“That’s really kind of you but you’re a stranger. I can cut classes tomorrow afternoon to come get her.”
Derek snorted. “Don’t inconvenience yourself and tell your parents the same. Like I said, she’s already here resting, her things are here. I’ll have her call you when she’s feeling better.”
He snapped the phone closed, effectively ending the conversation. Ten seconds passed before the phone began vibrating again. For all he cared Deja’s sister could leave a voicemail.
Derek fished four aspirin out and popped them in his mouth. Steam coated his glass shower stall reminding him to quit wasting his utilities. He dropped his pants, then stepped in to let the spray douse him. Piping hot water hit his sore body.
Too bad the water couldn’t wash away the day’s problems.
Think Derek. As the water cleansed his body, he recited the Serenity Prayer, to gain perspective. For the first time in his adult life utter exhaustion took its toll. Both mentally and physically, he went on autopilot, chanting the mantra over and over again as soap churned down the drain. As he wiped a hand through his wet hair, the one scar left on his body reminded him of life’s miracle. One day, he’d open up, share his past with Deja, but only if she gave him reason to. He turned the running water off and opened the stall, reaching for his towel. Careful not to make too much more noise, he dried quickly off and discarded the towel down the laundry chute.
The rest of his nightly routine took only a few minutes. Once he finished, he padded over to his bed and climbed in, moving in deliberate slowness to get comfortable hoping not to wake up the snoring Deja. She moved, then resettled, stopped snoring and sighed lightly. He watched her in the darkness, not able to really see her, but gazed at her form all the same. She murmured something intangible before rolling toward him, tucking her chin against his chest.
“I’m sorry,” her whimsical sleepy voice filled his ears.
“I know.” He closed his eyes and counted sheep until sleep came.
Chapter Four
The morning came bringing a sleeting hail. Deja woke up curled against Derek’s hot body, feeling more rested but unsettled. Until she got a load of Derek’s appearance. Call it cowardice but seeing his face cut up while recalling his haunted and hurt expression her words wrought had her scrambling from the bed. When he didn’t move a stitch, she breathed a sigh of relief, letting her shoulders slump, and then left in search of coffee in his kitchen.
The aroma of hazelnut roasted beans saturated the air with the decadent scent of her addiction. Coffee, sweet coffee, so heady, so explosive on the taste buds. The feel of the hot liquid sliding down her throat brought a different type of lusty moan from her lips.
Deja sat mesmerized by his coffee machine. Someday she’d get one that did everything and made close to no sound. Hers could be heard slurping a mile away before spitting coffee into the pot. His made a quiet hiss as it released into a different part of the machine and flashed red when done. All the waiting made her antsy. His coffee selection came from a local roaster blended specifically for him. She’d be lying if she said after a few of their dates, his coffee hadn’t sealed the deal for her staying overnight.
Ohhh yeah.
She popped the cup under the spigot, watching the dark liquid fill her ‘I’m the best’ sixteen ounce coffee mug. Still moving in a fog, she left briefly to fumble around his refrigerator for her favorite cream. Derek drank his black, how or why she hadn’t the slightest. Cream was a staple in her eyes. After she found the vanilla flavored mixture, she spun and stopped dead in her tracks.
A thousand things ran through her mind. She didn’t deserve his love or loyalty. Not after her insane cruelness. Yet he came home and didn’t kick her out. Instead he enveloped her in his strong arms. She remembered whispering sorry in the early hours. In the aftermath—broad daylight, figuring out where they stood, terrified her. “Mornin’.” Derek stood before her in a pair of boxer briefs. She loved the stretchy material on him, hugging his muscular legs. When she dragged her gaze back from his lower half she noticed an odd expression on his face. “What?”
“You’re drinking coffee?”
“Of course, I do every morning.” She poured a generous helping of cream into her cup. Just then her stomach grumbled. Taking a quick glance, she spied bagels on the counter and crossed over to snag one. “Want one?” she asked, watching him ransack his cupboard.
“Uh, sure. Here’s the decaf.” Derek pulled another bag of coffee out.
“I made coffee Derek.” Deja dropped the two split bagels into the four toaster slots and selected level four for crispy slices.
“It’s caffeinated baby.” He slid an empty mug under the pot, drained the rest of the coffee, and then dropped a brief kiss on her downturned lips. While he assaulted her mouth with his, he dumped her cream and coffee down the kitchen sink drain.
“Hey! I was gonna drink that.”
“Whole point of wasting the cup.” He pushed out of her reach, quickly dumped grounds out of the reusable filter and ran the basin under water.
“Give me your cup.”
“Deja, just wait a few minutes, you’ll have your coffee. I keep some decaf on hand for mornings when I don’t want a caffeine rush but still want to enjoy the flavor.”
Deja sucked a breath in. “Decaf, is sacrilegious. You are no professional connoisseur.” She could feel the blood leave her face at the thought of drinking tainted java. Derek just looked at her like she’d lost it and then turned to fill the grinder with the new beans. God, she hated when he wore that specific expression.
“You’re pregnant. There will be some changes you’ll have to make if you plan on keeping our child. No caffeine product is one of them.
“I hadn’t thought of that. I guess we should make an appointment this morning.”
Deja noticed him relax a bit as she moved past to grab the cream cheese out.
“Good. I want my two most important people healthy.”
“Derek. I don’t know where the abortion outburst came from. I didn’t mean a word of what I said to you. I’m ashamed for freaking and panicking. You didn’t deserve what spewed out of my mouth. I’d never abort a baby let alone yours.”
“Thank you for that. Now, let’s have breakfast. We can talk.” So he didn’t exactly accept her apology, but acknowledging was a start. She’d find a way to show him the love she felt but was incapable of copping to.
“About what?” Deja had to admit the decaf smelled as decadent as the regular, she only hoped it tasted the same.
“The white elephant in our life.” Derek rinsed out her glass and filled it back up for her. He handed her the creamer while he took his now slathered bagel.
“Idioms?” She layered her own with generous dollops.
“If the saying rings true. There’s something you either don’t want to talk about or don’t know how.” Derek grabbed his cup and joined her. “I know you Deja. I know when you’re hurting, when you’re stressed, or worried. Every time I attempt to get closer, bam a wall slams up. Never in private but always in public.”
“It’s too complicated Derek. I’ll figure things out.” She didn’t know how to bridge the culture barrier with her family. She worried about how they’d treat not only him but their child. Denial meant she’d be able to ignore the issue for a while longer.
“You’re so good at avoidance and refusing to communicate.”
“Yep.” Her hands shook as she poured the creamer into her coffee. Ignoring him didn’t work. He resembled an immovable mountain.
“Can’t fix an issue if I don’t know what the problem is.”
Deja took a long drink of her coffee. “You can’t fix the color of your skin. Unless you can turn black. I once had a light skin boyfriend…even he wasn’t colored enough. My parents, grandma, aunts and uncles all feel the same way. Although that was years ago. I doubt anything has changed.” She paused before continuing, struggling for the right words to make him understand her plight.
> If he can’t use your comb don’t bring him home.
“Even at school, girls from families like mine didn’t date high toned men, no matter how intelligent, athletic and sexy they were. Skin tone defined them, at least by relationship standards. It’s horrible and at the same time such hypocrisy when those same guys are reamed for finding women of other races to love them. How some of us treated men of our race was a shame. Instead of giving them the same chance we failed to show them respect for being men, turned them down flat and then went postal and judgmental when they found love elsewhere.”
Derek put his cup down. “That’s what you’re freaked about?”
“My family isn’t pro inter-racial relationships if you heard any part of what I just said.”
“I’d be a liar if I said the color of your skin wasn’t what attracted me to you initially. I love the tone of your skin, the flawless dark pigment. Your dark brown eyes, full lips I love to kiss. I mean your prickly nature took a while to grow on me, but I found your spark and bite sexy. Once I got to know you, your drive for success heaped on top sealed the deal.” He could dissuade her worse fears with his seductive tone when he wanted. Deja cleared the erotic vision from her head to concentrate on their topic of discussion.
“You know you’re the first white guy I’ve dated. I don’t think about your color until I think about the reaction of my family.”
“Ahh. This is the same family who wouldn’t make time to rearrange their schedule to see that you were taken care of?”
“They’re just busy Derek, that doesn’t mean they don’t love me.”
Derek sighed.
“What?” Deja polished her bagel off and moved to make another one. Anything to put a small bit of distance between them.
“You’re a strong woman Deja, your strength one of the reasons I fell so hard for you. I can’t imagine you letting anyone dictate anything to you, most of all who you choose to be with. We can’t help who we fall in love with.”
Deja shrugged. “They’re just old school okay. In our culture less than three percent of black women marry into our own race.”
“Times change and adapting is necessary. I’m not letting you go Deja. What’s the worst they can do? What are you afraid of?” He rose to place his hand over hers.
“Hurt you.” She swallowed past the hard lump in her throat. “Crack inappropriate, mean jokes—ones that’ll make our life unbearable.”
“That’s all?”
“Hate me.” Tears filled her eyes. “Being the target of their hate will kill me. Family is everything. I am not as strong as you think. Their approval means the world to me.”
Derek tipped her chin up. “Hey baby, if they hate you for loving me that’s on them. We’re a team. We’re about to have the greatest miracle.”
“I know but—”
“Shh.” He pressed his fingers to her lips. “Why don’t we not worry about that bridge until we cross it, okay?”
“I’m just scared.” As she felt her mouth wobble, Deja wished she didn’t feel like a goddamn crybaby.
“It’s okay to be afraid. Deja we have plenty of time to deal with whatever they toss our way. Do you trust me?”
“Of course.” She sniffled.
“Then let me take care of you. Please.”
He wore the devoted look well. His sincerity cracked through her defenses, warming her heart. She didn’t deserve such a good man, but she didn’t want to lose him either. She’d never find someone like him again. Not if she searched for the rest of her life. Deja planned to have a family one day, when she’d accomplished her goals. Life just didn’t work out the way she’d expected. “I need you.”
“Babe, I’ve been waiting too damn long to hear those words, but they were worth every minute.”
Deja laughed, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“I promise you we’ll be okay but we have to talk our problems out.”
Her gaze fell to the scrapes dotting along his knuckles as she pulled back to the table. “What happened to you last night?”
“Couple of asshats at Donato’s club.” He shrugged and drained his coffee. “More?’
“You…got into a fist fight with someone?” She sipped her coffee. “Not yet.”
“Yeah, some guys looking for trouble.”
Deja peeked over the rim of her coffee tumbler at him. “Guys as in plural?”
“It was nothing sweetheart.”
“Your face is broken.” She finished her drink and slid her cup to him.
“I broke your heart and then you went out and broke your face.” Guilt assailed her. “I’m so sorry I pushed you to that.”
“Deja, the only thing you did was push me to leave the condo before I said something we’d both regret. I chose to go to the club and thought about having a drink. I didn’t though. I just stared at it. Once I thought about what drinking would cost me I couldn’t go over the edge. Either way, your words cut, but nothing you did caused me to fight. You can’t be responsible for guys who decide to be pricks.”
“You got your lip busted though.” Deja blanched. “I hate the thought of you getting hurt or being beat down.”
Derek filled her cup first, then his. “Love, they didn’t beat me down. Got a good lick in, but not felled or beat down.”
“You’re not a fighter Derek.” She touched the forming scab gingerly.
“One day we’ll talk about my past, but not now.” A haunted look shimmered in his eyes and then was gone. Derek distracted her by taking her palm in his hand and kissing it.
“You’re right, we don’t really know much about one another.” She inhaled. “Smells the same and doesn’t taste too bad.”
“Good.” Derek smiled.
His smile reminded her of a bright sunny day. His dimples showed making him seem more boyish than man, more relaxed than serious. His eyes lit up and he just looked fabulous. When he beamed at her, her insides melted. For a minute, her stress went away. If only he could smile twenty-four/seven. His lips on her palm made her heart flutter and her sex clench.
While she drank, she’d nabbed the yellow book and thumbed to the physicians section. “I do need someone. I think there’s a women’s group not far from here in Kansas City.”
“A what?”
“A women’s group. Midwives instead of traditional doctors.” Deja helped him scour the pages, looking for the name.
“How far away is the office located?”
“Maybe twenty minutes.”
“Highway miles?”
“Yeah. Here, have a look. Midwest Women’s Place.” She scrolled for the number.
“I just want to make sure you’ll be okay. Anything out of town makes me nervous.”
“It’s closer than an in-town place. The closest here is about thirty miles away, with stoplights too.”
“You’re the local.” Derek flipped his phone on. “Shall we call now? We can go see them. If they’re a good fit we’ll consider them for your maternity care,”
“Sure. Derek?”
“Hmm?”
“I meant to ask you, what did you mean by my family wouldn’t rearrange their time to take care of me?”
“When I got home your phone kept vibrating so I answered. Your sister was on the line, telling me about how hectic everyone’s schedule was. She said she’d ditch her afternoon class since no one could come get you for a day or two.”
“Oh.” Deja frowned.
“Doesn’t matter Deja, I’m glad you were still here. I’d worry if anyone but me got to take care of you, or someone I trusted or hired.”
“No. It’s just disappointing.” She pushed her coffee away.
“What love?” Concern laced Derek’s voice.
“They never make time to help me. This isn’t the first time. I dislocated my shoulder once, and had to take the bus home from the hospital.” The hurt of her family’s selfishness and nonchalant attitude about her wellbeing was a crushing blow.
“How’d you dislocate your shou
lder?”
“An ex-boyfriend wrenched it during a heated argument.” Her admission must’ve startled him, because his eyes got big and color flushed across his face.
“Who was it, so I can pound him?”
“He’s not worth the anger. My family doesn’t even talk about it except for when it first happened. My grandma asked what I did to piss him off. My mom and dad pretended nothing happened. ”
“Why would your family condone abuse?” Derek snarled.
“Down boy. I think they were in denial. Grandma is from a different time. We were young, both finishing college. He had a bright political future planned for us with his charming attitude. Not to mention, he had the body of a male model. Suave charm can be disarming and misleading. We dated for a few years and during the end of our relationship, his true colors came out. No one knew he had the temper of a viper and riled too easy. And that’s just when he was sober. Drunk, he became a monster.”
“And?”
“I left him immediately. He’d given me an engagement ring. After I got out of the hospital, I gave him back his ring and told him I’d cut his balls off with garden shears if he ever came near me again.”
Derek exhaled.
“It’s okay big guy. I do know how to stand up for myself.”
“Practice makes perfect, next is having a sit down with your family. I have to be honest with you Deja, I don’t hold much respect for them.”
“I know. You‘ve had this I could kill every one of them look on your face all morning. I enable them though, so everything is as much my fault as theirs. I should’ve quit helping out years ago. Giving up so much for them is what’s crushing when they can’t have my back when I need it most. At the same time, I feel good giving to my siblings. They’re as much my children as my mother’s. I spent the most time with them, know everything about each one. I bend backward to make sure they’re okay, not out of wanting to gain something, but out of love. Their devotion has strings attached it seems. But they’re still family at the end of the day when all is said and done. You’re an only child. I wish you’d have had a bigger family to understand the dynamics. Family is complicated. Nothing is simple.”
Only Skin Deep Page 10
