by Ann Major
“He’s marrying you, isn’t he? He plans to move for your sake, doesn’t he? Since I grew up without seeing much of my father, I can speak from experience. His marrying you will be good for Noah.”
“I know.”
“You feel like getting some air…or maybe dancing?” he asked.
Since Cole was still engaged with Becky, she nodded. “Maybe the fresh air will clear my head.” Smiling, she took his arm.
* * *
The whole time Cole had been surrounded by Becky and several of Lizzie’s dearest friends, he’d been aware of Maddie, who looked vulnerable standing all alone in her dark corner. Before the party, he had imagined her triumphant, dazzling everyone in her blue dress. She was being very brave, but he could tell she was struggling to hold her own.
Thus, at first, he was grateful when his handsome brother brought her a drink. Then his friend Lyle, who’d been watching Maddie the whole night, jabbed Cole and shot him a lewd smile.
“Knowing who she is and what she’s capable of, I’d be afraid to leave her alone for long…even with my brother. They look pretty chummy, don’t they?”
“Would you lay off?” But Cole couldn’t help glaring at the pair.
“If they’re that friendly in public, what do you suppose they’d do behind your back? I hear he’s been dropping by Miss Jennie’s a lot lately.”
“To play ball with my kid.”
“Right.” Lyle chuckled.
Cole watched Maddie incline her head toward Adam, saw Adam lean down to catch what she was saying, saw him smile as he put his big, tanned hand under her arm to lead her out of the room.
Why the hell was Adam taking her outside? Surely they weren’t leaving together? What about Maddie? Didn’t she know she was making a spectacle of herself?
Suddenly doubt had white-hot jealousy boiling to the surface. Clenching his hands, he fought for control.
He trusted Adam. And Maddie…
Then he saw his mother eyeing him triumphantly.
Misreading Cole’s silence as tacit agreement with his insulting comment, Lyle elaborated. “Nobody says you and your brother shouldn’t enjoy her, Cole. We just don’t think either of you should marry her.”
Suddenly Cole’s fist shot into Lyle’s smug jaw with such force he sent the man stumbling backward onto the hardwood floor where he lay spread-eagled, staring up at the ceiling as he rubbed his jaw.
“Damn it, Lyle, don’t you ever say another word about Maddie! Do you hear me? I’m marrying her, and I don’t care what you or anyone else in this room thinks!”
“But what do you think about her, Cole?”
Cole started, aghast at his behavior. Lyle had struck a nerve. Yes, he wanted Noah, and he wanted Maddie in his bed. But would he ever feel sure of her?
As his guests watched in shock, Cole leaned down and yanked Lyle to his feet. “Get the hell out of my house!”
Lyle scrambled for the door. When he was safely out of Cole’s reach, he said, “Did you see that? He hit me! He’s crazy! She’s made him crazy! You’re a damn fool to marry her, Coleman, and you know it!”
Cole raked a hand through his black hair. “Sorry about the disturbance,” he muttered before he plunged out of his house in search of Maddie.
He must have looked upset because when Maddie saw him, she got up from the chair where she’d been sitting beside Adam and ran to him.
“Are you all right?” she cried.
“We’re leaving,” he said.
“Okay, but since this is our engagement party, are you going to tell me why?”
“Because I just lost it in there.”
“He hit me—because I told him the truth about you and Adam. And I told him that he’d be a fool to marry you just so he could sleep with you, and he knows I’m right,” Lyle yelled at her as he roared past the porch in his truck before driving away in whorls of dust.
“Is that true?”
Cole flushed darkly.
“Because of me? And Adam?”
“He said something I didn’t like.”
“And you believed him? You thought that your brother and I…that we were flirting or worse?”
“No, I just didn’t like him saying it. I couldn’t let him get away with talking about you like that.”
“Because you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you. It’s just that…”
“No, you don’t. You don’t respect me. You’re just like they are, ready to believe the worst of me at the slightest provocation—because you believed him, just a little. Or more than just a little.”
“No, I got mad. I lost it. I’m not feeling too good about it either.”
“You’ll always be the high-and-mighty Coleman, and I’ll never be anything but Jesse Ray’s daughter.”
“That’s unfair. You’re blowing this out of proportion… just like I blew what he said out of proportion.”
“Maybe, but there’s a grain of truth. For your information, your brother was just being nice to me…because everyone else was ignoring me. He was explaining how he understands how I feel, because sometimes he sort of feels like an outcast here, too.”
When she looked up, she saw that Cole’s mother, and everybody else, was staring at her.
“I’ve never felt so absolutely cheap and humiliated in my whole life as you made me feel tonight,” she whispered. “You believed what Lyle said—instead of having faith in me.”
“No! I got jealous!”
“I hate to say it, but your mother was right. She said you were attracted to me solely for the sex.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is. It’s all you see in my friendship with your brother—who’s a really sweet guy, by the way—who’s also having a rough time in this town.”
“I know his problems a helluva lot better than you do.”
“Sex is not enough to hold a marriage together. So, if you’ll be so kind as to lend me your truck, I’ll drive myself home to Miss Jennie’s. Then I’ll pack and return to Austin. Miss Jennie will call when I’m gone so you can pick up your truck.”
“Damn it. I’m not letting you go.”
“This isn’t going to work, Cole! You need a woman you and your friends can respect, a woman you can trust and be proud of.”
“You’re that woman.”
“I wish I was, but I’m not. Not if you found it that easy to believe I could hit on your brother at our engagement party!”
“I got jealous, damn it!”
“Well, I don’t want you marrying me because you feel obligated, because we have a son. I want my husband to love and trust me. I grew up without love, so maybe I’ve wanted that my whole life!” She paused. “Look, I told you—you can see Noah whenever you like. But we can’t marry because you don’t respect me, and I need your respect more than I need anything else. Added to that, I don’t want our marriage to cut you off from everybody you’re close to.”
“I don’t care about them! I want to live in Austin. With you.”
“You cared enough to hit Lyle. No matter what you say, you’ll come to resent me in time. If I let you go, you’ll find someone else, someone who fits in the way Lizzie did, who’s really right for you.”
“And you’ll go back to Austin and settle for Greg?”
“No. Being with you has taught me what it’s like to feel passion. You’ve helped me grow stronger. I’m not going to settle again because now I know I deserve someone who loves me and who respects me, too.”
“But I love you and respect you.”
“I wish you did, but you don’t. You’re just saying you do to get your way.”
“I was a fool. I made a mistake.”
“You’re right about one thing. We both nearly made a terrible mistake.”
Slowly she slid her engagement ring off her finger and handed it to him. “I’m feeling very tired, Cole. I need to lie down. Will you please give me the keys to your truck so I can go home?”
When he reluctantly dropped
the keys in her hand, she walked away, stumbling on the first stair of his porch, maybe because the tears that had been threatening to fall were blinding her.
Cole rushed forward to help her, but she cried out when his fingers grazed her elbow. When she turned, and he saw the raw anguish in her luminous eyes, he realized how profoundly he’d hurt her.
Struggling to push him away as the whole town of Yella gaped, she said, “Don’t touch me! I won’t allow you to treat me like I’m something low and despised.”
“I don’t despise you. I love you! I swear I do!”
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered on a heartbroken sob as she hurried past him toward his truck.
Eighteen
Cole felt as though his soul was shattering into a million pieces. He stood in the barn outside Raider’s stall listening to the music drifting from the ranch house, where his engagement party remained in full swing.
He loved Maddie, but like a fool he’d never told her until tonight. He’d probably loved her for years.
A pain as terrible as what he’d felt when he’d believed Maddie had left him six years ago fisted around his heart and squeezed hard. Only when she’d run from Yella had he learned how much she’d meant to him—that he couldn’t live without her.
For six years, he’d endured, breaking Lizzie’s heart in the process. He didn’t want to suffer like that for the rest of his life, or make some other unlucky rebound lover suffer as he’d made Lizzie suffer.
How could he have gone on believing that maybe the gossips were right about Maddie? “How did I screw it all up so fast, Raider, old boy? What the hell can I do to get her back?”
The gelding rasped in a breath. Then he snorted.
“I have to get her back.”
Raider’s ears pricked forward. Then Cole heard a footstep behind him and turned to see Adam striding into the barn.
“You didn’t totally kill your engagement party. There’s still a few diehards. Your mother just left.”
“At least someone’s happy.”
“I don’t think so. Surprisingly she seemed a little chagrined. In fact she asked me to find you. So, do you wanna punch me, too?”
“I think I’ve made enough of an ass of myself for one night.”
“For once, you admit it,” Adam said.
“For once, I won’t resent you throwing it in my face. Look, I know you had it harder than I did growing up without our dad. But that wasn’t my fault!”
Adam smiled. “Who else can I blame? Dad’s dead, and you’re here. But I want to talk about Maddie. I don’t resent you so much that I’d try to come between you two. I was just trying to be your brother and her friend.”
“I know. I just let a stupid remark get to me.”
“I like Maddie. I like Noah. I think you and she are right for each other.”
“Like it matters now. Don’t you get it? I crushed her. In public. In front of the idiots she was trying so hard to impress. Worse, I made her feel like she has to apologize for who she is. She left me.”
“Good for her. By the way, you look like hell—which means you’ve probably already figured out how precious she is to you. You’re not going to let her go back to Austin, are you?”
“How the hell am I going to stop her?”
“Why don’t you go over to Miss Jennie’s and throw yourself on her mercy? Crawl. Grovel. She’s not like the hard-hearted gossips who despise her. Unlike them, she’s got the softest heart in the universe. You love her. And she loves you. What else really matters?”
* * *
Maddie felt like throwing the phone at the wall.
“What? I can’t believe you sent him over here! Well, I don’t want to talk to him, Adam!” Maddie cried. “I’m packing, so I’m going to hang up!”
“No, you’re not! Because I’m your future brother-in-law. And you’re not that rude.”
Through her tears Maddie stared at the brightly colored T-shirts spilling out of the suitcases on her bed.
“What part of ‘I broke it off with him’ don’t you understand? He’ll never respect me! So, no, I don’t want to talk to him. If you send him over here, I won’t answer the door.”
“He looks terrible,” Adam said.
“That’s not my fault.”
“He loves you.”
“No, he doesn’t. Not if he thinks I’m capable of the same sort of low, despicable tricks my mother’s capable of.”
“You’re wrong. I’m not saying he didn’t behave like a fool. Or that he didn’t totally embarrass you. He did. He messed up because he loves you. Guys only screw up big-time with the women they love. Lyle hit a nerve, and Cole lost it.”
“Look, I have to go. I’m throwing things in my suitcases as we speak.”
“Now you’re being an even bigger fool than he was. You two are good for each other. You know it. Have you ever been this mad at anybody else before? Or felt this hurt?”
“No!”
“See there!”
“You’re crazy! I’m hanging up!”
“Don’t throw it all away. Relationships always require some give along with the take. He’s Noah’s father. You grew up without a father just like I did. Do you want to do that to Noah?”
“That last was a low blow.”
“He hurt you. Get over it.”
No sooner had she hung up the phone than Miss Jennie appeared at the door. “Who was that, dear?”
“Cole’s interfering brother. Adam was trying to talk me into forgiving Cole.”
“But you’re much too angry to even consider that, aren’t you?”
“This has nothing to do with anger. It has to do with the fact that Cole will always see me as Jesse Ray’s daughter. And I’ve always tried so hard to be more than that.”
“You’ve always been more than that.”
“You see it. You always saw it. But Cole isn’t capable of seeing it.”
“He is a man with a man’s blindness, but I believe he loves you, and that no matter what his failings, he’s always loved you. Maybe tonight made him realize who you really are.”
“And snakes can fly.”
“Horrid thought,” Miss Jennie said, causing Maddie to smile. Miss Jennie paused. “You know that I lost my darling Raymond in the Korean War, and I never found anybody else.”
“I know.”
“Think about that. You could go your whole life and never find anyone you love half as much as you love Cole. Or find a man who loves you as much.”
Maddie was silent as she considered the long, lonely years that would stretch ahead. For no reason at all, she thought of the intense way Cole looked at her sometimes.
“Raymond’s dead, so I could place him on a pedestal. I can always think of him as absolutely perfect. I’ve conveniently forgotten all our silly squabbles and his many faults. It’s really quite nice to have this perfect fantasy lover who never disappoints you. But life can be so messy. I think all men, however desirable, are the messiest of creatures. They have such limitations. Cole fell back into old habits, old thought patterns. Look at his mother, the woman who raised him. I never told anyone in Yella this, but she and I grew up in the same town. Did you know she grew up poor? That she was abandoned in a Dumpster as a baby by a teenage mother who was sent to prison? That she wasn’t adopted by the wealthy family who raised her until she was six years old?”
“No.”
“She’s very insecure and has worked hard to keep those secrets. No doubt she worked just as hard to try to instill all sorts of extremely silly ideas and prejudices into her son. He got jealous and suffered a momentary lapse of judgment and hurt you, which I’m sure he profoundly regrets.”
“But—”
“I’m not finished. Unfortunately, at the party, you fell back into the old pattern of feeling left out. And you reacted defensively by lashing out at Cole. Self-worth comes from the inside, Maddie, and you have plenty of it…most of the time. But we all have our weak moments, and find ourselves filled
with self-doubt. That’s all that happened. He got jealous at the wrong moment. You weren’t your best self either, and you took it out on each other. It was bad timing. Don’t throw away something as precious as the love of a lifetime without being sure it’s the right thing to do.”
“Oh, Miss Jennie, will he always see me as an easy, untrustworthy sort?”
“You won’t be the first woman ever to face the challenge of convincing a man how lucky he is to have you. Trust me, if he doesn’t know your true worth now, he will.”
* * *
Maddie stood in the open doorway of Miss Jennie’s house as she anxiously waited for Cole to drive up. After he cut the engine, she took a faltering step across the porch toward him, and then another. He got out of Adam’s truck and walked toward her just as slowly, as if he felt as unsure as she did.
“I…was waiting out here for you because Adam called me and told me you would come,” she said breathlessly. “I was so hoping you wouldn’t change your mind about coming…about me…about us.”
“Forgive me,” he whispered.
“I was every bit as much at fault as you.”
“No, I knew how important it was to you to make a good impression on everybody, and what did I do? I made you wear that sexy dress that you didn’t feel comfortable in.”
“Because I have hang-ups.”
“Because you’re you. I’m sorry for what I did. For what I said. I need to respect your feelings. Then that lout insulted you—I should have defended you instead of behaving like a perfect ass.”
“I should have been more understanding. But I’d been feeling sort of abandoned and isolated while you talked to Becky, so when you accused me…”
“You felt violated,” he said.
“I don’t want to rehash everything,” she whispered. “It was painful enough the first time around.”
“Yes. But there is one more thing. Lyle just called me on my cell, after drinking several cups of coffee, and apologized. He said he was out of line…about everything. He said you were the loveliest woman there in that sexy blue dress, and he was drunk and jealous of me. He said I was lucky you’d have me. He said he was going to call my mother and tell her it was high time she quit bad-mouthing you to everybody in town. He said he was going to call you and apologize.”
