“I know, Nitika, and I’m so sorry, but it’s part of the process we have to go through to heal her. Especially since we’re hoping to do this stem cell transplant. The chemo must be completed first, then the whole body radiation.”
“How many more rounds will she have to go through?” Javier asked while continuing to gaze at her mother. She was still looking forlorn, lost. This discussion had to be tearing her apart.
“Not sure yet. But I definitely want to get you tested as soon as possible to see if you’re a possible match.”
“Can we do it today? Now?” Nitika asked, her hands shaking.
Javier nodded in agreement. “I’m ready.” He gave her a wink which seemed to settle her down a bit.
“Let me make a couple calls. The lab usually wants a heads up before I send someone to them for this test. Can you excuse me for a sec?” The doctor turned to his phone and made a call, allowing Javier time to talk with Nitika.
“How are you today?” He wanted to slap himself for that inane question. One look at her and he could see she was barely holding it together.
“Well, I’ve seen better days. At least she got some rest last night.”
“How about you? Did you get some sleep?”
“A couple hours, I guess. Since her room doesn’t have an outer window, sometimes I can’t tell day from night.”
“Do you mind, I mean, can I meet her? I know these aren’t ideal circumstances, but—”
“Of course. After we finish here, we’ll go see her.”
Before Javier could respond, the doctor hung up the phone. “They can do the test in about an hour, okay?”
Javier let out a loud breath and smiled at Nitika. “Sounds like a plan. In the meanwhile, I think I want to meet my daughter.”
“So, tell me how you got the diagnosis?” Javier speared Nitika with a quick glance as they walked toward Tesia’s hospital room. She hadn’t spoken a word since leaving the oncologist’s office, just rubbing her hands and looking at the tops of her shoes. Although they hadn’t spent a lot of time together, he’d noticed she did that a lot.
When he thought she wasn’t going to answer, she spoke, her voice quivering. “She came home from school one day exhausted. Usually Tesia’s a ball of energy from the time she rises in the morning until it’s time to go to bed. Instead of running into the kitchen for a snack, she dragged herself to her bedroom and fell fast asleep. I brushed it off as her having a hard day at school and didn’t pursue it.
“Then I started to notice bruising all over her body and I really got alarmed. I took her to her pediatrician the next day and she ran a few tests. Told me it would take about a week for us to get the results. The very next day she called and asked me to rush my baby to the hospital for more tests. After that, it’s all a blur.” She stopped in the middle of the hallway, pulled out some tissue from her pants pocket and wiped at her eyes. “We’ve been here ever since.”
Javier heart sank listening to how his little girl transformed from a rambunctious five year old to one fighting for her life. And the woman in front of him has to be holding it together by a thread. Why doesn’t she have someone in her life sharing this burden? “How are you doing? I mean, I know this is tearing you apart.”
She took a moment to blow her nose and tossed the used tissue in a nearby trash can. “Truthfully, I’m not. When I’m with her, I do my best to appear strong. It’s a serious struggle, but I’m all she has.”
Javier wanted to say ‘not anymore’ but not now. Not yet. “Any relatives or friends to help?”
“Loads of friends and co-workers, but no close relatives.” She looked away and bit down on her lower lip.
He wouldn’t press her for more details. He didn’t have the right and now was not the time to pry. “What’s Tesia’s favorite color?”
Nitika smiled and pointed to her shoe strings. “Pink, of course.” They both laughed, lightening the mood a bit. “You should see her room at home. Looks like a pink monster invaded it and took up residence. Do you know how hard it is to find pink carpeting?”
“I’m guessing it wasn’t easy,” he chuckled.
“And it had to be a certain shade of pink, too. The carpet folks thought I’d lost my mind, but we found it and she loves—” Nitika choked up and this time Javier didn’t think twice about gathering her in his arms. She struggled a bit but eventually settled, and buried her face into his chest.
“It’s going to be alright,” he murmured while stroking her soft hair. They stood there in the middle of the busy hallway, hospital personnel side stepping them as they hurried to their next assignments. She felt so good in his arms and he tried to hide his disappointment when she pushed away after a few minutes.
“I’m so sorry for that,” she said shakily. “I usually don’t break down unless I’m alone.”
He spied a box of tissue on a table in the corner and pulled out a handful. He took a couple and gently dried the tears on her face. She looked up into his eyes and their gazes locked. Something he couldn’t name was in that look. Longing maybe? Just as quickly though, she turned her back to him and started down the hall. With two long strides, he caught up to her and soon they were in front of Tesia’s room. The curtains were open so they were able to see inside. His throat tightened as he watched a nurse attend to her, adjusting an IV in her tiny arm.
“We need to suit up to go inside,” Nitika said, breaking into his thoughts. They cleaned their hands with a couple squirts of antibiotic lotion, then she handed him a pair of vinyl gloves and a mask which he carefully put on. Once both of them were dressed, he opened the door and allowed her to enter first. He held back and stood to the side as mother and daughter greeted each other with a touch of their hands. He adjusted his mask to hopefully hide the tear escaping from the corner of his eye.
Tesia gazed at him cautiously and turned to her mother. “Who’s he, Mommy? Another doctor?” She squirmed in her bed and tried to sit up a bit.
Nitika gently pushed Tesia onto her back and patted her cheek. She then turned and gave Javier a slight nod of her head. “Um, baby, this is Mr. Crespo.” Her voice shook as she introduced him but she waved him forward.
On unsteady legs, he approached the bed and stood beside Nitika. Javier swallowed noisily before speaking. “Hi Tesia.”
She eyed him for a minute before turning to her mother then back to him. “Are you a friend of my mommy’s?”
Nitika quickly stepped in to take over the situation. “We just recently met, sweetie.”
“Why is he here?”
“Be nice, Tesia.”
Javier cleared his throat and took a seat on the other side of the bed. “Like your mom said, we’re new friends and I wanted to meet you.” That seemed to calm Tesia a bit, but he was entering unknown territory. What had he gotten himself into?
Nitika quickly rose from her chair and walked to the other side of the room to give father and daughter some privacy. Father and daughter. Wow. Those were two words she never thought she’d have to say. The plan to raise Tesia without the assistance of a man was probably in serious jeopardy now.
With them side by side, she could really see the resemblance between them. In addition to having the same hair color and type, they also had the same hazel colored eyes. Yeah, there was certainly a good chance he was her father.
Her friends thought she’d lost her mind when she announced her intention to visit a sperm bank. Particularly Elise, even though her friend knew her history. “Let me hook you up with a friend of mine.” Or her favorite, “There’s no rush. Take your time to find a good man.” Neither suggestion was taken seriously. Nitika wanted to give birth to a child, and other than the sperm, a man was not necessary.
She had few memories of her father, due to his workaholic ways. Sure, he came home almost every night, but only after she’d gone to bed. And he generally left the house before she woke up. No doubt, he was a good provider. But he was a piss poor husband and father. She didn’t need that in her or Tes
ia’s lives.
“You’re nice, Mr. Crespo. Will you come and visit me every day?” That question from Tesia caught her attention, making her head swivel in their direction. Javier looked at her, a questioning look in his eyes.
Nitika closed her eyes for a second, unsure of what to say. Was this man simply passing through their lives, stepping away once Tesia recovered? Until they spoke about this, she couldn’t let her child get her hopes up of having this man in her life. She slowly shook her head and noticed a flash of disappointment in his eyes.
“Mr. Crespo,” a nurse called out from the hallway. “They’re ready for you in the lab.”
Javier patted Tesia on the hand and started for the door. “I’ll be back to see you when your mom says I can, okay?” He glanced at Nitika and winked, sending her heartbeat into a spin.
As soon as he exited the room, she took her place beside Tesia once more. Her little girl lay quietly on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “Are you okay, baby doll?”
“Mommy, how come I’ve never seen your friend before?” she asked in a whisper.
She took her hand and began to softly stroke it. Tesia was a very perceptive child, and had the uncanny ability to tell when she was being handed a story to keep her quiet. Should she tell her that Javier was her father? No, she needed to speak with him first. For now, she’d have to stick with the friend relationship.
“Me and Mr. Crespo met at work,” she smoothly lied, all the while avoiding Tesia’s curious stare. “When he heard about you not feeling well, he wanted to come see you.”
Her daughter twisted her lips but remained silent. Nitika held her breath, hoping she wouldn’t ask any more questions. She let it out slowly when Tesia gave her a short nod of her head.
“He’s a nice man, mommy. He should be your boyfriend.”
Nitika tilted her head and stared down at her daughter. “There will be no matchmaking today, little lady.” Suddenly the machine with her IV began to beep, signaling that it needed to be changed. When a nurse popped in to take care of it, Nitika took the opportunity to step into the hallway.
Would Javier return to the room after the tests, or leave the hospital? She gave herself a mental head slap and turned to watch how Tesia was doing. This man was here for one reason only--to see if he is a match for Tesia. If he was, then once the deed was done, he could go back to wherever he came. If he wasn’t, he could return there sooner. His decision wouldn’t bother her in the least.
“All done,” the nurse said as she exited Tesia’s room. “She dropped off to sleep as soon as I finished. Why don’t you go get a bite, Nitika?”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Javier added as he approached them. “My treat.”
The nurse gave him a megawatt smile as she turned in his direction. For a hot second, Nitika felt a pang of jealousy, but quickly shook it off. “I’m really not hungry.”
“Then go with me and watch me eat,” he teased.
She took a quick look at Tesia and saw that she was sound asleep. What would it hurt to step away for half an hour? “Sure.” After disposing of the medical garb, they headed for the cafeteria.
Chapter Three
“So, tell my why you decided to become a sperm donor.”
Javier almost choked on his mouthful of food when Nitika sprung that question on him. He held up a hand to let her know he was chewing, but it also gave him the time to come up with a coherent answer.
Should he tell her the truth? He had trouble picking it out himself sometimes. Donating sperm during grad school was the thing to do in order to pick up a few quick bucks. The school newspaper was littered with ads for young women to donate eggs for big money and young men to donate sperm for not as much cash. Hey, but when you’re scrounging the couch cushions for extra change, any little bit helped.
But the death of his beloved wife had something to do with his decision to donate, too. He and Candy fell in love at first sight during their last year of college and had an enormous wedding the summer after graduation. She immediately obtained a good job as an application developer, while he started graduate business school. While things weren’t perfect, they were happy. They’d planned on having at least three children, and living out in the suburbs, the white picket fence and everything. Then she got sick, really sick, and all their dreams disappeared. No happily ever after, no kids and finally with her death, no hope.
Now here he was in a similar situation, this time with a child he should not know about, very ill and in danger of dying. Maybe he was cursed. “Um, long story,” he finally answered, then shoved another forkful of Spanish rice in his mouth to ward off speaking any further. That seemed to satisfy Nitika for the time being since she simply nodded and continued on with her meal too.
He had to coax her into making a plate for herself, shaking his head at her skimpy choices. While he piled his tray high with several items from the delectable looking buffet, she only picked up a salad and an iced tea.
“You know you have to keep your strength up, right?”
She quickly lifted her head and pinned him with an icy stare. “You, too?”
“Huh?”
She set her fork onto the tray and took a small sip of her tea. “I get this lecture daily from friends and hospital staff. I’m fine.”
He took the time to examine her clothing and noticed that her blouse seemed to hang from her frame. “You’ve lost weight.”
She opened her mouth then quickly closed it. After letting out a loud huff, she responded. “Yes. Eating is the last thing on my mind now.” She brought a shaking hand to her mouth and looked away. “How can I eat when my baby is suffering?”
Javier’s heart clenched watching her reaction, so much like his during Candy’s suffering. His family practically force-fed him one day after he fainted in the hospital. He didn’t want to leave her side during a particularly harrowing episode, and refused to eat food brought to him. He’d never fainted before, and then realized he was not helping his wife by being stupid.
“How are you going to be there for Tesia if you’re ill?” He slid one of the grilled chicken breasts from his plate onto hers. “Eat.”
With an air of resignation, she slowly cut off a piece of the chicken and placed it into her mouth. He smiled when she swallowed it and quickly cut up the rest. She added it to her paltry salad and before he knew it, finished it off.
“Happy?” she asked once she set aside her utensils and downed the rest of her tea.
“Immensely,” he replied as he speared a piece of the apple pie sitting before him. Instead of putting it in his mouth, he held it out for her. He could see the indecision in her eyes before she mischievously leaned forward and took it into her mouth.
Thank goodness he was sitting down with the table hiding his growing erection. Damn! This was not the time nor the place for this to happen. He’d been without a woman for too long if the simple act of Nitika eating from his fork made him hard.
“That was so good! I haven’t had something that delicious in quite a while.”
“Do you want me to go get a slice for you?” He prayed that she said no to spare him from embarrassing himself in front of a room full of diners.
“No thanks,” she said while patting her flat stomach. “I’m more than full.” She glanced down at her watch. “Will you excuse me? I’m going to call and see if Tesia is still asleep.” She gathered their trays and headed for the exit, while he remained in his seat, watching her swaying hips as she walked away. Not. Good. At. All.
Nitika took a little extra time out in the hall after checking on Tesia. Her little girl was still fast asleep and resting comfortably, according to the nurse. Any other day she’d still rush back to her room and try to catch a quick nap herself. But with a gorgeous man who just fed her a piece of his apple pie waiting for her inside the cafeteria, she could spare a few more minutes.
Swiping her hand down her make-up-free face, she turned to the wall next to the cafeteria entrance, plastered with all kinds of noti
ces. She needed time to get her runaway libido under control. Javier Crespo was making her lose what little mind she had left.
Suddenly a wave of guilt washed over her and she had to lean against the wall for support. How could she have these feelings while her baby was upstairs fighting for her life? What kind of mother was she? Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath and reentered the dining room. She needed to let Javier know she was going back to their daughter’s room. Without him.
With all the best intentions, she marched over to the table where he sat, but stopped short. A couple of what appeared to be student nurses sat at the table, giggling and blushing at something he was saying. The nerve! To his credit, he stood when he saw her approaching. The wide smile on his face though evaporated when he spied the stern look on hers. “Um, you’re back.”
Biting down on her lower lip, she gave her head a sharp nod. “Um, I think I’m going to head back upstairs. I’ll see you later.” She turned to leave but stopped when she felt Javier’s hand on her upper arm. Heat rushed to that spot and it took everything within her to wrench herself free. Instead, she simply stared at his hand until he removed it.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I thought we could stay down here for a little while longer.”
“You can if you’d like. I’m sure your new friends don’t mind keeping you company.” She looked over at the young ladies who boldly returned her stare. Children nowadays!
“Well, if you want to go up, I’ll join you.” This caused the pair to narrow their eyes in her direction. Nitika wanted to stick her tongue out at them, but knew that would be beyond childish. Plus she’d won so there was no need to gloat.
“Nice meeting you, ladies,” Javier said as he pushed in his chair.
“Nice meeting you,” the pair whined in a sing-song voice. As she and Javier exited the dining room, she dared to look back to see them pouting. Good.
“You don’t have to go upstairs with me. It’s a workday, right?”
A Child's Heart: Book Number Two in the Who's Your Daddy series Page 2
