Is that why, when I leave after doing these movements and start to move, I feel disoriented?
Perhaps. Usually, instead of making the required effort for whatever we have to do, we do more than is necessary. As a result, there is a surplus of effort during the activity and this surplus remains after the activity is completed. This residue of surplus effort creates the impression that there is someone doing it. It is the ego. This is true at many levels. For instance, if a child is doing something that is hard work and no one is watching him, he will do it naturally. However, if somebody is watching him, in order to make it clear that he is making a big effort, he will sometimes act in such a way that everyone notices him. It is this acting that creates the notion of a person. We do it unconsciously. To play any sport well, it is necessary to purify our movements from all kinds of unnecessary effort.
It is important not to allow the notion of a separate entity to remain hidden in our feelings and movements. It should be exposed. If we harbor the belief that to be a separate entity is implicit in the fact that we move and feel the body, it will be very hard to be free of this notion in other areas of our life, such as our thoughts.
Does spontaneous action come from totality?
Yes. Ultimately, all actions come from the totality. Spontaneous action comes directly and knowingly from the totality, whereas unspontaneous action comes from the belief and the feeling that I am a doer, and that I, this doer, exist before, during, and after the action. A tennis player provides a good example of this resistance. He may love playing tennis in the heat for three hours, against a tough opponent. There may be a lot of effort in the body, but since he loves playing tennis, he enjoys the game. When he goes home, his legs are tired and his wife asks him to take the rubbish out. It is nothing compared to the effort he was making during the game, and yet now there is some resistance!
The body usually gets overlooked during meditation, which is why it is such a good hiding place for the notion of being separate. This notion of being a separate entity is localized in various parts of the body and often remains undetected, although we may be aware of a vague feeling of dissatisfaction.
We do not see these localizations clearly, and so they remain in a twilight zone and fool us into believing that we are these localizations, that we are the body. The analogy of mistaking a rope for a snake is a good example of this. If there is complete darkness, we see neither the rope nor the snake. In full light, we see only the rope. It is only in the twilight that we think we see the snake. Likewise, these incompletely seen feelings in the body create the illusion that there is someone there, and this in turn gives credence to the notion that I am a separate person. They maintain it as an apparent experience. The moment I completely welcome these sensations, it immediately becomes apparent that they are out there, in the open. How then could I possibly be any of those sensations? They are no more or less myself than the song of the birds.
The fact that other perceptions such as sounds and sights often come in familiar patterns, compounds this sense of being a person. For example, when looking at one’s face in the mirror, the reflection is almost the same each time. This repetitive pattern makes a convincing case for the existence of a separate entity. So, if I am not an individual, why is it that these experiences have such a common thread?
The fact that a pattern repeats itself does not imply that we are that pattern. Every morning, when we go to the bathroom, roughly the same scene presents itself, the toothbrush, the towel, and so on, but we don’t infer from this that we are the bathroom! This repetitiveness creates the notion of a solid object. That is what solid, tangible objects are: highly repetitive patterns. The patterns that appear in dreams have much higher frequencies. They don’t last very long and, therefore, don’t give rise to the notion of a solid object. They change and evolve very fast, so that the time scale of the night dream is very different from that of the waking dream. Everything we see is more or less a habit. The body itself is a habit, molecules dancing in a certain way. However, we shouldn’t conclude from its repetitiveness that we are this body-dance here and not that toothbrush-dance over there. It is strange, but it is meant to be! Its purpose is to create this extraordinary display of Maya. It is not only strange that I find the same body each morning in the mirror, but it is equally strange that I find the same toothbrush there. The toothbrush exists only when perceived. It is created at the moment of perception, then vanishes into nothingness when it is no longer perceived and is recreated when it is perceived again.
***
Is there only one viewpoint? There is an inference that there are many.
If we are open to the possibility that the consciousness from which the question comes and the consciousness from which the answer comes is one and the same, then it will turn out to be so. This is a great mystery. The revelation that consciousness is not personal could truly be called enlightenment. If we understand that everything is consciousness, then this consciousness is actually experienced as the substance and substratum of everything we know, feel, or perceive. However, as long as we still believe or feel that this consciousness is personal, we are not knowingly in the realm of consciousness, and what is being mistaken for consciousness is in fact still the personal mind. At that level, we may have understood that everything is mind, but we have not crossed the bridge. We have to be open to the possibility that we all have this consciousness in common, that we all are this same consciousness. We have to be open to this miracle, to this different dimension, which is the dimension of the sacred. If we are open to this dimension, it will somehow enlighten us. The manner in which we become enlightened is up to that dimension, but we need to be convinced. Then, it will show up. In our dialogues, we use reason to understand that there are no logical, valid arguments or facts to substantiate the claim that consciousness is personal. This is as far as we can go with the mind and it leaves us free. It leaves us open. To prove that it is impersonal is beyond reason. It comes from a different dimension. It comes from consciousness itself, from light itself.
We receive glimpse after glimpse of this, until gradually it opens us up completely and the possibility becomes reality. The understanding is that there is only one consciousness here and also there. In fact, consciousness is always here, but this “here” is everywhere.
All that is needed is to be free from old concepts. That is important. To see that they don’t have any credibility leaves us in an attitude of not knowing, an attitude in which we have forgotten everything we knew, in which we have nothing. That is the meaning of being “poor in spirit.” We know nothing, have nothing, want nothing.
Before initiation in some traditions, one is asked to write a philosophical testament of everything he believes. At initiation this precious testimony gets burnt in front of his eyes. It doesn’t matter what it contains; it has no value. It is a symbol of the fact that in order to receive light or understanding, we have to be in freedom, free from beliefs, open.
It seems that the last freedom we are left with is the freedom to choose a thought or not to choose it.
Do you choose your thoughts or do they come to you unchosen?
My experience is that they come and that I choose whether to welcome them or not.
A thought comes to you out of the blue and the next thought that appears is, “Shall I go along with it or not?” However, is it really your experience that you choose this second thought, or does it just come to you as the first one did? In other words, do you choose the thought that chooses? That is the first thing to investigate. When you realize that you are thinking about something, the previous thought has already stopped. The realization that you are thinking is a second thought. It comes to you unchosen.
Is it valid to try to reduce negative thoughts?
It is valid only if we choose our thoughts. If we do not, then what validity can it have? The most important thing is to get rid of the notion that we choose our thoughts. We are control freaks! The moment we realize that we do not con
trol our thoughts, we completely lose control. When I was a child, there were mock steering wheels for cars so that we could sit in the front seat and pretend we were in control. When we realize that we do not control our thoughts, we change seats! It is an important shift. It is liberating to realize that we might as well stop this unnecessary steering and all the thinking that goes with it.
What is a thought?
The thought that arose just before you uttered this question came from silence. So, a thought is silence with a shape. It is made of silence and is a continuation of silence. When the thought is understood, it dissolves again into silence and in doing so, reveals its meaning, but it has remained as silence all the time.
It has been said that if we give attention to certain thoughts, such as negative ones, we strengthen them.
That is true, but not as a person. As a person, we don’t choose our thoughts. They just come out of consciousness, out of the source. If we say, “Don’t indulge in negative thinking because the more you do, the more it will perpetuate itself,” we are not talking to a person. We are talking to that which truly creates thoughts, to consciousness, to that which has the power to produce or not produce thoughts. It would be meaningless to address the thoughts themselves. Thoughts cannot listen nor can they reproduce! The person is a thought or a feeling that appears from time to time in consciousness. It is an object in consciousness that has no power or facility to hear, choose, decide, or to do anything else, for that matter. Therefore, if we say this, we are really talking to consciousness, not to the person. Usually, it is taken personally and is therefore followed by a feeling of powerlessness, because at some level we recognize that as a person, we can do nothing. However, this saying is not directed towards an individual. It is like a prayer that comes from consciousness and is directed towards consciousness.
Can consciousness be conditioned by saying, “Don’t do this?”
We are just saying, “Stop doing that!” It is consciousness telling itself, “Stop doing that!” Consciousness hears what it is telling itself to do and it can stop because it has the power to stop. This is the efficacy of prayer.
Does one’s own mental activity have the same effect on consciousness?
Nobody owns thoughts. Only consciousness owns thoughts. No private entity owns them.
It seems that for a certain person, the same thoughts keep coming into the space of consciousness.
Yes, at the subtle level, that is what the alleged person is, a certain habitual way of thinking. At the gross level, this person is the so-called body, which is a certain pattern of molecules and cells dancing together.
If what you say is true, then I should be able to change places with you, but I don’t think that would work!
It wouldn’t work simply because you think it wouldn’t work. What makes this perspective seem unlikely is our assumption that consciousness is personal. This complicates everything because, obviously, a personal consciousness could not possibly be that which creates and contains the totality. When we say that everything is contained and suspended in consciousness at every moment, it seems impossible only because we conceive of consciousness as personal. However, if we replace the word “consciousness” by the word “God,” it suddenly feels OK. If we ask why it seems unlikely or impossible when we use the word “consciousness” and yet possible when we use the word “God,” we see that it is because we attach the notion of a separate entity to the word “consciousness,” we always conceive of it as being personal. However, when we use the word “God,” there is the tendency to think of God as being out there, at an infinite distance from where we are, and therefore we lose the sense of intimacy with it. It seems like something beyond our experience.
However, when we talk about consciousness, we evoke this experiential connection with it, because it is our “I am-ness.” Perhaps we should use a different word, like “God consciousness” or “divine consciousness.” If we take the infinite and universal quality implied by the word “God,” together with the intimate and direct connection we feel when the word “consciousness” is used, then we are closer to the truth. It removes the unlikeliness, the impossibility.
***
I understand that there is nowhere to go and nothing to do, but a kind of laziness has crept in accompanied by a feeling that everything is all right.
Endeavor becomes spiritual the moment it takes us beyond the limitations of a personal entity towards the universal. At that moment we become truth seekers. This desire for absolute freedom comes from freedom itself. However, we are so attached to the belief that we are a personal entity, that we are not yet ready to give credibility to the possibility that we are already the consciousness for which we are looking, and that it is our true nature. There is apparently someone who wants to liberate himself from bondage and there is an undertaking aimed at doing so. There are many paths that are offered to such spiritual seekers and they all end up at the same point. When we deeply understand that there is no personal entity that is bound, who seeks freedom, or is liberated, then we are in the final stretch. That is the direct path. It doesn’t mean that everything we have done before was unnecessary. Every single element of the journey was necessary to take us there, but now there is nothing to do. Once we are there, why worry?
A doubt came in that there was something to do.
The idea that there is something to do always arises from the feeling that things are not right as they are, that they should be different. That is what we have to investigate. This idea always comes from the notion that happiness and peace are dependent on circumstances, so that changing the circumstances would enable us to find them. However, everything that is present now is already present in peace. Peace is the universal container of all things. We do not have to secure peace. It is the stuff of which everything is made. When that is understood we no longer try to change things because we realize the situation is already made of peace. It is pure peace.
Does impersonal consciousness take part in the enjoyment? This morning in meditation a bird sang and it was very clear, very beautiful. Then it sang again, and it was just a sound outside and the appreciation of the beauty had stopped.
It is because this beauty is everywhere, but it is not in the object. The object “bird” only celebrates this beauty. If we look at the bird as a potential container of beauty, we lose it, because next time it is going to appear somewhere else, and again the next time it is going to be nowhere and everywhere. It is a game of hide-and-seek that we are playing with ourselves. What we are is teasing us and is appearing in the most unlikely places because of its universal power to be everywhere. If we believe it is in the birds, it won’t be. If we believe it is not in the birds, it shows up there! In this way, it teaches us how to be multi-dimensionally open, without any choosing.
If we are fully aware of a thought, we are free of it. If we were fully aware of the concept of being a personal entity, would we not be free? It is as though the separate entity is not fully looked at.
Exactly. It takes place at two levels, the level of thoughts and the level of feelings. At the level of mind, thoughts arise that involve this notion of being separate. The fact that they arise is not a problem at all. The fact that we give them credibility is a problem. At the level of our body, there are layers and layers of feeling with which we identify. If these feelings are completely welcomed, they lose their power to make us believe that we are these feelings, and we begin to realize that we have always been the welcoming presence in which they arise.
We have to reach the stage when, if asked what we are, no image or sensation could possibly arise to answer the question. We immediately, instinctively feel, “I don’t know.” This question connects us directly with our most intimate reality, free from all images.
The images I have of myself seem to have such deep roots. It seems almost impossible not to think of myself as something.
Welcome the totality of your experience, without interpretation, judgment, comparison, or c
onclusion. Just stay with the facts. Let them unfold. Sit quietly and ask yourself if, in the current circumstances, there are still personal thoughts, personal feelings. It is important to understand that sense perceptions, bodily sensations, practical thoughts, creative thoughts, and thoughts about the truth are impersonal. They are not a problem. What do we do if there are personal thoughts or feelings, such as likes and dislikes or fears and desires, still present? We certainly do not try to eliminate them nor do we try to do what they are asking us to do. We stay on the razor’s edge, neither trying to escape them nor eliminate them, nor do we become subservient to them. Looking for the “pleasant” or trying to avoid the “unpleasant” is not the position of one who is in love with truth. Looking for truth regardless of what is pleasant or unpleasant is the position. It is important to see where you stand in your meditation. Are you looking for pleasure, for states, or are you looking for truth? Be clear and honest with yourself.
When you are really looking for truth, all states become neutral: the pleasant ones cease to be pleasant and the unpleasant ones cease to be unpleasant. What makes the pleasant states pleasant is our attachment to them, our desire to maintain them. What makes the unpleasant states unpleasant is our fear of them. Without desire or fear, the pleasantness and unpleasantness of states comes to an end. Everything becomes neutral. If that is not your experience and you think you are meditating, you are simply telling yourself a story. Ask yourself again, what is it that you are looking for, truth or a pleasant state?
The Perfume of Silence Page 20
