best friend.
It took me a while to find them. Bart was currently being treated on an adult intensive care ward due to lack of space in the children’s unit. I pressed the buzzer to be let in and waited. There was a porthole window in the door and I looked through it to see if anyone was coming. My stomach churned; on the right-hand side in the closest bay to the door I could just make out the small figure of Anna, sitting on a chair next to a bed. All I could see of Bart was a mound under the covers. There seemed to be some sort of frame under the sheets at the bottom of the bed. Anna was leaning forward, her forehead resting on the bed. She looked like she was praying, which she may well have been doing …
A nurse opened the door and smiled enquiringly. I gulped in some air and pointed to Bart’s bed and managed to stutter his name. She nodded and after I’d used the hand sanitizer, I tiptoed towards them.
There were six beds in this part of the ward, a nurse positioned at the end of each one. It was deathly quiet in here, only the faint sounds of the equipment beeping and whirring and ventilators sucking and hissing broke the silence. I stopped a couple of paces from Bart’s bed to gather myself; my lungs were tight with the effort of not crying. My godson, who I’d last seen full of life and bouncing into the sickbay at school to visit Poppy, was lying motionless on his back with his head turned towards his mum. But his eyes were unseeing. His hair had been shaved and there was a huge dressing on the back of his skull. His face was covered with an oxygen mask, he had cannulas in both hands and two IV drips stood between the bed and a bank of flashing monitors. My legs trembled as I approached.
The nurse sitting at the end of Bart’s bed looked up with a smile.
‘Anna,’ she said softly, shaking my friend’s arm. ‘Visitor.’
‘Hmm?’ Anna peeled herself up from the bed. Her face crumpled as she turned and saw me. ‘Hetty. My boy, my beautiful boy.’
I dropped to my knees in front of her and held her close and cried with her while she sobbed soundlessly into my neck. All the time, she kept Bart’s hand in hers.
‘I’m here. It’s okay, it’s okay,’ I soothed.
‘Yeah.’ Her eyes were red and her nose was running. ‘He’ll probably wake up any second and tell me he’s been listening to me the whole time, won’t he?’
‘I hope so,’ I said, smoothing her damp curls from her forehead. My heart went out to her, I couldn’t imagine being in a worse situation than this.
The nurse handed us both tissues.
‘Thanks, Kelly,’ I said, reading her name badge.
‘This is my best friend, Hetty,’ Anna mumbled, swiping at her face. She looked exhausted.
Kelly smiled at me. She was about my age, with her blonde hair tied neatly back in a ponytail. I didn’t know how she did it: look so calm and serene whilst sitting watching a fourteen-year-old boy fight for his life. But I was glad she did; I drew strength from her and bent over Bart. I kissed his cheek and then pulled up a chair.
‘Anna, Bar
t is a fighter, he’ll pull through this, won’t he?’ I looked at Kelly for answers.
‘We’re doing everything we can to give him the best chance of making a full recovery.’ The nurse stood and moved to take readings from the monitors at the head of the bed. She checked the cannulas and made notes. ‘His obs are good but we’ll know more when we get the CT scan results.’
Anna gazed at her son.
‘I don’t know what I’d do. I just …’ She did a hiccupping sob. ‘I’d do anything to swap places with him.’
‘I know.’ If anything like this happened to Poppy, I didn’t know how I could bear it. My chest was tight and I forced myself to take deep breaths.
She leaned her face close to his. ‘Bart darling, can you wake up? It’s Mum, come on, open your eyes. Joke’s over.’ She attempted a half-hearted laugh but her cheeks were wet with tears.
Kelly placed a hand gently on her shoulder. ‘We’re keeping him asleep for now, Anna, remember? He’s sedated for his own good.’
Anna nodded blankly at her. ‘Course he is, I just … I, I, everything is so blurred.’
Kelly and I exchanged concerned looks.
‘Why don’t you two ladies go for some tea?’ she suggested. ‘Bart and I will be fine.’
Anna shook her head. ‘He might wake up. I want to be here when he wakes up. He has to know I’m here, I’m all he’s got.’
I shot Kelly a grateful smile for trying. ‘Perhaps I’ll manage to persuade her when the doctor’s been.’
Kelly looked across as the door to the ward opened. ‘Speak of the devil, or should I say God, here he is now.’
A clean-shaven man with dark skin, strong brows and thick glossy hair strode over.
‘Bart’s mum?’ He looked from me to Anna.
She sat up to attention and swallowed hard. ‘Yes? I’m Anna Croft.’
‘Dr Parr.’ He held out his hand and Anna grabbed it and held it with both of hers.
‘What’s happening? What’s wrong with him? Is his skull fractured? And please don’t fob me off, I’m a nurse.’
‘Okay.’ The doctor nodded. He handed his notes to Kelly and squatted down in front of Anna, balancing his elbows on his thighs.
‘Right, Anna. He hasn’t sustained a fracture, but there is some swelling on the brain at the back of the head where he suffered the injury.’
She whimpered. ‘Oh God.’
‘However,’ he continued, holding her gaze, ‘apart from the contusion, the scan hasn’t shown anything that would indicate lasting damage.’
‘Why is it swollen?’ I asked, adding, ‘I’m not a nurse.’
He scrunched his brows together and then turned to Kelly. ‘Pass me the notes please, Nurse.’
She handed him the clipboard. He flipped over a piece of paper, drew a cloud-like shape on it and held it up to show us.
‘A contusion, like Bart sustained, causes localized swelling. But the brain is very good at compensating for itself. It’s made up of four areas, see?’
We both nodded and he separated the shape into four. ‘But if one experiences trauma, as in Bart’s case, and swells,’ he adjusted his diagram to show one larger area, ‘the other parts can reduce in size temporarily to compensate.’
‘So he’s going to be okay?’ Anna’s eyes bored into him. ‘Is that what you’re saying?’
I held my breath and wrapped an arm around Anna’s shoulders, willing Dr Parr to say what Anna needed to hear.
He gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I’m saying we’re confident that there are no secondary injuries and that there is no evident medical reason that Bart will remain unconscious.’
Anna started to cry softly and nodded her head. ‘Thank you, Doctor.’
‘When do you think he might wake up?’ I asked, passing Anna another tissue from Kelly’s box.
Dr Parr stood up and scanned through the notes on the clipboard.
‘Right now, it’s all about neuro protection,’ he said, ‘giving Bart’s brain the optimum conditions to rest and avoid stress. We’ll keep him sedated to give him recovery time. Then tomorrow we’ll withdraw the sedatives and monitor him closely.’
I looked at Bart, at the fuzzy hair on his chin, his long blond lashes and high cheekbones, just like his mum’s, and felt a swell of love for my sweet, kind-hearted godson. He had such a bright future ahead of him and I willed him with all my heart to get better as quickly as possible.
‘In the meantime,’ the doctor said, looking at me, ‘he is booked in for surgery on his ankle. I suggest you try to persuade Anna to rest while she can. I’m afraid the waiting is going to be excruciating for her.’
‘No way. I’ll be here the whole time,’ said Anna, not lifting her eyes from her son. ‘I’m not leaving this hospital until I can take Bart home with me.’
‘Thought you might say that.’ Dr Parr smiled. He patted Anna’s shoulder gently. ‘In that case, I’ll leave you in Kelly’s expert hands and I’ll see you tomorrow.’
The doctor left us then and Anna and I leaned closer and hugged each other.
‘I’d better go too,’ I said finally. ‘I should get back to the farm and sort out—’
My voice broke off. I’d been about to say the trailer. Goodness only knew what state the yard would be in after it had tipped up. And I’d still have farm chores to do. But I closed my mouth; the last thing Anna needed to hear was about the details of the accident. I was half surprised she hadn’t mentioned it. But as I looked at her, her eyes trained on her son, I realized that none of that mattered right now. She didn’t have headspace for anything else; she didn’t care how the accident happened or who was to blame, she just wanted her boy back.
‘Of course.’ Anna smiled at me sadly. ‘Your family need you. It’s times like these I wish Bart and I had a proper family around us.’
I fought hard to hold back the tears as I stood up. ‘There’s me, Anna. You’ll always have me.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
‘No matter what?’
I wiped my eyes, kissing her one last time.
‘No matter what.’
Chapter 23
The next morning was Sunday. I set off early for the hospital in my Renault. The petrol gauge was almost on empty, but none of the petrol stations were open yet. I had enough to get myself to the hospital, but I’d have to stop on the way back. The roads were quiet and I got to the hospital in no time despite it being so far from home. I picked up a takeaway coffee for Dan from the café on the ground floor and headed to his ward.
I found Dan out of bed and pacing the floor in borrowed pyjama bottoms. He looked like a caged tiger, but sexily so with his tanned, naked torso and arm still pinned up in a sling, and despite his evident frustration at still being here, I felt a flicker of desire for him. We kissed and then he took the coffee from me gratefully, telling me that he’d hardly slept a wink because of the noises that continued all through the night.
‘I don’t suppose any of us slept much,’ I said, setting two bags down on Dan’s bed. ‘I lay there worrying about Bart and Anna and you, of course. Viv stayed over. I think she got up and put the kettle on. Then Poppy crept in beside me for a cuddle at dawn this morning.’
One of the bags I’d brought contained a clean set of clothes for him, the other was full of Anna’s things. I’d been around to her house last night. It was a good job I did, she must have left in such haste that she’d forgotten to lock the door to her cottage. I’d tidied her abandoned kitchen and then gone upstairs and packed toiletries, make-up and several outfits, all the while telling myself that she really wouldn’t need so many clothes because Bart would soon be home, and I’d tell her the same when I saw her.
‘Anyway, how are you? How’s the shoulder?’ I asked.
He pressed a finger to his muscle. ‘Sore. But the drugs help. I’ll be fine once I’m home.’
He pulled the curtains closed around his bed and tried to unzip the bag I’d brought. I jumped up to help him
. I put my hands on his waist and slowly pushed his pyjama bottoms down an inch, letting my fingernails graze his hips.
‘You’ll get me into trouble,’ he murmured with a grin.
‘So?’ I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him and he responded, sighing with pleasure.
‘The sooner we get home the better,’ he said, cupping my face with his one free hand and pressing stubbly kisses to my neck.
‘Promises, promises.’
The curtain was whisked back and a male nurse poked his head in and smirked at us.
Dan and I laughed guiltily and stepped away from each other.
‘Want a hand getting a shirt on over that arm?’ the nurse asked. His badge announced him as Chris.
‘Please,’ said Dan, yanking his pyjama bottoms back up. ‘All my wife is managing to do is lead me astray.’
‘Sorry,’ I said with a chuckle, ‘we’ve had two nights apart. Which is rare for us. I’ve missed him.’
‘Don’t apologize for a happy marriage, it’s music to my ears,’ said Chris. ‘You’d be amazed how many couples row in here, even though one of them is in hospital.’
Dan and I exchanged smiles. The nurse untied the sling and slipped a shirtsleeve slowly over Dan’s injured arm and shoulder and I waited in the visitor’s chair out of the way. I felt very fortunate; despite our quibbles recently, we did have a happy marriage. Thank goodness Joe had interrupted Gil and me when he had. London already seemed like a distant memory and if it hadn’t been for the Facebook friend request from Gil last night, it could almost have been a dream.
‘How’s everything at home?’ Dan asked, his words shaking me from my thoughts.
‘Loads better than I’d expected,’ I said, taking a sip from his coffee.
And while Chris removed Dan’s pyjamas and helped him into jogging bottoms and trainers, I brought him up to speed with the farm.
Our friends and family had rallied round and come to our rescue yesterday and when I’d got home from the hospital the strength of the community had reduced me to tears again. Tim had gone over to Sunnybank Farm after Naomi had collected Poppy and found poor Cameron trying to finish the job by himself. Between them they’d locked everything up and then Tim had driven him home. Cameron had been shaky and worried about the damage he might be blamed for but Tim assured him that he had nothing to be concerned about and we’d all been proud of the way he’d conducted himself. When Naomi got back from dropping us at the hospital, she went out on the quad bike with the dogs to check the sheep, and then Dan’s friend Ian had turned up on his big tractor. He’d brought a couple of other men from the village with him and between them they’d righted the livestock trailer and parked it out of harm’s way. The metal sides were twisted, but it wasn’t a write-off. Ian’s wife Jayne had put some chicken noodle soup in the bottom oven for us and left a fresh crusty loaf. And when I’d got back with Viv and Poppy, the yard looked as if nothing had happened. Even the chickens had been put away for the night.
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