The Perfume of Silence

by Francis Lucille

  The biggest obstacle on the path is to think that the natural state is necessarily a pleasurable one. In such a case, every state that is deemed non-pleasurable is immediately rejected and we appear to fall from our enlightened state. To surrender the world means that nothing pleasurable attracts us and we feel no repulsion for anything that is unpleasant.

  That is easy under peaceful circumstances. At such times, grace makes everything easy. Nothing attracts us or distracts us. The world is surrendered. The song of the birds, the traffic noises, the fragrance and the temperature of the air we are breathing, whatever we are experiencing in the moment, all come and go freely, without triggering the slightest reaction, without making waves. That teaches us what the enlightened state is like.

  All we have to do is to transpose what is true of the world in such a situation, to the realm of thoughts and bodily sensations. We welcome our thoughts and bodily sensations in exactly the same way as we welcome the song of the birds, the traffic noise, or whatever it is we are experiencing. When the song of the birds, or whatever it is we are experiencing, is present, it is simply present. We have no agenda with it. We don’t do anything to make it appear, to make it stay, or to make it disappear.

  The same thing is true of our thoughts and bodily sensations. There is no attachment. Don’t stick to anything. The song of the birds, the sound of the traffic, our thoughts and feelings, are dreamlike events. In a way, they are non-events because they don’t trigger any activity in us. Of course, if a response is required, then we respond appropriately from this uninvolved perspective, but no trace is left after the response, which could then be a trigger for further thoughts or feelings. We return to openness, ready for the next appearance, whatever it may be.

  How can we transpose this welcoming of sounds in the world to the realm of thoughts and bodily sensations?

  Go back to your actual perception of the song of the birds or the sound of the traffic. See what is going on. All these perceptions are free-floating in space. Ask yourself, “Where do they appear?” If the answer is that the bird is singing 50 feet from here, see that this is not actually your experience, that it is a concept. The actual experience of the sound is happening at a zero distance from you, not 50 feet away. It is not happening there but rather here, always. Everything is always happening here and now. The space in which the bird sings is not a geometric or a physical space. It is a different kind of space, which we could call the “here-and-now space.” Everything that is occurring, is occurring in this space. We could call it consciousness. It is empty, in the sense that we cannot grasp it with the mind. It has no texture, color, shape, or solidity. However, this does not imply that it is not present. Presence is its quality. It is consciousness, awareness, clarity, transparency.

  All thoughts, feelings, and perceptions are free-floating in this space. The song of the birds or the sound of the traffic point towards it. Once recognized, this space becomes very easy to experience. The body (that is, sensations and feelings) and the mind (that is, thoughts and images) are also appearances that arise in this same “here-and-now space.” In fact, there is no separation between the world, the mind, and the body. They are all appearances within this space. See that this space is limitless, because any boundary is simply another perception or appearance within it. The boundary is limited both in space and time, because it has a beginning and an end. This space is unlimited and therefore timeless.

  Now is the key to welcoming the body and the mind. This “here-and-now space” is the key. It is the bridge that enables us to transpose the enlightened state with respect to the world, to an enlightened state with respect to the body and the mind. Let thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations unfold freely in this space, just as you let perceptions, such as the song of the birds and the sound of my voice, freely unfold. Know that they are not separate. This is the experience of our true nature in the presence of objects.

  It is so easy to lose this experience.

  If it seems that you are losing it, just go back to the sound of the birds or the traffic, or whatever it is that you are experiencing, and it will guide you. Allow it to reveal the presence in which it appears. Let it flow through you and see that you are that through which it flows. Don’t fall back into thinking or feeling that something should be different, that enlightenment is for tomorrow. Every “now” moment is an opportunity for enlightenment. Every future or past moment is a non-opportunity for enlightenment.

  This presence is completely independent of whatever is appearing within it, just as the mirror is not stained, disturbed, or destroyed by the images it reflects. This presence is like a mirror without borders. Everything is reflected within it. Nothing limits it. It seems to be contained within the body-mind, but in fact it contains the whole universe and everything that exists. If it could speak it would say, “I contain everything that exists within myself. I am the true nature of everything that exists and you are that.”

  The idea that this presence is limited is simply a limited concept appearing within this unlimited presence. The feeling that this presence is limited is simply a limited sensation appearing within this same unlimited presence. Apart from these superimposed belief systems and contractions, this presence is free from limitations. This presence is our common treasure, our true father and our true, divine mother. Offer your mind and your body to this presence.

  When I meditate I do not experience the feeling that this is pure consciousness.

  That is because you are expecting something to happen. This expectation is an escape from what is. It is an escape from the current situation, from your own fear, from your own sense of lack, from whatever you are feeling. See why you feel that things are not the way they should be. Where does the feeling that something needs to be done, fixed, or perfected, come from? Whenever you feel that things are not as they should be, take a look at the origin of this feeling, instead of becoming its slave and starting the big search for enlightenment. Just see this feeling for what it is. When the sense of lack no longer arises, then you are fulfilled. Fulfillment is the absence of lack. Just enjoy yourself. Be like the baby.

  Sometimes there is nothing, no enjoyment, and the emotions are quiet.

  When you say there is no enjoyment it means that, in your opinion, things are not as they should be. What makes you feel that there is no enjoyment? It is a label that we put on a situation when we feel there is a lack. Explore the lack when it arises; welcome it. Do not do anything to eliminate it, just be interested in it. Let the lack arise without interfering with it, without blindly doing what it tells you to do.

  When I look, the mind seems to block me.

  This lack is not just in the mind, it is a feeling also, a sensation in the body. In order to explore this lack, you have to look in the body as well as the mind. If you completely welcome the lack or the boredom, it may evolve and reveal other feelings. Just let it be present in you, don’t try to eliminate it. It is not going to kill you. It just consists of sensations in the body.

  When I sit on my own without a teacher, I cannot become still.

  Where is it you cannot go? Just start where you are, with whatever is present in the moment. Meditation is like washing dishes; we always start with the dish on the top of the pile. If we start with the dish on the bottom, we are in trouble! The top dish is the one that is appearing to you right now. It is whatever you are experiencing right now. So start meditation in the now, not in the future.

  When I start in the now I feel a drag into unconsciousness.

  This drag is localized in your body; it has a certain texture. At some point, it is accompanied by images in the mind. You have to explore, but don’t be bored or afraid of your boredom or fear. Be interested, because your boredom and fear are resisting this exploration.

  Up to now, the resistance seems to be more powerful than my ability to deal with it.

  Your fear is not going to kill you. Just allow it to be present. It is not a problem. Treat it like a television show.
You must be interested in discovering this sense of separation in yourself. It is this same sense of separation that has made you miserable, so it is important to discover it. Don’t try to go and get it. If it doesn’t appear, just live happily. If it appears and starts making your life miserable, then face it, be interested in it. Do not face it in order to destroy it but rather say, “Show me what you are made of, if you want me to obey you.”

  What is the difference between being interested in a feeling and asking the question, “Who is having this feeling?”

  There is no difference because the feeling of boredom, fear, lack, is the apparent one who is having this feeling. It is the ego. However, in self-inquiry we are not interested in who is having the feeling, but in what is the source of the I-thought, the I-feeling, the ego. It is not about the ego itself. We go upstream from the feeling to the ego and from the ego to its source. When we reach this sense of lack that has no cause, we have already reached the legs and the arms of the ego.

  Is it possible to investigate the fundamental nature of consciousness? Whenever I look and see that consciousness is present, there is, at the same time, always the appearance of objects.

  If there were only the appearance of objects, we wouldn’t have invented the words “I” or “consciousness.” The word “consciousness” refers to that which is present during the presence of objects and between their appearances. In order to answer the question as to whether or not we are a conscious being, we must first go to that place from which the certainty of our answer “Yes” comes. The mind ceases to exist when we reach that place. It has no memory of that place in which it is absent. However, that doesn’t imply that this consciousness without an object is not experienced. When we ask ourselves, “Am I a conscious being?” we pause for a moment and then answer with absolute certainty, “Yes.” What happens in that pause? The mind cannot say because the experience has no objective qualities that can be remembered or formulated. However, it is from precisely this non-objective experience that our certainty is derived. This certainty is very different from the certainty derived from an object-based experiment. Any object-based experiment could be a mirage. For instance, if we say, “I saw my shirt on the bed,” we may have been mistaken. We all know examples of thinking we had seen something, but not having done so. Therefore, object-based knowledge is always under legitimate suspicion, but not consciousness, because we have no doubt that we are conscious. It shines with absolute certainty. It is knowledge of a different order.

  In fact it is not appropriate to use the word “knowledge” in this context because, in our normal understanding of the word, “knowledge” always refers to an object. The words “consciousness,” “love,” “happiness,” and “beauty” don’t refer to objects. The experience they refer to is timeless and objectless, and therefore doesn’t leave any trace in memory, although it transforms the mind. That is what happens when we understand something. In the moment of understanding a sentence for instance, the sentence itself has ended, has ceased to exist. The understanding takes place in a timeless moment when the mind, the content of the sentence, is not present. The mind subsequently reappears with the formulation of the understanding. However, the moment of understanding itself is timeless, it is an experience of our true nature. It is consciousness experiencing itself. After the understanding the mind is transformed, its content is changed. Consciousness has power over the mind, the body, and the world.

  What is meant by saying the world does not exist if I am not looking at it?

  We have to be careful when we say, “The world does not exist if I am not looking at it.” “I” in this case refers to consciousness, so in effect the statement could be reformulated, “The world does not exist if it is not appearing in consciousness.” This doesn’t imply that the world does not exist if it is not appearing in this specific mind. There is a big difference. For instance, London may not be appearing to you right now, but I am sure that it is appearing to a few people. Therefore, to say that London doesn’t exist because it is not appearing to this specific mind, is not what is implied by the statement, “If London is not appearing it does not exist.” Any object is simply its appearance in consciousness. This understanding frees us from the notion of a world existing “out there,” separate and independent from consciousness. It doesn’t imply that the content of the mind is all that exists. It means that all that exists is in consciousness. To think that everything that exists is in the mind, is a position of madness. It is solipsism. For the one who takes this position, everything seems to make sense, but everybody else can see that he is crazy. What we are talking about here is a totally different kind of solipsism. It is one in which only consciousness is and this consciousness is not personal.

  How do we recognize consciousness? It feels as if consciousness recognizes itself.

  Yes, but this recognition is not in the mind. The mind is an agency that can formulate this recognition. However, in the absence of a mind, there cannot be any formulation. However, this doesn’t imply that the recognition has not taken place. Consciousness doesn’t need any agent to know itself. It knows itself by itself. It shines by itself, just like the sun. It does not need an external consciousness to see it. The moon needs the light of the sun to be seen. In this analogy the moon is like the ego. The ego looks like consciousness, just as the moon has a round shape like the sun and seems to shine like the sun. However, the moon is not autonomous; it does not shine with its own light. It is an object that shines with the reflected light of the sun. In other words the I-thought or I-feeling is not the sun; it is only the moon. It requires consciousness to be seen, to shine.

  Consciousness knows itself by itself. We do not need anybody to tell us that we are conscious, we know it. We knew it as a newborn baby even before we knew language. Even before we were born we knew ourselves as a conscious being. We have forgotten that we are this consciousness and have identified ourselves with objects. We think, “I am the body, therefore I am going to die.” However, consciousness doesn’t find itself in a body. The body appears in consciousness, the mind appears in consciousness, the world appears in consciousness. That is our experience. In spite of this, we superimpose the opposite notion onto our experience, that consciousness is in the mind, that the mind is in the body, and that the body is in the world.

  Is it possible for this identification to come to an end?

  Yes, of course, because it is an object. The identification is not real. It is only a belief. The moment we understand that the illusion comes and goes, it is no longer a problem, because it is seen for what it is. When we watch a film on television, we know that it is not for real and therefore we are not truly afraid. We enjoy the film knowing that it comes and goes. It is possible to discover this extraordinary way of being in the world without being of the world. We enjoy the film without being a hundred percent absorbed in it. In the absence of this attitude, we suffer.

  When intense feelings come, they seem to cover everything else completely, and there always seems to be a battle going on between non-identification and getting drawn back into these intense feelings.

  If they really cover everything, there is nothing you can do. Fortunately they are states, so they don’t last. First find the truth when you are at peace. Investigation initially requires peaceful conditions. Once we have understood the nature of these feelings, we can go back to the world and put our understanding to the test. It is easy to be happy in our bedroom. It is less easy to be happy on the London Underground, so use the Underground as an exercise. Do whatever makes you happy, but understand that it is never an object, a person, that makes you happy. It is always the divine presence.

  ***

  Everything I know in life, both within myself and in the outside world, is changing from moment to moment. What, therefore, can be truly relied upon?

  We can be certain of two things. The first is that there is consciousness, “I am-ness,” that we exist. Whatever this consciousness is, it is that which we refer
to as “I.” The second thing we can be sure of is that something exists. When we have any experience, we are sure that there is something rather than nothing. This “something” we call “reality.” We may not be sure what the nature of this “something” is; nevertheless, we are sure that there is “something.” We can be absolutely certain of these two facts alone.

  We are not sure what the true nature of this “I” or this “something” is, but the problem is not our uncertainty. The problem is our pseudo certainties, our beliefs as to what this “I” and this “something” really are. For instance, we believe that “I,” consciousness, is contained within the mind, and that this mind is itself contained within the body. However, if we ask ourselves, “How do I know this?” we discover that there is actually no experiential evidence that corroborates this assertion. It is simply a belief that we have adopted. However, if we adopt what is being said here as a new belief, it makes our case even worse: not only do we harbor the original belief, but now another one has been added to it. So we have to find out for ourselves whether it is true or not that consciousness arises in the body or the mind.

  If we claim that consciousness arises in the body, there must be something present to witness its arising. Likewise, if we claim that consciousness arises in the mind then, prior to its arising, that is, in the absence of consciousness, there must be something present to experience its arising. If there is something present to witness consciousness as it arises, then this something would itself be what we call “consciousness.” If there is nothing present to witness the arising of consciousness, then we cannot legitimately make the claim that it arises in the body or the mind. Therefore, either way, when we say or think that consciousness is in the body or in the mind, it is false knowledge. If we take a closer look as to what this false knowledge does for us in our lives, we see that it generates confusion and misery.