The Perfume of Silence

by Francis Lucille

  Understand that likes and dislikes arise about either images in the mind such as, “he likes me” or, “he doesn’t like me,” or about bodily sensations that are in fact unaccepted tensions. We create the tension in the first place and we then create one more layer of tension by our non-acceptance of the initial tension.

  Usually, we want a result that we can observe. We want to be present when the result occurs. We want an object. See this mechanism. If it were to happen that way, the release of this tension would just be one more object. “Enlightenment” would be simply one more object, one more expectation.

  We are already light. That which is seeing these words right now is the light itself. We are already it and always have been. Let go of everything else, body, senses, and mind. Surrender everything to this light from moment to moment. Don’t desire any privileged directions for the unfolding of the body, the senses, the mind, or the world. Our desire for the situation to unfold in a certain direction is part of the situation. It is this very desire that has to unfold, that has to be released.

  Surrender the body, thoughts, and feelings to the consciousness in which they appear from moment to moment. Meet all feelings, sensations, and perceptions with this benevolent indifference. For a while, they will still arise, but who cares? What is truly present is your presence, invisible yet unavoidable, self-evident, ever-present.

  Just stay in not knowing. Forget, from moment to moment, that which was present the moment before. Let it go. Don’t hold on to anything, any method, any thought, any feeling, any bodily sensation, any sense perception. Let it flow. Make sure that there isn’t a subtle expectation at the level of the body, that some sensation you don’t like is going to evolve in the way you would like it to evolve.

  There is a great freedom in the “I don’t know.” It is such a relief to give up knowing.

  It is beautiful. We are innocent like a child, free from the past, free from the known, free from bondage. That which arises as a result of this unknowing is miraculous, it has a perfume. When we live in this, what we say is meaningless to anyone who takes it logically. You could say that when we know, we don’t know, and that when we don’t know, we know. It has meaning for those who know and for those who don’t! When we are in not knowing, we are at the threshold of the Absolute. From there, we receive everything we need at any given moment. If we need knowledge or intelligence, we receive it. The same is true if we need love or beauty. If we need nothing, we receive nothing. We are connected with the root of everything, so we are in total harmony. That is why we are struck by innocence, for example, a young animal.

  ***

  Sometimes I see “I am” as a function, a witnessing.

  Even if we say it is a function, it is still limiting because it has a dynamic quality to it. It is also a universal rest. In the gospel according to Thomas, Jesus says to his disciples, “If they say to you, ‘Where have you come from?’ say to them, ‘We have come from the light.’ If they ask you, ‘What is the sign of the light in you?’ say to them, ‘It is a movement and a repose.’” Not only a movement, not only a repose.

  It is easy to visualize consciousness as illuminating but not so easy to see that the manifestation is itself that same consciousness.

  The sage Krishna Menon uses the example of faces carved in rock. He says that at first, we only see the faces. After we have enjoyed them for a while, we lose interest, relax the focus of our attention and notice the rock in between them. When we look at the faces again, we see that they are also made out of rock. The faces represent objects; the rock in between the faces represents witnessing consciousness, and seeing the rock in the faces represents the understanding that objects are made out of consciousness.

  It is a bit like a mirror, in that the objects in the mirror are nothing but glass.

  Exactly. Before we realize the existence of the mirror, we are like a cat that sees another cat in the mirror and tries to catch it. When the cat bumps into the mirror, that is the equivalent of realizing the witnessing consciousness. That is Nirvikalpa samadhi, realization of the witnessing consciousness, the experience of the mirror, the subjective experience of pure consciousness. When we return to the images, they are no longer real in the sense of existing separately, outside of consciousness, made out of matter. We realize that they are nothing other than the mirror. That is Sahaja samadhi, our natural state. The repose is the invisible presence of the mirror. The mirror is in fact at rest, but the ever-changing images that appear in it are what we call the mind. The movement also is nothing other than the mirror. We cannot say that there is just rest and no movement. Nor can we say there is only movement.

  If we are the mirror, then we must be everything in the mirror. The mirror is so obvious that it is missed.

  Yes, the mirror is the open secret. In the gospel according to Thomas, it says, “If you want to hide an object, put it in plain sight for everyone to see.” It is the same secret that Lao Tse speaks of when he says, “The Tao that can be spoken of is not the Tao.”

  Does this collection of conditioning and memories, which we call the person, continue when no one is left?

  It is not important whether an I-image is left, but instead whether this concept still has credibility. For instance, I was brought up with the concept that babies are born in cabbages, but having had three children, this concept has lost its credibility! It may or may not arise, but who cares? In practice the concept and the feeling of being a separate person need to be constantly fed and reinforced. When we no longer feed this concept or this feeling, they appear less and less. However, it is dangerous to say “never.” How do we know what is around the corner? It is only the ego that wants this kind of absolute perfection at the level of the body and the mind. If we are truly detached, we have no agenda with the ego, with the thought or feeling of separation, either for or against. It has no power over us. Only the ego wants to get rid of the ego.

  It is a matter of detachment from the concept of being a person that is important. It is the experience of what we truly are that detaches us from this notion. It is not enough to understand the nature of the snake; we have to see the rope. It is not enough to understand that there is no snake. We have to see that which appears as the alleged snake in full light, otherwise, next time, although we may be free from one snake, it will seem as if there is another. This is the direct path. We go directly to our true nature and from there, all the confusion at the level of the mind and the body is gradually cleared up.

  The Desire for the Absolute

  I am not afraid of dying and everything is OK. Is there more than this?

  If what you say is completely true, that you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing more. However, not being afraid of dying has to be understood as much more than simply not being afraid that this body might die. It implies that you have no fear that what you are, whatever that is, could possibly die. This in turn implies that you know for certain what you are. If you know what you are, that you are peace itself, there is no fear, and you no longer fuel the agitation of the mind or the restlessness of the body. Then the awareness of this peace that is inherent in what you are, starts to shine through the layer of thoughts and feelings, and they become thinner and thinner. This means that you have no attraction whatsoever for states of mind, samadhis, or ecstatic states. If they show up, of course you enjoy them, but they are figments of your imagination. It is for you to know whether this description matches the situation you describe.

  It is a relief to move out of the turmoil of desire, but it seems that one is then in a void. Does one need to stay in this void for long enough to appreciate the greater reality?

  There are two kinds of void, objective and subjective. Objective void is simply the absence of an object, for example, an absence of thoughts, sensations, or perceptions. It is referred to as “objective” because the absence of an object still has objective qualities. In other words, you are still looking with the same external sense organs, in the case of an absence of
sensations and perceptions, or with the same mind, in the case of an absence of thoughts, that you were using during the presence of an object. You are still looking outwards in the direction of objects only to assert that there are none. That would be objective nothingness, which is an absence of characteristics. This absence still has a quality, is still a subtle object, and therefore doesn’t have the real perfume. This absence is good for the mind and the body, and you can rest in it. However, you will soon get bored with it and realize that it has no flavor, that it is not fulfilling. After a while therefore, you will start to search for a new, more fulfilling object, and this cycle of searching for objects will continue to repeat itself until you deeply understand that what you are looking for is not an object.

  This understanding paves the way for the experience of what you call the greater reality, the subjective void. Subjective void is the presence in which everything appears, exists, and disappears. The existence or non-existence of any object is irrelevant with respect to this presence. This presence is empty but it is also full. It is fullness itself. It is continuous, ever-present. This presence is the perfume.

  Is the idea to rest as this presence?

  To rest as this presence doesn’t make sense, because we are always this presence, whether we know it or not. However, it would make sense to rest knowingly as this presence. This implies the absence of the notion that I am not this presence, that I am something other than this presence, such as a body or a mind. When such a notion vanishes, this presence shines. It does so because it is self-luminous. It shines by itself. Then it could be said that we are knowingly this presence. The question of resting as this presence takes on a different meaning once we have had a glimpse of it. Once we have had this glimpse, it comes back again and again. It invites us again and again. It invites us by making us aware of the ignorant thought that we are something other than this presence. Then we drop this thought and as soon as it is dropped, this presence is here again shining by itself. The presence is not absent during the ignorant thought; it just seems to be obscured by it.

  We don’t do anything in this presence. It has a dynamism of its own. We appear to collaborate with it, but the very desire to collaborate comes from an intuition of presence itself, from a glimpse. We don’t choose this glimpse, so in fact it is only this presence collaborating with itself in order to reveal itself. There is something that is sometimes described as a deepening of this presence in time, although really that is absurd. It seems to match our experience, but it is not consistent with our understanding.

  In the coming out of what we are not, there is a fraction of a second in which this presence is available.

  Yes, it is very important to have the experience of it in the absence of objects, because from that moment on, we stop being afraid of it and begin to look for it instead. We love it. In the beginning, we don’t have the skill to find it easily, but at some point, our search comes to an end, and it comes to an end in this presence. As we dive more and more frequently and knowingly into this presence, we understand deeply that objects arise out of it. When a fish comes out of water, it is still wet with the water in which it was immersed. Similarly, when a thought, perception, or sensation arises out of this presence, it is still saturated with it. This quality of presence seems to wear off quite rapidly but, strangely enough, it shines shortly before the object merges with presence, as the object vanishes. Therefore, at the beginning and the end of the manifestation of an object, we start to experience this light. It is like an arch that builds itself. At some point, this presence is continuous throughout the manifestation of objects although, at these times, it is more subdued than when we dive completely into it.

  At the receipt of an impression, there is a point at which we give attention. Then there is only that impression arising, and it is strangely attractive. The teaching is that the mind can only have one impression at a time.

  That is true, but this impression can be quite complex.

  Yes, and very fast. However, in placing full attention and almost losing yourself, you experience a sort of ecstasy.

  Yes, but for that approach to be successful, you have to understand that a mere concentration on the object won’t suffice. In fact, it is the opposite that is required. It is a complete relaxation of the focus of our attention from the object itself, that leaves the presence aware of itself, in spite of the appearance of an object. The intensity of an object decreases as it disappears, and our experience of presence seems to become correspondingly stronger. In fact, the presence doesn’t become any stronger; it is just that we are no longer distracted from it by objects. We could compare this to something that occurs during a play. The objects are like the actors on stage. If the play is interesting and we are absorbed in the plot, we tend not to be aware of the set. At the end of the play, all the actors leave the stage and then we cannot help but notice the set. If we see the play often, it may happen that, as the play is about to finish, we relax our attention from the actors and see the set, although the actors are still present. However, once we know the play so well that we no longer have to pay attention to what the actors say or do, we see the set even during the presence of the actors, because we are no longer hypnotized by them.

  ***

  Does mind have a choice?

  Mind has no choice.

  Choice makes it sound like an entity, something or someone who has a choice.

  Consciousness is freedom itself, so it chooses everything at every moment. It even chooses the one who feels that he does or does not have a choice. That feeling is chosen at that moment by con­sciousness. That is why it is so tricky. It is very well made!

  Why would consciousness choose to be depressed or angry or mean?

  It chooses to play this game. It can write it into the play. It writes it out of its own freedom, but it can also stop it at any moment. We think everything is solid, but in fact, everything is just full of emptiness. It is like Swiss cheese. The cheese is the equivalent of this emptiness, which is the true reality of everything. What we see, touch, and think are like the holes in the cheese, the apparent gaps in the continuum of consciousness. It is this continuum of consciousness that gives form to everything that we experience. That which gives everything form is the very thing which we call “I,” that which we truly are. It is this place that cannot be touched, that cannot be reached because it is so close. It is the impersonal “I.” The moment that we see ourselves as personal entities, a dilemma is created. On the one hand, we are aware of our limitations as personal entities, and therefore, there is no freedom. On the other hand, we have this intuition of our innate freedom. Therefore, in contradiction with our experienced lack of freedom, we have the intuition of free will and freedom, and this comes directly from consciousness. This conflict finds its resolution the moment we understand that we are talking about two different worlds, two different levels. At the level of the personal entity, we have no freedom at all; at the level of consciousness, we are absolute freedom. In terms of a personal entity, we cannot understand the absolute freedom that we are. We have to relinquish the notion of being a personal entity and at that moment, we find ourselves as this freedom spontaneously and naturally. Then no question arises.

  Choiceless awareness means awareness that doesn’t have an afterthought. It simply says, “Yes” or “No,” to whatever it has just produced. What is produced is created out of its own will, so there is no second-guessing it. Choiceless awareness sees its own perfection. In the Bible it says that on the seventh day, God took a rest and saw that everything was good. There is nothing to change. Everything is created in the moment, so if choiceless awareness wants to change anything, it just changes it in the moment.

  Does consciousness need to ask questions?

  Consciousness is in fact playing a game with itself. Whatever is being done, consciousness is doing it. What we call “good” and what we call “evil” are equally the deed of consciousness. It is a question of whose ultimate goal consciousnes
s is. Such a question arises out of the desire to experience consciousness. The desire to experience consciousness comes from the experience of consciousness. That is the meaning of the saying in the Bible, “You wouldn’t be looking for me if you didn’t already know me.” The desire for the Absolute comes from the Absolute. Although everything is the deed of consciousness, to seek consciousness knowingly is a special kind of deed. It is not an ordinary type of activity. It comes from grace. Everything is grace, but to seek grace is a special grace.

  What we can understand through words on their own is simply the tip of the iceberg. With feeling and perceiving we understand the rest. We need to be in touch with the totality of our experience in order to be able to welcome it in its totality. As long as there is a lack of welcoming, somewhere we remain stuck with an object.

  ***

  Can you say something about the importance of meditation in relation to everyday life?

  Remember that meditation is not an activity. Meditation is about not knowing, not wanting, not holding on to anything. We are open­handed, open-minded, open-bodied, and open-hearted. If there is agitation of the mind, simply be the witness of it. Practical thinking can be postponed until after the meditation. Higher reasoning, thinking about the truth, can be part of the meditation. Involved psychological thinking can be used to reveal the lie upon which it is founded.

  If there is psychological thinking, ask the question, “Who is this thinking about? Who is the one who is allegedly going to profit from this thinking? Who is the beneficiary?” That immediately switches the involved thinking into higher reasoning, into which it dissolves. Higher reasoning destroys the foundation of false, ignorant thinking.

  Gradually, there is less and less thinkingness and more feelingness. Beautiful feelings, higher feelings, are part of the meditation. The practical feelings tell us a practical message, such as, “I’m hungry” or, “I have pain here or there.” They are analogous to practical thinking. Unless there is an emergency, they can be postponed until after the meditation, and so we are left with involved feelings, negative feelings. These are the resistances, the sense of lack, the drive to do something, the boredom, the doubts, the fear, the desire, the envy. We should not indulge in these feelings but interrogate them directly at the level of feeling, tracing them back to the presence in which they arise.