by Sara Brookes
He hadn't been kidding when he told her about his restless night. A raging hard-on had kept him awake for the few hours he'd been in bed. Frustration had forced him into the shop earlier than usual and anticipation had nearly caused him to go insane. The second he'd spotted her in the doorway, it had all been worth it.
When his shift ended, he would call her and make plans to take her to dinner somewhere. Maybe the place where they'd first had dinner since they hadn't been back there.
Nick called out in greeting as he walked in and Patrick filed away any more thoughts about Allison. He needed to talk to his brother about the encounter with Vivian last night. Something still didn't sit right with him about it and he was positive a conversation with Nick would take care of everything.
He checked to see if there were any customers in line and saw no one, then strolled to the back office where Nick sat at the small desk. “Business has been steady all morning.”
“That's good. Have you seen the invoices for the milk deliveries? I think the bill is due in a few days.”
“Uh yeah, third stack on your right, second sheet of paper down. Due next Thursday.”
Nick extracted the thin sheet of paper and blinked a few times after he'd read it. “How the hell do you do that?”
“It's a gift.” Patrick glanced at the oversized clock on the wall behind Nick's head and noted it was just after one. “Hey, listen. Darla's due any moment and she can handle things for a bit. Why don't you and I have lunch over at Wayne's Deli? My treat.”
“I'd love to Patrick, but I've got too much to do.” Paper shifted as Nick lifted another stack of paperwork and searched for something else only he was aware of. “I have got to get all these invoices paid and filed before it gets away from me.”
“Nick, I saw Vivian last night at Rippers.” There was a slight movement as Nick's fingers twitched. If his brother hadn't held the paperwork in his hand, he would have never noticed.
“So? She's evidently free to do what she wants,” Nick finally said after he tossed down the paperwork. His blue eyes closed and he pressed his fingers against the lids.
As much as he hated to see his brother like this, they needed to talk. Vivian's comment couldn't go ignored because Patrick didn't appreciate being held accountable for something he hadn't done. Or at least wasn't aware of. He would admit it if he fucked up, but this seemed to be something else entirely.
“Does that include blaming me for whatever's going on between the two of you? I mean, I don't know about you, but I'd sure as hell like to know what I'm responsible for.”
Nick dismissed his words. “She's just trying to lay the blame somewhere else.”
“For the first time in your life, I do believe you're lying to me,” he said without the slightest bit of happiness in his voice. It bothered him that his brother would dismiss something like this so quickly. If he hadn't run into Vivian last night, he wouldn't have known he was being blamed for their problems. He didn't take kindly to it and didn't appreciate Nick's nonchalance about the subject even more.
“It's my business, Patrick. Back the fuck off.”
Patrick's hand slammed down on the papers Nick had been about to organize. His temper flared to life, which rarely happened because he prided himself on his ability to maintain control. He'd watched his father lose his temper too many times growing up to let it happen now that he was an adult.
“It was your business until your wife called me out and said I was the one to blame for your separation. I think that's plenty of justification as to why I'm owed an explanation.”
“Fine,” Nick said tightly. “Give me twenty minutes.”
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* * *
Chapter Twelve
The smells of various meats and freshly baked bread greeted the men when they entered Wayne's Deli. The last of the lunch crowd still mingled and they settled into a vacant booth across from the gleaming glass case that held pounds of fresh meat. Patrick wasn't particularly hungry, but he ordered a roast beef on rye anyway.
His brother ordered the same before he struck up a conversation. “How are things with Allison?
Ah, the small talk he hated to deal with. This was yet another reason why he hated it. Nick wanted to avoid the subject they'd come here to discuss, but Patrick wouldn't let him get away so easily. “Great, but we both know that's not why we're here to talk. What's going on?”
Nick fidgeted on his side of the booth. Patrick knew he had a right to know why and would wait this out for as long as it took.
His brother sighed heavily and folded his hands on the table in front of him. “I know why Vivian moved out, despite my insistences otherwise.”
The statement confirmed the suspicion he'd had all along. It was a rare instance when a spouse didn't know why their loved one had suddenly packed all their belongings and left. There were always signs, however minute. Nick had to have known, but Patrick had never thought to push. “So you knew. What I can't figure out is why she said I'm responsible for it.”
“You're not, at least not directly. Vivian is mistaken.”
“And indirectly?” Patrick didn't like either choice, but there seemed to be little he could do about it. “Can you please enlighten me so I know what the fuck I did?”
“I told her about Sanctuary.”
Patrick wasn't surprised. It wasn't as if he'd kept the space a secret from Nick. Of course, he'd never told him exactly what went on inside the warehouse. No one had any right to that information other than the four renters and the lovers they chose to invite there.
However, he'd never made it a secret to Nick about his choices either, especially one night when he'd gotten caught at the boarding house their mother owned because Nick had barged in while Patrick had been entertaining. If binding a woman to a chair so that her legs were spread wide could be classified as entertaining.
It had been one of the main reasons he'd come up with the idea for the warehouse in the first place. While the choices he made weren't things to be ashamed of, he recognized the fact not everyone shared his open mind. Vivian had never struck him as a close-minded prude, but stranger things had happened.
“So she's offended by my choices when it comes to sex? Seems like more of an excuse to me.”
Nick kept his voice low as he answered. “She thinks your choices influenced me when I asked her how she would feel about exploring different sides of our sexuality. Find out what sort of things we liked that were something more than just the plain old missionary position. So she's blaming you when she should really be blaming me. I mean, she is blaming me, but you're bearing some of the brunt as well. I told her about Sanctuary because it would be a safe place we could explore...well, I don't have to tell you.”
Nick shoved the rest of his sandwich into his mouth to prevent himself from saying more. Patrick now understood Vivian's vitriol the previous evening. That didn't make it better, but it made him understand more about what was going on between them.
“Christ, Nick. You can't let that be a reason to end your marriage. Can't you try to work it out with her?”
His brother's hair fell over his eyes as his head shook and Nick lifted a hand to push it away. “I've tried to talk to her twice and she's refusing to speak to me. About anything. You can't work out something when the other person simply denies you the right to have your say. Maybe I was wrong for bringing it up in the first place.”
He wanted to tell Nick just how wrong he was. He'd been down the path of trying to make someone else happy and knew that wasn't any way to live your life. It was time to pass on a little tough love.
“So instead you could be in an unhappy marriage? That sounds like a great way to fix it. You know as well as I do that it would just be something else down the line. Some simple problem that flares wildly out of control because other issues aren't resolved.”
“But I'm unhappy now,” Nick protested.
“Very true. However, that can be worked with. If you didn't say
anything—which you have a right to do—you'd be miserable for the rest of your life. Is that what you want?” He could tell he hadn't made his point clear enough. “Remember what you told me when I first said something to you about Allison?”
Nick shrugged and averted his gaze. “Not exactly, but I'm guessing it was about love?”
What Nick had unknowingly done was remind him what a relationship was like. What it meant to think about someone else's needs and wants over his own. It caused him to realize, in a very short amount of time, that he'd found that special place with Allison.
The trouble Nick and Vivian had reminded him relationships, regardless of what stage they were in, required the work of both partners. While the sex with Allison seemed one-sided, it was anything but. She would have never agreed to do anything with him if it hadn't been something she desired in return. He may have taken her to new territory, but it wasn't anywhere she hadn't wanted to go. That was the purpose of the safe word and since she hadn't used it yet, he assumed they hadn't found her hard limit. He'd pushed her a little farther each and every time they were together, but never in any way that made it seem as if he forced her to do it. Based on her reactions, he suspected they'd reach his hard limit before her.
“It goes both ways. If Vivian refuses to talk to you because of some wish or desire you have then maybe it's time to move on.” He certainly didn't condone giving in so easily and suspected Nick didn't either. There were only so many instances, however, when someone could stand next to a wall and beat their head against it. He'd done it enough to know better.
This couldn't have been the first time Nick and Vivian had problems that needed to be resolved as every healthy relationship went through tumultuous times.
“Remember Mom always told us relationships are a two way street especially when it comes to compromise. Jesus, if nothing else, our parent's marriage falling apart like it did should be a reminder of what not do. Mom stayed even though Dad couldn't give two shits about any of us unless we made a handy punching bag. Do you really want that for any kids you and Vivian could possibly have in the future?”
Nick emphatically shook his head. “No, I would never want to wish our childhood on any kids.”
Neither would Patrick. “Then if Viv's not willing to work with you on the issues, there's nothing you can do to force her. In fact, from what it sounds like, forcing her would definitely be the wrong thing to do. Maybe this is for the best for both of you after all. This gives her a chance to move on and find someone she is willing to compromise with. Before you say anything, I agree, everyone should make sort of effort to bend a little, but not entirely. Not if it's a compromise that makes you utterly miserable. Maybe this is your chance to figure out what you're looking for.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Of which I don't even know. I wanted to explore that with Vivian.”
“And she slammed the door in your face.” Patrick studied Nick's face and saw the frustration that painted those lines. Lines that had only appeared recently due to the strain of current events. Patrick knew of something that could possibly help, but found himself hesitant to make the suggestion considering who he sat across the table from him. He wouldn't condone the behavior, but desperate times sometimes called for desperate measures.
“I hate to say it because I would never suggest something like this under normal circumstances, but have you thought about going out to Element Twenty-Six? Not participate or anything, but ask if you can look around to see if it's something that interests you enough to maybe participate in one day. Try to get a sense if that's the option you're really looking for.”
“No, it's too soon,” Nick said in disagreement.
“Which is completely understandable given the circumstances and I totally agree it is much too soon. But it is something to think about for a later point in time.” It was the answer he'd expected. It wasn't that he doubted his brother. In fact, he knew him well enough to know that once Nick made up his mind about something, he was determined to do what he could to make it happen.
Perfect Shot was the best example of that determination.
Above all, he didn't want to see Nick let the current situation sway him if that's the direction his life took. Patrick advocated the need to fulfill your desires, especially if no one got hurt in the process.
“Whenever you're ready, if that's what you really decide you want to explore, let me know. I'll see if I can't work something out for you.” He had no idea how, but he would do whatever it took to ensure something was done. It would make him feel better to know Nick had someone experienced at his side to guide him.
Nick smiled in thanks and pushed away the empty plate that sat on the table in front of him. “You know, I should be the one saying this sort of stuff to you. Be the one giving the brotherly advice, I mean. Looking after me.”
Luckily, Patrick wasn't insulted. There were quite a few instances where he'd stepped up to the plate for Nick, but he wasn't the type of brother who held it over his head. “Why? Is it because you're older? Sometimes older doesn't necessarily mean wiser.”
It was a quiet jab and caused Nick to smirk. It was a nice sight after the earlier tension. The two men had dealt with enough fighting in their life when they were younger, so they made it a point to work things out long before it ever became a shouting match. Patrick's temper at the office earlier had been about as heated as it ever got between them.
“I envy you, Patrick. You've always known about yourself and what you wanted.”
“You have no idea,” He scoffed because life was never that simple. He wished it had been because he could have coasted through much easier. For a long time, he'd been in denial. Luckily, he'd taken his own advice—the very same kind he'd just handed to Nick—and basically gave the world the great big middle finger. No one got hurt and it had always been consensual with his partners.
Do it if it feels good.
Maybe it was a hedonistic approach, but so far, it hadn't failed him. “For a long time, I denied everything completely. Getting where I am now hasn't been an easy journey, but one I don't regret a bit. Especially now.”
The image of Allison formed in his mind and reminded him he needed to get back to the store so he could make sure everything was set up for the rest of the day. It would leave the rest of his night free to do as he pleased.
What he wanted to do was Allison.
He signaled to Nick they should leave, but his brother stopped him with a firm hand on his forearm.
“Thanks. For everything, I mean. For making me talk about this because I've been keeping it bottled up. Most of all for opening the shop with me, I couldn't have done it without you.”
“Of course you couldn't.”
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* * *
Chapter Thirteen
The Copper Nickel was packed to capacity tonight, but Allison and Patrick had been able to find a table in the furthest corner of the main seating area. It backed to the knee-high wall that separated the bar area from the dining room, but the flow of the wait staff was minimal despite the business of the restaurant. For now, the bar area was virtually empty as happy hour was over and the late night crowd hadn't yet emerged.
Allison suspected they would be long gone by then. It had been just over four weeks since opening day of the coffeehouse. Thirty-six days since she'd first laid eyes on Patrick and nearly twenty-fours since his unbelievable phone call. She never would have suspected her life would have made this drastic of a turn during that period, at least the sexual part of her life. Now she couldn't imagine not being with him or his warehouse.
It was her little secret. Both the clandestine room he kept for sexual indulgences and the man himself. Those same pleasures had quickly become the same as hers and she was anxious to return. She'd gone through the day more on edge than ever. She wanted him to tip her over that edge and more than anything, wanted to take him with her.
Since she realized how much he meant to her, constant thoughts
about him occupied her time. While the vast majority of those thoughts were sexual in nature, large portions of them were not. Sometime during the middle of the day, she'd come to the conclusion she was in love with Patrick Conners.
Based on his interests, however, it was something she kept to herself. Her initial reaction to him had been purely physical. It hadn't taken long for him to confess the same and she knew while sexual attraction was important between partners, you couldn't base a relationship simply on sex.
Not a long term one, at least.
For now, the sex suited them both. He found what he needed in her and she discovered new things about herself each and every time they were together—which had been quite a bit. If nothing else, this was a journey where she had learned far more about herself than she ever thought possible.
Despite her thoughts throughout the day, time had taken away the razor sharpness she had balanced on since awakening that morning. Now, instead of a quick release to ease the tension, she wanted a leisurely fuck that lasted all night. He had always anticipated her needs, so she was interested to see what he had in store for her.
The conversation through dinner was quiet and relatively uncomplicated with no mention of the phone call or what his plans were for the night. When the waiter brought their after-dinner coffee, the conversation shifted to familiar territory.
“I've never taken the time to ask you about all of this. My assumption is that you find enjoyment in it as you continue to be a very active participant. But I'd really like to know what you think about all of this. How you feel about my giving you orders and especially about the restraints.”
She thought it over for a few minutes before responding. “It's odd in a way. Not at all what I expected.”
“How so?”
